A collection of classic funny dialogue jokes

1. A passenger arrives at a place for the first time and takes a bus to a strange place. He stands next to the driver and asks, "Have you arrived at such and such station?" Answer: No. After ten minutes, he asked again: Have we arrived? He replied: No. The passenger asked all the way, but the driver kept answering no. Finally, when he arrived at the terminal, he asked: Why did he stop? Answer: We arrived at the station. Question: I said a certain station. Answer: I didn’t hear you. I just heard you keep asking if it was the station.

2. I went to the bus station to see off my classmates. After leaving, I called and asked: Have you gotten on the bus? The answer was: Immediately. After a while, my classmates got on the bus and called again. When asked: Have you gotten on the bus? I replied, Yes. Asked: Have you brought all your luggage? He replied: Oops, I forgot what you asked me to bring.

3. A friend from the countryside came to the city and didn’t know where to buy cigarettes. He asked a friend, and the friend told him about a cigarette hotel. Generally, cigarettes are sold in places that sell alcohol. Not long after the friend left, he came to a hotel. , Excuse me, is there Greater China? No, is there Double Happiness? No, Yellow Crane Tower? No, I'm depressed, I don't have any cigarettes, why should I open a hotel?

4. I was queuing up to get a rice bowl in the cafeteria after work today. When I waited for the classmate in front of me, it happened to be gone. I could only eat the set meal. My classmate was disappointed. It was really tragic. When I arrived, it was gone. I received it. What’s even more tragic is that I’m not the one in front of you. After a while, I went to eat and found that the food of my classmates who had directly ordered set meals elsewhere was much better. Then he added: Tragedy of tragedies. When I was eating, I found that other people’s food was better than my own. The one I got after a long time is much better.

5. The mother bought a dozen quail eggs for her three-year-old son and said: "Son, eat the eggs quickly!" The son said in surprise: "Mom is stupid, buy such small eggs?" This is not an egg, this is a quail egg, the egg of a small bird." He saw his son running quickly in the yard and running in circles with his arms spread out. The father asked in confusion: "What are you doing?" "I'm taking off? , go to the sky with my mother to buy bird eggs."

6. One day a colleague said: I want to block Tianya. I asked: Why? She said: Because everything is closed, I can stay inside.

7. Rural people say that when going to the toilet, they say Shangmao. One day, when a master came out of the toilet, a child happened to see it. The child said: Shangmao . The uncle was very angry: I went to the toilet and you said I was stupid

8. The woman asked: "Do you love me?" The man replied: "Yes!" The woman asked: "Are you willing to die for me? ?" The man replied: "No!" The woman said angrily: "You will be sad if I die! So I would rather you die first!"

9. Question: What will you do if you drink six bottles of beer? Answer: Ask the waiter to bring another bottle.

10. The slogan says: "Without buying and selling, there is no killing." But I want to say: "Without buying and selling, there is no world."

11. Question: A man on the street If I bump into you and say "I am Ronaldo" to you, how will you react? Answer: Bump him back. From now on, you can tell my friends that I even hit Ronaldo!

12. Once I went to a shopping mall to buy silver jewelry. When I arrived at the counter, there was no salesperson, so I asked the salesperson at the counter next to me: "Is the salesperson here?" I saw the man shouting to the back: " The money seller is out to pick up customers. ’

13. Man: (online chat) If we are destined to meet, can I hold your hand? Woman: OK? Man: How about I give you a bouquet of roses when we meet? Woman: I will be very happy. Man: I will take action to love you well from now on, okay? Woman: That’s great, you’re sensible, son. male:. ． ． ． ． ．

14. Someone invited a deaf man and a blind man to watch a play. After watching it, he asked them how they felt. The deaf man said: "It's very good, but there is no sound." The blind man said: "I was anxious waiting. Not released."

