What is the best joke you have ever heard?

Someone invited a friend to dinner. When the food was served, the two began to eat and drink.

When I was eating, I suddenly frowned and my eyes were full of tears.

When his friend saw him, he asked him what was going on. Someone replied: I miss my father.

Why do you suddenly think of your father while eating?

You see, it's a pity that my father has never even tasted such delicious food in his life. Someone pointed to the dish of mustard spinach and said.

My friend thought the food must be delicious, so he put a chopstick in his mouth.

I didn't expect my friend to burst into tears and even his face was deformed.

Someone saw it and asked, brother, why are you crying when you are eating well?

I miss your dad, too.

You don't know him. What do you want from him?

I wonder how your father gave birth to something like you.

A young couple who just got married soon, because his wife's company asked her to go to the United States on business, his wife came back and told her husband:

Honey. I'm going to America on business. Do you want me to come back and bring you some authentic American specialties?

The husband thought for a moment and replied, I'm afraid I said you don't agree.

The wife said, dear! As long as I can do it, I will definitely meet your requirements.

The husband smiled cunningly and said, then come back and help me bring back an authentic American girl! Can you do it?

The wife didn't answer: she just smiled sweetly at her husband!

A month later, his wife returned to China, and her husband asked, I asked you to bring me an authentic American girl. Did you bring it?

The wife said, look, I'm worried about you. I brought her back.

The husband asks urgently: Where is the girl? I didn't see it.

The wife patted her belly and said, it's in my belly!

Let me tell you a vulgar joke. I know all the old drivers. If you really don't understand, you can ask me!

The three brothers traveled abroad, traveled independently, and booked hotels late at night, with only one big bed room.

Think about it, three brothers Are they all men or brothers? Sleep in a bed!

The boss sleeps in the middle, and the second child is around the third child.

The next morning, the boss woke up and turned to ask the second child, Brother, did you dream last night?

The second child's face turned red: Oh, I dreamed last night that I was with a beautiful woman. That's cool!

The boss turned to the third one and asked, Brother, have you ever had a dream?

The third child blushed: I had the same dream as the second brother, dreaming of being with a beautiful woman!

The second child and the third child asked the boss together: Brother, did you dream?

Boss: I dreamed that I skied!

Xiaohua took her female colleague out of the company and happened to meet her neighbor, Uncle Zhang.

Grandpa: Xiaohua, your girlfriend is really beautiful!

The girl smiled shyly and wriggled.

Xiaohua: Uncle Zhang, this is not my girlfriend, this is my colleague!

Grandpa continued: This girl is really handsome. Is she twenty?

The girl was even more embarrassed, blushing shyly, twisting to one side and not talking.

Xiaohua smiled and explained: Uncle Zhang, you can't ask this casually. Go do your thing. I'll see you again when I have time!

Grandpa left with a smile.

Xiaohua turned her head and asked the girl, do you have twenty?

The girl smiled more shyly and said, damn it, don't you know I have twenty?

Xiaohua said inexplicably, how do I know if you have twenty? Don't slow down, I'm in a hurry to take a taxi.

The girl suddenly changed her face, took out 20 yuan from her wallet and left it to Xiaohua, muttering: mental derangement!

Xiaohua looked innocent and said angrily, if you have twenty, you will have twenty. What a cow! You're crazy!

Ha ha ha ha ha. . . . .

Just the one I saw these days.

In ancient times, there was an old couple whose family was very poor. One night, when I was sleeping, I forgot to close the door. The old lady told the old man to go out and shut the door. The old man said there was nothing valuable at home. What's the difference between closing the door or not?

At midnight, a thief came in The thief searched the old couple's house for a long time and found nothing. In the old couple's sleeping room, there is a small table with a rice jar under it. The thief reached into the rice jar and found that there was still a little rice in it. But the thief didn't bring any cloth bags. What are we doing? The thief had a brainwave. He put a new cotton-padded jacket stolen the day before yesterday on the ground and turned to move the rice jar. He wants to pour the rice in the rice jar on the cotton nest so that he can lift the four corners of the cotton-padded jacket and take the rice home.

The old man woke up before the thief came in. He looked around when he saw the thief sneaking around. When the thief turned to move the rice jar to pour rice, the old man lay on the edge of the bed, gently picked up the thief's cotton-padded jacket from the ground and put it on the pillow.

The thief poured the rice on the ground where the cotton-padded jacket was placed, leaned over and lifted the four corners of the cotton-padded jacket, put the rice in his pocket and left. But he felt around, only touched a pile of rice, but did not touch the cotton-padded jacket. In desperation, the thief whispered, "Alas! Why didn't you find my cotton-padded jacket? " It was not loud, but it was still heard by the sleeping old lady. The old lady pushed the old man sleeping next to her and asked if there was anyone talking in the room just now. Are there thieves at home? The old man said calmly, "No thief, no thief." The thief was very angry when he heard this sentence. He shouted at the old man, "Why are there no thieves?" How come there are no thieves? There are no thieves. What about my cotton-padded jacket? "

Laughing me to death.

One day, two construction workers were working together. A said, "Have a rest.

Well, long time no see! "Then A said," Here is a bucket of instant noodles. Eat quickly. It will expire in one day!

B sat down beside him and said, "We work like this, so hard, too."

You can't make much money. When will it end? "

A said, whatever you want to do, do something big. I met a friend the day before yesterday, and he said yes.

Good projects can be done.

B said: what project?

A said: Building the Great Wall!

B said, can we do the work?

A said: there is a better project, that is, to install elevators on Mount Everest!

B said, is that okay?

A said: No, then choose the best one and build a fence for the Pacific Ocean!

B: Thank you. . . . .

I heard it when I was a kid.

One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf. The priest hit the first ball. Bang, the ball is crooked. He scolded, "Fuck me, it's crooked."

The nun was very angry. He said seriously, "as a priest, how can you swear?" This is ungodly's. If you do this again, God will punish you. "

The priest stopped listening and regretted it very much, praying that he would never swear again.

Then he hit the second ball, and with a bang, the ball was crooked again. The priest couldn't hold back and scolded, "tm, it's crooked again."

The nun was very angry. "Why are you cursing again? Aren't you afraid that my God will punish you? " The priest regretted it very much and repeatedly said that he would never swear again.

Then the priest hit the third ball, and bang, the ball was crooked. The priest was furious and swore: "tm, why is it always crooked!" " "

At this time, the sky was overcast, and a flash of lightning fell from the sky, slamming the nun on the ground. When the priest saw it, he shouted, "God, I made a slip of the tongue and called names. If you want to divide me, why not divide a nun! " "

At this time, a majestic old voice sounded in the sky: "tm, how could I miss it!" "

I've been referring to this joke all my life. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Thank you for inviting me. The most awesome joke I have ever heard is that a couple gave birth to six babies, three girls and three boys. All three girls are beautiful, and her mother named them.

The name of this big girl is Xing.

The second girl is Yu.

Three girls are called cicadas.

What her mother means is that it is a kind of luck to be together and meet together. Cicada is on the camel.

Boy.

The big one is called the eye.

The second dragon.

Lao San saved the stick.

I was amused when I heard these names. This is just before. But it's not called that anymore.

Now people want to give their children the most meaningful names. If you get a good name, you will have a bright future. thank you

I happen to have one in my mobile phone, which is my recent joke.