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This life

Hu Lancheng

一

At that time, I had nothing to do in Nanjing, and I didn’t read much books, newspapers and magazines. On this day, Feng Heyi sent the Tiandi Monthly. I thought Heyi's name was good, so I moved a wicker chair on the grass in the yard and lay down in the sun to read. Let's first look at the publication's speech. It turns out that Feng Heyi's name is Su Qing. It's hard for her to write such a generous and neat picture. I came across an article called "Blockade", written by Zhang Ailing. I had only read one or two verses, and I sat up straight and read it carefully over and over again. After meeting Hu Jinren, I asked him to read it too. After he finished reading it, he praised it, but I was still dissatisfied.

I wrote to ask Su Qing, who is this Ailingo fruit from?

She replied only that she was a woman. I just feel that as long as there is a word or thing in the world about Zhang Ailing, it will be good. When the second issue of Tiandi arrived, there was another article by Zhang Ailing. This was true. This issue also includes her photo. When I see a good person or a good thing, I will be suspicious of it, as if I want to prove it again and again, so I am stupidly happy again and again, but I don't ask what it has to do with me.

Later I asked Su Qing about Zhang Ailing, and she said that Zhang Ailing never met anyone. I asked her for Zhang Ailing's address, and she hesitated for a while before writing it to me. It was Room 65 on the sixth floor of Apartment No. 192 at the intersection of Jing'an Temple Road and Hurd Road.

I went to see Zhang Ailing the next day, but she was nowhere to be seen. I only handed a note through the door because I didn’t bring a business card. The next day, Zhang Ailing called me after lunch and said she came to see me. My home in Shanghai is in Meiliyuan, Daxi Road, not far from her place, and she came right away.

When I saw Zhang Ailing, I felt that it was completely different from what I thought. When she came into the living room, she seemed too big. Sitting there, she looked childish and pitiful. After all, she was a female student, and she didn't even have the maturity of a female student. I was even afraid that she would live in poverty, and I thought that it was hard for civilized people during the war, but she could not make me think of her as a writer.

Zhang Ailing’s indomitable attitude makes the world shake in six ways. It’s because my living room has become inappropriate today. She was originally very particular about clothes, but she was a newcomer to the world. People with different statuses in the world had clothes of various prices, but for her, things in the world were not of the highest quality yet. She looks like she is growing up at seventeen or eighteen years old, with her body and clothes rebelling against each other. Her expression was that of a little girl walking home from school alone on the road with something on her mind. When a classmate called her, she ignored her, and she had the serious look on her face.

Her vitality is not strong, nor is she charming, but I feel that everyone in front of me belongs to her. I didn't even think she was beautiful, but I didn't like her and was only afraid of hurting her. Beauty is a concept, it must be like that, even the love for beauty has a fixed feeling, it must be like that, but Zhang Ailing overturned all of these for me. I often think I know what it means to be amazed, but when I encounter the real thing, being amazed is not the way to be stunning, and being surprised is not the way to be startled.

I actually wanted to fight with Ai Ling, criticizing the popular works of the day, telling her how good her articles were, and also talking about what happened to me in Nanjing, because in front of her, I was so clear-cut. I have myself. I also asked her about her monthly income from writing manuscripts and heard her answer very honestly. When we meet for the first time, she is a young lady, so it is rude to ask such questions, but for a good person, the only way to cherish her is to care about her body and life.

Zhang Ailing also likes to listen to me diligently, sitting in the living room for five hours, and she is generally confused and ridiculous. My surprise was before I got to know her, so she liked it because I was really unconditional. And her love was before she knew her own feelings. It's so strange. You can be a close friend even if you don't know or understand.

Later, I sent her to the entrance of the alley, and the two of them walked side by side. I said, "You are so tall, how can this be allowed?" With just this sound, the two of them were so close, and Zhang Ailing was very surprised. Surprised, almost disgusted, but really good.

Two

The next day I went to see Zhang Ailing. Her room was so luxurious that it made me uneasy. The furnishings and furniture were simple and not very valuable, but they were priceless. The modern freshness and brightness were almost stimulating. Outside the balcony, you can see the whole of Shanghai in the sky with shadows of clouds and sunlight, with trams coming and going below. Zhang Ailing wore a sapphire blue silk jacket and glasses with bright yellow frames today, which made her face look more like the moon.

