About network funny sketches, cross talk scripts

Liang Shanbo went with his good son. )

Liang: You carry the burden, and I will lead the horse (like a horse, but one can dress up as a horse) to greet the sunrise and send the sunset glow. ...

(herdsman is extremely depressed and takes the opportunity to overwhelm Liang with the lyrics behind him. )

Ma: Step on the bumpy road and become a road ... (Step on the beam)

(Liang turns over and forcefully subdues the horse again, fighting scene)

Liang: Stop fighting, start again, start again. (Liang triumphantly subdued the horse and walked towards the center of the stage with him. The horse fell behind and walked off the stage. )

(Liang Xing walks to the center of the stage and just wants to say hello to the audience. The left part of the audience held the sign of "Journey to the West" and began to applaud warmly and shouted: "We are fans of Journey to the West! We are fans of Journey to the West! " Note: Use advertising language only when the subtitle brand fails to attract attention, otherwise it will not be used. )

Liang: (dumbfounded) Ladies and gentlemen, I want to make it clear that I am not the Monkey King, and I don't know martial arts (music and lyrics). My brother is from Hunan, surnamed Liang, a famous mountaineer. ...

(The right part of the audience held the sign of "Water Margin Fan" and interrupted Liang's speech with warm applause and shouts. One of them sings: "The river flows eastward, and the stars in the sky join the Beidou ...")

Liang: (I almost fainted and stopped): No, you are all mistaken. This drama is not about Journey to the West or Water Margin, but about butterfly lovers!

There was a sudden silence. After a while, someone whispered, "Hey, have you read any other books besides Four Great Classical Novels?" A: "No, what do you mean by butterfly lovers!" )

Liang: (heard, flustered, shouting) Screenwriter, Screenwriter, Screenwriter, come on up, come on, come on!

Screenwriter: (running in an instant) What advice does Brother Liang have?

Liang: (I grabbed the writer and hit him, punching and kicking) You cobbler. Writing a script stinks worse than feet. I told you not to make this up, but you turned a deaf ear to me. I will kill you.

Screenwriter: (crouching to avoid) Oh, stop fighting, stop fighting. How did I know that the education level of college students is so low now!

Book boy: (putting down the baggage and quickly stepping forward to dissuade him, pulling back the beam) Stop fighting, stop fighting, you're breaking his heart!

Liang: (step back and walk away silently, sinking for half an hour) Why are college students so depraved and addicted to computers, games, the Internet and such nasty things? Hey, I'm going to study at Dream Miracle MBA College, the first business school in China. Will my ending be the same as theirs? Will my ending be the same as theirs? ..... (whispering, turning to the stage) It's a long way, Xiu Yuan Xi, I'll look up and down, up and down ... (drifting away)

(extremely help writers, ambiguous, respectively, to provoke the burden, catch up with the beam, from the side of the stage. )

On the other side of the stage, Zhu Yingtai joins his waitress. )

Wish: the male rabbit's feet are uncertain, the female rabbit's eyes are blurred, and two rabbits walk beside the ground. Can Ann tell whether I am a man or a woman?

(The audience in the audience will shout) I thought: (Stop it) Hey, wait a minute, I'm not Mulan, I don't want to live silently among a bunch of sweaty old men! Hum!

Attendant: That's right. Can you keep your mouth shut in such an environment? It stinks, and you are not allowed to slap our young lady as beautiful as flowers and pure as jade. ...

Zhu: (stops the waitress) Xiao Lan, how many times have I told you not to call me miss? This is a huge ambiguity in Guangzhou. The key is that we are going to the academy, where women can't stay to study, otherwise why should my dad spend a lot of money to buy a college qualification? Look, I'm all dressed up now. Don't let the cat out of the bag and ruin my day!

Waitress: Miss (see Zhu's face is not right), son, what makes you think you should take the risk to study in the academy?

Zhu: Hey, you don't understand this! In this era, women have no status, and this is an evil society. On the surface, men and women are equal, but in the end, men are superior to women (Music lyrics) Remember the troupe that my old man invited last month? You know, the one on Broadway in new york, remember its name? Did Streisand play Yentel? Isn't it a story about a woman in medieval Europe who risked studying despite the church's rule that women were not allowed to study, and in the process of concealing her gender, she still gave up her studies in the face of love? I was so moved that I washed away all the "Bora" moisturizing lotion I just put on my face with tears, so I decided to be Yentel of China! However, it would be better if I could find a handsome, tall and powerful boyfriend who cares about me and takes care of me. Comfort me when I am sad, encourage me when I am depressed, accompany me when I go shopping, let me eat, be willing to give up, wait, follow and obey. Be an anthomaniac and walk forward while meditating. )

(On the other side, on the beam. )

Liang: (swinging up and down, whispering) Searching up and down, searching up and down ... ("bump", Liang and Zhu bump together. )

Thought: ouch.

