Two-minute humorous Chinese short story

One,

select

A farmer saved his wife from the flood, but his child was drowned.

Afterwards, people talked about it. Some people say that he did the right thing, because children can have another child, but wives can't come back from the dead. Some people say that he did something wrong, because his wife can marry someone else, but the child can't come back from the dead.

After listening to people's comments, I am also puzzled:

If you can only save one person, should you save your wife or children?

So I visited the farmer and asked him what he thought at that time.

He replied, "I didn't think of anything. My wife passed me when the flood hit. I grabbed her and swam to the nearby hillside.

When I came back, the child had been washed away by the flood. "

On the way home, I thought about the farmer's words and said to myself:

There are many choices in life.

Second,

Use of personnel

Anyone who has been to the temple knows that as soon as he enters the temple gate, the first one is Amitabha, welcoming guests with a smiling face, and in the north of him, it is Darkmouth's black-faced Wei Tuo.

But according to legend, a long time ago, they were not in the same temple, but in charge of different temples.

Buddha Miller is enthusiastic and happy, so many people come, but he doesn't care about anything, and his accounts are improperly managed, so he still can't make ends meet.

Although Wei Tuo was a cook in charge of accounts, he was unhappy all day, which was too serious. He made fewer and fewer friends and finally died.

Buddha found this problem when he was looking for incense, so he put them in the same temple. Maitreya was in charge of public relations and greeted all the guests with smiles, so the incense was flourishing.

And Wei Tuo is impartial, he will be better than others, so let him be in charge of finance and strictly control it.

In the division of labor and cooperation between the two people, the temple flourished.

In fact, in the eyes of the master of employing people, people without waste, like martial arts masters, can hurt people by picking flowers and flying leaves without expensive swords. The key is how to use them.

Third,

parrot

parrot

A man went to buy a parrot and saw a sign in front of it: This parrot can speak two languages, 200 yuan.

In front of another parrot, it was written: This parrot can speak four languages, and the price is 400 yuan.

Which one should I buy? Both are shiny, very flexible and lovely. The man turned and couldn't make up his mind.

Suddenly I found a parrot with a tooth missing. Its coat color is dim and messy, and its price is 800 yuan.

The man quickly called the boss: Can this parrot speak eight languages?

The shopkeeper said, no.

This person is strange: then why is it so old, so ugly and so incompetent that it is worth this number?

The shopkeeper replied: because the other two parrots call this parrot boss.

This story tells us that a real leader is not necessarily strong in his own ability. As long as he knows how to trust, how to delegate and how to cherish, he can unite forces stronger than himself and thus enhance his value.

On the contrary, many people with very strong abilities are too perfectionist and hands-on, and no one can match them. In the end, I can only be the best researcher and sales representative, but I can't be an excellent leader.

Fourth,

Kangaroos and cages

One day, the city zoo found that the kangaroo escaped from the cage, so it held a meeting to discuss and agreed that the height of the cage was too low.

So they decided to raise the height of the cage from 10 meter to 20 meters.

As a result, the next day they found that kangaroos were still running outside, so they decided to raise the height to 30 meters again.

I didn't expect to see all the kangaroos running outside the next day. The keeper was very nervous and decided to raise the height of the cage to 100 meters.

One day a giraffe was chatting with some kangaroos. "Do you think these people will continue to keep your cage?" Asked the giraffe.

"It's hard to say." Kangaroo said, "If they continue to forget to close the door!" " "

Management experience:

There are "beginning and end", "weight" and "weight". Closing the door is the origin, and heightening the cage is the end. Of course, it doesn't matter to give up the origin and pursue the end. What is management?

Two. Seek a long humorous and philosophical story. Can speak for about 2 minutes.

Philosophical story

1. One night, when a group of nomads were preparing to camp for a rest, they were suddenly shrouded in a dazzling light. They knew that God was coming. Therefore, they eagerly look forward to the important will from God. Finally, God finally spoke: "You should check more pebbles along the road and put them in your horse." . Tomorrow night, you will be happy, but you will also be sorry. "Say that finish, god disappeared. Herdsmen are very disappointed because they expected God to bring them endless wealth, health and longevity, but they didn't expect God to let them do this meaningless thing. But in any case, it is God's will. Although they were somewhat dissatisfied, they collected some pebbles and put them in their horses. In this way, they walked for another day. When night fell and they began to camp, they suddenly found that every pebble they put into Ma Tartars yesterday had turned into a diamond. They were very happy, and at the same time regretted not picking up more pebbles.

