What is a real job?

I don't have a work unit. I make money by selling wine myself. I will be rejected by my mother every day. The thought of their generation is stable: regardless of boys and girls, the best future is to take the civil service exam. As long as they are not civil servants and work in public institutions, they are not serious people. They are not going to do what they like, but to do stable things. The same is true of marriage. They will not be with the people they like, but with the right people with stable jobs. If they don't like it, they can hold back. Feelings can be cultivated anyway.

I don't understand. What is a real job? You don't even have a real job. When our colleagues, friends, family members and institutions heard that you didn't have a real job, they all laughed. Yes, I don't work in a public institution, but I don't steal or rob. What is wrong with me? I really want to say to my mother: What's the big deal with them? I don't want to earn such a small salary a month, but I can't say it. In my mother's mind, I-I was a child who often let her down since I was a child. Now it should make her desperate.

It is said that if parents go through years of hunger, they will have a desire for economic stability; If parents are crushed by the power class, they will pursue power; If parents go through civil servants and institutions, they will have the desire to let their children make up for their shortcomings! However, why do you want to impose your unfinished wishes on me? Think about it for so many years. After graduating from college, I went to work in Inner Mongolia and said I would go back to my hometown. Come back. At the age of 26, she said she would become an old maid if she didn't get married. I opened a cigarette shop myself, saying that it is not good to open a shop at a young age and it is out of touch with society. I opened a pub myself, saying that my children would go to school, catch up on their lessons and change careers. Start your own small business and say it's not a real job. What do you want from me? What else do you want from me? I am such an adult, I don't steal, I don't rob, I don't violate the law and discipline, I never ask for money from my family, I take care of my children and run my own small family. Who have I offended? I never asked my family what to do. Why do you ask me how I am?

My mind is in exile, but my life still follows the trajectory set by my family. I'm afraid that one day I will be unable to suppress the depression in my heart, and it will erupt completely, leading to incalculable consequences. Many questions are always spinning in my mind. Money is a naked thing. Serious work is like a spell, which binds me to death. Don't like going home. Unwilling to go home. Always saying I have a problem. Yes, I'm depressed. I have been depressed countless times in my heart, and I plan how I will die.

but

Who can I blame?

Blame myself!

I am weak and incompetent. . .