Can a girl who was sexually assaulted when she was young still be happy?

He Qing, the hero of today's story, was violated by human nature when she was a girl. Once, she lived under the shame of others. Don't you deserve a good relationship and life after being sexually assaulted?

1

My name is He Qing, 1986. I was born in a small county in Deyang, Sichuan. My parents run a teahouse, and the business is good.

I also have a sister who is six years older than me. My sister is lively and cheerful, and I am quiet and beautiful. 15 years old, I have1.65m, and my legs are thin and straight. We are famous sisters. But all this beauty came to an abrupt end at the age of 15.

I will never forget May 16, 2006, which was Wednesday. I'm in grade three. It used to be an ordinary day.

The day before lunch, my parents suddenly received a phone call from my sister's school, saying that my sister, a junior in Chengdu, had a sudden illness and had been taken to the hospital. My parents forgot to eat, told me a few words and hurried to Chengdu.

16 that day, my mother called my sister and told her that she had just had surgery and they would come back two days later. I asked my sister what was wrong, but she said nothing. She just asked me to take care of myself until they came back.

At about 8 pm, I heard someone knocking at the door When I opened the door, I saw that it was a customer of Dad's teahouse, who had seen it twice.

The bearer shook the fruit in his hand and said to me, "Sunny, I'm your father's friend Uncle Wu, remember me?" Your teahouse has not been open for two days. I heard that your sister was ill, so I came to have a look. "

Knowing that he was a customer in the shop, I immediately called him into the house and told him that his parents had not come back yet. I was about to make tea for him, but he stopped me, took out two bottles of coke and a bunch of snacks from my bag and said, "Don't bother, I bought you a drink, just drink this." Then I unscrewed one bottle and handed it to me, and then I unscrewed another bottle for myself to drink.

I like drinking coke since I was a child, and my father often buys it for me. I didn't think much, so I took a long drink. It didn't take long for my eyelids to get heavier and heavier, and then I didn't know anything.

When I woke up, I found myself lying naked in bed. I moved a little, and my lower body was terrible. I looked at little red dot on the sheets and finally realized what had happened. I suddenly felt very shocked. All the blood rushed to my forehead and my brain went blank.

I was sexually assaulted! That's the bastard! I just stared at the ceiling. What should I do? What shall we do? My first reaction is to tell my parents.

But I hesitated when I picked up the phone. I wonder what happened to my sister. Is it serious? If it's serious, my parents must be worried about my sister. I can't give them any trouble. I thought about calling the police. But when I dialed 1 10, I stopped again.

If the police come, I believe my neighbors will know that I have been defiled. Where is this small county? It can always pass the ups and downs. How can I face people? Our whole family will also lift their heads. After much deliberation, I decided to wait until my parents came back.

That night, I took a bath over and over again, and almost wore off a layer of skin.

Young me, in my limited cognition, originally equated things related to "sex" with dirty and unclean, not to mention that I was raped. ...

2

I cried all night until dawn, and my pillow was wet with tears. I didn't go to school the next day Holding a fruit knife in his hand, he lay motionless on the bed and tried to cut his wrist several times before putting it down.

Two days later in the afternoon, my parents came back with my sister. When I came home from school, I saw my sister lying in bed, pale. There is a strong smell of chicken soup at home.

I asked my mother softly, what happened to my sister? Mother sighed and said that my sister was not ill, but had a miscarriage. I was too surprised to speak.

It turns out that my sister fell in love in college and went to the hotel with that boy. My sister studies in a sports school. She does a lot of exercise. She didn't know she was pregnant until she had an abortion.

Mother said earnestly, "Sunny, a woman must lead an honest and clean life. It is said that there are not many beautiful girls, but you must be honest and clean, and you can't humiliate yourself like your sister. " Say that finish, also warned me again and again, can't let anyone know, otherwise the spit will drown us.

At that moment, I have organized countless words in my mind, all of which are stuck in my throat. I can't imagine how sad my mother will be when she finds out.

Over time, it became a rotten secret. The man who got a thousand knives never showed up again. It is said that he went to other places.

Now every time I think about it, I regret my cowardice If I call the police and tell my family at the first time and bring the bad guys to justice, will my story be rewritten?

Affected by this, I missed the senior high school entrance examination with excellent grades and had to attend an ordinary high school not far from home.

At that time, I often suffered from insomnia, and I always had nightmares when I finally fell asleep. Deep fear and despair constantly torment me.

Fortunately, I have a good academic foundation. At that time, many students in my class were from villages and towns. They all think that I am an unsociable person, arrogant by nature, pretentious and contemptuous of others.

In fact, I really want to have friends, but whenever I see the bright smiling faces of other girls, I feel inferior. It seems that the more wanton they live, the dirtier I look.

