Famous psychologist: These signs show that children are seriously spoiled.

Foreign parenting websites have conducted a survey: Have you ever doubted that your children are spoiled?

More than half of parents said that they had been worried about this problem.

In this era of increasingly rich material resources, our children have long been worried about food and clothing, and they can satisfy whatever they want.

Many families worry that they will get everything they want. Isn't that child easily spoiled?

Lori Whatley, a famous clinical psychologist, listed the typical performance of four children being spoiled:

Have a bad relationship with others

Good cooperation with others is an important part of life.

A typical feature of spoiled children is that they don't get along well with children of the same age.

They often only care about their own feelings, but ignore the feelings of others, such as:

Be rude to people.

Indifferent to others

It is often the initiator of bullying.

No matter what age or stage of development, children will naturally show empathy. Perhaps it is to draw a picture for a sick brother, sister and friend, or to give a hug to parents who have worked hard all day. They will try to comfort others with their own strength.

"If you find that your child not only doesn't understand others, can't get along well with others, and even doesn't care about parents' feelings, you need to worry about whether your child is too arrogant after excluding the influence of autism and other diseases. "

Former US President Barack Obama said a sentence that impressed me very much:

"We should convey to our children a life value of pushing ourselves and others. Not sympathy, but empathy-the ability to think from the standpoint of others and see the world from their perspective. Sometimes, we are so easily trapped in' us' or' myself' that we forget our responsibilities to others and each other. "

Never forget to cultivate children's empathy.

When reading, listening to stories and watching animations with children, we should discuss the characters and plots in the story with children.

In children, inappropriate behaviors are used to express emotions, such as hitting people and swearing when they are angry. Parents should intervene in time.

At the same time, don't deny children's negative emotions, and don't criticize them because of their negative emotions. Helping them understand negative emotions is always the best way to cultivate children's empathy.

Lack of self-regulation ability.

Everyone's mood has ups and downs, but spoiled children rely on the comfort of adults in their lives, so that their emotional self-regulation ability is seriously out of balance.

"If it is difficult for children to learn to calm down and try to do something patiently to eliminate mental illness and other reasons, it is likely that your child has been overindulged."

At the same time, for these children, they will also hate to participate in any sports team or other competitive competitions.

Because these competitive activities are most likely to be accused by others because of their poor performance, they will feel angry, sad and sad. These negative and negative emotions are unbearable for them. They just hope that everything they do can be praised by others.

Let children learn to comfort themselves.

Children with self-adjustment ability will make their own demands, and spoiled children will complain more.

Spoiled children don't want to tolerate any negative emotions or states. They must sit down when they are tired and eat when they are hungry. They will ask their parents to solve their own problems, cater to their feelings and make sure they don't feel bad or bored.

However, it is not a bad thing for children to learn self-regulation and control.

Take a deep breath with them when they are uncomfortable, and prepare some small games for them during the trip, such as the classic I spy, story solitaire. These are all important ways for children to learn to comfort themselves in the future.

Tell children that mistakes are not shameful.

Spoiled children usually look confident, but this is usually a disguise to cover up their fear of being criticized.

Hafez said: A spoiled child will be anxious and self-loathing when he grows up. Parents must teach them to look at their mistakes correctly. Making mistakes doesn't mean the end of the world. What matters is what we learn from our mistakes.

"Lifelong Development Psychology" mentioned that in the process of children's growth, achievement and self-esteem complement each other. Knowing how to face failure and sum up experience from failure will make children willing to accept challenges and achieve higher achievements and better performance.

At the same time, the attitude of parents is also very important. If a child makes a mistake, parents will be furious and blame the child too much, which is one of the reasons why the child is afraid of failure.

Just take, don't give.

These children are often taught that their own affairs are the most important in the family, and gradually they become indifferent to other things.

It will also bring a wrong and strong message to children: "We have low expectations for you, so you just need to repair yourself." Over time, you will find that children lack a sense of participation in family life, their enthusiasm decreases and they are unwilling to take responsibility. ...

More importantly, they are never satisfied with what they have.

They always ask their parents to ask people around them "I want …" instead of expressing their needs "I want …" and "I can …" in a reasonable way.

"Of course, children may be very excited about what they want, but they should learn how to make demands instead of giving orders to their parents."

Professor James A. Fogarty of Washington University puts forward four similarities of spoiled children, including: they seldom share housework or other responsibilities, and they have many personal belongings.

Let them learn to do housework.

Parents should teach their children to do some useful work. As long as the task is suitable for the age, you can start. For example, let the children put the toys back and clean everything up.

Our children really want to take real responsibility. When adults give them responsibility, they will feel honored and satisfied.

Dr jared Heasman, a psychiatrist and therapist in Houston, said, "Set appropriate boundaries and encourage children to do their own things. Slowly, parents will find that their children become eager to show their abilities instead of continuing to insist that others do it. "

Use less material rewards

Too many personal belongings will make children unable to learn to be grateful and cherish what they have. They are always looking forward to the next toy.

There are many ways to reward children, not just money and toys.

When children turn off the TV in time, control the amount of snacks and do more housework, we can praise them, give them a hug and kiss them, and children can feel our praise.

Must be the focus of attention.

Psychologist Carl Pickhardt defines a spoiled child like this:

They think of nothing but themselves. He thinks that he is the center of everyone's attention and will overthrow the needs of others in order to meet his own needs.

These feelings of attention make children feel particularly good. If children are required to be treated like this on any occasion, they need to be careful whether they are overindulged.

Because this will make them "unable to communicate well with others in future interpersonal relationships, schools, workplaces and other occasions."

Most parents believe that spoiled children follow them everywhere because they love them too much.

In fact, it is because children's needs have not been "heard".

It is very important to listen to children's needs, and a safe attachment relationship contains these basic needs: nourishment, respect, response and affection. When these needs are met, children can be liberated from their concern for needs and begin to get along with others with an open mind.

If these needs are not met, they will continue to reverberate in children's ears, causing children to turn a deaf ear to the needs and emotions of others.

Children who know that someone is listening to them will feel safer and less vigilant. He is not only enthusiastic about others, but also more confident, independent, sociable and mentally healthy.