I am urgently looking for lines for the 2013 Spring Festival Gala skit, "Little Things in a Big City"!

1. Funny lines from the skit "Jump If You Want"

Li Yong: "Are you still used to this retirement life?"

Cai Ming: "Let you Are you used to having a shorter face?"

Lao Bi: "Happy retirement, Auntie."

Cai Ming: "Who cares, you still pretend to be cute with your face full of wrinkles."< /p>

Young man: "I'm just next to you, no matter what, I'm next to you, I love you, I love you."

Cai Ming: "You heard me, girl"

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The girl said to the young man: "You have really strong taste."

Pan Changjiang: "I am an adult"

Cai Ming: "A disaster for adults"

Pan Changjiang: "You old lady is harder to serve than Cixi."

Cai Ming: "Have you ever served Cixi?!"

Seven Snow Whites and a Dwarf , that’s not a fairy tale, that’s a horror movie.

Pan Changjiang: "My stage name is Little Top."

Cai Ming: "No wonder I really want to whip you."

Cai Ming: "This is me You can’t jump on my territory.”

Pan Changjiang: “According to what you say, this is still my territory.”

Cai Ming: “Your territory? Where are you wired?” Is there a mark on the bottom of the pole?”

Cai Ming: “You’re so disgusting as to open the door to disgust.”

Cai Ming: “Oh my god. , that's a potato stuck on a bamboo pole."

Cai Ming: "You are a thousand-year-old fox, why are you acting like a fairy tale with me?"

Cai Ming: "Life lies in stillness. Look how many years the bastard has lived."

Cai Ming: "People like you have stood up even if they haven't stood up yet. What reason do I have for not standing up again?"

Cai Ming: Aren’t you single too?

Pan Changjiang: How do you know?

Cai Ming: Look at your appearance.

2. Lines from "It's not my fault"

The three obediences and four virtues of women in the new era: "The three obediences: never considerate, never gentle. The four virtues: never unreasonable, never unreasonable , can’t be beaten, can’t be scolded, can’t be offended.”

Don’t you women all like bad men?

Yes, we women like bad men, but we don’t like men who are too arrogant.

People’s rice bowls are pure gold, pure gold rice bowls. Other people's toilets are made of pure gold. Have you ever used a pure gold toilet?

I'm afraid of using it.

How can you mix it with water? There is water in the toilet.

I love soup. . .

The east and west are on the Northeast Sixth Ring Road, and my family lives on the Southwest Fifth Ring Road. Going to work every day is like studying.

3. Funny lines from the skit "Little Things in the Big City"

"You have to give them what they need."

"Oh, specializing in all kinds of things "Massage and health care, emotional care." "Brother, do all Communication University of China publish small advertisements like us?"

"Are you stupid? Communication University can publish small advertisements like ours. They design small advertisements."

"Hey, property management, parking in this community Your design is so unreasonable. The space between the parking spaces is so narrow, and the car doors are so close to each other. It’s so inconvenient. Fortunately, I don’t have a car.”

"Also, you should correct the problems I raise with your property management in a timely manner in the future. I also want to improve the quality of our entire community. If the quality of your community cannot improve, the owners will feel uncomfortable living there. Fortunately, I don't Live in your community..."

"Oh my God, buy Gaquan."

"I told your company very clearly. Handsome, handsome, tall, mighty, and handsome.

But your image cleverly avoids these adjectives."

"Look at your appearance. It looks like a joke..."

"Although your image is not very good, at least the aesthetics are not wrong."

" , it mainly depends on whether the wall is flat or not?"

"Eh.

”

“Do you have any video materials? ”

“Video information. . . There should be community surveillance there. . . "

4. Hilarious lines from "You're in trouble"

Security guard: "This place I'm guarding is an office building, and everyone in this building can write." ”

Mr. Zhao: “You are new here today. ”

Security: “I’m not new here today, I’m new here yesterday.” . . ”

Mr. Zhao: “Let me tell you, I am troubled today. "

Security: "I'm very happy today. . . ”

Mr. Zhao: “Aren’t you just a janitor?” ”

Security: “I am just a janitor, and I am proud.” "

The money giver: "Who is the eldest sister, my man?"

The security guard: "Your man, alas, you are a fake. . . ”

The person who gave the money: “hate”

The security guard: “You are very rich, right?”