During the Three Kingdoms period, Tokyo was the most prosperous. Liu Bei was timid when he came to Mrs. Sun's room. Zhang Ailing's room was also so military.

I also sat in her room for a long time, just talking about theories and sometimes my life, and Zhang Ailing just listened. The male and female puppets dance, one resembles dancing and the other resembles fighting. The male and female puppets carved on the old Chinese railings are violent and violent, just like when Xue Rengui and Princess Dai Zhan met in front of the two armies, and the dancing also resembles fighting. There are stories about men and women being in conflict with each other in folk songs, storytellers like Su Xiaomei's Three Difficulties with the Bridegroom, Wang Anshi and Su Dongpo are political enemies, but the people say that Wang Anshi, Prime Minister, convinced Su Xueshi about the chrysanthemums in Huangzhou and the tea in the gorge. The friendship between people is very lively, much better than that between political opponents. I have never competed or fought with others, but now I saw Zhang Ailing and started to fight.

But I tried my best to use my weapons, but I was still not as good as her with my bare hands. There is a famous story about the marriage between Zhang Ailing's grandfather, Zhang Peilun, and Li Hongzhang's daughter. When I mentioned it, she copied her grandmother's poem to me, but said that her grandmother was not very good at poetry. This poem is also the same. Her grandfather remade it. She destroys good stories in this way, so she writes good novels.

Zhang Ailing said that when she heard that I was imprisoned in Nanjing, she felt pity for Cai Cai. She and Su Qing went to Zhou's house once to think of some way to save me. After hearing this, I just thought she was childish and ridiculous. I was surprised but better than grateful. I didn't even compare to Zhang Peilun back then, because the moment now is worth a thousand pieces of gold, so I didn't even have the time to move or compare.

I wrote my first letter to Eileen Chang when I returned home. It turned out to be like a new poem from the May Fourth era, which was childish and ridiculous. Eileen Chang was also surprised, but I thought it was good. It was all because of Zhang Ailing, which made me feel embarrassed when I thought about it later. But the letter I said about her humility was misleading. She wrote back and said that I was "compassionate because I understand."

From then on, I would visit her every other day. After only visiting her three or four times, Zhang Ailing suddenly felt troubled and desolate. When a woman falls in love with someone, she will feel this kind of grievance. She sent a note asking me not to see her again, but I didn't think anything in the world would offend, so I went to see her again that day, and she was still happy to see me. From then on, I simply went to see her every day.

Because I mentioned the photo published in "Heaven and Earth", she took it out to me the next day, with words written on the back: "When she met him, she became very low, so low. In the dust, but she is happy in her heart, and flowers bloom out of the dust. "Her gift of photos is like Wu Jizha's gift of a sword. Based on my own example, Xu Jun is just loving Yue, but he is. There may not be any intention. Zhang Ailing knew that I liked it. Since you liked it, I gave it to you. I gave it to you, and I was also happy. And I just accepted it calmly, without being obsessed with it. All kinds of feelings and thoughts can be just a word "good". The realm of the word "good" is before the feelings and thoughts, but it has meaning, not the meaning of anything, and even the joy, anger, sorrow and joy have no names.

Three

When I arrived in Nanjing, I received a letter from Zhang Ailing. I took it in my hand like a stone. It was so weighty, but not a sense of responsibility. I don’t really miss lovesickness, I just love singing and singing. Every time I go back to Shanghai, before I get home, I go to see Ai Ling first. When I step into the door, I say: "I'm back."

It's not until dusk that I leave Ai Ling's place and go to the beautiful garden. At home, I asked Qingyun to talk to me before going to bed. Qingyun felt that my uncle was always nice, and Miss Zhang was no better than an ordinary woman. One night I walked from Ailing's house to Xiong Jiandong's house. Jiandong and his wife were playing cards with their friends. I looked at the card table for a while and felt restless. My heart was full, I wanted to sing and talk. Even the electric light makes me laugh.