15. Man: "I love you like a mouse loves rice! Will you marry me?" Woman: "Even if I am a grain of rice, I am not willing to let a mouse ruin my reputation! You Dream on! ”

16. [Confession] Male: ××, I like you! Woman: What? Exercise? Man: Seriously, I like you! Woman: Don’t be ridiculous. There is no scenery in a familiar place. We are too familiar with each other to create sparks. Man: I’m serious, I love you! The woman looked at him and remained silent. Man: Marry me, ××! Woman: Damn it, why did you just say it now? I've been waiting for you for a long time. Hurry up and buy a diamond ring!

17. After going to the West to learn the scriptures, Zhu Bajie passed by Gao Laozhuang. In order to find out Miss Gao’s thoughts, he left a message on the door: You, Brother Zhu, have become famous in the West to learn the scriptures. I want to renew our good relationship with you. The next day I saw a reply at the door: My sister Gao went east to study for a long time with her heart set on her own destiny, but it will be difficult to reunite again. Bajie sighed: It's going to rain and my mother wants to get married, so let her go.

18. Two sisters quarreled. "KFC!" "Humph, you had an argument and you still want me to take you to KFC? No way!!" "Tch! I'm talking about kao! *** !cao!"

19. Junior year One night after self-study, I thought it was my roommate who walked in front and kicked me hard and said, "You guys are here for self-study?" The man rubbed his penis and said pitifully: "Yes." When he was about to apologize, the man said, "I'm sorry, I won't dare to do it next time as a freshman."

20. I was bored and making phone calls at home, and suddenly I heard a voice: "Come to my house, there is no one." "I said excitedly, "Is there really no one here? ..." I hung up the phone, but no one answered the door.

21. In a certain inpatient ward, the nurse saw a patient drinking, so she walked over and whispered to him: "Be careful!" The patient smiled and replied: "Baby."

22. The female teacher’s pants were unzipped during the lecture! A female classmate stood up and reminded the teacher: Teacher, you have not closed the door! The teacher waved his hand and said: Ignore it, the dean will come to visit the place later. Hee hee hee. . . . .

23. Male: In a man’s world, if you catch a man’s stomach, love will be happy. Woman: Then I will be your stomach. Without me, you will starve to death. Female:...

24. Waiter: "Sister, this dress is very expensive. Please don't touch it casually." I was very angry after hearing this: "Little sister, you seem to be He’s not very rich, otherwise why would he be selling things here and there?”

25. Male: Apart from heart, there is love. Woman: Then I will be your heart. Without me, you will die. Man: Speechless...

26. Screwcap and Screwbolt communicated on their wedding night. The groom of Screwcap said: After so many years of running-in, I finally caught you. The screw-bolted bride said: Forget it, it’s not that I tightened the bolt tightly, you still have to run away.

27. One day, a lady went to have her fortune told. Later, the fortune teller said to the lady: Your fortune is not good. The lady said: "Why"? The fortune teller said: You have a bad omen. The lady then said: Can I take off my bra? The fortune teller said: No, as soon as you take off your bra, two *** in your life will appear!

28. A young couple was deeply in love and about to get married. The girl asked the young man: "Is your family rich?" The young man replied: "Yes!". So the two of them received their certificates. After the marriage, the girl discovered that the young man was stingy, so she asked the young man again: "Didn't you say that your family is rich?" "Yes, but not many!"

29. A mental patient was writing something. The hospital director walked up to him and asked: "What are you writing?" Patient: "Write a letter!" Director: "Who are you writing to?" Patient: "Writing to myself!" Dean: "What is it written for?" Patient: "You pig, how can I know what is written even if I haven't received it?"

30. Female: Do you think our long-distance love will last? Man: Two wall flowers, morning and evening, they will be connected. Woman: So will you cheat? Man: If the person is not here, the swallow will return in the sky, and it will be a bad time.

Female...

31. We went to the market to buy sneakers together. The shoes were very cheap. The classmate was very happy and asked the boss: "Boss, your sneakers are so cheap, how long can they be worn?" ?” The boss replied: “If you don’t play football, it’s okay to wear it for a week.” . .

