The funniest joke of the day?

You don't have to say warm words after dinner, just a funny joke. I prepared it carefully for you next. Welcome to watch!

The funniest humorous joke * * * Hot article * * *

1. A friend said that the eleventh day was coming, and many people invited him to the wedding, but he refused everything. I asked him how he did it. He said, I usually reply like this: "I'm sorry to hear about your marriage." Maybe you don't know, I used to like you, and it would be embarrassing to attend your wedding. " I said, what if a man invites you? He said, it's effective, so to speak. I've saved a lot of money. ...

2. It is said that a colleague has diarrhea on time every August 15, and it takes several days to have diarrhea, and there are more than that kind of diarrhea. Everyone thinks that the supernatural constitution has happened. Later, another colleague personally held a meeting with him on August 15, only to find that he likes to cut the moon cakes when eating them, and then tear off the deoxidizer or desiccant attached to them and sprinkle them on them. ...

3. Go by bus with the goddess today. I was a little excited to sit next to him, but soon a pregnant woman got on the bus. I stood up a little disappointed and gave up my seat. Then the male god grabbed me and sat on his lap.

I was reading a novel on my desk, and my deskmate suddenly asked me, "Do you like me?" I looked at him seriously: "Dude, can you stop joking like this?" I am a man. " My deskmate also looked at me: "then can you take your hand off my leg?" I am almost touched by you. "

This classmate said that her sister and her brother-in-law knew each other: in Dicos, her sister and classmates said that the loser would give the first person who entered the door an abandoned bitter drama. As a result, her sister got lost and pushed the door and came in, a man and a woman. Her sister looked shocked and heartbroken in tears. "I loved you for so long, but you betrayed me and stayed with her!" As a result, the man whispered, "Stop it, honey, this is our mother" … and then the fake play was really done.

6. Today, I got together with my colleagues in the office to talk about peace. They all commented on the new products there. I snapped my fingers there and said, "One is money, for Niulanshan Erguotou, for Qingdao, for Dixianxian, for mutton skewers, for crayfish ..." Before I finished, I was driven out of the office.

7. My wife asked me: If a female colleague seduces you, will you listen? I smiled and shook my head, ha ha, who do you take me for? Am I the kind of person who will tell you what you really think?

8. In high school, the school was closed. Usually I can only go out to play, but only one student goes out directly from the gate. He is not tall and a little fat. He likes to wear a suit and not shave. Every time he goes out, the security guard will ask him, "How was your talk with the teacher?" I saw him patting his thigh and his face was as sad as a curse: "I am so worried about this baby, I always know how to fight!" " ……"

9. Looking back on the military training in those days, we usually remember these kinds of people: sisters who are close to the instructors, smart people who often ask for leave, otaku who fainted due to heatstroke, ignorant girls who played well, and * * * who pretended to faint.

10. Doraemon "Local tyrants, we are friends" Local tyrants, we are friends, we eat and drink, and girls can extend the lens indefinitely as long as they are happy with local tyrants. SLR sent some handmade dolls, took a lot of money casually, and slapped a lot of girls in my face to share.

1 1. When I was a child, adults asked me what my last name was, and I said my last name was Li. Then the adults made fun of me and said, so your surname is Zhang. I quickly explained, but I couldn't explain clearly. I cried every time. . I met a child today, and I asked him his last name. He said my surname was Li, and then I teased him and said, so your surname is Zhang. The child gave me a look and said calmly: * * *. .

12. Some news conjectures about iPhone after listing. Middle school students show off fingerprint identification and unlock, because they are repeatedly stabbed by their classmates with their middle fingers; Xiaoli suspected that her boyfriend was cheating on her mobile phone, and the young man guiltily cut off his finger and threw it out of the window; Figure A fresh person enters his fingerprint with * * * and wants to cry after circumcision. Taobao shopkeepers sold "QQ iPhone" online, but were complained to send coffins because Virgo buyers were dissatisfied with S-assets.

13. Stop blacking out millet. My friend once repaired Nokia, and his life has been very poor. Xiaomi was repaired last year, and I just brought a BMW Z yesterday.

