Single-line draft (1)

This is my second time arriving at the international terminal of this airport. The waiting room in the morning was deserted, just like the wind today, with a bit of coolness. There was a family of three sitting next to me, and the children were running up and down the aisle, completely ignoring the slightly tired passengers around them. The adults were looking at their phones, maybe looking at photos. I caught a glimpse of their heads close together, smiling with satisfaction from time to time.

The scene now is the same as when I left four years ago. At an airport in the south, I knew Zhao Xiayu would not come, but I still kept putting off going through the security check. I looked around, and the sultry air was filled with my anxious thoughts. There was no wind to stir its increasingly restless whirl, just like the vortex of time constantly rushing towards the dark center. In the end, I left with the last bit of disappointment.

It was raining outside the window without any warning. In an instant, the raindrops turned into rain curtains, and the dark clouds in the sky gathered together in chunks, covering the entire sky, like a black curtain, separating the blue sky far away. I'm used to the rain here without warning. It's like the sun is shining one moment, and the thunder is rolling the next.

I remembered that I forgot to remind Xiao Wu to bring an umbrella. Forget it, he should have gotten up and gone to work long ago. Fortunately, I asked him to keep an umbrella in his office drawer at all times.

The airport started to become noisy, and messages announcing the arrival and departure of flights continued to come from the radio. I looked at my phone and saw that it was already 8:30 and I would be boarding the plane in ten minutes. I began to feel a little uneasy, as if a can of wine that had been dusty for many years had been overturned in my heart, and the smell slowly rose into my throat. I couldn't help but cough a few times, then took out tissues and pills from my bag. It’s a pill I’ve been taking for a few years now that stops those insecurities from invading my territory.

The rain outside the window was getting heavier and heavier. I didn’t know if the flight would be delayed. I calmed down and paid attention to the announcement. Occasionally for a moment, I wished that the flight would be canceled just like this, so that I wouldn't have to think about how to face Zhao Xiayu. I once filled the whole page with this name, but it was torn apart by time. Then one day, I looked at that email like a stranger, and it was signed: Xia Yu.

The first day Xiao Wu saw me was the last day I contacted Zhao Xiayu. It was a cafe, filled with the aroma of coffee and chocolate. Many students were reviewing their homework inside, but I sat there all afternoon without talking and only ordered a cup of hot chocolate. I'm allergic to coffee, but I'm obsessed with the smell of coffee that afternoon, so invasive. The smell that enveloped me gradually covered up the broken pieces in my heart. Xiao Wu has been sitting next to me, and I look so disharmonious in the crowd, without a smile. He came over and handed a tissue with a sentence written on it: try to be positive. I raised my head, and his smile was like that of a child who had never seen anything in the world.

I can’t remember how many times he walked with me from the street to the end of the street. I didn’t speak, I just kept listening to him tell his stories. He told me that he had a stepfather who was a ghost. He was born in Shanghai but could only speak a little Chinese. His mother was a gold hunter overseas. In order to get her identity, she stayed with the foreigner. In the Chinese community, this kind of transaction is not uncommon. His stepfather and father could receive a considerable sum of money. But he has a very good relationship with his father, and over time, everyone seems to be like a family. But he never knew who his father was, only that he was far away.

I seldom really care about what he said, but after a while, I inexplicably remember it. Occasionally, I would stop and look at him. He also looked at me, then patted me on the shoulder and said like an elder brother, it’s nothing. Just like now, if Xiao Wu was here, he would tell me that all this would be okay. Even if I tell him that I was only with him for status in the beginning, it doesn't matter.

My memory was brought back to reality by a burst of noise. It was time to board the plane. How long has it been since you went back to that place? It feels longer than it really is. I walked through the aisle and entered the cabin. I kept "borrowing, borrowing" and walked to my seat. As soon as I sat down, my phone rang.

"Tomorrow at 12 noon, we look forward to your arrival in the banquet hall on the second floor of Huatian Hotel - Xia Yu & Mo'er.

”

The Gate of Memory

White shirt, jeans, neat short hair, heroic forehead - this is the standard image of the male protagonist in the novel, and at that time, I always I couldn't extricate myself from these fictions every day. It was a time that people couldn't bear to leave, but at a certain moment, I ruthlessly let go of my hand, and he left with it. And a few words that belong to him.

Zhao Xiayu was very good at basketball, but he always encouraged me to watch his "wonderful performances". The sunset was longer and the time was shorter than now. After endless procrastination, we were slowly pushed into the night under the sunset. The street lights were on, and the dim road was covered by our shadows.