32. During the mechanical design defense, student Z was confused by the teacher’s questions while holding the drawings. Finally, the instructor became anxious and said: Classmate, as long as you tell me something you really understand about this design, I will let you pass.

33. My graduation project was about the toxicity of copper ions and zinc ions to the Chinese giant toad. Then during my defense, the teacher asked you what is the difference between this and the previous classmate. I answered: He is a tadpole and I am a toad.

34. Once the leadership inspected the recess exercises. After the end of the class, the physical education teacher should have announced the "dismissal". But the physical education teacher got nervous and forgot his words. After holding it in for a long time, he shouted: "Retreat!"

35. A buddy gave his undergraduate defense. In order to highlight the importance of his research, the first sentence he said on stage was: The finite element method is obsolete. The row above is all professors studying finite element. So this guy was tortured for a whole day!

36. There was a student in our class who was very angry during his defense. The teacher asked him how the buzzer sounded. He thought for a long time, blushed for some reason, and then mustered up the courage to answer: Ding!

37. On the evening of Valentine’s Day, my husband bathed my 20-year-old daughter. As soon as she put her in the bathtub, my daughter shouted: Mom, look, daddy is picking up girls... Go back to m to watch the hilarious Valentine’s Day pick-up with girls and real people. Things, the last one will definitely make you laugh

38. The girl went on a date with her boyfriend in the park on Valentine's Day. Woman: It’s so cold. I forgot to wear a coat. The boyfriend tightened his coat, retracted his neck into the collar and said: Fortunately I wore it, otherwise I would have frozen to death like you.

39. A government official celebrated his birthday. When his officials heard that he was born in the year of the rat, they collected some gold, made a rat, and gave it to him as a birthday gift. When the official saw it, he said happily: "Do you know? My wife's birthday is coming soon. My wife is born in the year of the Ox."

40. My friend's face is a bit long. One time I was sitting across from him during a meal, and I told him that when I saw your face, I thought of something, and he followed up by saying: Don't say such disgusting things while eating!

41. One day, the teacher was in class. Suddenly a cat barked outside and kept making a sound. The teacher was very angry and said, "I'm so annoyed. What's the cat's name?" A classmate replied: Today is Valentine's Day...

42. I miss you so much that I go crazy, my mind is filled with your image. Sister Furong, Sister Feng and Xiao Yueyue all see you as you. I won't wish you any more. You, the Spring Festival is almost over, and the blessings are here. I wish you happiness and happiness in the Year of the Rabbit!

43. A psychology professor said to the host of the meeting: If you want the women attending the meeting to quiet down immediately, just ask them a question: Ladies, which one of you is the oldest? The venue immediately became silent.

44. If you’re my husband, listen carefully: I’ll tell you what to do, otherwise you won’t get any good results; work honestly in the class, and I will distribute the salary; you are not allowed to look at other women when you go shopping with you, if you dare He said half a word, kneeling on the washboard without mercy if punished severely.

45. The reporter interviewed Dumb at the news scene. Reporter asked: What do you think about the issue of setting off fireworks and firecrackers randomly in cities? Dumb: How else can I watch it? I just climbed up the window and watched...

46. Joke: A very picky guest came to the restaurant to eat. He asked the waiter: "Are there any wild ducks?" The waiter thought for a while and replied: "There are no wild ducks." , but I can catch a domestic duck, drive it crazy and then burn it for you to eat."

47. You have an old face, a pair of squinted eyes, a plaid shirt, and a set of The property you inherited is bubbling like a full stop. More importantly, I heard that you will live a long life. Is it true?

48. The two chatted.

A: Boxing is such a great sport! I love this sport, I make a living from boxing, and I’m making a good income this year! B: So you are a famous boxer? A: No, I am a dentist.

49. A girl was buying clothes and asked her male boss: How much does this dress cost? The male boss said lustfully: No money, just a piece of clothing and a kiss. The beauty picked out a lot of clothes. When checking out, she shouted to the door: Dad, come in and pay!

