Who can tell me two jokes?

If you still want a joke, you can ask questions, or I will pass it on to you. Happy morning!

1. Three elements of success: 1. Persistence. 2. Shameless. 3. Insist on being shameless.

2. When I was a child, my mother kindly said to me: Good boy, if you learn this skill, you will never starve to death for the rest of your life. So my mother taught me how to eat!

3. One day I had an urgent need to urinate, so I ran into a luxury bathroom in a hotel. I walked into the urinal and took a look. There were big words on it, "Don't wear it out!" I chuckled in my heart. I am a quality person and have slept in five-star hotels. What kind of scene have I not seen? When the work is done, it automatically senses and sprays water automatically, with a large amount of water! After getting wet, I suddenly realized: "Fuck, putting a comma will kill you!"

Summary of the joke! More than 200,000 jokes! See how long you can last!

1. The turtle was bathing in the river and was seen by the toad.

Turtle: Have you never seen a beauty like me? Your eyes are about to pop out.

Toad: Sister, please stop teasing me. Didn’t you see that I have goosebumps all over my body?

2. Huang Ying saw the weasel looking for food and said, "You are a thief who has been sneaking around all day long. You have brought shame on the old Huang family."

As soon as she finished speaking , the oriole was shot down, and the weasel cursed: "Silly X, you don't know that we are cracking down on pornography now!"

3. Dragonfly made a girlfriend "Cicada". Mother Dragonfly asked worriedly: What kind of job does she have?

Dragonfly: That’s a singer!

Dragonfly Mom: Singer? I used to be a tunnel digger!

4. An ant quarreled with a crow on the tree!

Ant: Come down if you have the guts!

Crow: Then come down if you have the guts Come up here!

Ant: Okay! Just wait for me, it will be nice for you!

Crow: What do you want?

Ant: I’ll do it right away Go and ask all my brothers to shake you down and throw you to death!

5. Two dung beetles discussed the welfare lottery. The dung beetle said: If I want to win the jackpot, I will use all the toilets within a 50-mile radius. Buy it and eat enough every day!

Dung Beetle B: You are so vulgar! If I win the jackpot, I will take care of a living person and eat fresh food every day!

6. The male butterfly sang to the female butterfly: "You are my lover, a woman like a rose!" After singing, he flew to pick roses.

There was a scream, and the female butterfly sang: "My dear, fly slowly, be careful of the roses with thorns in front of you!"

7. A pair of ducks came to the river While playing, I saw a couple of frogs hibernating in caves on the river bank. Duck: Look, how happy. Female duck to male duck: Don't look at it, he is the big boss, he lives in a villa and spends his honeymoon, we should never think about it in this life!

8. On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river. He caught nothing and went home.

The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but still didn’t catch anything and went home.

On the third day, as soon as the little white rabbit arrived at the river, a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:

If you dare to use a carrot again, If you use it as bait, I will crush you to death!

(1) A village chief came home after drinking too much and entered the pig pen by mistake. He lay down next to the sow and said: Wife: Pour me a glass of water. The sow snorted and the village chief said, "No, I won't pour it." If you don't fall down, why are you being coquettish? I touched it casually and said: I am buying a leather jacket, or a double-breasted one.

(2) The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked: "Do you want metering, backlighting, or full light?" The uncle said shyly: "I don't care, can I leave it for your aunt?" A pair of pants? ”

(3) One day, a barber beat up a candied haws seller. When he went to the police station, the police asked the barber: Why did you beat the candied haws seller? The barber said: ***, I was perming my hair in the house, and he shouted "I'm perming it" outside.

(4) A man went to the toilet with constipation, and suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and it was stormy and rainy all of a sudden. Jiaojia said, "Brother, I really envy you for being so fast.

"What are you jealous of? I haven't even had time to take off my pants yet!" ”

(5) When a foreigner was traveling in Laiwu, he met an old lady playing with a cat. He came up and asked: What are you doing? The old lady replied: The old cat nun! The foreigner was shocked, even the old man can speak foreign languages! Give a gift The old lady thought it was dried sweet potatoes and said: I have it in Laiwu!

