Collapse of CCTV Hotel

If I send you a book, I won't send you poetry.

I want to give you a book about plants and crops.

Tell you the difference between rice and barnyard grass

I tell you, barnyard grass is terrible.

spring

-Yu Xiuhua's "I Love You"

It was probably in the summer of 20 15 that I first heard this poem on Nanfeng's official WeChat account. I was preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination and couldn't sleep at night. I opened a voice pushed by Nanfeng Editor Beimu in the background of WeChat official account.

"Baba is alive, fetching water, cooking and taking medicine on time every day ..." His voice is even a bit like a girl's voice, but it has not lost its appeal. I'll translate the words in the memo immediately by listening, and then search. The complete draft of the poem soon appeared on my screen, and the words Yu Xiuhua also fell into my eyes at that moment.

The first book about her poetry was given to me by Ruan Ruan-the moonlight fell on my left hand. Later, in many difficult days, I turned it out and saw that spiritual food was probably like this. Someone was knocking on your life with words. I bought some poems and essays that she later published intermittently, and I couldn't help but want to share them with my friends.

I didn't go to graduate school later, but her name and words were embedded in my body like a brand.

Until a few days ago, late at night, I suddenly saw a documentary about her in an article-"The Amazing World". My perception tells me that I seem to have known it a long time ago, but I just haven't had time to read it. In the picture of that article, there is a picture of Yu Xiuhua writing a manuscript. She sat in the wide yard in front of her house, with simple sundries hanging on the wall, a simple square table in front of her, a newspaper on the desktop, and several books irregularly placed together. She typed on the computer.

It's a static picture, and a person is writing.

Her fingers are about to fall off the keyboard, and her typing posture doesn't look skilled. Besides, you can't find anything unusual in her.

First appearance

The wind in the wheat field is very fresh, as if it were blowing from the screen. At first, Yu Xiuhua hobbled along a field path. She seems to try to make every step more certain, just like a toddler, proud and careful. The wind messed up her hair and didn't blow her down. She lifted her feet over the higher bushes and smiled like a girl on a date.

In a trance, it seems that it is the first time to know her so close. She walked into a crowded wheat field and became smaller and smaller.

"Silent wheat in the moonlight, the slight friction between them is that everything in the world is in love." Maybe one evening, when she passed by, a grain of wheat said something to her.

yu xiuhua

In many of her works, Hengdian Village is repeatedly mentioned. She said: I landed here contentedly, like a sparrow carrying the blue of the sky.

She is familiar with most farm work, like a little sparrow willing to live in the village for a long time. She grinds sickles, mows grass, picks vegetables and feeds them to rabbits. One life affects everything. In the middle of the night, she lay on her side in bed, listening to the radio voice of someone in the distance in her mobile phone. A life is attracted by everything. Insects croak in the countryside at midnight, and frogs croak. I wonder if she feels lonely.

She may be asked to talk about her husband. That year, she was 19 years old, and through the introduction of her mother and others, she married Yin Shiping, who was 10 years older than her. She joked with a wry smile: I don't know how old he is, as long as he is under 60. The mother on the side has always been very satisfied with this door-to-door son-in-law, and chimed in: with their consent. Yu Xiuhua got up and left the table: You agreed, but I didn't.

This topic is probably not the first discussion. Many emotions seem to have been slowly smoothed by time. The prisoner is trapped under her heart and has a small pimple that occasionally hurts.

The poet's bones are a little cold. I once saw an author write: Poetry is not as beautiful as spring, but its foundation is sadness.

Under the same shabby and poor roof, she wears glasses and reads Lei Pingyang's poems in a room without heating. In the light of the warm fire, he threw handfuls of firewood into the hole. No one is wrong, everyone is enjoying their own temperature and doing what they think is more important.

The snow in Hengdian Village is very thick when it is scattered, and it looks very thin when it falls on the ground. If Yin Shiping is soil that can be easily covered by snow, Yu Xiuhua will stubbornly grow grass from the thick snow. She walked crooked on the empty road, and snowflakes fell on her hair, shoulders and her equally cold heart.

"Anyway, it is the kind of loneliness that slowly fades: dazzling loneliness, ruthless loneliness."

Yin Shiping

Yin Shiping in the lens is a little thin, with a good face, clear bones on his face, and his eyes are always wandering. During the year, he didn't spend much time in Hengdian Village. Occasionally, I will call home and care about the health and crops of the elderly at home. In the eyes of parents, he is a qualified son-in-law. He may also care about Yu Xiuhua. When he is lonely, he also wants to be close to her.

The elevator on the construction site creaks up and down day after day, and most of his blue overalls and hats are covered with dust and cement. When resting, he will light a cigarette, and the cigarette will be expertly spit out from his nose and mouth. When talking about some topics, his eyes are still wandering and he doesn't know where to look. No one knows what he is thinking.