I usually go back to Shanghai once a month and stay there for eight or nine days. I go out in the morning and come back at night just to see Zhang Ailing. The two of them stay in the room. The man has given up farming and the woman has given up weaving. , I don’t even want to go out for fun together with Tao, and I don’t have time. In the old drama, Shen Guisheng could stay with Zhizhen in nun's room forever, without even thinking about a honeymoon trip, but it seems to be true.

When the two of us are together, we just can’t finish talking. In front of Ai Ling, everything I wanted to say was like playing the huqin with my hands. It was hard work and I still couldn't get the right words out of my mouth. The sound of silk and bamboo also turned into the sound of metal and stone. I was really annoyed and troubled. Every time I said something, I changed it again and again. regret. But Ai Ling likes this kind of stimulation. It's like listening to Shanxi Bangzi and her brains will be smashed out. Moreover, when she listens to me talking, there are my people everywhere. No matter what I say, Ai Ling also feels like "climbing a stick to pick fragrant flowers." Words are the breath of joy.”

I am not used to Ai Ling in all kinds of ways. She has never been compassionate or sympathized with anyone. She has shown no mercy and charity. There is no exaggeration or grievance in her world. She is very selfish and cruel. Her selfishness was that she was on the big stage alone on a festive occasion, and her presence was particularly obvious. She is cruel and ruthless because she cannot bear the slightest grievance. She is very obedient, and obedience is a willing joy for her. Moreover, she had countless apologies to the world. She always felt as if she had done something wrong and regretted endlessly. Her regrets were like looking at the spring sun of the earth and the soft words of swallows.

My things are too old to be stereotyped, but the fresh surprises Zhang Ailing gave me have yet to be judged as right or wrong. In old novels, people often go to fairyland and see rare birds and exotic plants, but most of them don’t know their names. Ai Ling’s words and actions are like charcoal to me. Every time I don’t take it seriously, even the paintings she shows me are not what I expected. Totally wrong. But you don’t have to wait until you know it later to be happy and admire it. Even if you don’t know it at first, and even the joyful admiration has not yet formed, but there is a bit of rebellious surprise in your heart, that’s very good. And I just rely on such a spicy and confused feeling. It feels good, and I admit everything I don’t know. She asked me if I liked her paintings, and I had to answer yes. Ailing was very happy after hearing this and told her aunt.

I am a person who has received ideological training. I can only accept everything after passing it in theory. I showed Ai Ling my thesis, but she said that it was better to disband such a strict system than to disband it. As expected, I disbanded it and drove all things like an army. It turns out that it is better to let all things disarm and return to the field, laughing and talking all the way. I am also restrained by terminology. I am not afraid of the rich and powerful, but I am timid of the public academic authority. Once I dared to say that Dream of Red Mansions is better than Tolstoy's War and Peace or Goethe's Faust, but Aileen replied calmly, of course Dream of Red Mansions is better. The Morning Glory and the Weaver Girl met on the Magpie Bridge, and before they could finish their whispers, it suddenly dawned again, and even their joy was in vain. There is a poem in the Midnight Song: Staying overnight, talking non-stop all night long, yellow tillers thousands of miles away, the journey is truly endless.

Ai Ling and I have traveled thousands of miles apart, and we have never stopped talking to each other.

I only cared about the love between a man and a woman. After a few days together, both of us were exhausted. Then I went to Nanjing so that she could have time to write articles. And every time we say goodbye, there is no sadness about separation, but rather like after the Festival of Lights, we have a new perspective on ordinary life. The Milky Way is said to be tears, but it turns out that the Milky Way's lightness is used to describe joy.

IV

Christ said: "Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and to God what belongs to God." Nowadays, people are divided into belongings in this way, but Eileen Chang taught me that there are no taboos. People in the world do not die for evil, but die for good. If something good is tabooed with witches and priests, it will not be good.

Because I heard others often say that students are the happiest when they are students, I asked Ailing about it, but Ailing didn’t like school life very much. I also thought that I needed to miss my childhood, but she didn’t miss it either. The feelings that I consider to be appropriate have no such feeling for her. She told me confidently that she didn't like her parents, that she lived alone outside, and that she had a younger brother who occasionally visited her, but she was also ruthless. This goes against my life style. However, Chinese civilization was originally based on people walking in the Five Ethics and Five Constants, not that people belong to the Five Ethics and Five Constants. The reason why the ethics and ethics have not been revolutionized for thousands of years is that there can also be peach blossoms and Fan Lihua at the same time as the Twenty-Four Filial Piety.