14. Once upon a time, a girl disguised as a man and entered a boys' school for the boy she liked. As soon as she entered the school, her classmates let her run barefoot on the playground as a freshman gift. ""I know, that man actually knows that she is a girl, so the hero saved the beauty, didn't he? " "No, later she ran around the playground three times with bare arms, and no one found out that she was a girl. " .

15. The house was awarded to my ex-wife during the divorce. I put three mice in the house and wrote numbers on their backs:

The funniest humorous joke * * * Classic * * *

1. A plastic surgery company held a meeting, and the host announced in a high-profile manner that Miss Zhang, who had the highest performance this year, would share her experience. Miss Zhang proudly said, "We are in the beauty industry and need a service concept and marketing method that is more attractive to customers. Whenever new customers come, I will show them my face and tell them that if I am ugly, my son will be too scared to go home and my husband will run away with others. "

2. My girlfriend's knee is suddenly bruised, which is too much! You went to practice Muay Thai without telling me!

Cook accidentally dropped his advanced gray iphone into the river. At this time, the river god appeared, took out a silver iphone and asked Cook if it was this. He shook his head. He Shen took out another golden iphone and asked if it was yours. Cook continued to shake his head. Xiao Shenyang said that you are an honest CEO, so you can return your lost iphone. -hcymoby * * @ Encyclopedia of English tasteless jokes * * *

4. I remember that the teachers in primary school, junior high school and senior high school always told me: In fact, you are smart but refuse to study hard! Every time I hear this, I always think: useless JB words!

5. I went to a restaurant with my friends and saw a fly in the fish with Chinese sauerkraut. My buddy wants to call a waiter. I said wait, and then I took out a coin and hid it on the plate. Then I called the waiter. The waiter apologized and said to change it. After a while, the waiter brought another pot, and then we began to turn the pot in front of the waiter. When we turned out a coin, the waiter was stupid! Then the lobby manager came to apologize and said that the meal was on me. ...

6. When my mother said that she was pregnant with me, a fortune teller said that her baby was a boy. My heart said that the fortune teller might not have really made up his mind, and a picture flashed through his mind. An energetic old man touched his beard, glanced at my mother's stomach and said with a smile, "Hehe, it's a man."

7. When my skinny buddy came home, he found his wife stealing a man! My buddy was trembling with anger, but he didn't dare to attack. I had to step back gently, lock the door conveniently, and then dial a phone: "Mom, no! Your daughter locked herself in her room and said she would commit suicide! " In less than ten minutes, the mother-in-law family has all arrived, including three people. ......

8. Don't believe in luck and good character. After all, it is a minority. I tell you, the world is cruel. Only through our unremitting efforts, working overtime and studying against time can we finally verify the sentence: "Good face can really be eaten."

9. "Xiao Li, I'll buy a pack of cigarettes and keep an eye on this prisoner for me, lest he run away." Ok, no problem. In ten minutes, where are you? ! ! ? ""Let's go ... "

10. Today is the birthday of a female colleague in the company. The husband entrusted the flower shop to send the clown creative flowers to send blessings. What a romantic and warm scene! My colleague suddenly burst into tears: "Hey, strange, where did my husband get the money?"

165438+ The old man sat down silently and the whole car was in a mess ... He added that this is a traditional virtue, virtue. ...

12. In physics class today, the teacher told us a wonderful life trick, so that we can apply what we have learned. Girls can protect themselves by wearing thick fur coats in winter, because hooligans will encounter static electricity when they forcibly take off your clothes, so you can take the opportunity to escape. Of course, if you are ugly, you can wear it casually.

13. "Your teacher Zhang didn't come today, so I'll take the place of this math class. Next, students turn to the first page and look at the first question. Party A and Party B take apples, and Party A takes more than Party B'. Please answer this question. What is the subject and object of this sentence? Chinese teacher, that's enough

14. Go for a haircut with your girlfriend and talk to the barber about what face is suitable for what hairstyle. So I said: What hairstyle is suitable for my pancake face * * * wide face * * *, and the barber said: Sister, don't be ridiculous, you are not pancake face, who can make pancake so big! * * *, do you still want me to cut it?