Maybe he was really himself when he was drunk. He loves women who can dance with thin waist, perhaps more than Yu Xiuhua who covers her head and is silent. In other words, he has long been tired of dealing with this disabled woman whose mouth is money.

He never hugged her and laughed at her loudly when she fell down covered in mud. When drinking and chatting with colleagues, she expressed her unhappiness unscrupulously: she couldn't speak clearly, crooked her mouth and was in the same room like a dead man.

There seems to be no other choice in his life, and he seems tired of making more complicated choices. He wears a straw hat to grow rice seedlings in the fields, wears a waterproof suit to catch fish and shrimp in the river, and does things that are common to everyone. After dinner, he chatted with his parents-in-law about the destination of his work. He chose Beijing or Dongguan just to see which side can make more money. He also knows that some hard work of loading and unloading fruits, eggs and vegetables can earn 5 thousand or more every month.

In his eyes, everything in the world is very simple, and money is the whole of life and the whole meaning.

debate

Every time after quarreling and divorcing Yin Shiping, Yu Xiuhua would run away angrily like a child. She is probably angry with herself and has no ability to negotiate on an equal footing. How many times have we argued in the past twenty years? She may not remember herself. She tried hard to find a job, because no unit was willing to accept it for physical reasons, and she ran into a wall everywhere.

Except when writing poems, she seems to be unkempt forever. She will laugh and scold some dirty words, lose her temper and kick the door of the room with all her strength. She will also carry a long bamboo basket full of pitcher plants in one hand and complain angrily to the camera about the meaning of living.

Yu Xiuhua's mother has always been the mediator of this marriage, and it is inevitable to have an argument with her daughter. In her eyes, as long as children and wives live happily, they are the envy of others and the most remarkable thing. Nothing else matters. It doesn't matter whether two people are happy or not. It doesn't matter what Yu Xiuhua typed.

After Yu Xiuhua became famous, this marriage became a "chronic disease".

Yin Shiping said "intransigently" that she wanted to kick him out when she became famous, including Yu Xiuhua herself, who was worried that this might lead to misunderstanding and public misunderstanding. She knows that she has complained about the termination of this relationship for many years.

Poultry flies around the yard, and they often quarrel openly, regardless of day. Later, mom and dad got used to it, and every time they quarreled, they sat next to each other and sighed and didn't talk. At about the same time, my mother who coughed all day was diagnosed with cancer. Yu Xiuhua, who has not yet recovered from the sadness of her grandmother's death two years ago, seems to have collapsed at once.

Later, after a quarrel, Yu Xiuhua sat on the messy bed, curled up his legs, put his arms around him, and just cried. When she was tired of crying, she leaned back on the bed, threw away the paper towel to wipe her tears and looked blankly at the distance.

The thorns on her body seemed to be put away at that moment, and she gradually became shorter, like a bent ear in the field.

At that time, she had been famous for a long time. She often sits in a daze on the grass beside the lotus pond, wearing that yellow cloth skirt that doesn't fit well, occasionally looking at the clouds in the distance and fiddling with the grass under her feet. Half of the lotus leaves in the pond are rolled up, and Yu Xiuhua's heart is probably closed.

"Sit for a long time, two clouds haven't closed. The wounds in the sky never grow fresh meat. The grass in May has its own life, half in the roots and half in the grass tips. "

make one's name

20 15, 15 10. In October, a poem entitled "Sleeping with You Across Half of China" became an instant hit and was madly rotated one million times on social networks. The name Yu Xiuhua became popular. For an instant, it seems that everyone knows that there is a talented "poetess with cerebral palsy" in Hubei.

Before that, a man named Liu Nian found Yu Xiuhua's blog. He described the feeling of reading poetry in his blog at that time: it was like being given a shot in the arm. She thought the poem came from the heart and then came to my heart.

Media reporters flocked from all directions, and Yu Xiuhua's life was naked under the flash. This is the first time that Yu Xiuhua has been to Beijing.

Clouds piled up outside the plane window, CCTV building, streets surrounded by neon lights. Yu Xiuhua shuttled through the city: interviews, book signing meetings, symposiums, speeches, doing things that he had never thought of before. She even thought it was strange-"all of a sudden, all the media went home." Later, when she saw her first paper book, she suddenly got a little excited. Students in Peking University played and sang her poem "I Love You" on the platform. I don't comment on melody. In a word, Yu Xiuhua, who sat there, smiled brightly. I think she enjoyed the moment.

There is a lot of love in her heart, and there is also a lot in the poem. She never cared that others said she was a "rogue poem" or a "slut body". She is frank and innocent, and she doesn't shy away from talking about love or writing poems. She said, whatever, I'm a slut. Whatever. This is Yu Xiuhua from Hengdian Village. No matter in Beijing or anywhere, she will always be her, free and proud.

Night belongs to her. She stood alone on the balcony of the hotel, looking into the distance. There are many tall buildings, and the whole city is immersed in starlight and light. No insects, no dogs. The night in the city is just a thin night supported by bright white light. The wind here seems to be different from Hengdian Village. It never stopped, and quickly brushed the hair from her forehead and passed through the gap in her frame.