(6) The butterfly said to the bee: You are so stingy, pretending to be sweet but reluctant to give it. Me, the bee said: Humph! Why don’t you send me a text message with two antennas on your head?

(7) {Come Together} A dung beetle is in love with a mosquito. : "What's your profession? Mosquito: "Nurse, the one who gives the injection, how about you?" The dung beetle laughed and said, "It's fate, fellow travelers, I am a Chinese medicine practitioner." ”

(8) Husband: What time is it now? Wife: Ten o’clock, Husband: Is it sharp? Wife: It’s too early, no one else is sleeping! I asked, is it ten o’clock? Wife: It should be around eleven o'clock.

(9) The young couple had a fight and threw a pillow downstairs. A beggar happened to be passing by. He was very happy, and then flew off a quilt. The beggar was ecstatic and wiped it. Tears went upstairs and shouted: Brother upstairs, please throw that woman down too.

(10) Wife: Do you want to do some activities tonight? Husband: I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, wife. : Then don’t say you are tired after get off work, say you have no energy at night, and you can’t fool me. Husband: It’s necessary. Wife: Then wash all the clothes I changed in the evening.

(11) A young woman. I was taking out the garbage and accidentally slipped and fell into the garbage. Just as I was about to get up, I was hugged by an old man who was picking up rags. The old man said with emotion: People in the city just don't know how to live. If such a good wife says she doesn't want it, she won't.

(12) A person's big toe suddenly turned blue. The miracle doctor diagnosed it as cancer, so he removed it. Within a few days, the second toe also turned blue. After the removal, three days later, the entire sole of the foot turned blue and had to be enlarged. At the hospital, the final expert diagnosis was that the socks had faded.

A farmer drove a donkey into the city. The donkey ran a red light and was fined 10 yuan. The old farmer drank from the donkey and said: "You think you are a military vehicle!" Dare to run through red lights. After walking a few steps, the donkey knocked over another fruit stall and paid 200 yuan in compensation. The old farmer was even more angry: "Do you think you are the industrial and commercial city management? You can knock down whoever's stall you want." "The old farmer led his donkey home and passed by a green grassland. The donkey gnawed the grass and was fined 30 yuan. The old farmer was very angry and cursed: "Do you think you are an inspection team going to the countryside? You can eat wherever you go!" The old farmer cursed After that, he took the donkey to the river to drink water, but the donkey became stubborn and refused to drink. The old farmer got angry and said, "You think you are a rich man, and you won't drink without a lady." "The donkey turned around and ran away. There was a fishing net hanging on the shore. The donkey broke it when it got on it. The fisherman claimed 500 yuan. The old farmer said with tears in his eyes, "Do you think this is China Telecom? It costs so much money to access the Internet. "The donkey turned around and kicked the old farmer. The old farmer reluctantly cursed: "Do you think you are the leader of the group? You can kick whoever you want." "The donkey was so angry that he stopped paying attention to the old farmer and became very silent.

The old farmer said: "You think this is in the QQ group, and you can stay silent all day!

2. The boss called the secretary: I will accompany you to Beijing for fun in the next few days, please prepare< /p>

The secretary called her husband: I am going to Beijing with my boss for a meeting these days

The husband called his lover: My wife is not at home these days, please stay with me

< p>The lover called the tutoring student: The teacher is busy these days and classes are suspended

The student called Grandpa: There will be no classes these days. Grandpa, please play with me

Grandpa called the secretary Call: I can’t go to Beijing, and my grandson wants me to accompany him

The secretary called the husband: The boss suddenly had something to do and would not go to Beijing for a meeting

The husband called his lover: The wife is not leaving. , I’ll talk to you next time

The lover called the tutoring student: Classes will continue as usual these days!!!