50. The chicken said to the cow: What is the world like? Everyone practices family planning, but my master forces me to lay more eggs every day. Do you think I am unfair? The Ox said to the Rooster: Are you still unjust? You tell me how many people have sucked my breasts, but not one of them calls me mom.

51. Person A said: If you jump from a building in our country, you will fall for several hours without touching the ground. B said: That’s nothing. Jumping from a building in our country, do you know how that person died? Was starved to death.

52. A farmer came to the market to buy a horse. The vendor pointed to a horse and said: This horse is good and can run twenty miles in one breath. The farmer shook his head and said: My home is only fifteen miles from the market. It can run twenty miles in one breath, and I still have to walk five miles back.

53. One day someone wanted to surprise his wife, so he disguised himself as a stranger holding roses in his hand. He went to knock on his door, and his wife immediately opened the door and said: Come in quickly, my husband is not at home.

54. Feifei went to participate in a variety show. The host saw that Feifei’s fingernails were very beautiful and said, “Look, Feifei’s fingernails are colorful.” Feifei: “Ah~ I’m poisoned.”

55. After learning the winning numbers, my buddy contacted me immediately and asked how the numbers we bought were like? I said, "I have all the numbers." My friend immediately ran to my house excitedly, took the lottery ticket and saw that he had all the numbers, but they were not in the same bet.

56. Passing by a roast duck restaurant, I saw the signboard that read: "Tears sale, buy one roast duck, get one free!" So I ordered a fat duck to satisfy my craving. "Aren't you going to give me a fat duck?" he asked questioningly. "Oh, if you buy a duck, we'll give you a bottle of beer!" sweating.

57. This is a story about giving you a cold popsicle on a hot summer day. Once upon a time, there was a popsicle that stayed in the refrigerator and felt stuffy, so he said to his companion: "I'll go out and bask in the sun." When he came outside, He complained again: "Dear dear, it's so hot. Take off your clothes." Take off your clothes, and they will turn into water.

58. There is a story that needs to be told from the beginning. The head, cervical spine, trunk, and limbs are connected together. Together...

59. The ringing sound in the middle of the night woke up several people from their sweet dreams and asked: Why are you so anxious? Answer: I want to ask you something? Question: What's the matter? Answer: I wonder when is the best time to go to bed? ......

60. I lived by the Yangtze River and went to college. Once when our college classmates went on an outing, I pointed at the vast expanse of water and said proudly: "Look, everyone, how are you doing?" , The Yangtze River is big, it’s spectacular." Just after I finished speaking, I saw the scenery sign saying "Taihu Lake welcomes you"...

61. In Chinese class, the teacher asked Xiao Ming to use " Yellow River" in a sentence. Xiao Ming replied: "The Yellow River is very yellow." The teacher was unhappy: "No, change it!" Xiao Ming was even more unhappy and turned his head: "Why, I don't have money to buy bleaching powder!"

62. The book says that the most suitable tourist attractions for Capricorns are ancient temples in the mountains, where you can see old trees and new flowers, and learn about Buddhism. On the occasion of the Chinese New Year and happy holidays, as a Capricorn, I sincerely invite you: Let’s go up the mountain and become a monk together!

63. Late at night, the doctor’s phone kept ringing. It turned out that his colleagues invited him to play cards. Doctor: Okay, I'll be there soon! Wife: What's the matter? Is the situation serious? Doctor: Yes, it’s serious. Three doctors are already there.

64. Spring Festival is around the corner... Man: "I have liked you for a long time, please be my girlfriend!" Woman: "Is it just you?" Man: "My sister sells it at the train station "ticket" girl: "I promise you!"

65. In Chinese class, the teacher asked Xiaoqiang to make a sentence using "flashlight".

Xiaoqiang said: It was dark, so I turned on the flashlight and it lit up. The teacher smiled bitterly: Use the flashlight to make sentences. Xiaoqiang: Teacher, I only have a flashlight at home.

