Classical Chinese Translation of Feng Menglong's Laughing at Guangfu

Knocking on the table to propose a toast

Before a person treats a guest, he privately said to his servant, "Don't pour wine casually. Just listen to me knock on the table and you will propose a toast."

this was heard by a guest. During the dinner, the guest deliberately asked, "How old is your mother?"

the host replied, "73 years old".

The guest knocks on the table and says, "It's rare!" When the servant heard the table ring, he immediately toasted the guests.

After a while, the guest asked, "How old is Zunweng?"

The host replied, "I am 84 years old."

The guest knocked on the table again and said, "It's even more rare!" The servant came to toast again.

When the host found out that he was cheated, he said loudly to the guest, "Don't care whether he is 73 or 84, you've had enough!"

the argument between mouth and foot

The foot said to the mouth, "There is nothing in the world that is more greedy than you. I worked hard to run, and everything I earned was eaten by you."

mouth replied: "Don't argue, I won't eat, and you don't run away, okay?"

Beast Road

Party Taiwei is stupid. Once, someone wrote to say, "Occasionally, he went to borrow Junzu and his party."

Qiu said in surprise, "I only have two legs. If I lend them to him, how can I walk?"

The subordinate told him: "The letter said that I asked you to borrow a horse. Junzu is just a courtesy title."

Qiu said with a smile, "The world is different now, so this kind of beast also has a road number."

Just talk

When selecting generals in Beijing, people gather around to comment.

A Shandong man said, "None of these warriors are burly. There is a giant in my hometown who can stand on the ground with his head on the beam."

A Shanxi native said, "There is a giant in my hometown who can sit on the ground and support the roof beam."

A Shaanxi native said, "None of this is strange. There is a giant in my hometown. When he opens his mouth, his upper lip can touch the roof beam and his lower lip can rest on the ground."

someone nearby retorted, "According to you, where does this giant stand?"

Shaanxi people replied, "Don't worry about it, just' talk' (talk big) first!"

changing shifts to different stations

A father and son are stubborn and refuse to let others. One day, the father gave a banquet to entertain guests and asked his son to go to the city to buy meat. When my son came back from buying meat and was about to leave the city gate, he met a man coming face to face. Neither of them would give way, so they stood nose to nose and face to face for a long time.

The father was so anxious that he came out to look for his son. Seeing this posture, he said to his son, "Take the meat home to have dinner with the guests for the time being, and let me stand against him here."

Six-legged running

A policeman walked very fast, and his boss issued an urgent document, so he was given a horse for fear that he would be delayed. The officers drove the horse and followed it on the road.

someone asked him, "Why don't you ride a horse on such an urgent business?"

replied, "running on six feet is much faster than running on four feet." ！”

The beauty is difficult to learn

A man said to his son, "You should learn from what the teacher has done." The son promised to do as instructed.

One day, my son accompanied his teacher to dinner. How the teacher eats, he eats; How the teacher drinks, he drinks; The teacher turned around and he turned around. The teacher looked at the students' imitation, but she secretly laughed, smiled and sneezed.

The students want to sneeze, but they can't. No way, he bowed deeply to the teacher and said guiltily, "The beauty of a teacher is really difficult to learn!" "

Go straight and run wild

When a criminal went to the place where he served, the supervising officer wanted to blackmail him and deliberately let him go ahead. The criminal walked ahead according to the order, and the officer scolded, "If I go this way, I will become your attendant."

He also told the criminal to follow the protection behind him, and the criminal followed orders. The officer also scolded him, "I'll clear the way for you."

The criminal was at a loss and had to kneel down and ask, "How can I get there?" The officer said, "If you send me some money every month, it's up to you!"

It's good to hire Qiu Chan

There was a rich man who was mean to his servants and never let them eat and wear warm clothes.

one day, he was drinking and singing poetry in the garden, and cicadas were singing in the tree. The servant deliberately asked, "Sir, what is that on the tree?"

the host replied impatiently, "I don't understand this either? Qiu Chan! "

Q: "What does Qiu Chan eat?"