The student called grandpa: 555 teacher said classes will continue as usual these days

Grandpa called the secretary: Let’s go to Beijing, you are ready

3. A beggar knocked on the car window and said: Give me some money.

Mr. Next, he said: Let me smoke a cigarette.

The beggar said: I don’t smoke. Give me some money.

The gentleman said: I have beer in the car, let me drink a bottle. Bar.

The beggar said: I don’t drink. Give me some money.

The gentleman said: Well, I will take you to the mahjong parlor, I will pay you, and you will win. It's yours.

The beggar said: I don't want to gamble, give me some money.

The gentleman said: I will take you to the sauna to enjoy the "one-stop service", and I will pay for it. Bao.

The beggar said: I don’t go to prostitutes. Give me some money.

The gentleman said: Then you can get in the car and I will take you back and let my wife see: there is no one. What kind of good man can he be who doesn't smoke, drink, gamble, or visit prostitutes?

4. Mr. Zhang, who graduated from the police academy, has been married for two years, but he always feels something strange about his wife and suspects that she is having an affair. On the same day, Mr. Zhang always found a text message from a stranger on his wife’s mobile phone, and the content of each text message was the same: “Brother Zhao asked you to do something for me. "!

At eleven o'clock in the evening, Mr. Zhang captured his cheating wife and the man who was having an affair in one fell swoop.

Mr. Zhang cursed: You underestimate me, do you think that? I don’t understand the text message? Reading it backwards, it means “I will help you take off your bra at half past ten

5. During the Dragon Boat Festival, the turtle wants to eat rice dumplings, so let the snail go buy rice dumplings. After 2 hours, the snail still hadn't come back. The turtle cursed angrily: If you don't come back, I'll starve to death! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: If you don't tell me anymore, I won't go!

One day, the cow posed a problem to the donkey, asking which of the two bugs under the word "Stupid" was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but still couldn't answer. The cow scolded: What a stupid donkey, men are on the left and women are on the right!

2. Seven years after graduation, I finally took on a big project, building a 30-meter chimney. The construction period was two months and the cost was 300,000 yuan, but it required an advance payment. It was finally completed at the end of last year. Today I went to inspect it, but I was scolded to death and didn't get any money. Damn it! The drawings are wrong, they want to dig a well!

3. A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and asked: What happened? Drunk Man: I don’t know. I just arrived.

4. The doctor asked the patient how he broke the bone. The patient said, "I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes by holding on to the telephone pole." Damn there was a bastard passing by, thinking I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two sticks!

5. One day, Turtle Dad, Turtle Mom and Turtle Son decided to go on an outing. After buying a Shandong pancake and two cans of seafood chicken, we set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it’s finally here! They sat on the ground, took off their equipment and prepared to eat. As a result, I discovered that I didn’t bring a can opener!

Turtle son: "...Then I will go back and get it."

Turtle dad: "Good boy! Hurry! Your parents are waiting for you to come back and have dinner together. Go and come back quickly!" ”

Turtle son: “You must wait for me to come back! Don’t break your promise!”

So Turtle son set out on his way home...

Time flies like an arrow. Shuttle, 20 years have passed in the blink of an eye, but the turtle son has not yet appeared.

Turtle mother: "Honey... do you want to start dinner? I'm so hungry..."

Turtle father: "No! We promised our son! Well...wait for him Five years later, if he doesn’t come, I’ll leave him alone!"

Five years have passed in the blink of an eye, and there is still no sign of the turtle son. Turtle’s parents don’t care anymore! The two elders decided to start.

Took out the big cake and was about to eat it...

Suddenly, Turtle Son poked his head out from behind the tree...

Turtle Son: "Damn! I knew you would steal it! You lied to me to go back and get the can opener? I waited for twenty-five years and finally got it! I hate it the most!

6. Xiaoxin: Dad, why are there three golds in my name?

Dad: You are short of gold in your life, so you are named Xin, just like some people are short of water in their lives. He was named Miao, and some people were named Sen if they lacked wood in their lives.

