Diary: The past is dusty and broken everywhere.

The cold wind roared and opened the window, and the cold kept coming. Driving on Jinshui East Road back to the city, the car suddenly stopped. I don't know why. Joe said he saw a young girl who looked like me when I was young. He was surprised at her beauty. Out of curiosity, I also looked at the girl up and down, very pure, spotless eyes, crystal clear. Joe says there are not many such girls.

The girl in front of me reminds me of an unforgettable thing. Although people often say that time is the only good medicine for healing, for me, some memories and scenes still bring me permanent pain. After many years, I suddenly look back and find that the years are ruthless, and I am no longer young. My beautiful youth has slipped away quietly, and the past is dusty and broken. It turns out that the accumulation of my life rings is actually to forget that fruitless relationship.

Qing is my college classmate who has been in love for three years. He graduated from the Department of Electronics, and I graduated from Medical College. Qing is a humorous boy, and he is also very handsome. He never gets tired of him. Looking back on that student-like feeling, it is really spotless. We were all very young at that time. I remember that it was the winter of my sophomore year, and there was a long queue in the student canteen at noon. I always queue up regularly, and I don't care about boys who are crowded like hungry wolves. Watching them is both irritating and ridiculous. More precisely, I'm afraid the vegetable water will splash on me. Qing took the initiative to strike up a conversation with me and asked me, "I heard that you are from Zhengzhou?" What is your major? My name is * * Qing, and I come from Shang Jie District. I am in the Department of Electronics of our school, and I live in the dormitory of * *. Come and play with me when you have time ... "That's how Qing and I met. He often comes to see me when there is no class and gives me delicious food every time he goes home to school.

The small boss in the school canteen is about our age. He always smiles with bedroom eyes, which makes people uncomfortable and takes care of me inexplicably. One day, I went to turn on the water, and he finally had a chance to tell me that the reason why he asked his staff to cook the best dishes was that as long as I cooked, I would charge the least meal ticket. In fact, it was a symbolic fee, and sometimes he even asked me for more money to attract my attention. Yes, I found the problem, even the sisters in the dormitory found the problem. I remember Ah Hong, who opened Kaifeng, said, "Boss of the commissary, when I saw you cooking, my face turned to flowers with laughter. We seldom see him with a kind heart and a scary face. Help me cook and let me follow you. " In order not to be disturbed, I seldom eat in the school cafeteria, and Qing inexplicably thought I was ill. He often delivers meals to my dormitory, or accompanies me to a restaurant on the street for supper. Day by day passes quickly, and feelings grow crazy day by day. When I carefully re-examined, I found that Qing was so cute, so humorous, so sunny and so happy.

Qing said that I was like Ah Mui's personality and my own maverick. Only green can appreciate it, and only with green can I speak freely and make a fuss. We talked about everything together, talked about our dreams and unique views on our future marriage. After marriage, we became a Dink family and found that sometimes we were like brothers together. That smile is like a flower, and the passionate years of youth can't resist the crush of distance. After graduation, Qing went to work soon, working in his father's unit, but I didn't do it. Distance is not a problem. I don't want to develop in his Shangjie district, and he also said that it is impossible to go back to work in Zhengzhou. I have a hunch in my heart that this will be a love story with no ending. Worked as an intern in the hospital for 1 1 month, and went back to school to take the exam. At the end of the final exam, Qing came to see me at school. It seems that god arranged it. Have dinner together at noon and fight for the last door in the afternoon. Actually, I don't know. I've been preparing for war for more than ten days, and I just need this last fight. God, I still failed. I did well in more than a dozen exams, but I did badly in the last exam, with a difference of seven points. The headmaster said that I lost my money. I knew in my heart that if he appeared at the party, I would get straight A's. I finally graduated, but it was difficult to find a job in a good hospital. I don't want to go to a small hospital or unit clinic at the district level. There is always so much helplessness in life, even if you have eight talents, there is nowhere to display them. With a grateful heart and full of enthusiasm, I am busy all day. I started selling temporarily, and I want to repay my parents' kindness.

Because we are in different districts of the same city, I am in Jinshui District and his home is in Shang Jie District. By that time, he had already gone to work, and my job had not been settled. I was a temporary sales director in a company, and my performance was not bad, and my income was not low. Because of the distance and work, we only meet on weekends. On weekends, most people will come to see me. We talked about everything together, talked about the sea, walked hand in hand on the streets of Zhengzhou, and went to the cinema to watch movies. Many snack streets have left our youthful figure.