In fact, isn't this the case in our daily life, work and study? There are many things that look like pebbles in front of us, but suddenly one day, when we need it, it turns into diamonds, and we have to regret throwing it away before.

2. A college boy once told me that in the future, I must be beautiful, and it is best to have a college degree, a villa, a Mercedes-Benz car and 1 0 million cash as a dowry, so that I can struggle less for 20 years. Some people want to "reduce the struggle for 20 years" and have a "golden finger" in their lives, so that they can "get what they want". But where is your "fighting spirit"? Is life just "reaching for tea and opening your mouth to eat"? Don't you know that life is "a series of struggles" and a life full of "high morale" is meaningful!

3. In the early years in Alaska, a young couple got married and had children after marriage. His wife died in childbirth, leaving a child. He is busy living and looking after the house. He trained a dog because no one helped to look after the children. Dogs are smart and obedient, can take care of children, can bite bottles to feed children and can raise children. One day, the master went out and asked him to take care of the children. He went to another village and couldn't come back that day because of the heavy snow. When he got home the next day, the dog immediately heard the sound and came out to see his master. He opened the door and saw blood everywhere. He looked up, there was blood on the bed and the child was gone. The dog is nearby, and its mouth is full of blood. After discovering this situation, the owner thought that the dog was sexually assaulted and ate the child. In a rage, he cut the dog's head with a knife and killed it. Then I suddenly heard the child's voice, saw him climb out from under the bed and picked him up. Although he had blood on him, he was not hurt. He's weird. I don't know what's going on. Look at the dog's body. There is no meat on his leg. There is a wolf next to him, still biting dog meat in his mouth. The dog saved the little master, but he was killed by the master by mistake. This is really the most amazing misunderstanding in the world.

Note: Misunderstandings often occur when people are ignorant, irrational, impatient, lack of thinking, unable to understand each other in many ways, self-reflective and extremely impulsive. At the beginning of misunderstanding, I always only think about each other's mistakes; So the misunderstanding will get deeper and deeper and get out of hand. If people misunderstand ignorant animals and puppies, there will be such terrible and serious consequences, and the consequences of this misunderstanding between people will be even more unimaginable.

4. Generosity: This is the story of a soldier who came back from Vietnam War. He called his parents from San Francisco and told them, "Mom and Dad, I'm back, but I have a reluctant request. I want to take a friend home. " "Of course!" They replied, "We will be glad to see it. But my son went on. But there's one thing I want to tell you first. He was seriously injured in the Vietnam War and lost an arm and a foot. Now he is desperate. I want to invite him back to live with us. " I'm sorry, son, but maybe we can help him find a place to live. The father went on to say, "Son, you don't know what you are talking about. Disabled people like him will bring a great burden to our lives. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let him ruin them like this. I suggest you go home first and forget about him. He will find his own sky. Just then, he hung up and his parents never heard from him again. A few days later, the parents got a call from the San Francisco Police Department, telling them that their dear son had fallen to his death. The police think this is just a simple suicide case. So they flew to San Francisco heartbroken and stopped under the guidance of the police? To identify his son's body. That's their son, yes, but surprisingly, the son has only one arm and one leg. The parents in the story are like most of us. It's easy to like people who look good or talk funny, but it's too difficult to like people who bring us inconvenience and unhappiness. We are always more willing to keep our distance from those who are not as healthy, beautiful and intelligent as us. However, thank God, some people are not so cruel to us. They will love us without regrets, and they will always accept us no matter how bad we are. Pray to God before you go to bed tonight, okay? Give you the strength to accept others, no matter who they are; Please help us understand those who are different from us.