Xiaoxin: Dad, what do you think Sister Guo Jingjing is missing in her life?

7. A pair. A boyfriend and girlfriend were sitting on a bench in the park, talking about love. The woman suddenly wanted to fart and said to the man: I am singing like a bird, but you don’t hear it.

Mr. Sure enough, she was willing to listen.

So, the woman let out a loud fart under the cover of the cuckoo cuckoo sound.

Female: The elephant is not like the cuckoo bird. ?

Male: The fart was too loud, I couldn’t hear it clearly!

8. The turtle was injured. Two hours passed and the turtle didn’t come back. He cursed: If you don’t come back, I’ll die! At this time, a snail’s voice came from outside the door: Don’t you dare say I’m not going to go anymore!

9. Someone raises a pig, annoying, He abandoned the pig, but the pig knew the way back, and abandoned it several times to no avail. One day, he drove around many corners and abandoned the pig. He called his family late at night and asked, "Has the pig returned?" The answer was: "I've returned!" "He roared: "Let him answer the phone, I'm lost!"

10. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants came out in large numbers and climbed on the elephant one after another. The elephant trembled. The ants all fell down. At this time, there was another ant on the elephant's neck, and the fallen ant shouted "Strangle it to death"

11. One day in the computer class, there was an elephant. The computer of the classmates in the platoon crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer crashed, and our platoon is dead." At this time, many classmates said: "We are also dead." At this time the teacher asked: "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up: "I'm not dead yet!" The teacher said strangely: "The whole class is dead, why don't you die?" ”

12. Before a monkey eats peanuts, he has to stuff them into his butt and then take them out to eat. The administrator explained: Someone once fed him a peach, but the peach core couldn’t be pulled out, and the monkey was frightened. , now be sure to measure it before eating.

13. Xiao Ming: "Dad, am I a stupid boy?"

Dad: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy..."

< p>14. Tell a story: "Once upon a time, there was a eunuch..."

Someone couldn't help but ask: "What's down there?"

Continue Tell a story: "Down there? It's gone..."

15. There was a man who had just learned a foreign language. He was walking on the street that day and accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot. The man hurriedly said: "I 'm sorry." The foreigner also said politely: "I'm sorry too." When the man heard this, he hurriedly said: "I'm sorry three." The foreigner was dumbfounded and asked: "What are you sorry for?" The man said helplessly: "I'm sorry five."

16. A letter written by Tang Monk to Sun Wukong

Dear Wukong:

I write this letter very slowly because I know you can’t read quickly!

We had rain twice this week, the first time it rained for 4 days and the second time it rained for 3 days!

How are you doing in Huaguoshan? I have a very bad life in heaven. Since there is no gravity, my stool, urine, tears and nose can't fall. Do you think it's hard?

The beef noodles we have here are delicious. When you come another day, we will go to the restaurant on West Street to eat hot pot together!

Your eldest sister Guanyin is about to give birth, and because I don’t know whether it will be a boy or a girl, I don’t know yet whether you will be an uncle or an aunt!

Have you received the clothes I sent you? When I was going to mail it, I was afraid of being overweight, so I cut off the buttons and put them in my clothes pocket!

It’s getting late so I’m writing this here. Come to my place to play when you have time. Remember not to drink too much water, otherwise it will be very uncomfortable when you get here and can’t urinate!

P. S I wanted to send you money, but the envelope was already stuck!

17. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I eat whatever I eat, cucumbers, watermelons, watermelon. How can I get back to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

18. Someone went to Shanghai on a business trip and lost a dollar on the street. The police said, "We will help you find it." The man went back a month later, and the street where he lost the money was blocked due to road construction. After digging, he couldn't help but sigh, "Shanghai is the real thing."