The answer is: "Eat wind and drink dew."

Ask again: "Does Qiu Chan need to wear clothes?"

a: "no need!"

The servant said, "Well, it's cheaper to let Qiu Chan wait on the master than to hire us!"

Selling corpses for money

A rich man was ill for a long time. Because he regarded money as his life, he refused to ask a doctor for medicine and was about to die. On his deathbed, he said to his wife, "I have tried my best to save money all my life, and I managed to save it." After I die, I can sell my skin to the cobbler, meat to the butcher, and ashes to the paint shop. You should remember that. "Say that finish, my eyes closed and I died. Suddenly, he opened his eyes slightly, exhausted his last strength, and said intermittently, "Now, people nowadays can't believe it. Never pay on credit, but must-pay in cash!"

Afraid of Grandpa Wang

There was a eunuch named Wang Zhi in the Ming Dynasty, who was very powerful. Everyone below the emperor is afraid of him.

one day, the emperor went to the theatre. After the play, the actor dressed as a drunk, swinging in the street and cursing some high officials in the court.

He was warned, "Don't mess around, a prince is coming, and a cabinet is old."

the actor ignored the reason and cursed as usual. Someone shouted, "Eunuch Wang is coming!"

This shout was really clever. The actor immediately knelt on the ground in fear and muttered, "In this world, I only know that there is Wang Gonggong, and I am not afraid of anyone else."

short fish in the well

When the shopkeeper entertains guests, he always cooks fish every time he eats, but he only sees the head and tail, and there are few meat pieces in the middle.

the guest asked, "shopkeeper, where did you get all your fish?"

The master replied, "They are all raised in the pond."

The guest said, "I'm afraid it's raised in a well, otherwise, why does this fish grow so short?"

I don't know how to write

There was a mediocre scholar on the seashore who complained about family affairs. When he met the county magistrate, he pretended to be a famous Confucian disciple. Seeing his poor manners, the county magistrate reprimanded him and said, "Since you are a disciple of Confucianism, why don't you know manners?"

The man said, "I grew up on the seashore. How could I not even know" carp "? Carp has the Big Dipper, and people who believe in Taoism do not eat. "

The county official said, "I'm talking about the gift in the book. Who asked you about carp!" Angrily want to whip the scholar.

The scholar recognized "book" as "beard" again, and quickly argued, "Your Excellency made a mistake. What is needed is catfish, not carp!"

chanting poems and laughing at each other

A pedant teaches the children of an owner, and the owner treats him badly. He wrote a poem and sneered, "It's my fault to be here this year. You have to find a big tree when you hang yourself. The host family is as poor as lice, and the students are as lazy as snakes. Three meals of thin porridge are called meals, and four seasons clear soup is used as tea. In this way, the children can grow, and the whole village is an official. "

The owner retorted, "It's my fault to hire a teacher at this age. Singing poetry is like giving birth to your mouth. The Tao is to paint a tiger into a dog, and your child becomes a snake. I don't know astronomy and geography, but I am greedy for wine and a cup of tea. Even those who do it are wrong, and I have missed more or less. "

I don't know how to be even

Someone gave a banquet to Mr. Xue, who kept drinking heavily. When his wife saw it, she became anxious, so she took care of the waiter to hold the bottle sideways in front of the guests to show that he had run out of wine and told him to stop drinking. This private school gentleman was full of wine, and he didn't realize it at all. The master's wife was impatient and shouted in the inner room, "Stop inviting this gentleman, and I don't even know the bottle side."

lazy learning in the four seasons

In the old days, someone wrote a poem mocking lazy scholars. I didn't want this poem to spread immediately and it has been spread ever since. The poem says, "Spring outing is not a study day. Summer is hot and you just sleep, and autumn is bleak and uninterested. It is better to laugh at the old age."