There is a magical thing called "friendship", which is hidden in everyone's heart. You don't know how and when it happened, but you know it always brings us special gifts. You will also understand that friendship is the most precious gift given by God! Friends are like rare treasures. They bring laughter and inspire us to succeed. They listen to our inner words and share every compliment with us. Their hearts are always open to us. Tell your friends how much you care about them now.

5. Mentality: Father and son saw a luxurious imported car. The son disdainfully said to his father, "People who ride in this kind of car must have no knowledge in their stomachs!" "The father replied airily," People who say such things must have no money in their pockets!

The situation is different: a pig, a sheep and a cow are kept in the same corral. Once, the shepherd caught the pig, and the pig screamed loudly and resisted fiercely. Sheep and cows hate pigs barking, so they say, "He often catches us, and we don't bark. The pig replied, "catching you and catching me are two different things." He only wants your hair and milk, but catching me is killing me! 」

It is difficult for people with different positions and different environments to understand each other's feelings; Therefore, we should not gloat over the setbacks, setbacks and pains of others, but should have a feeling of care and understanding.

7. Depend on yourself: The little snail asked his mother: Why do we have to bear this hard and heavy shell at birth?

Mom: Because our bodies have no bones to support, we can only climb, but we can't climb fast. So we need the protection of this shell!

Snail: Sister Caterpillar has no bones and can't climb fast. Why doesn't she have to carry this hard and heavy shell?

Mom: Because sister caterpillar can become a butterfly, the sky will protect her.

Snail: but brother earthworm can't climb fast without bones, and he won't become a butterfly. Why doesn't he carry this hard and heavy shell?

Mom: Because Brother Earthworm can drill soil, the earth will protect him.

The little snail began to cry: we are so poor that the sky is unprotected and the land is unprotected.

Mother snail comforted him: "so we have shells!" We don't rely on the sky, we don't rely on the ground, we rely on ourselves.

8. Sharks and fish: Some people have done experiments. A fiercest shark and a group of tropical fish are put in the same pool, and then separated by tempered glass. At first, sharks kept hitting the invisible glass every day, but it was in vain. It can never cross the other side. The experimenter puts some crucian carp in the pool every day, so the shark is not short of prey, but it still wants to try the delicious taste on the other side. Every day, it keeps hitting the glass. It tried every corner and tried its best every time, but it was always scarred. It broke and bled several times for several days. Whenever the glass breaks, the experimenter immediately adds thicker glass. Later, sharks stopped hitting the glass and paying attention to colorful tropical fish, as if they were just moving the murals on the wall. It began to wait for the crucian carp that appeared every day, and then hunted with its agile instinct, as if it had returned to the sea, but all this was just an illusion. At the last stage of the experiment, the experimenter took the glass away, but the shark didn't respond. Swimming in a fixed area every day, it not only turns a blind eye to those tropical fish, but even when those crucian carp escape there, it immediately gives up chasing, indicating that it never wants to go there again. The experiment was over, and the experimenter laughed at it as the most cowardly fish in the sea.

9. Miracle: In a remote town in France, it is said that there is a particularly effective spring, and miracles often occur, which can cure various diseases. One day, a veteran who was on crutches and lost a leg limped across the street in the town. The villagers nearby gave a sympathetic kiss back and said, "Poor guy, is he going to pray to God for another leg?" This sentence was heard by veterans. He turned to them and said, "I don't want to pray to God for a new leg, but to pray? Help me know how to live without legs. 」

Imagine: learn to be grateful for the lost and accept the lost fact. Regardless of the gains and losses of life, always make your life full of light and glory, stop crying for the past and work hard for a high live and high life.

10, fishing rod: an old man was fishing by the river, and a child passed by to watch him fish. The old man is very skilled, so he soon caught a basket full of fish. Seeing that the child is cute, the old man wants to give him the whole basket of fish. The child shook his head, and the old man asked in surprise, "Why not?" "The child replied," I want the fishing rod in your hand. The old man asked, "What do you need a fishing rod for?" The child said, "This basket of fish will be finished soon. If I had a fishing rod, I could fish by myself and eat it all my life. I think you will say: What a clever boy. Wrong. If he only wants a fishing rod, he can't eat any fish. Because he doesn't know fishing skills, it's useless to have a fishing rod, because fishing is not important. People who have too many fishing skills think that with a fishing rod in their lives, they are no longer afraid of the wind and rain on the road and will inevitably fall on the muddy ground. It's like a child looking at the old man and thinking that as long as there is a fishing rod, there will be endless fish, just like a clerk looking at the boss and thinking that as long as he sits in the office, money will roll in.

