Funny and humorous jokes_A collection of humorous and hilarious jokes

Many jokes are circulated on WeChat every day. When everyone reads them, they can understand their profound meaning. The following are the funny and humorous jokes I compiled for you. I hope you will like them.

Classics of funny jokes

1. A woman refused to agree to her boyfriend’s proposal because of her small breasts. The man asked: Is it as big as a steamed bun? The woman said: Yes. On the wedding night, the man rushed I walked out of my room and shouted to the sky: Oh my god! Wangzi steamed buns are also called steamed buns!

2. I just learned a classic sentence a few days ago: I know your depth and depth, and you know my strengths and weaknesses! Very good I excitedly sent a text message to my girlfriend to tease me! But a few minutes later, my girlfriend texted her with a very disdainful tone: "Tsk, I know your strengths and weaknesses, but you don't know my depths! My heart was shocked? Then I fell into deep love. Feeling low on self-esteem? Still unable to get out of the shadow?

3. I had sex with my girlfriend yesterday. Girlfriend: Go wear a TT. After a while, girlfriend: Go wear one again. After a while, girlfriend: I’d better wear another one. I said it won’t leak, so why are you so worried? Girlfriend: I’m not worried, it’s really too thin!

4. My bestie is one month pregnant and she often complains to me: “ The people inside can’t get out even if they want to, and the people outside can’t get in even if they want to!” During this period, my words are almost worn out!

5. Little sister! I beg you, please. Don't fiddle with it back and forth. Haven't you already seen that it's thick, big and nice? I've turned your foreskin over and you've almost pulled out all the hair. This is my first time in business. I can't sell this corn.

6. The brother-in-law was carrying his sister-in-law across the river. The sister-in-law accidentally bumped into the brother-in-law’s little brother and asked what it was? The brother-in-law replied that it was a Pleasant Goat! After feeling a little interesting, the brother-in-law took advantage of the situation and touched his sister-in-law’s thigh. Inside, I asked: What is this? My sister-in-law replied: This is the Big Gray Wolf, which specializes in catching Pleasant Goats!

7. I got married last year and went to my daughter-in-law’s house to welcome her. When I arrived at my mother-in-law’s house, I wanted to give her flowers, so I gave them to her. , she still didn’t want it, the host asked me: “What kind of flower is this?” The answer: “Rose. "What flower?" "Roses!" The master of ceremonies kicked me to my knees, "Why are you still standing when you know you didn't kneel down?" ”

8. The male colleague said to the female colleague: I put three hundred yuan on the ground. Can you pick it up and let me insert it at the same time? The female colleague couldn’t make up her mind, so she called her husband to ask. Her husband thought: How long will it take? He probably won't be able to take off his pants, so he agreed. Half an hour later, he called her and asked how the situation was, but he heard his wife gasping and saying: "This pervert." , he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he put all the coins!

9. When a poor village distributed subsidies, an old man asked: What is this money? The superior said: It is a one-time living subsidy. The old man was surprised and received the money. Go. The next day, the old man bent over the wall and came to his superiors. Today I want three sex life subsidies.

10. Throughout the five thousand years of history, China has always favored boys over girls. In the 11th century, a real estate developer finally completely changed the thinking of the Chinese people!

11. When I saw my ex-girlfriend that day, she came to buy groceries with a big belly, took a pack of yogurt and put it down again, wearing The clothes I saw her wearing were all those I saw her wearing a few years ago. I was so puzzled as to why I couldn’t even buy myself a bottle of yogurt now that I held the treasure in my hand!

12. I heard that riding a bicycle is good for physical exercise and does not hurt my knees. I didn’t know which brand was better. When I arrived at the Giant store, the girl who sold the bike was very nice and knowledgeable. I rode it on the same day and it felt good!

13. My best friend was unhappy today, so I asked her: What’s wrong with you? My best friend said: I have to pay the rent today.

I said: Isn’t it over after we make friends? Best friend: How can we make friends when my aunt is here! Me: This?

14. My friend thought I was dirty and gave me the nickname Queen Huang, which was later changed to Queen Mother Huang. , and now I have become the Queen Mother. Damn, I don’t know when I became so dirty!

15. Walking on the way home, a few burly men suddenly rushed out, holding knives. I took off my pants, damn, my anus suddenly tightened, thinking that I might meet a pervert. Who knew that as soon as I took off my clothes, they looked at me and left. The next day, my girlfriend agreed to my proposal and the wedding That day, I saw several brothers-in-law, and I always felt as if I had seen them before somewhere. How strange!