Mr. Tofu

An owner is very rich but stingy. He uses tofu for three meals a day to supply his teacher, and he never changes his mind all the year round. When Mr. Wang arrived at the expiration date, he filled in Linjiang Fairy and left it as a farewell gift: "There are countless fat chickens, countless fat geese, and countless fat sheep. A few times, my eyes are full and my stomach is hungry. How can I survive this? Tofu in the morning, tofu in the afternoon, and tofu in the evening. If you want to invite your husband next year, unless you go to Pu 'an. "

poem mocking myopia

Someone wrote a poem mocking myopia: "Xiao Jun's eyes are too strange, so I stood beside him and asked who is it?" The sun shines through the window lattice to get marbles, and the moon moves to pick up sticks. I bruised my nose by looking at the painted wall, and I pinched my eyebrows by locking the book box. There is even more laughter, and blowing lights burns the skin of the lips. "

a good beard and a bad beard

someone mocked the beard and said, "The Analects of Confucius is all about beards. Let's talk about it (Hu and Hu are close in sound)!' ,' joy',' not a gentleman', these three are good Hu. It's not good to be unfaithful to others, to be faithless to friends, and not accustomed to them. A gentleman is a gentleman, and a woman is a woman.' These two are good and bad. "

someone asked," How do you explain' make it almost'? "

The cynic laughed and said, "The beard above is the same as the beard below."

punishment in hell

someone came back from the dead and said, "When I entered the underworld, I saw the king of Yan interrogating Ji's family and saying,' When the Qi people invaded in a certain year, you only sent ten thousand people to respond, and you were outnumbered, which caused harm to people's lives; Another year of famine, you don't open the granary, and you starve to death; Besides, you are very poor in conditioning, floods and droughts have occurred many times, and many people have suffered. You should be convicted and put in prison. " Ji kowtowed and pleaded guilty. Yan Luowang immediately sent the imp into A-nose Hell. "When Mr. Wu heard this, he sighed," If this is the case, more hell will be built in the underworld! "

others ventilate

When someone is sick, the doctor feels the pulse and says, "If you take my medicine, your stomach will ring first, and then your stool will be smooth, or at least you can fart." Not long after I finished speaking, I suddenly heard the fart, and the doctor was proud and said, "How's it going? Isn't it good?"

The patient told him, "This was put by my younger brother."

The doctor's pride was swept away, so he had to falter and say, "That's all right! All right! "

opened a drugstore

someone went out and came home after many years, and his wife had given birth to three sons.

The husband was surprised that his wife couldn't conceive, but his wife spoke first: "You have been away for many years, which made me think about you for a long time, and I thought about you every night, so I gave birth to three sons, so I named them all very meaningful: the eldest son is called' Yuan Zhi', and I miss you far away in his hometown; The second son is called' Danggui' and wants you to come back; The boy's name is fennel, and he wants you to go home. "

The husband said with a wry smile, "If I am a stranger for a few more years, I will be able to open a new drugstore at home."

a quack buried a child

a quack killed a child in a master's house, which was a confession and promised the master to help bury the dead. So he put the dead child into the extra-large sleeve tube. Afraid of his cheating, the main family sent servants to follow.

In the middle of the bridge, the quack suddenly raised his right hand and threw a dead child into the river. The servant angrily asked, "Why did you leave my child?"

The quack said, "No!" Then he raised his left sleeve and told the servant, "Your family is here!"

Monk's menstruation

A monk went out to get sick, and the enthusiastic stayed in the study and invited a doctor. At first glance, the doctor thought it was a women's boudoir. The monk slept feebly on the bed, and the doctor sat down in front of the bed, taking his pulse every other account.

After a while, the doctor diagnosed: "This disease belongs to irregular menstruation, which is a common disease before and after pregnancy. It has nothing to do with major events, and the medicine can protect the disease

."

The monk sat up quickly, uncovered the curtains and smiled at the doctor. The doctor can hardly step down.

remember a good prescription

a quack has an average medical skill, but he has a hobby. Every time he hears or sees a good prescription, he always likes to write it down.

once, when I saw a group of robbers on the way, I hid in the Woods and grass to peek. Soon, a man came along, and the robbers crowded out, took away their property, stripped off their clothes, and killed them. The victim happened to suffer from intestinal gas, and after his head was cut off, the gas also left.