ⅲ Ask God to help me make up a funny story for 2 minutes.

1. Yesterday, I dreamed that God said that he could satisfy one of my wishes. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe.

2, the woman is ugly, can't marry, and hopes to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

Twenty years ago, my father held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and my father cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The pig followed the parrot's example and said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Don't be silly, I can fly."

An old farmer was hoeing in the field, and a crow flew over and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Depend on your mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Shit! You shit and wear underpants! "

Ⅳ 2-minute humorous sketch

First, Xiaoming was dishonest when he was a child. In order to educate him, an old farmer said to him, "sixty years of hard work, no food to eat, never throwing out snot and feces."

Second, the boss and the second child flew, and the second child got airsick and kept vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up."

3. A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough. . .

4. A rich man wants a servant. The topic of the interview is going to the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands. So the rich man sent them away, and only one person washed his hands, so the rich man left him. But one day, the rich man found that he didn't wash his hands when he came out. The rich man asked him why. The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today ..."

On this day, the hotel owner is patrolling the lobby. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent it away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for a toothpick. The boss thought, why do beggars want toothpicks instead of rice now? I also gave him one to send away, not too old, and another beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to get a toothpick, too?" The beggar said, "Someone threw up and I came late. The first two beggars ate everything they could, and now there is only soup left. " Can you give me a straw?

Six, the boss and the second went to the theater to see the play. When they saw that they were arguing about the plot development halfway, they made a bet. The boss pointed to a row of spittoons in front of him and said, "The loser should take a sip of what's there." Unfortunately, the boss lost and took a sip with a frown. The two went on to bet on the next plot. This time, the second child lost. I saw the second child pick up the spittoon and swallow fifteen mouthfuls in one gulp. Surprised and envious, the boss said to the second child, "You are so amazing that you can even drink fifteen mouthfuls!" " "The second one shook his head." No, I want to drink. The sputum in that spittoon is too thick. I really can't stop biting! " "

A man saw a big sale in a shop and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog. ""where is such a rule? " "This is the case with goods on sale. "This man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this shop to buy cat food. " Give me two boxes of cat food. ""We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat. "It's the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still has to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the store with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. " What do you want? ""Just put your hand in. The salesman put his hand in: "What is this?" Very sticky. "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper. "

Eight, some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I was just the same.

Nine, Xiaomei especially likes to eat pig blood cake. Every time I see a stall selling pig blood cakes on the roadside, she will definitely buy them. One day, she saw a woman in her sixties selling on the road and went to buy food. After eating, she found that the pig blood cake was extremely delicious, so she wanted to pay her highest respects to her grandmother.

(Answer in Taiwanese) `

May: "Grandma, why does your pig blood cake smell so good?" 」

Grandma: "the materials are very expensive, and they can only be sold for a few days a month." 」

America: "Wow! Where did you get such precious materials? 」

Grandma: "Alas, mine has been used for decades, and now it's old and gone." Now it's my daughter's turn. 」

Beauty: "*&; %@」

10. For the first time, medical students wrapped their bodies in white cloth in real anatomy class. The professor began to lecture. "As a doctor, you must have two important qualities. First, you must not be afraid of nausea. " . Say that finish, the professor lifted the white cloth, inserted his finger into the body, then pulled it out and put it in his mouth to suck. "Learn to do it," he told his classmates. The students felt sick and hesitated for a long time, and finally they had to do it in turn. When the last person finished, the professor added, "The second quality is observation. I inserted my middle finger, but sucked it. Students, pay attention to observation! "

Ⅳ Urgently ask for a children's humorous story of three to two minutes!

Ask for two to three minutes to tell an interesting story.

ⅵ It takes about 2 minutes to kneel for humorous fables.