Liang: Hey.

(Two people extremely embarrassing scene. )

Thought: ouch, the ghost hit the wall, the ghost hit the wall! (On the edge, the pain is constantly on the ground. )

Liang: (stands up with a grin and looks puzzled at Zhu) That's strange. This man, obviously, is a hitter. How can he call himself a wall-basher? How can a good man be so blind? I want to know if I am a ghost or a wall. Forget it, it's my fault for being too avant-garde. Give him a hand! (In the past, I held out my hand to Zhu) I'm so sorry, brother. I'm just practicing my dazzling walk. What's more embarrassing is that I've been a pervert since I was a child. Oh, no, no, I've been color blind since I was a child. Hehe, your clothes just formed a "protective color" effect in the background, so they hit your face in an instant, which really embarrassed us. (Lyrics) Are you okay?

Zhu: (turning angrily) It's a ghost. You don't apologize for hitting people, and you insult my idol "Xueyou" Song. Look at people's waist ...

(While speaking, he turned his face, just opposite to Liang's eyes, and both of them were shocked and remained silent for a long time.)

Liang: (opens his mouth for a long time) Yingtai ...

Screenwriter: Wait a minute! (The screenwriter rushes to the stage and grabs Liang for a beating. )

Liang: (while hiding, shouting) Alas, why did you hit someone? What, you want to take revenge on Wuling people!

Screenwriter: (stopping and pointing angrily at Liang) I told you to be familiar with the script, but you are not familiar with it. This is a mistake! People haven't introduced themselves yet, and you and I know their name is Yingtai! ?

Liang: Hum, (standing up and angrily pointing to the screenwriter) I'm not ashamed to say that I can read the ant language of Guawa Island in your script, and I'm already a world-famous archaeologist. Up to now, I have been playing by myself. I just saw this guy really handsome and a little distracted. I omitted the word "handsome boy" and called it "Yingtai" directly. In English, it is called "shortcut". You got it?

Screenwriter: Who told you to abbreviate? Who told you to abbreviate it? ...

On the stage, people come and kick together. ): Go down!

(All restored to the original shape. )

Liang: Handsome boy, what happened to your waist?

I wish (turning back, shy) no, no, nothing, I just let my youth hit my waist. (Connect Riliang's hand and get up conveniently)

On one side of the stage, I greeted the waitress and had a pleasant conversation. )

Liang: The miracle of dreams! (Finding the badge on Zhu's chest) Oh, are you also studying in the Dream Miracle MBA College of China No.1 Business School, which is known as the home of IBM in China, the cradle of General Electric and the hometown of Microsoft?

Wish: (surprised) What, you too?

Liang: Yes.

Wish: (Hi) Ah, ah, that's great.

Liang: Yes, then we are in the same bed. No, no, we are classmates, so we will be together. what do you think?

Wish: Good!

(When they turn around together, they find that they are very busy and have been chatting happily with the waitress, and they are getting farther and farther away. )

Liang Zhu chorus: (sighs) It seems that they are much faster than us.

(Everyone walks off the stage. )

Muji

The sitting audience put a roll of paper on their chest, slid it in the middle and opened it. It said, "I am a happy lantern." Then turn around and stick a piece of paper: "One year later." One of the sitting audience stepped down from the other side with his back to the person.

On one side of the stage, there appeared, and on the other side of the stage, a classroom was arranged, in which many students sat, including Liang and Zhu. An old man gushed on the platform. )

Ma Wencai: I live on the edge of Suzhou. There is a house and a field at home and a lot of money. Dad came to be an official and had a good time every day. He ate Bao Bei bear's paw antler and shark's fin more than one hundred times. But who knows, there is still a regret in my heart. On the 23rd of this year, I have never held the hand of a beautiful woman. I hope my family is a girl who has just grown up, so I went to see Yan Fang. But Zhu Yingtai, who is bold but cautious, hid his identity and read this book. In order to realize this red line, we have to boldly chase after the former, while reading articles, while chasing beautiful women, regardless of rain or shine, we must hold her hand. (Music lyrics)

(Ma Wencai went outside the classroom hungry, because he was too fat and was blocked by the door. He tried to squeeze in. )

Ma Wencai: Who is Zhu Yingtai?

(Everyone is in an uproar. The old man has just paid attention to it for a long time, and now he is staring at him with more dissatisfaction. )

Ma Wencai: Who is Zhu Yingtai and who is Zhu Yingtai? Why don't you talk?

Old man: (stepping down) smiles send us light, you are new here!