Folks love to watch peach blossom girls fighting with their father-in-law when watching dramas. I also like Fan Lihua. Fan Lihua killed her husband and father, but the Tang Dynasty still wants beautiful and capable people like her. There is also Nezha. Nezha was a little boy who caused great disasters. His father was afraid of being involved and took advantage of his life to punish him. Nezha became angry and cut off the flesh to return to his mother and his father. Later, he became Guanyin Bodhisattva. His limbs were made of lotus leaves and lotus roots. Zhang Ailing also has such a lotus body.

Ai Ling is new to her, and the new clothes she wears are particularly eye-catching for uncleanness. She will immediately feel the slightest bit of fog or filthiness. Xiangyu in Liaozhai, the man said to Jiangxue: "I love my wife Xiangyu, and I hate my friend Jiangxue." Ai Ling was very unhappy. I also met a few educated people through chatting with Ai Ling. Ai Ling could tell at a glance that those people were not clean and not smart. Every time I hear what she says, I can't help but compare others to myself, which makes me somewhat frightened, but I have no way of starting from the beginning.

I praised Ai Ling’s room, but she said that it was decorated by her mother before she went abroad. If she decorated it herself, she would like exciting colors. Zhao Kuangyin described the rising sun: “It’s hard to get out of the light spicy tart, thousands of mountains are like fire.

"The excitement Ai Ling was talking about was the glorious color of hot tarts like this. She paid attention to the Jin Ping Mei and Song Huilian's clothes. I asked her if she felt excited when she saw obscene places, but she didn't. She likes to read tabloids. , she laughed and cursed while still reading many of the foul and pretentious sentences; there were also witty remarks, and the witty remarks in the tabloids were often pitiful, which did not attract Aileen's sympathy at all, but she was also so happy when she relayed them to me. It's funny. No matter what she is looking at, she is still just herself. She will not share the joys and sorrows of the people in the book. She is so pure that she does not seem to be stained by the world.

Even the good things are not touched by Ai Ling. Many new-school women have read the articles she wrote, and they even try to imitate the characters in her novels. But Ai Ling herself does not like such characters. Ai Ling can be close to Pan Jinlian and Li Ping'er in The Golden Ping Meili. But she never sympathizes with them. She is close to Lin Daiyu, Xue Baochai, Fengjie Qingwen, and even Aunt Zhao in Dream of Red Mansions, but she never wants to compare herself with any of them. She does the same with the men in the book or today. She is a person who enjoys flowers in spring and never falls in love.

I thought I could look down upon the prince, but I was still very grateful. Ai Ling never did this, even if the other person was Japanese. God, she can see him clearly in a small place. Ordinary people, including me, tend to tolerate gentlemen and not villains, and the same is true for things. However, tragedies have always been caused by good people, and many of them are caused by good people. Good things are only seen being destroyed one after another, because such good things are limited in nature and are diseased. In fact, what is unforgivable should not be forgiven. Aileen is very harsh on good people and good things, but she is also very harsh on villains and ordinary things. It's just that she is strict, but she is really equal. Ai Ling is like a child, so she doesn't like children. She doesn't get close to puppies or kittens, and she doesn't even have a good impression of little angels. When she arrived at the apartment door and had to pay the driver's tab, she felt very shameful and afraid. She would rather pay more, stuffed the money into the driver's hand, and hurriedly ran upstairs, not even daring to look at the driver's face. Chinese folk say. A child's eyes are the purest, and he smiles in his sleep because the Bodhisattva is teaching him. Sometimes he is frightened for no reason, because he has seen something ominous and unclean. Zhang Ailing does not study current affairs at all, but she told me that Japanese pop songs are very sad. , this meant that Japan would be destroyed. I didn’t even dare to tell Ikeda at that time. If he knew, he would be shocked and cry.