19. One day, an ant was basking in the sun. Suddenly he saw an elephant walking slowly. He stood up and straightened his front legs. The rabbit next to him I'm asking you what are you doing? The ant said: "Shh~~~~~~~ Keep your voice down and watch me kick him"

20. The earthworm family was very bored today, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and went to play badminton. Earthworm's mother thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Earthworm's father thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. The mother earthworm cried and said: "Why are you so stupid? If you cut it into pieces like this, you will die!" The father earthworm said weakly: "...Suddenly I want to play football

21. The tortoise and the hare... The hare The turtle quickly ran to the front... The turtle saw a snail crawling very slowly... and said to him: Come up, I will carry you... Then... the snail came up... After a while. The turtle saw an ant again and said to him: Come up too. So the ant came up too. After the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said "Hello" to him. You know. What did the snail say? The snail said: Hurry up, this turtle is so fast...

22. One day, a fire broke out in the house. The parents escaped, and only one son was left inside.

The mother shouted nervously outside the house: "Son...you are doing it...it's on fire and you can't come out..." The son replied: "I'm putting on socks... .." The mother said again, "Why are you wearing socks when there's a fire..." Five minutes later, the son hasn't come out yet... The mother nervously shouted again, "Son, what on earth are you doing?" Come out quickly~ It’s all on fire, and you’re still in there..." My son said, "I’m taking off my socks...

23. A man went to the river to fish first. After wearing a leaf, no fish took the bait for a long time, so he changed it to a piece of bread. Again, no fish took the bait for a long time. He had no choice but to change it for earthworms. Still no fish took the bait for a long time. He was so angry that he took out 100rmb and threw it into the water. Cursed: "*—# What do you want to eat! Go buy it yourself! ! !

24. My deskmate had a cold and a runny nose, but he forgot to bring a handkerchief, so he kept sucking the snot into his nose. The Chinese teacher who was writing on the blackboard suddenly turned around and shouted: "That's enough! Stop it! It's so noisy!" The whole class was silent. The teacher said again: "Who is eating noodles secretly and making such a loud noise in class?"

25. The patient said to the dentist: "You are really good at making money. You made 3 US dollars in just 3 seconds." ."

The doctor replied: "If you want, I can pull it out for you in slow motion.

”

26. “Narcissism” means that I must be reincarnated as a woman in the next life, and then marry a man like me; “Despair” means ordering two dishes at a restaurant, and eating the first one: “In the world Is there anything more delicious than this?!" Eat the second one. Damn! It really does!" "Speechless" means the judge asked: Why did you print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can't print real money

< p>27. The Weaver Girl went down to the earth to take a bath and met the Cowherd, and performed a shocking love story. This incident tells us: there is no chance to take a bath at home, so you must take a bath outside...

28. Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher: "There are a lot of ants in the toilet." The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiao Ming: "How do you say ant?" Xiao Ming looked confused... Said: "Ant... didn't say anything..."

29. A man kept farting loudly at work, and his colleagues couldn't help but said to him: "Can you not make any noise?" Then I saw him sitting there shaking non-stop. A colleague asked him strangely what he was doing, and he replied: "I am silent, and now I have set it to vibrating!!!"

30. Female Mosquito "Child, what's wrong with you?" The little mosquito cried and said, "Today the little flies bullied me, saying that I am bloodthirsty and a vampire." The female mosquito said: "Don't pay attention to it, they are not good things either. Everyone grew up eating shit

31. I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a Western Zhou Dynasty clay pot. Yesterday I went to the column for appraisal. The expert said seriously: "This is not the Western Zhou Dynasty." ? This is from last week!

32. Son: "Mom, I failed the math test today." Mother: "Why, what question." Son: "The teacher asked me 2*3=?" I said =6." Mother: "That's right, and what next." Son: "Then the teacher asked me again 3*2=?" Mother: "Aren't these the same thing!" Son: "That's what I said too. ..

33. A prisoner was executed by firing squad. The bullets were produced by "XX County" and were of poor quality. The first shot was not fired, and then the second shot...and the third shot... ....At this time the prisoner cried loudly: "Strangle me to death, it's too scary!"

