A hilarious joke

The teacher said to the students, "Each of you should do a good deed every day."

the next day, the teacher asked, "Hu Sanger, what good thing did you do yesterday?"

"I helped an old woman cross the street."

"good boy! Fan Lidong, what about you? "

"I helped Hu Sanger and helped an old woman cross the road."

"that's good, too. Manuchel, what about you? "

"Teacher, I helped Hu Sanger and Fan Lidong to help an old woman cross the street."

"how strange! Are you three helping the same old woman cross the street? "

"it's nothing strange!" Hu Sanger reported loudly, "That old woman didn't need to cross the road. We had a lot of trouble to help her." I

After 3 years in middle school

My teacher assigned an essay topic "Me after 3 years" in the composition class of grade five.

Xiaomei, a girl in the class, wrote: ... Today's weather is good. I took my children to the park to play. I drove the limousine my husband bought me, wearing a big diamond ring he just bought me on my finger and a gold chain he gave me last month around my neck. I walked in the park with my lovely child, and people envied me everywhere. Suddenly, a smelly, muddy and homeless old lady rushed out of the road. I took a closer look. Oh, my God! She turned out to be my fifth grade Chinese teacher.

when the secretary visited a school and saw a globe in the classroom, he asked student A, "Tell me, why is this globe tilted at 23.5 degrees?" "Student A was very frightened and replied," I didn't do it. At this point, another student B entered the classroom. When the Secretary asked again, student B replied, "You know, I just came in and didn't know anything. "The director asked the teacher doubtfully what was going on. The teacher said apologetically, "I can't blame them. When the globe was bought, it was already like this. Seeing that the director's face was getting uglier and uglier, the headmaster hurried forward to explain, "It's a shame to say that," the headmaster smiled apologetically, "Because the school's funds are limited, we bought cheap goods." < P > In a primary school, two students were quarreling, and A said, "You ... scream again, I can call someone!

b said, "you ... you fight! I don't believe this ... "

Then A really went to make a phone call, and when he came back, he put a cruel sentence:" You will know how to

die in 3 minutes! ! !

At this time, B was extremely nervous, but there was nothing he could do. After 3 minutes, the school broadcast: "A certain classmate of B, you have a visitor, please go to the academic affairs office.

"wow! "Although B is very scared, but think about it is in the student affairs office, it should be fine.

So he went to the academic affairs office, and a teenager with blond hair came up to him and said, "Are you B?

b: "I am ..." ... "Sorry for waiting, here are 1 Hawaiian pizza with drenched chicken, 53 yuan."

Singing for the teacher

Late at night, after correcting the last test paper, Mr. Wang turned on the radio wearily and wanted to listen to music to relax. The DJ's voice came from the radio

machine: "All the students in Class X, Grade Three, XX Middle School dedicated this song to their beloved teacher Wang

XX, thanking him for giving them countless exercises over the years (especially this year), which gave them valuable

practice opportunities ..." Hearing this, Mr. Wang's eyes were wet and his face was exhausted. DJ

went on to say, "... let's listen to this song together now, Li Huimin's" You will have no good result "..." Two

eyes turned white, foaming at the mouth and fell to the ground ... |

misused idioms

One day, Xiaojun wrote a composition in the classroom: "My Home".

Xiao Jun wrote: "There are three people in my family, my parents and me. Every morning when we go out, the three of us

go our separate ways and go our separate ways, and in the evening, we reach the same goal by different routes. Dad is an architect, pointing fingers at the construction site every day; Mom is a salesman, and every day she comes to the store. I am a student, and I am stupefied in the classroom every day. Three members of my family are congenial, and the family is in harmony, but when my grades are not good, my father also fights with my roommates and cruelly beats me to the ground, while my mother stands by and never acts bravely. "

The truth comes out

The teacher has been pregnant for some days, but the children in her kindergarten don't seem to notice the little guys who are thriving like them.

One day, a dental hygienist was invited to teach children how to protect their teeth, and said that if they were greedy for sweets and chocolates, it would not only be harmful to their teeth, but also make them fat. On the way back to the classroom, a little boy caught up with the teacher, pointed to her stomach and said, "I see what you have been doing, teacher!" "

Do a good deed every day

The teacher said to the students, "Each of you should do a good deed every day."

the next day, the teacher asked, "Hu Sanger, what good thing did you do yesterday?"

"I helped an old woman cross the street."

"good boy! Fan Lidong, what about you? "

"I helped Hu Sanger and helped an old woman cross the road."

"that's good, too. Manuchel, what about you? "

"Teacher, I helped Hu Sanger and Fan Lidong to help an old woman cross the street."

"how strange! Are you three helping the same old woman cross the street? "

"it's nothing strange!" Hu Sanger reported loudly, "That old woman didn't need to cross the road. We had a lot of trouble to help her."

Manner

Mrs. Hope drove a new convertible on the highway, and she broke all the traffic laws in only five minutes, and finally knocked down a man who was coming. Mrs. hope got off the bus and said to the man apologetically, "I'm really sorry, sir. It's all my fault. I took the wrong route. I hope you didn't have any damage?" The man smiled bitterly: "No, madam, it's my own fault." He picked up two knocked teeth from the ground. "Because I saw you 3 meters away, I had time to go to the tree."