五

Zhang Ailing likes the smell of paint and gasoline. She also likes to smell the smell of food. She drinks strong tea and eats greasy and rotten food. She rarely buys anything, but she eats snacks every day. She is like a red-mouthed green warbler. When she was a little girl, she had an article published in a newspaper and received five yuan. The adults said that this was her first contribution and that she should buy a dictionary as a souvenir, but she immediately took it. She used the money to buy lipstick.

Her mother was a young lady from Huang Junmen in the late Qing Dynasty. She was a beautiful Westernized woman. She wanted to train Ailing to be a lady since she was a child, but her mother finally lost heart in teaching her how to be a lady. Smile, but Ai Ling doesn't smile. When she smiles, she opens her mouth and laughs, or it is just a happy smile. Even she forgets that she is smiling, which is a bit silly. Aileen described herself to me in this way, she just felt very happy about this helpless thing. He added: "My mother taught me the posture of a lady when walking, but I always stumble when I walk. I bump into the corners of tables and chairs for three days or two in the room. I bruise the skin on my legs, so I use I applied a lot of red lotion, and my aunt was shocked every time, thinking that she was so badly injured that she was bleeding so much." She felt very happy when she said that.

Aileen showed me two strings of large glass beads that her mother brought to her from Egypt when she was a child, one blue and one purple. I immediately felt that I was a boy and looked down on such women. Kids stuff. She also showed me her childhood compositions. When she was fourteen, she wrote a "Modern Dream of Red Mansions", which was bound into a two-volume manuscript. The beginning is that Qin Zhong and Zhi'er took a train and eloped to Hangzhou, fell in love freely and got married, but they had financial difficulties, were angry and sad, and Later, Jia's mother brought Baoyu and the sisters to the West Lake to watch the water sports meeting and eat ice cream. I was shocked when I first read it, how could it ruin the scenery like this, but she wrote it so rationally and cleanly.

Zhang Ailing makes people dislike her at first glance. She will never cater to you, and you can’t even think of catering to her. If you look at her with all the stereotypes of good and evil, you can't see through her. Just like the Buddhist scriptures say that you can't meet the Tathagata thirty-two times, her person is such a separation and combination of divine light. Occasionally, some educated people came to her place and barely sat down for a while, but they felt that they should not look at her closely or stay for a long time.

It turns out that good things do not make people feel at ease, but make them slightly uneasy.

Everything she does seems to be undertaking a big event. The look on her face when walking is very important. She even picks up a needle or opens a can with a confident and serious look on her face. Things that everyone is used to doing, which can be done properly even if they are absent-minded, are very difficult for her, and she is not willing to make any concessions. But she actually managed to avoid any loss by contacting the person who wrote the manuscript, and the money was budgeted well. She handles things in her own way and is not bullied. Once on the road, the gangster snatched her handbag, and she fought for a long time before it was taken away. Another time, the gangbang snatched the steamed bun from her hand, half of it fell to the ground, and she still took back the other half.

When it comes to favors and money, I always owe others money, but Ai Ling is always on the same page. She and her aunt lived in separate rooms, and the two of them had to compete for money. But she knew it herself, and she had the nerve to say to me: "My aunt said that I am obsessed with money." She laughed and was very happy. It was rare for her and Yan Ying to go out together to have snacks at a coffee shop, and they had to clarify who would pay the bill first. Yan Ying is an Indian woman, very playful. She has the ability to persuade the Jewish coffee shop owner to soften his heart and spare her money. Ai Ling was very happy when she told me about it.

Ai Ling’s belief that every penny is like life reminds me of when I was young, I used a red-tipped rope to weave a bunch of lucky money on the first day of the first lunar month. They were all bright white copper coins from Kangxi Daoguang. I also felt this joy. I laughed at Ai Ling: "Some fathers who pay tuition fees to their children complain that all my money comes from blood, or blood and sweat." Ai Ling felt helpless after hearing this, and said with a smile: "I don't have any blood from my money. Money from hard-earned money only makes people feel uncomfortable, so it is not so joyful."