34. The father told his son a story: "The uncle asked Xiaoyang to chop wood, but Xiaoyang didn't expect I cut down my uncle's favorite peach tree. When he saw it, he was very angry but didn't scold him. Do you know why?" The son replied: "Maybe it's because Xiaoyang still has an ax in his hand, so he didn't dare to scold him.

35. Dung Beetle and Mosquito fall in love and meet for the first time. Dung Beetle: "What do you do?" Mosquito: "Nurse, injector." Dung Beetle grabbed Mosquito's hand and cried bitterly: "It's fate. , I also practice medicine, Chinese medicine, and make pills

36. A man can’t find a girlfriend, so he has no choice but to go to a fortune teller. The fortune teller said: You are destined to have no woman in the first half of your life; you will not be able to find that woman. My eyes lit up: Then I should have it in the second half of my life, right? The fortune teller said: Hey, in the second half of your life you will get used to living alone

37. When someone eats, there is no piece of beef in the beef ramen. , he pointed at the bowl and asked the boss: Why is there no beef in the beef ramen? The boss said lightly: Don’t take it too seriously, do you still expect to get a wife out of the wife cake?

38. The three mice were separated. After tasting wine from the United States, Japan, and China, the mouse that drank American wine fell down after walking for three steps; the mouse that drank Japanese wine fell after walking for two steps; and the mouse that drank Chinese Erguotou held a kitchen knife in its hand and shouted: " Where's the fucking cat?"

39. While eating in a restaurant, a customer who had been waiting for a long time called the waiter and asked, "Why is the braised fish I ordered not ready yet?" "Can you please try again?" Wait a moment, sir." "What? Are you still waiting?" The customer got angry and said, "Are your fish caught fresh?"

40. Once upon a time, there was a man named A Shuang.

He died.

The day of the funeral.

His family members cried: ‘

It’s so cool... it’s so cool. ’

Passers-by were puzzled. Asked: "What do you enjoy?"

'

My family cried bitterly: 'It feels so good... so good!! He shouted: "My dear, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go!" After hearing this, the man jumped down without hesitation. The negotiator standing next to him said: "Madam, you really shouldn't threaten him like this."

42. The director and the section chief *** were riding in the elevator. The director farted and said to the section chief: "You farted." The section chief said, "I didn't fart." Soon the section chief was dismissed. The director said at the meeting: "You can't take on any big things, so what's the use of you?"

43. A lazy cat pursued a mouse crazily and finally got married. After the marriage, the cat did everything possible to the mouse. With strict care, the mouse quickly became fat. The mouse was very moved: "Why are you so kind to me, dear!" The cat chuckled and said, "You will know when you get fatter.

44. Every time Looking in the mirror, I always mentally encourage myself: "I am very creative, ugly is not my original intention, God don't lose your temper, I will live bravely, and use my endless creativity to set off." The beauty of this world! In fact, I am really creative...

45. My friends went hiking together. At the top of the mountain, a girl faced the beautiful mountains and rivers and shouted: Motherland! My mother ! A boy who had a crush on her quickly shouted: Motherland! My mother-in-law!

46. I bought two puppies before, the one called "Face" is given to you, and the one called "Butt" is given to you. Myself! My "face" unfortunately died in a car accident a few days ago. Every time I see my "butt", I think of your "face"! If your "face" is still there, it would be as big as your "butt" now!

47. After Tang Zeng drove away Wukong, he encountered another monster. He had to recite a tight spell to call Wukong back to save his life. Soon a voice came from the air: "I'm sorry. The user you called is not in the service area. Please try again later." Try.

48. When the mouse went to go to the convenience store, he saw the bear was there and was too frightened to say anything. The bear glanced at the mouse and said, "Are you shedding your hair?" The mouse shivered and said nothing. The bear asked again: "Are you losing your hair?" The mouse said tremblingly: "No..." The bear grabbed the mouse and wiped its butt and left! [Treat mice as toilet paper...

49. I was chatting with my friends just now, and they talked about you, do you know? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was too much! I don’t treat you like a pig at all!