Driving too fast

A driver was going to drive home after drinking. He saw the car in his mirror speeding by again and again and thought, No, the car is driving too fast! So he prepared to slow down. However, the car in the mirror is getting faster and faster. No, more slowly, he thought. So I'm going to slow down.

At this moment, I saw a policeman knocking on the glass of his car. He thought, No, he must have driven too fast and was seen by the police. So he opened the car door and said apologetically, "I'm sorry, but I didn't pay attention just now, so I drove fast again." I saw that the policeman angrily pulled him out of the car: "Do you know that you can't park in the driveway! A fine of 5! "

Fortunately,

One day, Xiao Neng, Xiao Tian and Xiao Gui were walking in the park when they saw something in the middle of the road.

"it looks like poop!" Xiao neng said, "we'd better check." He bent down and took a deep breath. "It smells like poop." He said.

Oda stepped forward and put her finger in, feeling, "It feels like poop. "He said.

Xiao Gui poked it in her mouth and said, "It tastes like poop, too."

The three men finally breathed a sigh of relief and said, "It's a good thing we didn't step on it!"

The more you talk about it, the more you reveal it.

A driver was driving through an intersection, and a traffic policeman came up and said, "Congratulations, sir, you are the first person who didn't violate the traffic rules at this intersection. For this reason, I decided to award you 1 yuan." The driver said happily, "Great, I can use this money to get a driver's license." The policeman said, "What? You have no driver's license? " The driver's wife quickly said, "Don't listen to his nonsense, he's drunk." The policeman said, "What? Do you still drink? " The driver's mother added, "I told you to drive the stolen car carefully."

Me after 3 years

My teacher assigned an essay topic "Me after 3 years" in the composition class of grade five.

Xiaomei, a girl in the class, wrote: ... Today's weather is good. I took my children to the park to play. I drove the limousine my husband bought me, wearing a big diamond ring he just bought me on my finger and a gold chain he gave me last month around my neck. I walked in the park with my lovely child, and people envied me everywhere. Suddenly, a smelly, muddy and homeless old lady rushed out of the road. I took a closer look. Oh, my God! She turned out to be my fifth grade Chinese teacher.

the tour guide's eloquence ... sigh!

passengers: hello! On behalf of somersault travel agency, I would like to welcome you all! Now, let me introduce our car.

The car you are riding has been used as a scrapped car for 13 years. Because there is no brake, you must collide with other objects before parking. This is our driver's master. He has set an accident record of 12 minutes. He usually only needs two bottles to get on the bus.

There is no speedometer in this car. If your upper teeth are broken, the speed is 4 kilometers. If the glass window flies out, the speed is 8 kilometers; If the wheel falls off, the speed is 14 kilometers; If the roof flies out, then we will reach the last one-heaven.

I sincerely wish you all a pleasant trip and good health. Now we begin to write last words ...

Reasons for imprisonment

One day, a new prisoner came to the prison, and the old one asked the new one, "Hey, what crime did you commit?"

"Oh, nothing, I just fried fish in a place where fishing is forbidden, and then some fish came up on the water."

The old man said, "So you're in jail?"

The new one said, "I'm not finished yet. There are six divers coming up."

A girl who is jealous of ants

A girl, who likes sweets and is very fat, has a hobby: she hates ants and kills them when she sees them. Asked why, he replied, "This little thing likes sweet food so much, and his waist is so thin, it really annoys me!" "

aunt driving

a 7-year-old aunt drove slowly along the provincial highway with three elderly people who were also aunts. The traffic policeman stopped her and said, "Aunt, if you drive so slowly, it will affect the traffic."

The aunt driving said, "Isn't that sign written 2?"

The traffic policeman said, "That's Highway 2!"

The aunt driving said, "Oh! Oh! Which highway is that, not the speed limit! "

The traffic policeman said, "Right, suspicious? Why do the other three aunts behind you look so ugly? "

The aunt who was driving replied, "We just drove from Highway 245!"

The fish drowned

One day when I went to the kindergarten for an interview, I saw a goldfish bowl in front of a class window, and there were only some aquatic plants in it, so I asked, "Hey! What about the goldfish inside? "

"oh! Two days ago, I just died, "said the teacher.

"He drowned!" A child beside me, seeing my face puzzled, explained eagerly.

Little sharpshooter

The coach of the shooting team found an exhaust bullet hole on the street wall, all of which hit a small chalk circle. He thought this must be a dead shot, and he should be found anyway.

After investigation, he found that the shooter was actually a seven-year-old child.

"little friend," the coach asked admiringly, "where did you learn to shoot?"

"Nothing," the child said casually. "It's very simple. I shoot at the wall first, and then draw a circle with chalk around the bullet hole." \

Thirst

Dad put his son to bed and went back to his bedroom to get ready for bed.

"dad!" Cried the son.

"what is it?"

"I'm thirsty, can you bring me a glass of water?"

"you just drank it! Go to sleep, I have turned off the lights! "

Five minutes later ...

"Dad! I'm thirsty, can't you bring me a glass of water? "

"I just said that! You ask me to hit you again! "

Five minutes have passed ...

"Dad!"

"What's the matter?"

"Be sure to bring a glass of water when you come and beat me!"