66. The husband, his wife, and his mother were rowing a boat. The mother sat in the front, and his wife sat side by side with him in the back. Mother asked: If the boat capsized, who would you save? The wife stared at her husband, and the husband hurriedly winked at his wife and touched her. He replied: Of course I will save you first.

67. The elevator is very crowded, and you look at him in front of you in silence. He also smiled and nodded at you, looking at you kindly. You felt very embarrassed and suddenly asked cautiously: Brother, can you move your feet?

68. In a restaurant, a customer was surrounding the manager to make comments, saying that the dishes were not washed cleanly and his teeth were dirty. The manager said impatiently: "Don't be picky. Look at how delicious the old man's food is." The old man glared and said: "I have no teeth"

69. Xiao Lei bought a house in the suburbs: " I am very satisfied with this house, but there is a factory next to it. It will be noisy, right?" Zongye said happily: "There is no need to worry about this, this explosives factory may be blown up at any time."

70. When my mother was making a facial mask, she heard someone ringing the doorbell and said to her three-year-old son: Mom is making a facial mask and cannot see anyone. Go and have a look! So the son opened the door to let people in and said: My mother is doing something that cannot be seen in person, please wait a moment!

71. The sunset is infinitely beautiful, but it’s just another divorce. The sun has faded over the mountains, but there are no notes. Thinking about the long journey of heaven and earth, I shed tears with sadness. Asking me how much sorrow I can have is like eating endless gutter oil.

72. The ant said: "Look at how big and stupid you are, what's the use?" The elephant said: "I can pull up the tree with my trunk, but you can't do it in your life." The ant said : "What's the use? Who of the rich people do it themselves now?"

73. The horse said to the mule: "You look like a donkey and you look like a horse. What on earth do you mean?" The mule raised his head, "Don't you see, I am a mixed race, which is popular internationally."

74. One day, a sparrow accidentally flew into a swallow's nest, and the male swallow happened to be in the nest. The male swallow roared: "Who are you?" The sparrow was startled and immediately said: "Husband, it's me. I just got plastic surgery."

75. A pair of young people in their twenties We fell in love when we were 19 years old, but couldn't get married because we didn't have a house. After struggling until we were in our thirties, we finally bought a new house. At the wedding, the officiant congratulated and said: The lover becomes a house slave, and the house owner finally gets married.

76. Question: Do you know under what circumstances Pinyin was invented? Answer: Invented when I was very hungry, because the first sentence is "Ah (a), I (o), hungry (e)!"

77. One day, it was very cold, and I I was riding a bicycle to send my four-year-old son to kindergarten. I asked him, "Are your hands cold?" My son said, "Not cold." I asked again, "Where are the feet?" My son replied, "They're down there."

78. The mouse was chased by the cat and fled into the flower shop. He picked up a rose and prepared to resist. When the cat saw it, he immediately lowered his head and said in shame: Damn it, it’s too sudden. Why didn’t you say something earlier? ah? So much so that I pretended to be crazy and chased you for N years!

79. A young man went to the bank to transfer money, and the girl at the counter asked him if he knew the other person. Be careful of fraud. He said he knew her, she was my wife, it didn't matter if she was a fraud, she had already defrauded me of too many things, and she didn't need this much money.

80. A girl complained: That night, my boyfriend said he wanted to play a game with me. Whoever cares about the other person first loses. I agreed excitedly. It has been a year and a half, and he has also Ignore me, am I being dumped?

81. So cool! That time I went to the street and earned enough reviews from beautiful women that even the puppies kept barking. Just when I was feeling proud, I turned around suddenly, and it turned out that you were standing behind me! Bro, to be honest, when will you be able to wash your face?

82. Xiao Wang has been a little troubled recently. People around him have cheated on her and are looking for another true love. He also wants to have an affair because he is afraid of his wife.

So I learned from the experience of the people around me, until someone said impatiently: "If you want to have an affair, just go and ride the train, I'll keep you in mind!"

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