She felt scared. "I don't seem to know which direction fate is pushing myself. If I push it so high, will it suddenly fall and break? "

vessel

I still decided to write this paragraph, which really looks like a blood clot in my throat and makes me uncomfortable. People will never be able to fight this disease. Yu Xiuhua can't accept the result of cancer more than her mother. Cough day after day, and every time her mother coughs hard, it sticks in her heart like a needle. At that moment, she realized that sudden fame was of no help compared with life.

The dying mother seemed to accept her fate calmly. She was so silent that she couldn't even say a word of sadness and complaint.

"I never believed that she would die like this, because up to now, her waist is thicker than mine and her chest is bigger than mine." Yu Xiuhua only felt empty. She can write many poems, but she can't even say a few words clearly. She just feels scared.

Mother felt that Yu Xiuhua had a heart of stone and was extremely cruel, whether she was clamoring for a divorce or her grief for her loved ones. After her illness, Yu Xiuhua never shed a tear in front of her mother.

Decided the marriage for Yu Xiuhua, in the mother's view, has always been the right thing. She is writing a poem, and she is paving a realistic road for her. "If my daughter is a healthy person, she can marry whoever she likes." Motherly love is clear and clear, and reason is simple.

She knows that she wants to be free, but there is something more important than freedom in her eyes. How could she not love her?

She reconciled the quarrel between Yu Xiuhua and her husband again and again, and cared about the income source of Yin Shiping's next job; She put the last egg on the plate into her daughter's bowl, carefully tied her scarf before going out, and repeatedly told her not to laugh and laugh outside, and be careful not to say the wrong thing; Remind her to bring her ID card, paper towels and other small things and take money out of her pocket.

She is preoccupied and has no spare thoughts to care about Yu Xiuhua's poems. All she cares about is whether she will be bullied by others, whether she will dress warmly and whether she can rely on anyone.

After Yu Xiuhua's divorce, she hid in the backyard and kept wiping her tears. She won't accept the decision in any case. It's been 20 years, but the more she goes, the weaker the future will be. Just as her mother never understood her, she couldn't understand her tears. Mother just wiped her tears and repeated, there are several people as hard as you.

Divorce, in Yu Xiuhua's eyes, finally untied the shackles that imprisoned her for twenty years. It's not a shameful thing, nor is it a heinous thing.

There seems to be a deep gap between her and her mother. They just stand on the other side, their eyes facing each other, and neither of them will take a step forward.

divorce

Yu Xiuhua finally ended this "marriage" in the most secular way, or fled. 20 15 12, two people with divorce certificates sat in the back seat of a taxi, smiling with satisfaction, as if they had been reborn. "As long as you give him money, everything will be all right. I gave him all the money and solved it. " Yu Xiuhua waved her red divorce certificate to the camera, showing off her beloved gift like a child.

Two people drinking soda, peacefully and easily talking about the days of marriage so far. "We will be married for twenty years in two days." Yu Xiuhua cocked his head to prove. "Right?" Yin Shiping replied: "Today is the fourth day, and there are still ten days." Yu Xiuhua seems to have achieved something great. "It's great to be divorced after twenty years of marriage."

The return trip is at night, and the roads in the village are not easy to walk, and the stones and tiles are pitted. Two people have probably gone through this many times, walking side by side and being independent. Yu Xiuhua was still walking on the road, and this time, when she was about to fall, she made a small request: give me a hand. Yin Shiping didn't refuse, reached out and grabbed her, and the two of them, like a pair of first-love lovers, walked slowly into the twilight.

The next day, Yin Shiping walked out of the door he had stepped out of countless times with his luggage. This time, he didn't say goodbye to anyone and will never come back.

As usual, Yu Xiuhua prepares the ingredients for every meal, and when cutting the fish, he teases the fishy kitten with the viscera of the fish; Sitting in the room, reading his poems aloud; Bury the flower heart carefully in the soil of the flowerpot.

"Someone drowned in your sleeping city. Someone tied love to a straw and kept sinking. She wraps her breasts and genitals again and again. " Her love has left and may never come.

postscript

I love Yu Xiuhua very much, her talent, and all her truthfulness.

She never shy away from telling others about the sadness in her marriage. She still sits at that simple table and writes down all the emotions in her life.

In 20 16, Yu Xiuhua's mother died of illness. No one knows how much this has affected Yu Xiuhua. No one knows whether she shed some tears later. After all, there are only Hengdian Village, Shishi and her father who planted thousands of hectares of wheat on her back.

"The train in my body has been mottled with paint. It is unhurried and allows drunkards, beggars, artists or leaders to go up and down. The train in my body never goes wrong, so heavy snow, storms, mudslides and absurdity are all allowed. "

I am very happy for her, but she has finally become what she should be, not destroyed or swallowed up by anything. Even if she is alone forever, she can stagger to the place where there is light.