The person who gave the money: “You are very rich to me. My box is full of money. ”

Security guard: “Let me tell you, with all your money you can win over a corrupt official, but you can’t win over an upright security guard.” ”

The money giver: “You will cause trouble, you will cause big trouble”

Security guard: “This is your company’s slogan, right?” ”

Security guard: “You haven’t seen Mr. Zhao. He is very manic.” ”

Security: “Let me ask you, Mr. Zhao, if you owe money to migrant workers.” You've caused trouble, you've caused big trouble. ”

Mr. Zhao: “Did you bring the money?” "

Sent money: "I brought it, it's all in the bag. ”

Mr. Zhao said to the security guard: “Come here and I’ll tell you something.” ”

Security: “You don’t need to bribe me. Anti-corruption starts with security.” . . ”

Mr. Zhao: “Let me tell you, you will be held legally responsible for spreading rumors and defamation. ”

Security guard: “I’m not afraid. Let’s see who goes in first. Who do you think you are? Do you think you can afford not to repay your debts if you have money? Do you think you have the right to do so?” Are you greedy for the country's money? Do you think that if you have four household registration books, you can control the housing supply? Two words for you: Finished. ”

Security guard: “Auntie, how can you still trust her? If she can give you money, I will call her grandma.” ”

Mr. Zhao: “I’ve given it, call me grandma.” . . ”

The money giver: “Sister, you are such a man.” ”

Security guard: “I’m in trouble, I’m in big trouble.” ”

Mr. Zhao: “You want to abscond?” ”

Security: “I have no funds.” ”

Security: “What am I doing in your company?” ”

Mr. Zhao: “Look at the warehouse and keep it for safekeeping.” ”

Security: “Oh, the security will keep it safe and sound.” . . "

5. Funny lines from "Today's Happiness 2"

Boss: "Hao Jian, look at this, should we both go to bed?"

Hao Jian: "This happened when did we sleep together?" ”

Boss: “Let me tell you the truth, I won’t keep you tonight.” "

Hao Jian: "You kept me that night. "

Hao Jian: "Ex-husband, you have a hat on your head. ”

Boss: “Xiao Xiaojian, in front of your ex-husband, please stop hugging me.” ”

Ex-husband: “Only your feet know whether these shoes fit or not.” ”

Hao Jian: “Then I know with one foot and not with the other.” ”

Ex-husband: “Oh, I advise you to be defeated by his naivety. ”

Hao Jian: “What defeats you is not your naivety, but your lack of shoes.” "

Boss: "Xiao Jian, come play golf with me tomorrow. ”

Hao Jian: “What are you doing tomorrow? Your name is Wolf!” "

Hao Jian's wife "I am Hao Jian's wife, Jian Nei. "

6. Guo Degang, a classic line from Yu Qian's "The Prodigal Son"

Guo Degang: "Your IQ balance is obviously insufficient, so please recharge it." ”

Guo Degang: “We were poor in those days, and we didn’t even have anything to cover us when sleeping, just a Band-Aid. "

Guo Degang: "My second uncle is in the unit. He is the chairman, general manager, finance minister and security captain. "

Yu Qian: "How come you are also the security captain? ”

Guo Degang: “I’ll beat anyone who raises an opinion.”

"

Guo Degang: "It is better to make instant noodles with others than to make things convenient for them. ”

Guo Degang: “Buy two washing machines, one for washing and one for spinning.” ”

Guo Degang: “If you buy a TV, buy 40 TVs.” Each channel is adjusted and a station is set up, and a wall is set up. Sitting in the room feels like sitting in an electronics city. On New Year's Eve, all tunes are set to Central One, and tonight there is Guo Degang. "

Guo Degang: "Eat Cordyceps sinensis, grind it into powder and make porridge to drink"

Guo Degang: "Teacher Yu has a younger sister, a half-sister. She lives in Nanjizhou and is a princess, Princess Ayi. If you insist on marrying me, this is called submissive marriage. Do you know what submissive means? Just won't let it be sold. ”

Guo Degang: “A couplet written by Qianlong himself: A drop of wine for the driver, two lines of tears for the relatives. ”

7. Feng Gong Guo Donglin’s hilarious lines in “Hand in Hand”

Feng Gong: “The beauty didn’t come, but here came an energy-saving lamp.” ”

Guo Donglin: “This is not an energy-saving lamp. Treasure appraisal experts have said that this is a luminous pearl.” ”

Feng Gong: “My little frog goes shopping on the street – traveling green. "

Feng Gong: "I called him Master, but Monk Tang didn't even move. What's the matter with your second senior brother?" ”

“Master, my car can’t start.” ”

Feng Gong: “If you can’t make a fire, go to him. He’ll use a lighter.” "

Guo Donglin: "My parents are so beautiful. "

Feng Gong: "She is beautiful because you set her off in front of her. Xu Fan is very beautiful, and behind him is Feng Xiaogang. ”

“Wu Dalang dances on horseback, you think you are Uncle Bird.” "

Feng Gong: "Oh brother, you have to do your essential work well in the future and don't touch senior brother's things all the time. ”

Guo Donglin: “My master was ill, and many people donated money. One girl in particular flew here from Guangzhou, dropped 50 yuan and flew back.” ”

Feng Gong: “Then just call us and it’s over.” ”

Guo Donglin: “I am a stewardess”.

“My eyes are like lamps”

Feng Gong: “Your eyes are like Dong Qing”

< p>"My face is like a washbasin"

Feng Gong: "Your face is like Coco Lee"

"My nose is like a bean bag"

Feng Gong: "My nose is like Zhou Tao"

"My mouth is like a city gate"

Feng Gong: "My mouth is like Yao Chen. Yao Chen's little mouth is not much smaller than a city gate. . . ”