50. On Panda’s birthday, I would like to tell everyone: I made two wishes, one is to cure my dark circles, and the other is to have a color photo

51. The bee chases the butterfly, but the butterfly marries the snail. The bee was puzzled: How is he better than me? The butterfly replied: I have my own house after all, but it’s not like you living in a dormitory

52. One day an elephant was taking a bath. Suddenly an ant came over and said to the elephant. You stand up. Stand up when it starts. Ant! Just sit down. The elephant asked the ant what he wanted to do. Sometimes he stands up and sometimes he sits down.

Ant replied! I lost my underwear, let me see if you were wearing it

53. The production team bought a male donkey, but it died within a few days. The female donkey happened to be in heat. The production team employees beat her Call the captain of the production team who is on a business trip out of town. "Captain, the female donkey is in heat, but the male donkey is dead. Should I buy a male donkey first or wait for you to come back?"

54. Little Shit Beetle: Mom , why do we eat shit? Mother Dung Beetle: How could this child say such disgusting things while eating?

55. A shooting star flashed across the night sky, and I quickly made a wish, hoping that you would become more beautiful. Unexpectedly, I had just finished my wish. Wish, the shooting star came back with a "swish" and said to me, "Brother, are you deliberately trying to embarrass me?!"

56. Give me a steamed bun from the cafeteria as a fulcrum, and I can lift it up Earth!

57. See "The food in the cafeteria can only be fed to pigs, but they are still given to us?" "I thought of a sentence. A classmate went to the cafeteria to prepare a meal. After the meal, he asked the cook, "Master, why is there rice in your sand!!!"

58. A must-see for girls. Story: A bat was reincarnated by God. God said that he can promise you three conditions. The bat said, "I was black in my previous life, so in my next life I want a snow-white body and wings. I am used to sucking blood. Please let me suck blood." "God said, OK, I agree. Do you know what he will be in the next life? "Sanitary napkin". Haha.

59. The restaurant fly said to the toilet fly: You chase fishy smells all day long, and I chase smelly smells all day long. Come here if you want to eat well! Toilet fly: If you don’t agree with each other, what’s the use of eating well? How many bare-butt beauties have you seen?

60. In your sophomore year, you were in the dormitory. Girls all like Zhou Huajian's songs, and a tape was borrowed from everyone. One day, the girl on the upper bunk wearing a hot-selling women's clothing on Taobao asked: Where is my Zhou Huajian? The girl on the lower bunk replied: It's on my bed! The bell was silent, and then they all fell on the bed.

61. A boy nicknamed a classmate a fat pig. The girl cried to the teacher, and the teacher agreed to criticize the boy. The teacher said to the class: "A certain boy is too rude and gives others nicknames casually. You can't just call others whatever they look like, right?" ”

1. One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a fucking naked man! Female The driver was also furious: Let me see where you got the money from!

2. The boyfriend and girlfriend sleep in the same room, and the woman draws a line: the one who crosses the line is a beast. When she wakes up, she realizes that the man is really a beast. The woman didn't cross the line, and the woman slapped the man hard: You are worse than a beast!

3. One day, Liu Hongtao met a foreign guest and approached him and said: I am Hong TaoLiu, the foreign guest said. : I’m still the Seven of Diamonds!

4. Zaizai was repaired by his father, and he ran to his mother to complain: “Mom, what will you do if someone hits your son? "Mom: "I will beat his son to take revenge! "Zai Zai: "..."

5. An old lady is illiterate, but likes to listen to the radio. She must listen to the weather forecast every day. One day when eating, she asked her family: "I have a question to ask you. Do you know where the local area is? It rains almost every day there. "

6. A little mouse on the cliff waved its short front paws and jumped down again and again, trying to learn to fly. The female bat next to it looked at it and said with worry that its head was broken and bleeding. : Its dad, if you don’t tell it, it’s not our biological child!