It's also winter, and it's equally cold. I went to his company on business to do something, and I wanted to see him and his parents by the way. I haven't been to his house for a long time, and my heart beats like a rabbit. Beautiful dreams always break quickly. This time, I accidentally found that my boyfriend who had been in love for three years actually lived with a female colleague three years older than him, and it was at his house. And he proposed to me on one knee half a month ago, even with two feet on both sides. My lungs are about to explode, my head is dizzy, and my teeth are fighting up and down. I feel so angry and sad for the first time in my life. So simple and ridiculous, I advised him to wait for me for another two years. Li Ao said that men belong to the lower body. I quite agree with this. Distance does not produce beauty, distance produces mistress. I laughed at myself. I won't forgive him for cheating on me, which is a blasphemy against my sincere feelings; I won't give him another chance. I want him to regret it all his life, I thought. I was speechless, and the angry flame in my eyes made Qing dare not look me in the eye. I saved his face for the last time and decided to hold a farewell party that night. I don't need such hypocrisy. How cheap this feeling is! I smiled and gave him my blessing. In fact, my heart is really painful, very painful! I was drunk that night. It was my first time to drink. I called him drunk. Qing didn't explain anything, and the explanation was redundant. He knows it's time to end! I stayed up all night with a sad heart. It's late at night, I just want to escape from that place-that sad and dirty home as soon as possible, but alcohol paralyzed my nerves. I was top-heavy and staggered like a drunk woman, but my brain was unusually awake. I didn't go back to the hotel, but was dragged to his house. I was placed on a simple folding bed in his living room to rest. He was afraid that I would be unhappy and said that he would stay at his house. He looked at it with a clear conscience. The clock ticks, the night is quiet and there is no rest. He held my hand and sighed from time to time. The girl in the other room kept calling him, asking for water for a while and quarreling with a stomachache for a while. I know she was angry with me on purpose. I just asked Qing to stay with her and leave me alone. At that moment, my heart was bleeding, and I could only wait for the dawn. It's almost five o'clock, and I finally can't stand it. I said to Qing, "I'm leaving. Don't send me away. Don't bother my parents. I'm fine." Seeing that I insisted on leaving, Qing had to take me to the station, and I took the first bus back to the city. When Qing waved goodbye to me, I saw that he and I were both in tears. The north wind is cold and I dare not rest on my way home. Looking into the distance, the earth is in the wilderness, the grass is rustling and dead branches, and the fragrance disappears. Only the buildings with reinforced concrete structure are arranged in rows, which are firm and tidy and won't feel a chill. In such a cold winter, the first relationship in my life ended in lovelorn.

My heart hurts. I used to laugh like a flower, full of energy, full of joy, and always blooming with proud youth. I soon became haggard after being lovelorn, which was a kind of pain that was hard to let go. I came to Beijing alone in pain, the purpose is to heal, and I can't just fall down. The winter wind in Beijing is biting, which is much colder than that in Zhengzhou. In the dead of winter, I still wear thin boots and short skirts. Actually, it's not to show my sexiness. Maybe I am young. More importantly, my heart is cold. There is always a feeling that the cold wind blows the bones and the frost cuts the muscles. I want to ignore my unforgettable pain. Although his hazy eyes often appear in front of my eyes, I know that in his heart, he never wants to end. My eyes can make him feel freezing cold. What else can he say?

In the long night, I stood at the window alone in a daze, letting the cold wind blow. I try not to miss leaving my lover. He no longer belongs to me, he doesn't deserve my love, and he defiles my sincere feelings. I vowed to live a wonderful life and make him regret it all his life. Busy, I don't let myself stop, hard work is my only pursuit. No matter how hard I try, I can't get rid of my inner pain and depressed emotions. I hate why I can't control myself. Physical pain to a certain extent is numbness, while the heart is hurt and deeply stinging. This is the pain from the soul, which is difficult to cure.

I have long been used to going my own way, going my own way, busy shuttling between the two companies and working hard. I want to exchange my own efforts for a small world of my own. In my spare time, I like to buy shirts. Xidan, Wangfujing and Yansha are my frequent places. Every weekend, I invite my colleagues to eat Donglaishun and steaming shabu-shabu, which incorporates many sincere feelings. Besides the dusty weather in Beijing, I like Beijing, the cultural atmosphere there, the enthusiastic people there and the places of interest there. There, I was born again like a phoenix, and I still love a better life. I know that everyone will experience young first love, which is as sweet as a dream and as fragile as a dream. Even if the sentimental feelings of childhood fade away and step into the tide of society, there will always be that person in my heart. Some people will say goodbye to their first love, while others choose to have their first love for life. Circumstances come from the heart, happiness and sadness come from the subjective, and I have no reason not to love life.

I have lamented the unforgettable pain, but today I can stop, and time is worthy of being a good medicine for healing. Maybe what you can't get is the most beautiful. It's just a memory of my death for a reason. Why should I blame him? Nine times out of ten, life is not satisfactory. It's only a matter of time before everyone can let go.