Every time Ai Ling uses money, she has a sense of being generous and frugal, without any exaggeration. Talking about a friend's house once, she said, "There are so many valuable things in it that are dull and devoid of joy. After looking at it, I just felt that I would rather not be rich." In the apartment where Ailing lives, her neighbor is a German who is so stingy that it’s hard to find funny. Ailing said: “Westerners are stingy. Although they invest in big projects and are willing to spend money for charity, in the end She also doesn’t know that there is a kind of virtue called generosity.”

6

Ailing never worries or makes her cry. She told me that she had done it twice, once. Back when she was about ten years old, she was frustrated by a man, but I don’t remember whether Ailing hated him or liked him, so she burst into tears. Another time was when she was studying at the University of Hong Kong. During the summer vacation, it seemed that Yan Ying went back to her home in Shanghai without waiting for her. She usually didn't want to go home, but this time she fell on the bed and cried and yelled uncontrollably. In her articles, she is accustomed to describing feelings of compassion, tenderness, and quiet tears, but she herself would rather be like white rain falling on a sunny day.

She said: "You said you don't have separation worries, and I think I do too, but the last time you went to Nanjing, I actually felt sentimental." But after all, she is not a sentimental person. Another time she wrote to me and said, "I have thought about it, you can just come and go here with me in the future." She was thinking about marriage and didn't know what to do, but she didn't think about it anymore.

Previously I asked Ai Ling what she thought about marriage, and she said that she had not imagined it. She doesn't want to fall in love with anyone. She doesn't even seem to have anyone pursuing her. If there is, she probably won't like it. In short, it's still early. I'll get married when it's time to get married, and I won't be picky about three or four. Ambitious men can be generous whether married or not, and she, as a woman, can also be so.

But she never expected to meet me. I already have a wife and she doesn't care. Or if I have many girlfriends, even if I kidnap prostitutes, she won't be jealous. She would rather all the women in the world like me. And even though she and I were not often together, we were only as far apart as I was alone in the room, while she went to the kitchen to get tea. Where the two of us are, only half of the places others can reach, and the other half cannot.

Ai Ling and I are just a man and a woman who are happy with each other. In the midnight song, calling us "huan" is actually better than calling us lovers. When the two of us were sitting in the room talking, she would look at me intently, overjoyed, and say, "Why are you so smart? In Shanghainese, if you knock the top of your head, the soles of your feet will also ring." I later read this when I was on my way to the mountains. There is a saying from the ancients: "A gentleman is like a sound." I smiled unconsciously. She was so happy that she was so surprised that she would just ask: "Is your person real? Is it real that you and I are together like this?" She also insisted on my answer, which made me very stiff.

Once I heard Aileen say that there was a sentence about "wanting to die" in an old novel. I was surprised. I praised the sentence repeatedly and asked her which old novel it was from. She was also surprised and said: "This is common. ." In fact, she was always so happy that she was so confused that she thought that such a ready-made phrase had already existed.

But I have never seen anyone in the world like her as much as I do. Anyone who has ever met and talked to Zhang Ailing, I treat them as a big deal. I want to hear what they say about how beautiful she is, but they don't even make the usual comments. Everyone loves her articles, just like reading a lantern market. This cannot be regarded as a kind of close friend who is so vast that we forget each other, but I feel that they can't work hard. Like them, I face the beauty of the world, but I am the only one who is alarmed and wants to dance after hearing the chicken.

In July, Japanese Yu Hengjun came to Shanghai. I mentioned Zhang Ailing and he wanted to meet her. I immediately said that he could not invite her, and I had to ask her first when I went to see her. Xiong Jiandong said several times that he would invite Zhang Ailing to a banquet. , she asked me to accompany her to see her, but I refused. I only introduced Ikeda, and every time he met Ai Ling, it was always a big deal for me to be together. Ikeda said that he regarded Yanying as his sister and Miss Zhang as his elder sister, who was more of an adult than him. Zhang Ailing also said that Ikeda was good, but I don’t think Ikeda was affected by her at all.

Ai Ling and I are just like this. In this world, there are mountains that never get too high and seas that never get too deep. Mountains and seas can never be the place where children miss each other. Neither of us had ever thought about getting married. But Yingdi divorced me and we got married. I was thirty-eight years old and she was twenty-three. In order to ensure that the changes in the current situation would not affect her in the future, I did not hold a ceremony and only wrote a marriage contract. The text said: Hu Lancheng and Zhang Ailing signed a lifelong contract to become husband and wife. I hope that the years will be peaceful and the present life will be stable.