7. I went to Mount Taishan with my friends to watch the sunrise. A friend pointed to the sky and said, “I saw it! "I saw it too!" "At this time, someone in the distance came out with his pants and cursed: "If you see it, you will see it! What are you shouting about? ”

1. Ghost: God, next time I reincarnate I want to be as white as an angel and have a pair of wings, but I still want to suck blood.

God: Then you reincarnate Become a Hushu Bao.

2. A friend was selling popsicles in the park for the first time during his work-study program, and he was embarrassed to shout. Suddenly, someone shouted: "Selling popsicles~~~~ Selling popsicles~~". When the friend heard this, he felt happy and shouted: "Me too~~~~Me too~~~~".

3. The ant and the elephant got married Soon the elephant died.

The ant cried bitterly while burying the elephant: "My dear, why did you go so early? I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life!"

4. A boy has a crush on a girl and he mustered up the courage to ask the girl what kind of boy she likes

The girl who is "compatible" answered, even after asking several times, she got the same answer

The boy said in frustration : "Is it okay to have a flat head?"

5. One day, I was out of breath and chasing the last bus. While chasing, I shouted: Master! Master, wait for me~

A passenger suddenly stuck his head out of the car window and said to me slowly: Wukong. Just stop chasing me

6. One day I was taking a biology test, and one of the questions was to guess the name of the bird by looking at its legs. A certain student really didn't understand and angrily tore up the paper and prepared to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him: "Which class are you in and what's your name?" A certain student lifted up his trouser legs and said: "Guess, you guess."

7. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the leader came to the stage to receive her. He took her hand and asked her for warmth. He refused to let go for a long time, and asked kindly: What is your name? The actress replied excitedly, "Malegbi. Songshou"

8. A man bought a parrot that could only say two words, "Who?". One day, the owner was not at home, and a gas man knocked on the door.

Parrot: Who is it?

Answer: The gas changer

Parrot: Who is it?

Answer: The gas changer

...

When the master came home, there was a man lying in front of the door. The master was wondering, who was this?

Door Inside: Gas replacement

9. A man saw a pile of stuff on the road, squatted down and smelled it, and said it might be poop. He touched some of it with his hand, put it in his mouth and licked it, and said, it was really poop, but luckily he didn't step on it! ~

10. The doctor asked the patient how he had broken the bone. He replied: I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes against the telephone pole. I shook and shook... Someone thought I had been electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave it to me. Two sticks.

11. A professor was teaching in the field: "Scientific research must not be afraid of getting dirty..." Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate hurriedly said: "I'm not afraid of getting dirty..." Then he poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger and put it in his mouth to lick it clean. The professor said: "In addition, you must be good at observation. I just poked the dung with my middle finger, but I licked it." It’s the index finger.”

12. In a certain public toilet, Mr. A was constipated and couldn't pull it out after a long time. At this time, another man, Mr. B, rushed in. As soon as he squatted down, he started to poop so smoothly. After hearing this, Mr. A said: "Man, I really envy you." Yeah, it’s so fun.” Mr. B said, “What’s there to envy? I haven’t taken off my pants yet...”

13. A gentleman was practicing riding a bicycle when a pedestrian came in front of him. He panicked and shouted: "Stop! Stop!" The pedestrian stopped in a hurry. Unfortunately, a certain gentleman's riding skills were too poor and he still knocked down a pedestrian. The passerby got up and got angry: "You told me to stop! You're aiming, right?"

14. Beautiful sister, 2 years old. One day, I called her mother, and the little guy answered the phone. Out of politeness, I also wanted to say hello to her. "My dear, where is mom?" "Going to Huaguo Mountain!" "..." "My dear, what are you doing?" "Auntie, you are so funny, I wasn't calling you!"

My colleague’s son, 4 years old. Classic sentence: "When I was young..."

15. There was a car accident on the road - a turtle trampled on a cow. The police are investigating the cause of the accident and said Wo Niu: How did the turtle hit you? Wo Niu, who was hanging a cast, recalled in panic: I don't remember, he was too fast at that time!