I am like a snail, hiding in a self-righteous hard shell, looking up at them as freely and cheerfully as an oriole.

three

In May 2003, I was a sophomore. The students made an appointment to celebrate the birthday of the usually popular male monitor and invited me. I was surprised and a little flattered.

The party was held in the barbecue shop on Binhe Road. Everyone said that drinking drinks was boring, so the boss recommended special mixed wine, saying it was sweet and not intoxicating. Everyone talked about all kinds of interesting things with each other, and I just listened quietly, occasionally echoing laughter.

I didn't expect the wine to taste sweet, but the stamina was not small. I drank for the first time in my life and soon fainted.

Seeing that I was drunk, a girl named Rebecca offered to take me home. On the way, she said half jokingly, "We all envy you. Your family is rich, you study well, and you are so beautiful, but you are too lofty. "

Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's been suppressed for too long. I burst into tears in an instant and blurted out, "What's the use of beauty? In fact, you have no idea how much I envy you. I hate my face ... I, in fact, have long been ruined ... "

Rebecca immediately asked me in surprise what happened, but I didn't answer, just kept crying and crying.

Before long, the school inexplicably began to spread all kinds of gossip about me. Some say I slept with someone, some say I'm someone's girlfriend outside, and some say I'm a prude on the surface and I don't know how messy it is in private, so I'm sure I'm not a virgin long ago.

I didn't know that my words would cause so many associations. I didn't expect my classmates to guess me so maliciously. Everywhere I go, people point fingers. Those strange whispering eyes, like handfuls of sharp knives, plunged into my heart.

Gossip kills my heart, but I don't know what to do. Become more cautious, more self-abased and withdrawn, thinking that this can isolate right from wrong, but trouble still took the initiative to find me.

One day in June, I studied at night, and I went home alone as usual. As usual, I took a shortcut from the alley on the second street. As a result, when I turned into the alley that day, I saw a gangster with yellow hair, Li Ziqiang, stuck there with two younger brothers.

Li Ziqiang's name is very famous in our school. People in their twenties, who don't work, spend all day in billiards halls, fighting and blackmailing students.

I was about to turn back to the main road when Li Ziqiang stopped me: "He Qing, why are you running?" I'll give you a chance to be my girlfriend. Don't worry. "

I quickly stood up and wanted to run. But he rushed up, grabbed my sleeve and pulled it hard, and I was pulled back.

Maybe my attitude made him brush his face in front of his brother. Li Ziqiang grabbed my collar and said, "Shame on you, right?" Where are you pretending to be? Who doesn't know that you have been sleeping for a long time and still pretend to be innocent in front of Lao Tzu? ! "

I'm anxious and scared. All the shops in the street outside are closed. Even if I call for help, it is estimated that no one will come to save me. I am filled with despair at the thought that the nightmare of two years ago may repeat itself. No, I don't want it to happen again!

Even if I am a broken jar, I don't want to break it. As long as I am awake, I will try my best to protect myself.

I was so angry that I grabbed him while crying and shouted, "I will never be your girlfriend again after I die!" " Kill me if you dare! "

Li Ziqiang was surprised, and then a slap in the face made my ears buzz.

At this moment, a man with a steel pipe suddenly rushed in from the corner. He hit Li Ziqiang and the three of them. I didn't see who it was, and it took me a few seconds to react and run away. Until I ran home, my legs were still shaking.

From the second night, for three days in a row, I found someone following me at a distance. I am nearsighted and astigmatism. I only know that my partner is tall and thin, but I don't think his figure is Li Ziqiang.

I told my family about it, and then my father took me to study at night, and it didn't stop.

At the end of the semester, I suddenly got acute appendicitis. When I returned to school after the operation, I realized that there was a new version of the rumor about me: everyone said that I had a miscarriage in those days. I want to cry without tears. No one has ever asked me the truth. They don't need the truth.

As the "rabble" said: If fallacies are more attractive to them, they are more willing to worship them.

four

I have been in fear until the summer vacation of my second year of high school. I didn't know heaven had eyes. I overheard from the neighborhood that the bad guy who invaded me died in a car accident in Guangzhou.

Just like a man who has been caught in a big net for a long time, he suddenly tore a crack-I ran to the lake and cried wildly.

That summer, my sister got married. She married the boy who got her pregnant and settled in Chengdu.

When my sister got married, she took the initiative to tell me about the youth disaster she experienced in those years and said, "That incident made your brother-in-law and I both pay the price and deeply reflect on ourselves.

"Elder sister, you remember, women must protect themselves. However, since things have happened, it is useless to feel inferior and inferior, let alone deny yourself because of the eyes of the outside world.