The first two sentences were written by Ai Ling, and the last two sentences were written by me, with Yan Ying as matchmaker.

Even though we are married, it still seems like we have never been married. I refused to change her life in the slightest because of me. No matter how the two of them act like a couple, one is still a golden boy and the other is a beautiful girl.

Seven

People in the world know that evil things often have great power. Like clouds of evil spirits, they will frighten people to separate their skulls and blast away their souls. They don’t know that good things can also have great power. It is so powerful that it makes people see life directly, and it is also such a shock. The Buddhist scriptures describe the appearance of the Tathagata, and the world vibrates in six types and eighteen forms, which is like the vibration dropped by a thermonuclear bomb. But the power of evil spirits is to intimidate and frighten, making people insignificant, while the power of good things is like the power of auspicious lins and majestic phoenixes, and fright is to surprise and make people fly. Only when good things exert great power can the great power of evil spirits be transformed into good fortune. But the Westerners have only discovered gods, and their people are still sacrifices for burnt offerings. They are not as good as the Chinese in that they can directly see life.

When I was a child, I saw flowers as flowers and water as water. When I saw the moon on the eaves, I felt no thoughts. People and things were so pure that friendship was also rational. When I was growing up, I was affected by the impact of the Western spirit on Chinese civilization. Because I was determined to learn well and make progress, I listened to theories, and I fabricated feelings in order to be compatible with them. Instead, I ended up with a glassy body. In Dream of Red Mansions, Jia Baoyu was seriously ill, and the monk said After meeting the doctor, Xiren and others took off the psychic gem he was wearing and handed it over. The monk took it in his hand and saw that the jade was dark and turbid. He sighed and said, "Under Qinggan Peak, don't come to me fifteen years ago." At this age, you are so trapped by greed, anger, love and delusion. Where is the brightness of your nature? When I read this section, I really wanted to cry after thinking about it.

When I was here at Ailing, I saw myself and all things in the world again. Modern China and the West can be just a feast of seas and clear rivers. In Journey to the West, Tang Monk was studying for scriptures and heard the sound of thunder. When he was crossing the river and boarding the boat, the prince pushed him and he almost fell into the water. When he took a closer look, he saw a corpse dripping from the upper stream. He was surprised and said, how come there are dead people in the Buddhist land? , the practitioner replied to the master, that is your karma, congratulations on being liberated. I was also shocked to see my own body here in Ailing. If I hadn't had her, I wouldn't have been able to write "Mountains and Rivers" later on.

When the two of us are in the room, it’s like “looking at flowers in the front and back mirror, and the flowers reflect each other.” She and I are fellow practitioners who live together, share the same fate, see the same things, and know the same things. Aileen is extremely beautiful. She is magnificent, and she is often earth-shattering. She is completely rational, as rational as mathematics, it is just like this, without theoretical logic, her astonishment is like the rationality of mathematics, and her beauty is like the infinity of mathematics. Where I am inaccurate, I exaggerate, and when I am accurate, I am deficient, so I always have to make corrections from her. The ancients said that a couple is like tuning a harp and a harp, but it was from Ailing that I learned how to tune the strings.

When I was in Hong Kong, I bought some recordings of Beethoven and I didn't like it at first listen. But Beethoven is called the saint of music, so it must be because of my incompetence, so I listened hard every day until I understood it. I learned that Ailing started playing piano when she was nine and continued until she was fifteen. I was just about to feel proud when she unexpectedly said that she didn't like piano. This statement made me feel relieved. Since I was in middle school, I have disdained Peking opera, Shaoxing opera, popular songs, etc. It was only after Ailing’s guidance that I realized how good it is, and I actually like it. "The Great Learning" said: "The so-called sincerity of one's intention is not to deceive oneself, just like a bad smell or a lust." I only have myself now.