Ma Wencai: Ah, I'm new here. I just look like Pan An, who outsmarted Zhuge, and the MBA Institute of Dream Miracle chose the rookie champion Ma Wencai as the first one this year.

Old man: Excuse me, this classmate, are you really here for class? Seeing you dressed as a college student, why do you talk like a social person? You shouldn't be sent by God to play with me!

Ma Wencai: (After watching the old man for a long time, I suddenly realized) Ah, you are the dean, aren't you? I'm so blind that I can't even see Mount Tai! I really come to class, but people often call me "hot-blooded scholar".

Old man: What's the solution?

Ma Wencai: I'm a red heart. I'm prepared with two hands. I came to class and found someone.

Old man: Well, well, there is only one seat left. Why don't you go there and sit down first?

(Walking down, holding a photo, looking at people everywhere, I finally saw Zhu. He was overjoyed and just wanted to sit down, only to find that there was only a beam between his seat and Zhu. Think for a moment and sit down in your seat.

Ma Wencai: (raises his hand suddenly after a long time) Dean!

Old man: Yes, what's the matter?

Ma Wencai: Dean, I have been suffering from night blindness since I was a child, which may be caused by improper adjustment of the aperture of the lens in both eyes. The classmate next door sat too upright, just blocking the sunshine outside the window. Based on the adjacent relationship, the building just hindered my legitimate right to light, so I asked the dean to forcibly remove the obstruction.

Old man: What do you want to do?

Ma Wencai: It's not difficult. I am generous and kind, and I don't need to lower his height or expel him from the classroom, as long as he changes seats with the classmates next door.

Old man: Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai, do you want to change seats? Although this classmate's reason is a bit ridiculous, it doesn't hurt to change it!

Liang and Zhu: (stands up and looks at each other) Yes, the students obey!

(The two pretend to stand up and change places, but after a turn, they sit down in their original seats. )

Ma Wencai: (I was secretly pleased just now, but when I saw this scene, I was shocked and stunned for a long time. Why not change it?

Liang and Zhu: (turning their heads together) Didn't we just change them?

Ma Wencai: But you still block my light!

Liang: Oh, it is not easy. Stand up, lean your seat aside and sit next to Zhu. )

(The horse is about to say something, but Liang has already stood up. ) Liang: Report to Dean, now both parties and you can testify that my optical projection didn't block any sunshine on the other party's desk at all, that is, the infringement fact complained by the other party is no longer established, and I hope Dean will make a judgment on it.

Ma Wencai is extremely depressed, but he doesn't know what to say. )

Dean: (nodding slightly) I declare this case closed. Let's continue to explain poetry. (Walking back to the podium) China's ancient poetry has always been about cherishing words like gold. ...

(whispering begins below)

(Ask Liang and Zhu) Wei, Wei, classmate, ask. Haven't you been studying here for a year? Why, can you already say that you know astronomy, geography and have a good education? Very talented person!

(Liang sighs deeply. After seeing the horse, he turned his head and stopped talking. I wish you a look of hesitation and think about it. ) Wish: You will know.

Old man: (raising his voice to continue) Now let's do an in-class homework, which should be included in the usual grades! You should improvise a poem according to the example I gave. Can you understand me? (Everyone is a leader. ) Well, for the teacher, write a song first: (Shake the fan for a long time) The mountain is so high!

Ma Wencai: (I'm surprised after waiting for a long time) Dean, is it over?

Old man: It's over!

Ma Wencai: (horrified, at a loss) What poem is this, this, this? It's too difficult!

Old man: this poem cherishes words like gold, and depicts the greatest feature of the mountain in the shortest words, high! Now, your disciples can use this as an example to write poems!

I thought: (Busy) The Yangtze River is so long!

Old man: (Xu Hu nods) Good, good, profound observation!

Liang: (being dragged by Zhu several times before reluctantly answering) The sea is so big!

Old man: Good, good, full of energy!

Ma Wencai: (I can't speak with my mouth open, but it's my turn to wake up in my sleep) Guys. ...

Old man: (hurriedly asked) What happened to us?

Ma Wencai: (gives a thumbs up) Good pig!

Everyone was startled. The old man was about to get angry when the bell rang and the students left like a tornado. Leave the old man alone on the stage. )

Old man: (embarrassed, sighing) Hey, students now, let's, let's finish class!

(Under the cast. )

Act iii

(The audience sits in B, just like the audience sits in A, the last book "I am also a lantern! Following "Two and a half years have passed! )

(On the side of the stage, the President's wife is here. )

Madam: (pacing back and forth anxiously) What to do, what to do, what to do! (pacing back and forth again) Hey, I just had a video call with Mrs. Zhu. I didn't expect Ma Wencai to pester Zhu Yingtai like a homosexual at school, but let his father come to the door and ask for a kiss. Although this Zhu family is rich, this Ma family is a family with a central background and local protection. That is not to be taunted! Xiaoying is here. You must settle accounts with her.