"Mouth is someone else's, but life is our own. Living confidently and beautifully is the best response to those rumors! "

My sister's words made me awake a lot. Yes, all the bad guys are dead. From now on, I will live a good life.

Because I have no friends, I like to go to the internet cafe near the teahouse, listen to songs and write blogs. I like this feeling, as if wearing headphones is my own world.

The owner of the Internet cafe is a tall and thin man, who looks less than 30 years old. He has a refreshing buzz cut, loves to laugh, and often shows his big white teeth with a grin. I don't know what he is happy about.

He always undercharges me every time I check out. Actually, I have a lot of pocket money. I think it may be that the boss is doing well in business and wants to keep old customers.

One day, after I was busy in the teahouse, I went to the Internet cafe to listen to music. Shortly after I sat down, a woman in red rushed in. Before I could see the visitor's face clearly, she grabbed her hair and hit her face like rain, scolding: "You shameless fox, seduce my husband, I won't kill you."

I don't know what's going on, but I feel my scalp is about to be torn off. I shouted, "You have mistaken me for someone else. I don't know you. " There were people watching us around, but no one came up to help.

I feel like a stove about to explode, brewing a long-planned fire-why? Why is there so much right and wrong when the devil is dead? Is it because of my face?

I don't know where I got my energy. Suddenly, I kicked the woman like crazy, broke free, slapped the woman with my backhand, and shouted hysterically, "Whoever I recruited provoked, you all bullied me!" " "

Unexpectedly, that woman was also shocked by me. All the people in the internet cafe stared at me silently.

That was the first time I knew that I could also have the power to shock others.

At this time, the owner of the Internet cafe rushed in and took the woman away: "Thank you, you have something to come at me, it has nothing to do with her."

The woman pointed to the owner of the Internet cafe and said, "Yuan Peng, don't think I don't know. You angered Huang and became a hero to save America for this fox. You sneak out for a few nights and then date her. I heard that she also had an abortion. Is it yours? Don't think I don't know! "

I was shocked to hear these words!

Yuan Peng, the owner of the Internet cafe, escaped from Li Ziqiang? The man who followed me was Yuan Peng? But why? I never said anything to him. I couldn't hear what they were saying behind, only to see them pulling Xie out desperately.

However, I don't know which busybody told my parents about it. That night, my mother came home early to ask me about the Internet cafe, saying that people outside were saying that I was having an affair with Yuan Peng, and my wife called me a "fox"!

I was so angry that I was beaten for no reason, became a mistress for no reason, and had an extra leg? I'm not a centipede, where did I get so many legs?

I am very wronged, but I still patiently explained that I don't know why I am a mistress. But my mother doesn't believe me, saying that there is no smoke without fire, and it can't be groundless, right?

My mother looks like she hates iron and doesn't produce steel: "Sunny, my mother told you that you must be a clean and honest person." A woman's reputation is important. How can she be a mistress This is shameful and will be reviled for life. "

When I heard the word "clear and white", I remembered that terrible past again, and tears welled up in my eyes. Am I that miserable?

I have never revealed the secret of being raped to anyone; On weekdays, I don't associate with people, but even so, I can inexplicably attract so much slander.

Dirty, virgin, abortion, fox, these have become my labels, but what did I do wrong? I remembered what my sister said to me and secretly swore:

My reputation, I will defend it myself; My fate should also be dominated by myself!

five

So, the next day, I had to drag my mother to the Internet cafe to find Yuan Peng, and asked what had happened, only to learn that Yuan Peng had returned to his hometown.

A few days later, I finally met Yuan Peng outside the Internet cafe. I quickly informed my mother to choose. Yuan Peng saw our mother and daughter come to the door, apologized again and again, and solved the mystery for us in the coffee shop next to the Internet cafe.

It turns out that Yuan Peng knew me as early as seven years ago, that was 1996, and I was still in primary school. Yuan Peng's mother took a bus all morning to the county to sell local products. I didn't expect her wallet to be stolen. She has no money and can't go home. I saw her passing by after school when she was in a hurry.

I ran to the teahouse and asked my parents for 20 yuan to give her a ride. Later, I accompanied Yuan's mother to pay back the money. I went to school, so I haven't seen Yuan Peng, but Yuan Peng remembered the address of my teahouse.

In 2002, 25-year-old Yuan Peng planned to open an Internet cafe in the county. He remembered that there was a high school near my teahouse with many students and a good port, so he decided to stay here, but he never wanted to disturb my life.

That day, Li Ziqiang went to his Internet cafe to surf the Internet. He overheard Li Ziqiang say that he wanted to find me as his girlfriend and boasted that it would be finished that evening. So, he didn't trust me that night, so he checked it on my way to study at night.

