What is the funniest joke you have heard so far?

1, one day, the classmate boy looked at the classmate girl blankly and said, You belong to the type between good-looking and ugly, and the girl classmate was very happy and thought it would be nice not to be ugly. As a result, the classmates and boys said faintly: good-looking and ugly are ugly, and the classmates and girls suddenly ran away!

2, a classmate, just a policeman. Once he went out in the field to arrest people. This guy sent a message to Weibo saying "We were ambushed". As a result, this Weibo was changed by many people, and the police leaders also knew about it. As a result, he was invited in for tea because he tipped off the criminals …

A new female colleague is very beautiful. We coughed twice in front of her! The woman said very gently: Caught a cold? The idiot man said a little excitedly, well, a little! Woman: then you stay away from me, stay away from me ... we will laugh on the spot!

4. In fact, bin Laden is often in rural China, because rural China often says: Bin Laden, go to sleep.

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to meet my parents, only to know that her sister is actually my first love girlfriend in junior high school, and her father is the unit leader of our company.

The most ridiculous thing is that her mother is the head teacher who plays Yuanyang in high school. I have a special grudge against your family, don't I?

6. A beautiful colleague complained that she always takes off silk when wearing stockings.

As soon as this was said, several female colleagues said that they also had this problem.

After a while, a buddy who studied science spoke: According to the mechanics of materials,

Silk stockings are easy to take off, which is mainly caused by excessive tension and plastic deformation. Generally speaking,

Just thick legs. So there are a dozen "volumes".

7. Liu Bei came to Longzhong for the third time. Zhuge Liang is taking a nap. In order not to disturb him, Liu Bei waited respectfully under the steps.

When Zhang Fei saw it, he was very angry and was about to scold his mother. Liu Bei scolded him.

When Kong Ming woke up, he found Liu Bei caring in the thatched cottage. He was sincere and sold the house to him.

8. On my way home from work today, I overheard two wretched men talking. One said, "I just like this ass, so it looks good." Others are really ugly in my opinion. "

The other said, "This butt is too small, so I like a big butt. The ass looks great. "

I thought to myself that these two people are really obscene, saying these things so loudly on the side of the road.

Then, one of them said, "If you like big ones, you can buy a van with a big ass."

Well, I hid my face and left, but I thought too much.

9. river of no return, all lovers break up ~

Hey, hey, hey, let you show off and break up after the Lantern Festival ~

Shout if the road is rough, or pour gasoline if you don't break up ~

Light it and burn it to death, no one can save it ~ hey, hey, no one can save it ~ hey, hey, no one can save it ~

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

How deadly do you think this is ~ shout when you see the uneven road,

If you don't break up, you will pour gasoline ~ burning to death won't save you!

10, a classmate sent a Weibo: "In the next life,

I must be born on National Day, and I will celebrate when I am born.

Died in Tomb-Sweeping Day. When I died, all China was very sad. "

The highlight is to see another reply, "In the next life,

I hope you were born in Tomb-Sweeping Day. When you were born, all China was in sorrow.

National Day is dead, hold up the sky to celebrate. "

1 1, the mountains cover the day and the ocean drains the golden river, but you are three hundred miles wide and foggy;

The incense burner in Rizhao produces purple smoke. Looking at the Qianchuan Waterfall, flying straight down thousands of feet, A shares;

Carved fences and jade articles should still be there, but Zhu Yan changed them. How much can you worry about? To be dismantled;

One to two or three miles, four or five smoke villages, six or seven pavilions, bean curd residue;

Far from Hanshan, the stone path is oblique, and there are people from Bai Yunsheng. Aifenglin parking late, there is a charge.

When those red berries come in spring, they blush on your southern branches. For my sake, take a hug home. Good!

Man: Marry me! I love you! I can't live without you!

Woman: No, my mother will be unhappy. She said you were so worthless.

Man: Oh, if you don't promise, I will die in front of you! With that, he picked up a pistol.

W: Just a moment, please. I'll ask my mother.

Man: Hey, hey, I knew it would work.

Woman: My mother said that I was an adult and could watch such a bloody scene.

Man: ...

13, once, I asked my friend where she came from, and she said, "Guess." I said I had to give a hint.

She said, "My province begins with H." I said, "What about Hunan?" "No" Hubei? '

"no" "this ... could it be Henan and Hebei? The accent is not like ... "

"Hey hey, I can't guess," she grinned innocently. "To tell you the truth, it is Hu Jian! ! "

14, at 3: 00 noon, in the hot sun, the supervisor ordered: chop! Suddenly, the man sentenced to death burst out laughing.

The supervisor asked, "What are you laughing at?"

The condemned man hesitated for a moment and said, "The experts are right. Laughing every day can prolong life by 5 seconds. "

15, A asks B: Do you know what cannibal chiefs eat?

B: cannibalism.

A then asked: One day, the cannibal was ill, and the doctor said that he could no longer eat meat. Guess what the cannibal patriarch ate?

I don't know.

A: vegetables.

B: Thank you. . .

16, a: "Have you heard of Amway?"

B: "Amway? Isn't that a bit like pyramid selling?

I have a friend who was beaten hundreds of thousands by Kang. Last time someone tried to sell me, I was beaten. Dude, why do you ask? "

A: ". No. Nothing. "

Share a few jokes with you.

I stay at home with my sister-in-law on Sunday. After taking a shower and wearing suspender pajamas, she came to me and said, brother-in-law, I'm going to rest first. Smelling the intoxicating smell of her body, my blood welled up ... What's even more exasperating is that she didn't lock the bedroom door! I struggled in it, struggling, afraid it was a trap, but I was afraid to go in after a night of contradiction. As a result, early this morning, I found a piece of paper on the coffee table in the living room, which read: "Brother-in-law, 969426". Is this Persian code? And call me a gentleman?

Two, 1 sisters were kidnapped by three men. These three people are a thief, a robber and a handsome boy. Three people asked their sister to choose a husband from among them, and finally the sister chose a thief. Why?

Third, I have been secretly in love with my sister-in-law since I got married. One day, my wife was not at home, and I invited my sister-in-law to dinner in the evening. My sister-in-law was dressed very sexy, which suddenly made me feel petty and threw her on the sofa with one hand. My sister-in-law looked at me in horror. Brother-in-law, something will happen to you! I hee hee: Zhuge Liang! Sister-in-law nodded embarrassedly.

Fourth, ask the goddess out for dinner, and then go to the hotel after dinner. On the way to the hotel, the goddess asked me if I liked Qiqihar. I said yes, this city is very good. The goddess gave me a white look and turned away!

Today is the best day. Sicong lies down with a gun.

At a friend's wedding the day before yesterday. The emcee asked the bride, I got married today. Did you sleep with the groom before today?

Bride: No!

Moderator: Really?

Bride: Not really.

Moderator: Do you know the groom?

Bride: I understand!

Moderator: Does the groom usually smoke?

Bride: No.

Moderator: Drinking.