On the Marriage Custom of Shanting

Shanting is one of the municipal districts of Zaozhuang City, located in the northeast of Zaozhuang City, bordering Cangshan County and Pingyi County of Linyi City in the east, Central District and Xuecheng District of Zaozhuang City in the south, Tengzhou City in the west and Zoucheng City of Jining City in the north.

marry

After 1986, some old marriage customs rose. In the 1990s, the trend of high dowry, high betrothal gift and big business in urban and rural areas became more and more fierce, which caused great economic burden to some families. Many young people no longer emphasize education and background, and economic income and occupation become important conditions for men and women to get married. Divorce, widowhood and remarriage can get the understanding and support of relatives, and the remarriage of the elderly is gradually recognized by the society. New ideas and fashions have been accepted by more and more people.

First, propose marriage.

There are three main ways: first, the introducer is familiar with the situation of both men and women, takes the initiative to match, or is entrusted by one party to propose marriage for him. In this way, the introducer introduces the situation to himself or at the home of both men and women, and when the two sides think the conditions are suitable, they will arrange for the two sides to meet (this is called "small meeting"). If both parties have no objection, the man will prepare a gift and visit the woman's house accompanied by an introducer (this is called "big meeting"), with the aim of making the woman's family sit up and take notice. After the woman's house takes a fancy, go to the man's house another day. When visiting a family, they are usually accompanied by relatives. As long as no one objects, most of them are eaten at the man's house. After that, the introducer contacts both parties to "make an appointment for a new date". Second, men and women are free to fall in love. In order to justify themselves, find acquaintances as references. This proposal is only a formality. In the 1990s, the activities of young men and women expanded, their contacts with foreigners increased, and the number of self-employed individuals increased, providing places and conditions for young men and women to fall in love freely. Free love will register for marriage after a year or two. The matchmaker is useless. Third, mass media and matchmaking agencies have assumed the function of proposing marriage. After the first meeting, the men and women recommended by the introducer dated on their own, and they got a deep understanding of each other's personality, family, occupation and hobbies. The old habit of arranged marriage by parents has basically disappeared.

Second, ask

Spying is also called "Baling". It is more important for women to inquire about men than men to inquire about women. Investigate the woman's family to understand the "life" of the man's family, that is, how to live, how to be a person, how the man looks, etc. The man's "80" is only the woman's appearance and style. "Baling" began after the matchmaker proposed marriage. There are many ways to "Baling", especially those that the man's family doesn't understand. "Baling" was conducted in a confidential situation. After investigation, the man's neighbors, colleagues, relatives and friends, especially the women in the village, all married in the village. Because of this, the man's family has performed particularly well during this period. They expect the woman to go to "Baling" to say hello to anyone and anything, hoping to "speak well" and "not be jealous". They know that "a bad word breaks the red door" is powerful. "Baling" is mostly carried out incidentally, and very few people take the special way of "private visit".

Third, life

In the process of proposing marriage between men and women, it depends on the genus and discord. This superstitious activity gradually decreased in the 1980s, and most men and women no longer care about each other's zodiac signs, but this trend has not been eradicated.

Fourth, engagement.

Men and women can get engaged when they are satisfied after dating for a period of time. There are two ways of engagement: written and oral. Written engagement is to write the elders and generations, names and ages in the family on red paper, which is called "paste". In some areas, the child's name, age, zodiac sign and the words "born in the same year, I would like to make friends with Qin Jin" are written on another piece of paper, named "Cambodia". Then the introducer will give it to both parties, and the man will give the woman a gift, which is commonly used in rural areas. Oral engagement refers to both men and women (including parents, children, immediate family members, etc. ) make an appointment to get together (get married) and decide through conversation. Generally, the location is chosen by the man, who gives a banquet and presents to the woman. With the continuous improvement of people's living standards, the bride price is also increasing year by year. 500~ 1000 yuan in 1980s and 2000~6000 yuan in 1990s. If the conditions are favorable, it will be increased to 9000 ~ 100 1 yuan, which means "one in a million", and the woman often returns a part to show politeness. In some towns, men and women are engaged. Besides giving gifts, men also need to buy "three golds", that is, gold necklaces, gold rings and gold earrings.

V. Getting married

Before marriage, both men and women first discuss the time of marriage, the amount of bride price, the wedding schedule and the way to pick up and drop off, which is called "talking about marriage". When talking about marriage, parents and children of both sides directly come forward to exchange views, and sometimes there are referees to coordinate with them. After reaching an understanding, the man should pay the bride price to the woman and go through the registration formalities. When the woman buys a dowry, the man will decorate the new house, arrange furniture (if the woman accompanies the furniture, it will be delivered in advance), lay a new bed (kang), and post couplets at the door. When getting married, the man usually picks her up. Before the woman gets married, the aunt usually arranges boxes and cabinets, explains the wedding ceremony and teaches her how to get married. At that time, the bride wore a wedding dress, a rockhopper gown on her head, and blushed. She got on the bus and went out sobbing, set off firecrackers and sent it outside the village. In the early 1980s, I took a carriage or rode a bike. In the middle and late 1980s, take tractors or agricultural vehicles. In the 1990s, cars were mostly used. The bride was accompanied by her family and brought a dowry. When getting off the bus, set off firecrackers and play drums to welcome you. When the bride and groom enter the courtyard, the master of ceremonies officiates at the wedding. After that, the bride entered the bridal chamber, and the onlookers immediately poured in, calling it the "bridal chamber". On that day, the man held a banquet to entertain the female guests and congratulate his relatives and friends. Most of the banquets in the town were in hotels. The wedding day is often accompanied by superstitious things, including: the bride does not take orders; If there is a funeral on the way to the wedding, you can break the prepared glass in order to "crack"; When the car enters the village, it turns east instead of west, south instead of north; Avoid damaging bridal chamber objects; It is forbidden to turn off the lights in the bridal chamber at night, and the bride and groom are forbidden to turn off the lights themselves. In the mid-1990s, the government advocated changing customs, organizing collective weddings, being lively and frugal, and some young men and women chose to travel and get married. Young men and women taking wedding photos and wedding videos have become popular in cities and rural areas.

Special marriage

First, a woman marries a man.

The old custom called it "pouring down the door". Forced by poverty, men who can't afford to marry can go this way. The government encourages women to marry men and takes care of them in terms of housing, childbirth, further education and recruitment. Marriage is decided by the young people themselves, the wedding is as usual, and the children take their mother's surname. Change your surname and name. After the old man dies, he can decide whether to stay or not.

Second, doll media.

When boys and girls are young, parents will discuss marriage and give them an engagement. In the future, the festival will be auspicious, and the two sides will communicate. After marriage, the woman will call the man's relatives, and the man will break the contract and let the woman swear and make noise; The woman abandons the contract and returns the bride price. After 1980s, with the improvement of people's cultural quality and living standards in mountainous areas, such marriages became less and less.

Third, change relatives.

Most of them occur in poor rural families. If the man is old, ugly or defective, or unable to pay the bride price, the parents will arrange it, and the two sides will exchange wives with sisters, and some will change their wives in three ways. Although this custom has been banned, it has not been eradicated, so forced marriage and anti-marriage incidents still occur from time to time.

Fourth, men and women eloped

Most men and women in the village are free to fall in love. Once you are interfered by your family, there is no hope of liberation. Men and women fled to other places together, or hid in the homes of relatives and friends. After they get married, please tell the two families before they can go back to their former residence and apologize for their loved ones.