Summary of life healing -202 1, 7, 9

On the evening of July 2nd, Yadong and I dragged the box together and went into Oasis Water Town Hotel again to attend the life case healing workshop of Teacher Chen Lang. Because I have gained a lot in the five-day healing class during May Day, and because I have fallen into the victim mode again in the past two months, I am full of expectations for the upcoming case healing class, and I am looking forward to the teacher's hand in hand to help me escape from suffering. ...

The self-introduction and various warm-up sessions on the first morning were more present, because I was less critical of my state (aging) and body movements, and my body relaxed a lot. I feel that the dance moves are softer and smoother, my facial expressions are more relaxed, and my eyes can be calmly linked to everyone opposite. On the first day of questioning, although I had a deep fear and longed for the teacher to save me, I felt my weakness when I saw everyone asking questions. I began to isolate myself, stopped asking questions and wanted to look in the mirror. However, in the case of Feng Chong and Zhan Yan, I felt isolated and absent, always immersed in my own state and out of the whole field ... In the afternoon, with the support of the delegation, I was looking forward to He Na's support. When I felt it was my turn, I saw Yaxin lying on the ground waiting for support ... very disappointed! Seeing and hearing all the friends in each group express their anger in all kinds of mats and curses, the louder and louder noise made me escape from the classroom uncontrollably, sitting in the corridor and brushing my mobile phone and pretending to have something to do, but I was deeply lonely inside ... Later, Jianying and He Na took care of me and asked, Why are you sitting outside alone? My answer is that I want to be alone for a while, and I don't like the noise inside. However, I soon burst into tears like a child. At that moment, I felt that I was using isolation to escape unnecessary attention (love). When I can't earn attention in class, I use escape to attract attention and fall into my own child state. When sharing her feelings about teaching cases in Xu Na, I mentioned that when she felt lonely, the feeling of emptiness was instantly linked to my state for half a month, and the loneliness and fear abandoned by the whole world spread throughout her body. ...

The next day, I was lucky enough to be asked by the teacher in class. My question is: when my 30-year-old son moved out to live independently and felt that my 90-year-old adoptive father didn't have much time to accompany me, I was deeply immersed in the fear of being abandoned by them and felt lonely ... My son announced that he would move out to live independently two months ago, which is what I have been looking forward to. He has been packing up his daily necessities for nearly half a month. As he moved away his clothes, bedding and other daily necessities one after another, when I saw that the wardrobe and bed box in his room were empty, I instantly felt that my heart had been hollowed out, and a feeling of abandonment swept through ... all of a sudden, I was linked to a point where my biological mother and adoptive mother refused to raise me. My cousin, who is seven years older than me, followed grandma's instructions. Leaving me near my adoptive mother's work unit, facing the empty surroundings, I sat on the ground crying, and I felt a kind of fear of being abandoned ... and I always worried about my adoptive father before going to bed, thinking that he, as a 90-year-old man, had a serious heart disease, and that day would leave me at any time, and I would soon die alone. I keep asking myself. I have been busy for this family for most of my life. I have to take care of my parents and my son, and finally I am separated, alone! I also feel as if my son and father have lived on me all these years. In fact, I also live by their needs. Without their needs, I will fall into a sense of worthlessness, and I will lose the meaning of living. I know in my heart that I should be happy for my son's independence, but my heart is crying. I really can't face the pain of separation!

The teacher said: (I don't remember the original words, which probably means) this is due to the pain of your childhood, and you are caught in the story of your childhood. That kind of pain is too great for a young child, it is the fear of death. Because you have made a preliminary exploration of your own model through the nine-type and three-stage study, and also made some healing for your childhood pain through the May Day treatment class, you will have this kind of consciousness now. This is the awakening of your own life. You should keep this awareness and see clearly that you are not a child in the past, but an adult with independent living ability. What you need to do is to experience the present life more.

Actually, after listening to the teacher's answer, I was not satisfied. I think I've experienced everything you said, and it's clear, but I still feel uncomfortable! But I don't want to keep asking questions. On the one hand, I was worried that others would think I was stupid and ignorant, and on the other hand, I was afraid that it would affect other initiates' questions, so I sat down a little disappointed. Unexpectedly, after answering the questions of two other initiates, the teacher said, I think Han Yajuan's question is typical, and her own exploration and understanding have reached a certain depth. At present, she is standing at a relatively big shock point. Next, I will help her with a case. I feel very warm in an instant and feel the support of the teacher.

