Joke, hurry

These are all jokes I collected. I hope you like them!

One day in the big forest, the fox was smoking marijuana. At this moment, the little rabbit came from a distance and saw all this. He came over and said, Fox, how can you smoke marijuana? It's bad for your health. Look, how fresh the air is. Come and run with me. The fox thought it was right, so he ran and ran with the rabbit. They saw the elephant smoking heroin. The rabbit ran over to the elephant and said, Elephant, elephant, why are you taking drugs? Look at how fresh the air is. Run with me. Elephants are right to want to come, just the two of them running together. Running and running, I saw the lion roll up his sleeves and was about to inject heroin. Little rabbit shouted at the lion from a distance: Lion, lion, drug abuse is not good for your health. Look at how fresh the air is. Run with me ... I saw the lion put down the syringe and rushed over and beat the little rabbit crazy. The elephant said to the lion trembling: Why did you hit the little rabbit? He didn't want us to hurt his health! The lion said: since the rabbit ate ecstasy, he has let me run with him every day!

which one is dumb, the star, the moon and the sun? Stars, because there is a saying in Lu Binghua's song that the stars in the sky don't talk

In summer, a giraffe met a rabbit, and she proudly showed off her neck to the rabbit: Ah, little rabbit, do you know how good it is to have a long neck? Do you know how fresh and sweet the leaves at the top are? Do you know the feeling of drinking water in summer? The refreshing water slowly passed through her neck. The rabbit looked at her and only said, "Have you tried to vomit? "

42. Once my brother hit me and hit me with a bag on my head. Later, my brother wanted to pack things, but he couldn't find the bag, so he took the bag on my head to hold things.

43. Once upon a time, a marshmallow went to play ball for a long time. He said, I'm so tired. I think I'm all soft.

44. Once upon a time, there were two snowmen. One snowman said, I'm cold, the other said, I'm cold, too. The other said, Let's hug each other, so they hugged each other. Then they died of cold.

1. A BEAR came/prepared (Bear came)

2. The eleventh book/Unbelievable (BOOK11)

4. Xiaoyu told Xiaoming that her father was impotent/unable to stop (Jade dad couldn't)

5. The sheep stopped breathing/held its head high (the sheep didn't breathe). Never forgets anything (crossing a tree does not make you cry)

8. Bees stop on the calendar/It's sunny and sunny (bees and calendars)

1. Painters like to draw thick ropes rather than thin ones/they are fascinated (thick ropes are painted)

13. There are ten sheep, nine of whom are squatting in the sheepfold and one is squatting in the pigsty/cadence (. The eagle answered the PHONE and said, "Hello"/Yang Feng Ying "Hello")

15. Turn the hat over when it is dirty/put it on when it is dirty.

16. Ten men watch five women take a bath/be colorful.

17. Who doesn't have a phone? /perfect phone)

18. Who knows birds best? /A bird frightened by a bow knows a bird

22. How to make a sparrow quiet? /press it (silence the sparrow)

23. What kind of snake has many mouths? /talking (snake)

25. What medicine is not poisonous? /yam

26. Why is "seven up and eight down"/seven above eight? Because eight is below seven

27. Which snake has the strongest vitality? /three-inch golden tongue (snake)

28. Why is the iceberg only a tip? /The other corner was broken by Titanic

1. The little penguin asked his grandmother one day, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's the matter?" "But, but why do I feel so cold?"

2. It is said that there is a polar bear, because the snow is too dazzling, he has to wear sunglasses to see things, but he can't find sunglasses, so he crawls around on the ground with his eyes closed, crawling and crawling until his hands and feet are dirty. Put on sunglasses and look in the mirror, only to find out: Oh, I'm a panda

3. Xiao Bai, Xiao Huang and Xiao Lan take a long-distance bus, who will get carsick? (White rabbit, dusk)

4. Xiaobai+Xiaobai =? A: White Rabbit (Little White TWO)

5. What animal is the easiest to fall? Fox, because he is the most cunning

6. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly refused it. The spider asked: Why? This is why! Butterfly said: My mother said that people who hang out on the Internet all day are not good people. < P > 7. One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: Dad, am I a stupid child? Dad said: silly child, how can you be a silly child?

8. One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand at the edge of the valley and shout what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to have a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! Woman! " The next jump is really full of beautiful women waiting for him.

The second one is a bookworm, shouting "Books, Books, Books!" " Then, jump into the valley and get books full of pits and valleys.

The third one is an indecisive person, who can't decide his favorite. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful, so he went to the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded "shit!" Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley

9. What about Xiaoming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV at night.

Xiaoming's mother asks anxiously: Have you finished all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming readily replied, Mom, I finished reading it.

Xiao Ming's mother happily praised Xiao Ming: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming cried and said: Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'.

1. The panda loves the deer deeply, but it is rejected when expressing its love. Panda roar ~ Why? What's all this for? The deer said timidly: My mother said that all the people wearing sunglasses are bad teenagers

11. One day Xiaoming was walking on the road! I suddenly feel sore when I walk! Why is this happening? Because Xiaoming stepped on a lemon!

12. which Chinese character is the coolest? G-string (cool).

13. One day, a university teacher asked a student, there were ten birds in the tree, and one was shot and killed. How many were left?