16. I had a day off today and spent a day shopping on Taobao. The shopping cart was almost full and I was about to submit it. When I was placing the order, my husband knelt down in front of me with his daughter in his arms and said, "How about leaving some money for milk powder for the child?"

17. From big events in the world to small things like eating and shit, any piece of news is a big deal. It can cause Chinese netizens to scold each other, but netizens who go to pornographic forums are of high quality. I have never seen anyone scolding anyone. They all say: Thank you for your hard work. I hope you are a good person and have a safe life.

18. I was on a business trip with my boss yesterday. At the airport, a foreigner asked the boss in broken Chinese how to get to Jinan! As a result, the boss turned around and asked me: Xiao Chen, how do you say Jinan in English? I answered weakly: Boss, is he speaking Chinese?

19. There was a couple on the bus. The woman let a pervert touch her, but the boyfriend showed no expression. After arriving at the station, the boyfriend grabbed the pervert out of the car, beat him skillfully and then left with his girlfriend.

Selection of Funny and Humorous Jokes

1. I’m so angry that someone said that I look like Sora Aoi. I didn’t know Sora Aoi before, but I thought she was a star, and I was complacent about it. Now, I want to tear their mouths apart, are you so angry?

2. One day, the beautiful woman went out to take the bus. There were many people and it was crowded, but she didn’t get a seat. Suddenly, a restless hand touched her butt! The beauty rolled her eyes and said to the person next to her: "Hello, help me see if there is a centipede crawling on my back? I raise centipedes at home. . "The hand stopped with a swish.

3. There were a lot of people taking the bus today, but I took it. There was a beautiful girl standing in front of her, and she saw a pervert who kept rubbing her. You know, just use jj. Suddenly the girl yelled out to the right pervert. You are a policeman! Everyone in the car looked at him and the voice was too loud. The pervert said no. Said very innocently. Then that girl's words blinded me. Then why are you pointing your gun at me? Then, and then there is no more.

4. My mother told me that I would never tolerate a pervert on the bus. If I tolerated it, I would be a fool! The moment he touched me that day, I blushed and moaned.

5. Today is Christmas. My colleague said with a smile that he must have sex with his wife when he goes home today. Putting the penis in and leaving the balls outside is called Christmas. Later, we all said that we finally knew why we were all rushing to celebrate the foreign festival

6. Assistant director: "That female star is celebrating today Only two points are revealed.” Director: “Why is she crazy? Didn’t we agree with her to reveal all three points?” Assistant Director: “But she said she was a little uncomfortable today.

7. In the past ten years, I have made many friends in this city, and my connections are all over the world. I met an old friend on the street two days ago. He didn't see me, so I wanted to tease him and called him. He took out his phone and glanced at it, but didn't answer.

8. Why is Little Red Riding Hood the girl with the flattest breasts in fairy tales? That’s because her grandmother was eaten by the big bad wolf.

9. In the past ten years, I have never treated myself badly with a woman.

A few days ago, I secretly showed a photo of a beautiful woman on my phone to my old sweetheart in the company, Sister Meng. Sister Meng said, "It would be a waste for such a good-looking girl to be a mistress." I smiled lightly and said, "It's not a waste." .

10. When I was staying in high school, a group of girls had a night chat about the size of their breasts. A tough girl, who is relatively average, suddenly said excitedly: "I am most afraid that someone will accidentally bump into my chest when taking the subway with many people! Because the bra is dented and cannot pop out!"

11. The venue of a party was temporarily changed! One of the friends didn’t show up and went to the original restaurant. The key is that he thought the others were stuck in traffic and didn’t arrive, so he ordered the food first?

12. 1 I have a girl friend with extremely small breasts, so we reject her every day. One day this person finally couldn't bear it anymore, so he shouted to us: I have small breasts, so do what you want! I follow my dad, do what you want!

13. There was a girl with flat breasts, and she was afraid of men. His friend knew he was disgusted but never told him. They went to bed for the first time, turned off the lights, got under the covers, and the man started touching her. He touched the girl's breasts. At this time the boy said: Honey, don’t sleep on your stomach!

14. Me: Baby, mommy really wants to take you on a trip! Baby: Okay. Me: But what should I do if my mother doesn’t have time? Baby: Mom, you don’t have any money either!