Ai Ling has read the most modern Western literature. When the two of us were in the room, she would always tell me about it, like the "eighteen drawers" where nun Zhizhen moved out to eat and invite her lover. She told me about the works of Bernard Shaw, Huxley, Sondermont, and Lawrence. After every lecture, she would always say, "But there are limits to their benefits," as if she had stopped me from listening. She didn't think there was anything wrong with my poor English. Instead, she was very careful and apologetic towards me. But she has no interest in Western classical works, and she doesn't like Shakespeare, Goethe, or Russia (or Soviet Russia? - Sunny's note). All the grand things in the West, such as their murals, symphonies, revolutions, or world wars, make people feel strenuous, but they are actually not good. Ai Lingning only likes the spirit of modern civilians. In Tolstoy's "War and Peace", she was not moved at all when I read the touching parts. Instead, she saw some well-written sections in places where there was no story. She will not be coaxed to sing and cry with others, because her emotions are so clear that they are rational. Even on the day Yingdi divorced me, I cried when I went to Ai Ling, but Ai Ling was not sympathetic either.

I have never seen Ai Ling buy books, and there are no books piled in her room. I brought the Book of Songs, Yuefu Poems, and Li Yishan Poems, and she returned them immediately after reading them. I borrowed Japanese woodblock prints, Ukiyo-e paintings, and Cézanne albums from Ikeda. She liked them, but Ikeda said to give them to her, but she didn’t want them. I asked her about some pieces of clothing she described in the article. She only looked at them in the store but didn't buy them. I felt sorry for them, but she didn't feel any regret at all. Ai Ling is like Qin Luofu in Moshang Sangli and Hu Ji in Yulin Lang. No matter how touching the other person is, she only has good intentions and does not use emotion.

She was so obedient to me and never changed her mind because of me. I often made comments for a while, but then thought about what was wrong, and said to her: "Just be your own way, please don't be influenced by me." She smiled and said: "Don't worry, I still don't obey if I don't obey, even though I don't obey , but I still like to hear it. "She is really like a person with no relatives in heaven.

A person who is sincere in his thoughts may not necessarily be wise, but "those who want to be sincere in their thoughts must first know how to know, and knowledge must be studied." If you want to be smart, then you can be sincere in your thoughts, and knowing comes first before thinking. It is not possible to investigate things in order to achieve knowledge, but to investigate things before achieving knowledge. Observing things is completely a secret. Ai Ling is like a human being, so her knowledge of things and knowledge will never be matched by me. Aileen's intelligence is like a crystal heart and a glass person. I thought I could show off my strength to her in ancient Chinese books, but little did I know that she was also the one who was strong. The two of them sat side by side reading a book, and the sentences in the book were like pedestrians on the street who only greeted her, but I was really happy that I was with her. When I read the Book of Songs, I thought she might not like Daya, but she was convinced by the Book of Songs. There was one article that only read the first two sentences: "The clouds and the Han are like clouds, and they will shine back to the sky." Ai Ling was startled and said: "Ah! It's really true. It is the year of severe drought." Another nineteen ancient poems read: "There is a beautiful woman in Yanzhao. !” She also watched Zi Ye Ge: “Where does the joy come from?” She sighed, “This is really good, and she really loves him!” I realized that I usually thought I understood things. Yes, actually I don’t understand.

Ailing doesn’t read theoretical books, and she doesn’t even like history. But I still read one of her essays about clothes, and I came face to face with many major events since the early years of the Republic of China. In this article, she also wrote about clothes, just about clothes, and there was no need to explain the environmental era. Ai Ling's knowledge is the enlightenment of all things in the world.

Eight

Zhang Ailing was the most beautiful person in the world of the Republic of China. Reading her articles, I just feel that she knows everything. In fact, she has very little experience in the world, but everything in this era will naturally come to negotiate with her, just like "flowers come into the shirt, shadows fall into the pond." One morning, I walked with her to Meiyuan Garden. On the Great West Road, the shadows of trees and the sound of cars and people passing by in the shops made Ailing feel happy and said to me: "Even if modern things are different in many ways, they are ours after all, and they belong to us." relative.

”

Ailing’s mother was still in Nanyang, and her aunt had returned from Europe and was working at Jardine Matheson. One day, she talked about how badly damaged Berlin was during the war, so she talked about the streets of Berlin. I asked Ailing, and Ailing answered