(digression, I wish women's clothes on stage. )

Wish: Madam President. ...

Madam: Xiaoying, hey Xiaoying, why are you dressed like this tonight? Nobody saw you outside?

I hope: (crying) Madam Dean, I ... I know everything. I just received the book from my mother's plane and know everything!

Madam: (surprised) The book is from the plane, isn't it from the flying pigeon?

Wish: (wiping eyes) Ma's family ate and drank as soon as they arrived at our house, and all my homing pigeons were used as cheese pigeons, so my mother had to use this. Take out a small model plane from the sleeve and give it to the dean's wife. )

Madam: (looking suspiciously) This, this can pass books?

Wish: (crying) Madam Dean, what can I do?

Mrs. Ding: (getting off the plane) Well, I have already called Liang Shanbo. If not, why don't you explain your identity to him tonight and see what he says before you make plans?

Wish: That's exactly what I thought, so I pretended to come tonight. I don't know what he thinks!

Next to the stage, on the beam. )

Liang: (There is a knock at the door. At this time, the dean's wife is busy arranging Zhu to hide after she arrives, when Liang knocks at the door). Madam Dean, Dr. Lian Sheng came to call. No, no, Dr. Lian Sheng made a mistake again (slapping himself in the mouth). Dr. Lian Sheng came to see you on your orders.

Madam: (Opening the door, scolding) Liang Xiao, how many times have I told you, don't soak in the sutra depository all day, come out and communicate with people more, and don't always use your "shortcut" to be ambiguous. Communication skills are very important for your future work.

Liang: (Step forward) Remember those who were born late. I didn't know the dean's wife called the late students so late. what can I do for you? Is it because the late students applied for Liu's further study in the library?

Madam: Look at you, still thinking about the graduate students in this library?

Liang: Students think that what I am studying is the direction of library and information management. If I continue to study and research in the library, I can not only read a lot of books, but also integrate theory with practice, which is better for people's character cultivation, self-improvement and life development. Besides, (to put it another way) people in other people's streets have to die before their families can get the "settling-in allowance". In the future, they will go out to find a job after graduate school, and no one can give you tens of thousands of "settling-in expenses" first. I was startled by my slip of the tongue, gave a wild cough and bowed my back. )

Madam: You! Alas, pay more attention to healthy diet, so thin! By the way, you should pay more attention to personal problems!

Liang: Delicious food! ? (Suddenly) Madam Dean, I was just about to complain. I'm going to complain to the people's management Committee about the food in the canteen?

Lady: What do you want to complain about?

Liang: I don't complain that the cook is short of weight, nor that the cook steals pork. What I want to complain about is that the food is poisonous!

Madam: (surprisingly) toxic. It's impossible!

Liang: Really, every time I eat, I obviously feel very uncomfortable. It usually takes more than an hour to feel better.

Madam: What are the symptoms? Are you sure it is food poisoning?

Liang: Yes, this symptom only appears at every meal. Symptoms include chest tightness, shortness of breath, high blood pressure, dizziness, anxiety, uncontrollable emotions, and some unspeakable additional symptoms.

Madam: (wondering) Who do you usually have dinner with? Can you see that they are in trouble, too?

Liang: If I talk to the Dean's wife, I always have dinner with her every day, but she always comes to set a table with us. But strangely, it seems that every time Ma Wencai helps Zhu Yingtai, these symptoms get worse.

I hope I can hear it later. )

Madam: (also secretly pleased, pretending to touch Liang's forehead) Liang Xiao, I don't think you have food poisoning. Are you lovesick?

Liang: Acacia. Who do I miss?

Lady: You miss Zhu Yingtai!

Liang: (frightened, screaming at the sky) God, I don't want to go along with the screenwriter!

Madam: (pause) Why don't you see who she is first?

(I wish from the background. )

Liang: (looking up in horror) You, you, are you your sister?

I hope smiling is shy and doesn't answer. )

Madam: Alas, she is Zhu Yingtai. She has been studying in the academy and didn't tell her gender. Her mother and I are close friends of qq, so I arranged for her to come in.

Liang: (holding Zhu's hand) Yingtai, is this really the case?

I wish you turn your head shyly, take back your hand, then turn your head shyly and nod. )

Liang: (screaming at the sky again) Oh, my God!

Q: (surprised) What's the matter?

Liang: no, I feel punished? Zheng Zheng? What is this? Return to the second #? /SPAN>。

Liang: (screaming at the sky again) Oh, my God!

Q: (surprised) What's the matter?

Light beam; Have no feelings for me