15. Goddess: "I am very touched by your kindness to me. I will be engaged to Gao Fushuai tomorrow. I am willing to repay you tonight ... It seems that you are ready. " * * * silk: "Hey? Are you ready? " The goddess pointed to his shirt pocket: "Your shirt is so transparent that I can see it." * * * Silk took it out with a sad face: "This bag of instant noodle seasoning is used by me to make soup at night. Here you are. "

The funniest humorous joke * * * Selected articles * * *

1. Just in front of the line, a lady bought a hamburger and ate the chicken inside before leaving the counter. When I bought it and walked beside her, I listened to the woman feeding the hamburger to the child and asked the child, "Is it delicious?" The child shook his head and said, "It's not delicious." His father also taught his children, "Yes, all the advertisements on TV are deceptive." Her mother asked again, "Will you come to dinner after that?" "The child shook his head and looked disappointed. ...

2. My colleague has a little niece, a semi-standard little loli. I was playing at his house the day before yesterday, and her father left the door open when he went to the toilet. The little girl happened to pass by the toilet and turned her head. A wanderer rushed in and said, "Dad, that's not true. Come on, I'll teach you. Get down. " His father sprayed it at that time.

3. Drinking and listening to two people next to me say that having a dog almost killed me. One of them complained to the other that the new Chihuahua was much more stupid than the original shepherd. The shepherd poops at home. You hit him two or three times, and he finds that "I can't shit here". After you hit him two or three times, he will think "I can't defecate" and hold it every day.

Ever since I witnessed a girl in our class changing a menstrual towel in class, I feel that I can't do anything too much.

Just before queuing, a lady bought a hamburger and ate the chicken inside before leaving the counter. When I bought it and walked beside her, I listened to the woman feeding the hamburger to the child and asked the child, "Is it delicious? The child shook his head and said, "It's not delicious." His father also taught his children, "Yes, all the advertisements on TV are deceptive." Her mother asked again, "Will you come to eat after that?" "The child shook his head and looked disappointed. . .

6. The traffic police check the drunk driving at the intersection in front of the hotel. The second brother went to the police drunk and said, "Let me blow." The police ignored it. So he shouted to the police, "Let me blow." The policeman was also angry: "I didn't drive to blow anything!" " So the second brother turned away swearing. Ten minutes later, the second brother drove back and squeezed in front of the police: "Can you blow it now?" Then he hasn't come back yet ...

7. A: "Hello, I'm from Changsha, and you?" "Fortunately, I kill people occasionally." B: "Hello, instructor, I'm from Henan, and you?" "I ... still have a man ..."

8. The young man waded through the mountains and finally found the Zen master who lived in seclusion in the mountains. He can't wait to ask: "I am ugly, what should I do?" "If you are ugly, you should be like me." The young man nodded and said, "Is it quiet and immune inside?" No, if you are ugly, you must find a deep mountain to hide like me. "

9. Never talk to your wife about your ex-girlfriend. It is a lie to say that you are not angry. It's autumn, and the floor is quite cold. .

10. "Welcome to LV flagship store. This is the * * * version. It's expensive, and there's no huge sum. I advise you not to buy it. " "Are you afraid I can't afford it? ! ""madam, you misunderstood. I mean only small, medium and large models. "

1 1. "What is your constellation?" ""mixed eating dead house rotten sister paper ""pony, we are too close to the eight characters! Mine is "relax and hate work."

12. "Husband, you like me so much. Tell me about my advantages ... "You don't need a reason to love someone!" "Then tell me about my shortcomings ..." "Lazy, stupid, greedy, short and fat!"

13. One afternoon in Beijing, a boy received a phone call from a girl who had just broken up. The girl said, "I will fly in an hour." I won't go if you can come. " The boy was so excited that he rushed down from the office building immediately after work and said firmly, "I love you, wait for me." A few hours later, he still took a taxi in Sanlitun. A few hours later, the boy finally arrived at the airport and found the girl taking instant noodles in the waiting hall.

14. Xiaoming accidentally dropped a gold Rolex watch into the river. Soon the river god took out Xiaoming's Rolex gold watch and said, local tyrants, local tyrants, let's be friends.

15. I was bored in junior high school and went back to my alma mater. I overheard the school teacher educating students not to fall in love early. Listen carefully and laugh directly. The teacher said: "junior high school can only play with our local friends;" Playing friends in high school can only play the whole of Chongqing; But when you go to college, you can play not only all over the country, but also abroad ... so, you'd better go to college and fall in love again. "