At that time, the roadside stalls had begun to take shape. , the main street next to the school is full of restless elements. High-power fans are spinning constantly, and chefs are sweating on the stoves set up in the open air. Most of them are shirtless, skillfully stirring spoons, adding ingredients, and rolling. The lingering heat of late summer stirs up the flavor of the moment, and our noses are immediately surrounded by the aroma of wine and meat. Hungry, we always eat, drink, and laugh all the way.

Zhao Xiayu grabbed my braid and said jokingly: "I told you to watch my performance, why don't you give me face every time? "

" Please! With your rookie skills, you'll be satisfied if I can support you. "

"Okay, just to tell you this, I will definitely practice my skills fiercely. No one will look down on me, but you will not look down on me, little girl. "

Little girl movie? I waved my hand suddenly, and before I could say "fuck you", Zhao Xiayu's Coke was knocked over. He was caught off guard, and suddenly he stumbled, and the soda foam overflowed. It filled his clothes, and almost at the same time, the dark liquid splashed onto my white skirt.

"Ah! You pay for my skirt! "

Zhao Xiayu shook off the Coke that rubbed on his hand, carefully took out a pack of tissues from his pocket with his thumb and index finger, and threw it over.

"Take it, daredevil.

He licked the coke on his lips, deliberately showed an expression of "enjoyment", and glanced at me sideways, "Don't thank me too much. You don't look good in a skirt anyway. You'll still wear sportswear from now on." Wear pants to hide your ugliness! Haha."

Zhao Xiayu's laughter was so loud that I obviously received the strange looks from the people around me. It felt like looking at two noisy monkeys that suddenly appeared on the street. .

My house is separated from his house by a long street. His house lives on the far east side, and my house is close to the artificial lake on the far west side. I once thought that this distance was the longest distance between us. We are all keen on making the road full of flowers, from school to my house. After the last ray of sunshine disappears into the night, I will watch his back moving in another direction until it disappears

We do it every day. We would waste two precious hours doing this seemingly meaningless thing. We would often argue and argue. I dropped his basketball, he threw my cassette, I took apart his pen, and he changed mine. Workbook.

I often tell him that Beijing is my ultimate goal. I never allow him to refute me. In his eyes, this is just a strange city that I despise. Ordinary people are just cowards who dare not make efforts. Zhao Xiayu said that I was too extreme, but I said that he did not understand the world.

I once secretly wrote his essay "My Dream." "It was changed beyond recognition. He insisted on rewriting, but I couldn't resist him, so I had to accompany him to rewrite to atone for my prank. Seeing his puzzled expression and scratching his head and head, I was filled with the joy of victory. But after that day, It's been a year since I saw him again. He took a year off from school.

The whole afternoon was shrouded in dullness. The high temperature in recent days made it difficult for anyone to show up during the day, and no one dared to show up until night came. I poked my head out of the air-conditioned room. Every inch of the air seemed to be sewed with fuses. The temperature was hovering near the ignition point, and it seemed that the whole world could explode in an instant.

We are hermit crabs. We are snails, and we all want to carry that protective shell with us. At this time, the only thing I know is that there will be a heavy rain tonight, which will be mixed with thunder and lightning. But I discarded my shell at this time, so a few hours later, I would end up in a miserable state under the heavy rain.

Zhao Xiayu called him more than a dozen times, but his mobile phone was always turned off. This abnormality has brought my emotions to the peak. The quarrel started two months ago. He only knows how to fight in the game all day long, and his daily greetings become a few "Oh", "I understand", "No more talking, let's form a team"

I took his college entrance examination application form and walked to the downstairs of Zhao Xiayu's house, sweating profusely. I only know that he lives in this community, but I don’t know which unit or building he lives in. The form is due tomorrow, but he has been disappearing since the day before yesterday.

This is the 20th call.

"Hello." Zhao Xiayu's voice sounded extremely tired. It was already 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

"Come out! Now!"

I hung up the phone angrily. Zhao Xiayu's unhurriedness completely annoyed me.

I haven’t seen him for a month. I have rehearsed countless times how proudly I should greet him and what vicious words I should use to question him when I see him.

Zhao Xiayu was already standing in front of me. This young man was wearing a pair of slippers. His wrinkled white T-shirt could not hide his thin figure. He was hunched over and rubbing his eyes listlessly. His hair was like a fallen seedling, hanging lifelessly in front of his forehead, with a few strands of hair standing up abruptly. We haven’t seen him for many days, and I really want to remind him that it’s time for a haircut.