The student asks: Is it silent pistol? No, how loud was the shot? 8-1 decibels Is it illegal to shoot birds in this city? No offense. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Sure. At this time, the teacher was impatient: "just tell me how many birds are left, OK?" Are there any deaf birds in the tree? No. Have you ever been caged and hung from a tree? No. Are there any other trees nearby? Are there any other birds on the trees? No. If a bird is pregnant, does it count as a bird in its belly? Not really. Do people who shoot birds have flowers in their eyes? No flowers, just ten. The teacher was sweating all over, and the bell rang, but the students continued to ask: Are there any birds that are too stupid to be afraid of death? Are afraid of death. Will you kill two with one shot? No. The student said confidently, if your answer is not deceptive, "If the killed bird hangs on the tree and doesn't fall, then there is only one left. If it falls, there is no one left." The teacher immediately foaming at the mouth fell to the ground!

14. One day, someone passed a crossroads and found a super scary thing. He found Sesshomaru and Sanzang laughing! A long time ago, one night, there were three shrimps in the p>15. Hahaha, a female ghost farted and died.

16. There was a fat man who jumped from a tall building and turned into a dead fat man.

17. A pothole was crossing the road, but he was accidentally crushed by a truck. When he was dying, he looked at his body. He said, "So I am stuffed with bean paste, not meat."

18. Little snake asked Brother Snake in a panic .. "Brother, are we poisonous?" The serpent said, "Why do you ask?" The snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now."

19. Two people fell into a trap. The dead are called dead, but what are the living? Call for help.

2. Once upon a time, there was a swordsman. He was very cold, his heart was very cold, and his sword was very cold. At last, he died of cold.

21. A deer ran faster and faster on the road, and it became an expressway.

22. There was a tomato that was smashed by a stone, another tomato snapped and smashed, and another tomato. Ketchup

23. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: depend, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

24. I am very distressed that I haven't received your message for a long time. I thought of death, and I used potato chips to cut my pulse; Hit your head with tofu; Jump over the building with a parachute; Hanging with noodles. But none of them died, so you can treat me to dinner and support me to death.

25. An ant happened to pass by when the elephant put its shit in the middle of the road. It looked up at the misty peak and couldn't help singing: Yalaso, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

26. Don't worry when you don't bring paper when you are near the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry when you go to the toilet by the river without paper, the frog will tell you: stick scraping, stick scraping, stick scraping!

27. Two counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to take them to a remote mountainous area to spend. When they took a sugar-coated haws bought by 15 yuan from 1 yuan, they cried, and the farmers gave them two 7-piece ones.

28. Your life portrayal: at the age of ten, learn to take a bath by yourself, and the pig cleans itself; At the age of 2, I am radiant, and when I am a pig, I am Mao; Find a job at the age of 3, and start a career as a pig; At the age of forty, I hired a servant, and the pig got a servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of fifty!

29. A man climbed the wall out of the school and was caught by the headmaster. The headmaster asked: Why don't you go through the school gate? Answer: Metersbonwe Bang Wei, don't take the usual road. The headmaster asked again: how did such a high wall get over? He pointed to his trousers and said, Li Ning, anything is possible.

The headmaster asked again: What's it like to climb over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said, Xtep, it feels like flying. The next day he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked, Why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume, and the principal said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said: You are what you wear, Senma clothing. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school, and the principal said that he could not wear a vest to school. He said, men, it is good to be simple, and they love fort clothes. The headmaster said I'd give you a bigger score. He said: Why? The headmaster said, M-Zone, my site is my decision.

3 Life is really boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed 4, yuan from me and said that he was going to have a plastic surgery.

As a result, he has no idea what he has become. Oh, 4, yuan.

31. Notice to robbers: Our staff only know Spanish. Please be patient when robbing, and it is best to bring an interpreter. Thank you!

32. Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you have to throw stones at my head!

33. I think I should lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually spilled 1 ml of lard.

34. Tourist: Master, is that straw house over there a toilet? Monk: Except that thatched house, all the other places are toilets.

35. Hair is gone, and dandruff is more outstanding!

36. We should keep quiet when listening to the sermon in the church. It is impolite to disturb others' sleep.

37. I signed up for a weight-loss training class yesterday, and they asked me to wear loose clothes during training. How dare you? If there are still loose clothes, then why am I signing up?

38. My wife and I haven't spoken for 18 months, so I have no chance to interrupt her.

39. Thief A: Count how much money was robbed today? Thief B: No, just read the newspaper tomorrow.

4. Stand higher and pee farther

41. Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

42. Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let them find it.

43. One night, when a young woman passed a mental hospital, suddenly there was a "wow" behind her. The woman turned her head and saw a naked man running after her. The woman started to run in fear, and the man behind her gave chase. No, there is a dead end ahead. The woman is desperate, kneeling on the ground and crying and pleading, "Do whatever you want, just don't kill me." The man smiled cunningly and said, "Really? Then now you start chasing me. "

44. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

45. if a tiger doesn't send a cat, you think I'm dying!

46. One person in our dormitory drank too much, so he had to pee, and then he brought out a cold remark: If he drank too much, there would be a lot of wine.

47. I went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister, and my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes a catty?"

51. In the past, others came to my aunt's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt had to go to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" "

52. When I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In a hurry, I got up and shouted: You are talking nonsense, I'm not stupid! I spit on your face

53. When I was a child, popsicles and ice creams were usually sold by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: The new ice cream is hot. (It is estimated that my aunt used to sell fried dough sticks.)

54. My colleague argued with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "

55. Once in ktv, I ordered a song and shouted," Give me a song of "Double Jielun" with a stick cut every week.

First, when I was a child, I was dishonest when I was eating. An old farmer told me to educate me, "It was hard in 6 years, I didn't have food, and I never threw out my nose excrement.

Second, there was a rich man looking for a servant and had an interview. The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today ..."

Third, a man saw a store having a big sale and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man had been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still disagreed.