/kloc-after a 0/0 minute break, the teacher asked me to share my life story with you in the order of pain, crux and shock. Although this is not the first time to share my past experience, I am still a little uneasy in the face of familiar or unfamiliar faces. I asked myself silently, how much should I open here today? I thought the teacher said (I also had a physical examination) that only by bravely letting my pain see the light, and then claiming her and making up with her can I really cure her. I just want to throw caution to the wind Now that I'm here, I have to completely put down my worries and completely open myself up. Besides, this is not a shameful place. My stomach is bitter, bitter, sour and salty. My face must be bitter. The past is a story. If opening old wounds can make us live more transparently and let everyone look in the mirror, it is also in line with the core values of our nine-type personality: truthfulness, openness, acceptance and support. After seeing this clearly, I frankly talked about my childhood experience of being given away by my biological mother because of my parents' divorce. When I talked about the experience of being separated from my birth mother, grandmother and foster mother several times in my childhood, I was deeply connected with that young life. Because of the contradiction between adults, I was sent away and brought back, abandoned and sent away. I saw that she was forced to switch to various strange environments. Facing the fear and anxiety of unfamiliar faces ... When talking about the years when I lived with my adoptive parents later, I saw my stubborn rebellious and hateful heart deeply hidden under cowardice and inferiority when I was young, and when I talked about my several emotional experiences, I saw myself struggling with the picky and control of my adoptive mother because of my extreme rebellious mentality. I used my happiness as a bargaining chip and tasted one cup after another of my bitter wine ... I talked about the family I finally formed after I left my hometown. Endure humiliation but struggle for a belief (having a complete home) for 22 years, and finally end in division, indifferent to each other as passers-by. I see that I am a person who doesn't love and doesn't know what love is. I just spent 22 years with real people by various standards. I always pester each other and myself by reasoning and judging who is right or wrong. In the end, both sides were black and blue, losing all their enthusiasm for life, just to live ... I saw the belief that I dare not break up this family: because I left my biological parents in my childhood, I can't let my son lack my parents. Sadly, I don't know what home really means Only gave him a complete shell, and in this shell, my son carried all the bad emotions of both of us and became the biggest victim of this family, which was terrible! ! I see that my life has been changing and struggling in the mode of victim-rescuer-orphan, and I have become more and more isolated day by day, and I can't feel my pain and suffering. Find your sense of existence and value with busyness and dedication. While taking care of the elderly and sick adoptive parents wholeheartedly, I often feel my disgust and dissatisfaction with them. It seems to be to complete a compulsory course.

Looking back on my life experience in the past 60 years with deep sadness, I seem to see my own pattern and crux more clearly. The teacher said: you lie on the yoga mat, open your mouth and take a deep breath to feel the breath coming out of your abdomen and feel your body lying on the ground. With the gradual acceleration of breathing, I first feel less and less energetic, and then I feel an energy in my arm from top to bottom, all the way to my fingertips.

The teacher told me to keep breathing, and the teacher began to hit my diaphragm. The teacher said, shout out if it hurts, but I don't think the teacher is strong enough. It doesn't hurt at all. Can't you shout if it doesn't hurt? Just say I don't hurt, I really don't. The teacher pinched my shoulder and neck again, and at the same time let me continue to breathe hard, ah! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts here. When the teacher says it hurts, shout it out. I shout, shout pain! But can anyone really hear the cry of pain? Does it help to shout pain? I don't think I want to shout. I feel isolated from my body. At this moment, this kind of pain makes me enjoy it and makes me feel that people are alive. At this time, the teacher suggested that I put my hand on my heart to feel my heart, but I couldn't feel my heart there. Seeing the position in my heart is obviously a pit. The teacher repeatedly confirmed that I really saw that my heart was an empty pit, and I was an unintentional person! At this time, I feel like my feet are stepping on the ice and snow in the cold winter, and the cold slowly passes up through the soles of my feet, reaching my calves and knees ... Is this the feeling of dying? Is this careless person going to die? This feeling is very good! I just feel cold. Anping warms your feet. Very warm! Very touched!

At this time, the teacher said: You hold yourself tightly with your arms and get together like a baby. I got up obediently and hugged myself tightly, feeling that I was reduced to a child, waiting for something in an empty place. The teacher said softly, you can try to relax yourself and open your hands. I slowly released my arms and held them. It's easy to open them slowly ...

The teacher added: You can try to open your eyes. At that moment, I felt a little reluctant to open my eyes. The teacher kept reminding me to open my eyes, so I opened them slowly. The light passed through my fingers, which was a bit dazzling. Slowly, I tried to look around with my eyes wide open and saw all the fellow initiates staring at me quietly. I have tears in my eyes, full of pain, love, joy and more acceptance ... Yes! I am recognized by the world. There are so many partners here to accompany me, and I instantly understand what love is in their eyes. Love is to accompany with your heart! At that moment, I felt that I was the happiest person!

By combing your own life experience, you can clearly see the great fear brought by your childhood experience and form your own anti-six personality model; In the harsh family environment where the adoptive mother combined with the overbearing adoptive father, in order not to be abandoned and survive safely, he was gradually domesticated into a child who was submissive on the surface (actually submissive) but extremely resistant and even hateful in his heart; In the intimate relationship, because I have been in a state of suppressing myself and being unable to communicate for a long time, I gradually lost contact with my heart and became more and more indifferent and numb, so that I couldn't feel the pain and suffering, isolated everything and became a lonely person.

Only by bottoming out, the Jedi will be reborn! I am an adult, and I can be responsible for my choice. No matter how sad the past is, it has become a story. I want to live in the present, because I am here!

I feel that I have gained a lot in the class of this healing department, but I am always carried away in the process of writing a summary! I always feel that I didn't express myself clearly, alas! There is no way out, only to continue to be present!