15. Years of experience have made me a master of problem solving and I have been promoted to a higher level. management positions. I needed a new secretary and she needed training and guidance. Things went smoothly. On the first day, I helped her solve her life problems. On the second day, I helped her solve her psychological problems. On the third day, she helped me solve my physical problems.

16. It has been ten years and my condition is not as good as before. But I still look forward to the promise I made with my first girlfriend: to return to the hotel where we were intimate for the first time and relive the romance. I brought a copy of "Love Romance", which was her favorite music during sex ten years ago. When we met, she mysteriously took out a CD with a heavy metal style cover and said, "This is your favorite, baby, let's Lock n Roll!"

17. It was a hot day in summer. , everyone is eating ice cream. Suddenly, Girl A let out a "yeah" and said, "What a bad luck! It dripped on my chest!" Girl B calmly said while eating, "Just be satisfied, I drip on my stomach every time." Then I heard Girl C snort and say, "You are all satisfied, I drip on my feet every time." How balanced do you have to be?

18. Over the past ten years, I have always been able to correctly handle the relationship between family and career. One day while chatting with my wife, she asked: "How many years has the female secretary been in your company?" The answer: More than four years. "How old are you?" Answer: I don't know, must be around twenty. "Is it beautiful?" Answer: Just so so. "Where are you getting dressed?" Answer: Soon.

19. This girl was renovating her house, and the construction team was not very responsible. Her father quarreled with them. The girl came over to break up the quarrel. Her father said: You are here just in time. Lie down quickly? Did you see it? ?This is called flat! Can your brick paving be called flat!?

20. The weather is really too hot these days! I just called my mother and talked for more than ten minutes. My mother said : "Daughter, it's too hot. I won't talk anymore. My phone is getting hot. I'm afraid it will burn my face. Please call me again at night! Hang up!"? Me: "?"

Popular funny and humorous jokes

1. Wife: "Old man, how long do you think we will be poor?" The old man looked up at the sky and pondered for a moment: "Then Let's see how long we can live. "

2. Today my wife asked me with a piece of shit-yellow underwear: What do you think of this? Me: I think it's good, the shit is not visible!

3. For ten years, I have always felt that the automatic door in my unit is magical. Sometimes it opens when you stand far away, and sometimes you need to walk very close. If there weren't security guards always standing in the lobby, I would have done some research and experiment.

It wasn’t until today that I accidentally discovered its secret? It turned out that the security guard had a remote control in his hand!

4. One day, I asked my classmates to go out to play, but they didn’t come. The host was very tired from standing there. I leaned on the Volkswagen car next to me. After a while, my classmates came and saw me. They were far away from me and shouted: How can you steal the Volkswagen! Damn it, how many people turn around?

5. 10. Years passed, and my confidante finally came to bed. I said: If I had known this, why did I have to pretend for so long? It’s so tiring! The girl heard this and said: Before you can put on airs and sing, you have to have a good reputation first! Be a “confidant” first and then be “intellectual”.

6. Last night, when I was bored, I suddenly remembered my innocent, beautiful and gentle ex-girlfriend, so I pulled out my QQ account and entered the space with excitement. When I saw the first post, I was shocked. It turned out to be about me. It said: I would trade my ex-boyfriend’s life for cooler weather.

7. My boyfriend rolled up tissue paper into a small stick and stabbed me in the belly while I was waiting for the bus. When the knife comes out, your fat is really thick." I was speechless. A few minutes later, he stabbed my chest again. In order to cooperate with him, I said "Ah~" and took a few steps back. He said to himself I muttered to myself, "Your breasts are so small, even such a short knife can stab you to death." Then I saw the snickering eyes of passers-by A, B, B, D, and a black line above their heads?

8. Ten years ago , eight managers were replaced on my head. That day, a beautiful female secretary came to the company. Two days later, the manager proudly said to me: "Last night, I discovered that the new secretary is better in bed than my wife." I flattered him and said, "I also think she is better than your wife."

9. Over the past ten years, I have had to deal with more and more conflicts at home and at work, and I need to find better solutions. "I'm powerless." After drinking, I confided my worries to Shirly. She was drunk and confused, expressing her deep sympathy. She said, your spear is indeed a bit blunt, we should strengthen our training.

10. Ten years later, I am still searching, frustrated by the gap between my dream and reality. Xiao Min is very considerate, but not pretty. Xiaomeng is beautiful, but not sexy. Xiaoqian is very sexy but has a bad temper. Xiaojing is considerate, beautiful and sexy, but she is my wife.