How to live with peace of mind in this unsafe world?

This Monday at noon, occasionally turn on the TV, a satellite TV noon news file broadcast a series of scary news:

The eruption of Mount Etna in Italy;

There has been another shooting in the United States;

A fire broke out in a hotel in Harbin, killing many people;

While sitting on a bench to tie their shoelaces, residents in a residential area were scared into a tenth-grade disability by a husky without a traction rope;

And the murder of hitchhikers that has attracted much attention these days. ...

Going for a ride may kill you,

If you stay in a hotel, you may die in a fire.

Sitting on a bench by the side of the road, you may look at big dogs when you look up. ...

It makes people feel that dangers are everywhere in this world and it is impossible to prevent them.

That's true. Tomorrow or by accident, you can't tell who will come first.

Psychology believes that people's demand for security is second only to the basic physiological needs of survival.

In other words, when people confirm that they are alive, the first thing they think of is safety, that is, can I always live safely?

This panic comes from the long infancy of mankind.

Human children can't tolerate food soon after birth like lambs and deer.

A person's little life lies in its infancy, and it can't be separated from the care of his mother (or a substitute mother).

So his mother is his sense of security.

Why should the mother take great pains to take care of the child?

Because of love.

Therefore, love is the basic guarantee of security.

Human anxiety comes from dependence on security.

Whether physically or mentally, we all long for the world to provide us with a safe environment.

Life does not encounter accidents, the mood is quiet and happy, the source of love will not be exhausted, and people who love each other will never leave. ...

All these are our ideal expectations for safety.

However, our predecessors left us an idiom called "Be prepared for danger in times of peace".

Here bread has two meanings:

In calm, you should still think about crisis or danger, maybe you can avoid danger;

If you live in peace, if you enjoy peace and ignore danger, maybe danger will come.

In other words, when you are in danger, you may not be in danger;

You may feel uneasy when there is no danger in your heart.

Anyway, regardless of body or mind, there is always danger around you, so there will be no danger.

Sounds contradictory, doesn't it?

Look how tired we live!

Worrying about events that haven't happened in advance and being genuinely afraid are called anxiety.

Existentialist psychology believes that anxiety is the background color of human mind.

People who are not anxious at all are either fools or immortals.

But excessive anxiety and worry will affect our quality of life.

An anxious person is afraid to travel boldly;

When the mind is tense, his life will not stretch and bloom.

Just like a toddler, as long as his mother is not far away, he dares to explore the world around him safely.

Regarding how to gain a sense of security, many academic articles or chicken soup articles agree that you can't count on external forces and others.

Sartre said that others are hell.

Many times, your anxiety is only because of "others"; If you don't count on others, maybe your sense of security will grow.

It is true that you give yourself a sense of security.

Psychology suggests that everyone should be his own "inner mother". After all, it's hard to find someone who can accompany you anytime and anywhere except yourself in this world.

Although this statement is true, the specific practice is not clear enough.

How to be your inner mother? Do you often hug yourself?

How to accompany yourself when you are lonely?

If that person feels lonely himself, won't two lonely people be lonely together?

Not necessarily. Sometimes this loneliness may be superimposed.

So what should we do?

Don't worry.

I want to find a way for my friends here.

That is, actively create a sense of security.

In fact, initiative itself is the embodiment of a sense of security.

One thing is in front of us, and when we can do something about it, we are strong; We feel that we can control part of the situation in a sense, so we will feel safe.

In other words, instead of looking for a sense of security everywhere and often wanting a sense of security, it is better to create a safe base for yourself.

How to create?

First of all, you should be a "safe person" yourself.

Security and trust are closely related, so you should make yourself trustworthy.

In all kinds of complicated relationships, the real anchor is trust.

With trust, all misunderstandings, even unintentional injuries, will be gradually resolved and the past will be cleaned up.

From the structure of word-making, faith is what people say. People keep their promises.

If we want to be a credible person, we must keep our promise.

Don't violate other people's boundaries, and don't promise easily. And once you promise to export, no matter how big or small, you must work hard.

We will give special respect to those who keep their promises. Because they will bring people a sense of security.

So we have to do this ourselves.

The existence of time and space

From the initial demand source of security, we will find that "presence" is a very important thing.

The safety that young babies want is their mother's constant concern.

No matter what needs, physical or emotional, as long as the mother is always around, the child is safe.

When we grow up, our demand for security is basically inseparable from the theme of the present time and space.

"Do you still love me?" This is the need for the existence of the mind.

"Where are you?" "When will you come back?" This is the need for a sense of time and space companionship.

Just like children, we need to know clearly that close people will feel at ease not far from us.

Not far, it can be a physical space or a psychological space.

It doesn't matter if there is one mountain and one water, but we need to know clearly whether the other person is with us in spirit.

So "I'll leave my cell phone on for 24 hours, and you can find me at any time" is more reassuring than a simple "I love you".

Psychological research believes that fixed time and space can bring people a sense of security.

When you know that someone or something will appear in a certain place according to certain rules, you will feel at ease.

Just like the rise and fall of the sun and the moon, the tides of the sea and the movement of the four seasons.

Everything in the universe and the natural environment gives us a sense of security. They love us with a constant attitude, but we often don't know it.

Those constant, daily and dull companionship are actually the great love that life has given us, but we have become indifferent because of the ordinary, which really fails to live up to many hearts that love you.

By the way, the setting of psychological counseling also fully considers the establishment of a sense of security.

Once a week, at a fixed place and at a relatively fixed time, seeing a fixed person is itself a healing effect for insecure visitors.

Three things are reliable: everything has an echo, everything has an explanation, and everything has a landing.

Luo Pang said in the first issue of "Knowledge is Power" that if you want to open up a broad life, you must be a person to be expected by others.

If you do things reliably, others will expect you.

Why, he said, "Everything has an echo, everything has an explanation, and everything has a landing."

Very clear, very landing, with certain operability.

Expecting a response is also a psychological need of human beings.

The child sends a signal of need, expecting the mother to receive it and respond in time, so that the child will feel at ease.

Even an unsatisfactory response is better than no response at all.

It is not unreasonable for some people to consider the relationship between each other and themselves with the speed of replying to WeChat.

When we do all the above, we will become a "safe person" because we can bring a sense of security to others.

Your relatives, lovers, friends, colleagues or customers will feel at ease and happy because of your safety.

When you create a safe and meticulous microenvironment and find yourself in such a safe spiritual home, your psychological feng shui presents a beautiful picture.

Only by being a safe person can your world be truly safe.