Computer vendor: Is the product satisfactory? User source: overall, it is good, but the cup holder is not strong. Computer manufacturer: shelf? Should the product have no cup holder? User: That's the one that says 52X.

The thief stole a chicken and plucked its hair by the river. When the police passed by, the thief threw the chicken into the river and explained to the police: This chicken is swimming, and I help it look after its clothes.

The patient told the doctor sadly: I drank a bottle of gasoline by mistake yesterday! Doctor: Oh, that's all right. Remember not to smoke these days.

Men are like waiters. Besides installing an operating system loyal to his wife, he should also install a lot of software to serve his wife!

The husband bought a few catties of cheap lotus root, thinking that he could show it off to his wife. Unexpectedly, his wife swore: idiot! Why not buy other dishes? This lotus root has at least half a catty of holes! Still say it's cheap?

A sign was put up at the newly built highway intersection, which read: You can arrive half an hour earlier by taking the new road, and those who can't read deserve to take the old road.

Mother disinfected the towel with boiling water, ran to the pot and asked, Mom, what's in it? Mom: This is a towel. After a little hesitation, he said, it turns out that towels can also make soup!

Do you know that?/You know what? I really want to take you out to experience the charm of KTV! Do you know what KTV is? Then k stands for you, t stands for you, and finally I'll make a V gesture!

I saw you that day, and you were sitting in the sun, so uncomfortable. I asked you what you were doing, and you smiled mysteriously: Keep your voice down, no one will call me * * * when I get tanned!

ⅶ Ask for a humorous short story of two or three minutes, which must be super funny!

Dude, this ghost joke is so classic!

There are three ghosts. One day they met God when they were shopping! They told God that they all died miserably and hoped to send them to heaven! God said helplessly, there are too many residents in the sky now, and they are all full. But there's another place! You said, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven!

So,

The first ghost began to say ...

I was a cleaner before I died. Work is very hard! Busy from morning till night!

One day, I was cleaning windows outside a building! It's the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude! On the 30th floor! Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over! I'm dying! But the survival instinct makes me scratch unconsciously! Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony on 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to climb up after I recover! Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again! I think I'm really finished now! However, my life should not be decided, and a tent caught me below. I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life! I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. Who knows, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me!

The second ghost said ...

I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful wife. Great figure! But it's just a little water. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife's hair disheveled and disheveled. There must be an adulterer. So I looked everywhere in the house, kitchen and toilet, but I couldn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing and thought: adulterer! So he patted his hand. I think, 13 floor! See if I can fall to my death! As a result, I didn't die when I looked at it! Caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched all over the house and went into the kitchen. I found that the refrigerator was big enough and threw it away. Finally smashed him to death! I'm so happy! Laughing a lot. Who knows, laughing so hard, laughing so hard!

The third ghost said ...

I was a punk before my death, but I didn't do anything wrong! One day I went to a female friend's house to hang out! Just finished, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I searched the kitchen and toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in it! I don't understand, her husband.

How did you know I was in the refrigerator? He threw it from 13 floor! I just fell to my death in my refrigerator!

ⅷ Two-minute speech-humorous jokes, fables, whatever.

On one occasion, Reagan wanted to make a radio address to the whole country. Before the official speech is about to begin, the studio staff are making final preparations. "Mr Reagan, please try stereo again. It will be officially broadcast in a few minutes. "

Reagan sat in front of the microphone and said in a solemn voice, "American citizens, I am very happy to tell you that today I signed a decree to destroy Russia." In five minutes, we will start bombing Russia. "

As soon as this sentence was finished, the studio immediately went haywire. Some people suspect that there is something wrong with the stereo, while others think that there is something wrong with the ear. A staff member asked trembling.

"Mr. President, you didn't officially announce it, did you?"

"Of course not, it's just a joke, just like 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1."

"There are two minutes left. Don't you want to try again? "

"I don't want to try."

"Please try again anyway?"

"Why?"

"Now many people in the sound room have put down their jobs and gone out to call their wives."

"What the hell happened?"

"They want to tell their families that they are going to Russia early."