The quack seems to have discovered the secret, so he takes out the pen and paper in his arms and writes, "It's a great experience to be a doctor."

deaf doctor

a doctor with bad ears went to a doctor's house. The patient asked, "Can lotus plumule be eaten?"

The doctor replied, "Gluten can't be eaten."

The patient asked emphatically, "Where is the lotus meat?"

The doctor said, "Eat less bacon, too."

The patient got impatient and said, "Mr. Wang is deaf."

The doctor replied, "If the inner thigh is red, we must prevent it from getting laid."

invite the far god

a very stingy man wanted to ask god for blessings, so he called a Taoist priest to ask god. The Taoist priest invited a "two-capital shinto" for him.

The host asked, "Why are you so far away?"

The Taoist said, "Everyone knows your temper. Can you come?"

the top pot of the mountain god

There is a geomantic gentleman who chooses a burial place for a rich family. He tricked the rich man into saying, "The tomb will be opened on a certain day of a month. If you see a man wearing an iron pot coming to the place where the tomb was opened that day, it means that the land I chose for you is a treasure."

After that, Mr. Feng Shui secretly agreed with a person to wear an iron pot to a certain place on a certain day of the month. The man came to the burial place with an iron pot on his head, and said to the man who was opening the grave, "The other day, Mr. Feng Shui asked me to come here with an iron pot today. I wonder where this iron pot will be placed?"

the tomb of Lu Shen

Two stupid gentlemen met on the road and exchanged pleasantries. It happened that there was a tomb of Lu Shen beside the road, and one of them quickly bowed down and said, "This is the tomb of Zeng Shen, let me worship."

The other looked closely and said, "Isn't this the tomb of Cao Can?" The two began to argue and finally got into a fight. Later, I reported it to Wang tuiguan. Wang tuiguan sent someone to investigate, knowing that this was the tomb of Lu Shen, so they beat two people and kicked them out of the hall.

Both of them were very angry. Friends came to make up and invited them to attend a wine party at Yudui Palace. The two arrived on time, and when they saw the plaque above the gate saying "Jade Palace", they hurriedly fled and said, "This is Wang Tuguan's house, how dare you provoke him again?"

praising things and admonishing the police

Mr. Chong Xu is always good, and always exhorts the good and punishes the evil. One of the relatives likes to blame others and is fond of small profits. Mr. Chong Xu gave him a mirror and a ruler, and the policeman said in a poem, "I have never seen my own dirty face, only distinguishing the ugliness and beauty of others;" The amount of painting is short and clear, and I have never measured myself in the end. "

a few days later, Mr. Wang sent another fish to the profiteer. The last two sentences of the warning said, "When you swallow the bait, you will not be as hungry as when you are full."

herringbone ending

Three people were drinking * * *, and one of them gave an order to start with the word "Xiang" and end with the word "Ren", and first made an order: "How many people can know each other?"

The second person said, "When we meet, if we don't go back empty, the peach blossoms at the mouth of the cave will laugh."

The third person said, "Xiangyang has a plum beard."

the person who issued the order asked the third person, "I asked for the word' person' at the end of the order, but you don't meet it?"

The man asked, "Isn't Li Huzi human?"

adding a cap to a wine bottle

Wei Yuanfu is a Tai Bao (an official who assists the monarch). He is quick-witted and likes wine, but he is short and bald. Zhou Wendi likes being with him very much.

once, emperor Wen of Zhou put 1 bottles of wine indoors, all of which were covered with hats, and then led Wei Yuanfu in to see Wei Yuanfu's embarrassment. Wei Jin looked into the inner room and immediately smiled and said, "How could my brothers be so rude that they broke into the king's house without permission? Don't go home early! " Say that finish holding the wine and return.

Emperor Zhou Wen clapped his hands and laughed when he saw that he was so clever.

judge the cow and break the goose

two farmers raise buffaloes.