Sure enough, that night, Yuan Peng saw Li Ziqiang trying to violence me in the alley and saved me. Later, for fear of Li Ziqiang's revenge, he followed me quietly for several days and escorted me home.

A webmaster of the Internet cafe is a relative of Xie, and she told her about it, which led to the Internet cafe incident.

Knowing the truth, I was relieved to see my mother, and I couldn't help reminding Yuan Peng: "Then explain it to your wife. Don't talk nonsense outside and ruin my reputation! "

Yuan Peng repeatedly said "yes" and said with a wry smile: "Don't worry, we are divorced."

It turns out that his wife Xie has a particularly bad temper. As soon as she quarrels, she will start hitting people. On weekdays, I try to be patient, but not long ago, because of family chores, Xie slapped his mother, which led to the old man's heart attack and decided to divorce.

Xie knows that he has made a lot of money by running Internet cafes. In order to share more property, she deliberately accused Yuan Peng 'an of cheating, so she made a fuss about me.

Yuan Peng said, "I'm sorry for your misunderstanding, but don't worry, this kind of thing will never happen again."

I don't know what to say. I'm a little sympathetic to what happened to Yuan Peng, and I'm also a little touched. Someone once secretly protected me like this.

Later, I never went to his Internet cafe again. Even if I met him on the road, I just nodded, smiled at each other and said hello.

six

After graduating from junior college in 2007, I stayed at home to help my parents manage the teahouse business. I also gradually developed into a bold and independent teahouse shopkeeper. Whenever the teahouse needs to load and unload goods, Yuan Peng always comes to help. Slowly, he began to pursue me.

My parents strongly opposed it, so I made a statement. Although they have known the whole story of the "Little Three" incident for a long time, they feel that the "Little Three" incident has made a lot of noise, and Yuan Peng and I are together, which seems to be real names.

Besides, Yuan Peng is nine years older than me and divorced. They are always uncomfortable about finding a second man to marry.

Although Yuan Peng is divorced, she is sunny and enterprising. I already have a crush on him, but I don't know how to reveal it when she 15. Can he accept my past and a notorious person like me?

One day in 2009, my mother went shopping by bike and accidentally broke her bone. Yuan Peng came here for the first time and went to the hospital behind my mother's back. I'm too busy to get in touch at all.

My mother didn't want surgery, so she chose conservative treatment and had to change her dressing every other day. For three months, Yuan Peng cheated on my mother every time. My parents saw it in their eyes and gradually accepted Yuan Peng, just waiting for me to make a statement.

I remember it was a sunny afternoon, and I asked Yuan Peng to meet me by the lake. I told him about the sexual assault.

I didn't think that one day, I would speak out bravely; I've imagined it countless times. If he turns away, I won't blame him.

Unexpectedly, Yuan Peng held my hand tightly and said to me with red eyes, "Sunny, I didn't expect you to be so hurt, but it's not your fault, absolutely not! You don't need to bear such a heavy burden. I will protect you in the future and protect you for a lifetime! "

My tears burst in an instant. For the first time, someone told me clearly that it was not my fault that I was sexually assaulted. It's not my fault that I kept a secret for so long.

As a young man, I have been trapped in the wrong cognition and let the wound fester. In fact, I am punishing myself with other people's mistakes. So why can't I pursue my own happiness?

I plunged into Yuan Peng's arms, tears streaming down my face, telling the misunderstanding and slander I had suffered. Yuan Peng hugged me tightly and said sadly, "Fool, other people's opinions and ideas don't matter. The important thing is that you know who you are. "

Yes, what kind of person am I I'm obviously not the bad girl who they call abortion a mistress. Why should I accept the label defined by others? Why care about their judgment?

My life should not live in other people's mouths, but should be written by myself. At that moment, I completely reconciled with myself and the past. I also believe that this life is the person in front of me.

Soon, we started talking about marriage. 20 10 June 5438+00, the wedding day, guests gathered, very lively. I wore a white wedding dress and accepted everyone's blessings in the sun. I know, I must be the most beautiful bride.

On my honeymoon, Yuan Peng took me to the seaside. I wrote the word "past" on the beach, and the tide came and went, leaving nothing on the beach. We held hands and smiled at each other.

Now, Yuan Peng and I have been married for ten years, and our relationship is as good as ever. My parents live with us, and when they talk about Yuan Peng, they are always full of praise. With the efforts of my husband and wife, our teahouse also opened a branch.

When her daughter was two years old, Yuan Peng repeatedly told her, "No one can look at or touch the places covered by vests and underwear except mom and grandma. Also, tell mom and dad everything, because we will always guard you! "