This is the boy who told me that he had lost weight to only 50 kilograms when we last chatted.

"I brought your volunteer form. You'd better fill it out within today."

"Oh, I understand, thank you."

"I'm very sleepy."

"I want to talk to you."

"I'll hand in the form tomorrow Just go up."

"Come to Beijing."

"My game is still open, I'll leave first."

He turned and left. , I stood there for a long time.

A few hours later, it started to rain heavily. The rain dispersed the crowds on the streets, and people fled in all directions to take shelter from the rain. I was sitting in the window seat of KFC, my cell phone was ringing constantly, and the raging rain curtain pushed me into a torrent. I witnessed a moment when the truth was unwrapped. I didn't have any popcorn ready. It all seemed so informal. The last second, I was puzzled by his "thank you", but this second, I knew that this storm had been foreshadowed, but I still forgot to bring an umbrella.

"Mo'er, I decided to stay in Y City with you."——Zhao Xiayu.

On the 300th day after the Beijing Olympics, I enveloped all the books. Since the beginning of this year, it seems that everyone has completely forgotten the past era and turned a blind eye to the feeling of nostalgia.

The last time I walked on this street, I used my camera to take pictures of these old buildings and the trees that grew more lush year by year. The snack street next to the school is going to be demolished. It is said that antique restaurants, hotels and shopping streets will be built here. So, there are no more smoke-filled food stalls on the roadside, no more dim streets, no more you and me eating popsicles wantonly. The ticket has been bought and departure is an established fact.

Zhao Xiayu rarely touches basketball since he recovered from a serious illness. The doctor told him that he needed to rest for a long time. He once had a sister, but she died early due to being unable to breathe on her own less than 10 minutes after she was born. That's his twin's sister. Even if Zhao Xiayu survived, he would still suffer from this disease and insufficient oxygen supply to his blood.

After taking a year off from school, he became my junior student.

I can no longer drag him to eat all over the street, because he said, "Don't eat if the food is not clean."

He no longer likes to walk, he said, too tired.

Many years later, on the streets of a foreign country, there were no bustling late-night snack stalls, nor were there any groups of passers-by. At 8 or 9 o'clock, most of the people had lost interest, except for the occasional drunkard lying on the roadside. But I still like to walk aimlessly.

Two memories intertwined in my mind, one was quiet and the other was noisy. One is full of emotion, the other is silent. Their names are all called lost.

The third memory is farewell.

I walked on the streets of my hometown over and over again, and only then did I notice potholes on the ground. This street is getting older day by day.

The last conversation I had with Zhao Xiayu was a calm confrontation. Since when did the distance between me and Zhao Xiayu wind like a river, gradually tearing a hole, and the flood overturned the whole world.

"I left not because of you, but because this place always ties me down." I said tremblingly.

"I know. You will not change your trajectory for me. You keep running forward, and I keep chasing. But you never pay attention to the person behind you, and you never stop to even look. I glanced at him. I was too tired from running, so I gave up. I should have said this four years ago, but at that time I was just angry that I was not as strong as you and couldn't squeeze into you. The world of dreams."

"You rejected Beijing?"

"You went to Beijing just for yourself, there is nothing I want there."

"You never told me what you want."

"Yes, because I am a person without ideals. I don't care about success or fame. I just want to stay in a small town and live a comfortable life. When you work hard to make progress, At that time, I could only look up at your clothes. At that time, I was very proud because you made me proud. However, after the pride passed, I only felt guilty and uneasy. My body did not allow me to exercise vigorously anymore, and I had no energy. The method makes me study hard all night."

"You can work hard with me, why give up?"

"I don't think such efforts are meaningful. I just want to be quiet. Life, all wanderings and dreams, are unimportant.”

The meaning of climbing is irrefutable to me. For the first time, I felt my whole body stiffen, and an inexplicable coldness hit me. It's like the truth you have never denied appears mottled under a basin of cold water, and instantly feels like an old dead tree, tingling the skin to the touch.

What Zhao Xiayu said is right, I always feel unwilling to do so. Ever since I was a child, I couldn't bear to fall behind others. I was afraid of seeing the disappointed eyes of my parents. My life is like a card game that cannot be repeated, every step is taken with care. I enjoy the joy and satisfaction of achieving my goals, even if it is vanity.

After the last shred of my pitiful self-respect was removed, I lost all my weapons. I disarmed but refused to surrender.

To be continued...