Japanese psychologists help you get rid of the "bondage" of maternal love and find your own way to happiness.

"You are 25 or 6, why don't you find someone?"

"You've been married for so long, is there a problem?"

? "This man/woman can't do it. You want to get married. I strongly disagree! "

"This job is unstable, it is better to change to a stable job!"

"You are a bad friend, don't associate with him/her in the future."

"What time is it? Why don't you get up? "

"Why don't you always listen? Mom cares about you for your own good! "

In love, marriage, work, making friends and life, mothers always take pains to arrange everything for their children. ...

I was deeply distressed by this. On the one hand, I want to escape, because my mother is everywhere, always telling me about work, life and love. On the other hand, I also feel guilty, because my mother really works hard for me, and whenever I refuse her, she is extremely sad.

Later, I decided to gradually get rid of my mother's "bondage" Facts have proved that opening my privacy to my mother moderately and making my own decisions can give me a sense of control over my life.

In June this year, I read The Secret of Perfect Mother-daughter Relationship written by Japanese psychologists Takeda Tazhong and Sakuraguchi Jianglizi, only to find that many people, like me, feel "bound" and guilty because of maternal love, and all this can be solved by understanding mother's real thoughts, calmly analyzing her personality and ability, and adopting "business communication skills" and other methods. As long as we can achieve spiritual and economic independence, we can achieve a perfect mother-daughter relationship!

Is Mr. Tian Dacheng "communication" and "love"? Get married? Work, life psychology, social changes and the relationship between men and women. He has participated in various TV programs as "the first man in Japan who understands women's psychology". In Ebisu, Tokyo, a coffee shop called "Professional Coffee Shop for Love and Work" was opened for women's life talks. In recent years, Ms. Jiang of Sakura has been supporting many women in public and private fields with the theme of making Japanese young people more energetic and combining her own parenting experience. These two authors have rich theoretical knowledge and practical experience in female psychology.

The book The Secret of Perfect Mother-daughter Relationship mainly analyzes how women should treat their mothers objectively and how to handle the relationship perfectly. On the surface, it mainly talks about the way of mother and daughter getting along, but if you have the heart, you can find that "Tao" is also applicable to mother and child, father and son, and even parents.

"Since the summer vacation, my mother has been scolding me almost every day, and my clothes have not been washed for a day. Later cooking, scolding; Did the clothes wash dry, scold; Don't go out and be scolded; When I went out, I was told that that girl was so wild that she was a senior three. She starts school tomorrow and wants to run away from her. "

This is the description of a girl in Zhihu Shang 1. She asked for help, "What should I do?" Below the question, there is a series of self-confidence about similar problems.

It seems that all mothers in the world are similar, and so are all children in the world.

I remember a story, 1 A girl ran away from home. When I was hungry, I met 1 a strange noodle stall owner and gave her 1 a bowl of noodles. After eating, she knelt down in tears and thanked the owner of the booth opposite, thinking that he was better than her parents. However, it is obvious that her parents gave her more than 1 bowl noodles!

Why is this? Because, we always feel that our parents should be kind to us and should support us. Because the law on the protection of minors requires them to support us. Because, at the beginning, we didn't decide to be born by ourselves, nor did we decide that they would use a lot of money and labor to support us. These are all decided by our parents in private! If we can choose 1 time again, maybe we won't choose to be their children at all and live the life they gave us!

Some people think that since they chose to raise me, they have raised 10 for several years, more than 20 years, and even lived together for more than 30 years. Then, how can they not understand me? Unless they don't love me and care about me, they won't know my needs; Will not understand my every move.

But, don't forget, your mother is just an imperfect ordinary woman. She is not much different from her neighbor's aunt. She can really know you better than a strange aunt, but only a little.

Mother's cognitive level and life experience determine how she views you and the people, things and things you face. And this level of cognition and life experience is far from you. Therefore, it is normal that her views are quite different from yours.

Therefore, you don't need to care whether your mother can really understand you, and you don't need to care about every 1 comment of your mother. Because their comments are sometimes outdated and inappropriate. For example, my mother thinks that women should obey if they want to be liked by men. In fact, most men nowadays don't like wives who blindly obey or even compromise. In marriage, women who are always humble to the dust are more likely to be abandoned by their husbands.

"Filial piety is the first of all virtues". In China's traditional virtues, filial piety is an important indicator to measure whether 1 is noble or not. Filial piety is also natural in people's instinctive reaction. For example, my 1.5-year-old daughter is now committed to helping me with my things and enjoys it.

Every child will have a sense of mission of "I must take good care of my mother" after seeing her mother go through all kinds of hardships and take good care of herself. Even if you say harsh words to your mother in a rage, you will feel guilty and uneasy about it in the future.

Of course children should care about their mothers. However, caring for your mother and giving her occasional assistance, being independent of your children and letting your mother always participate in your own life are completely different and not contradictory.

Care about mother. At the same time, self-reliance is realized, and the mother-daughter/son boundary is clear. If you can't do this, it will be unsustainable sooner or later.

As a child, not caring about mother will bring three bad consequences. 1, your inner conscience will constantly punish yourself; 2. People around you will judge that you don't know how to be grateful and aren't worth trusting and interacting with; Your children will follow suit and leave you alone.

As children, sacrificing their lives to take care of their mothers, or neglecting their future development to avoid their mothers' sadness, will also bring three kinds of adverse consequences.

1. No matter what the mother says or does in action, the ultimate idea of the mother is to hope that the child can stand on his own feet. Otherwise, when life ends, it is impossible to close your eyes.

2. If children sacrifice themselves for their mothers, they will eventually get complaints from their mothers. For example, some children give up 1 and 1 because their mothers are picky. However, after his thirties, he was scolded by his mother for "why not find someone". However, obviously because my mother is too picky, I have never had a fixed object and failed to get married.

3, beyond the actual situation of the individual, you will feel that there are too many regrets at the end of your life, so that you feel that your life has been wasted. Don't exaggerate your ability and importance, not all problems are related to you, and not all problems must be borne and solved by you. When you can't do it, bravely say "can't do it"; When you feel wrong, it is very important to bravely refuse to obey.

? When you don't know how to decide, ask yourself, "If I die now and don't do things according to my mind and ability, will I regret it?" 1 Adult life, not only parents, but also lovers and children; We need not only filial piety, but also a sense of responsibility. Don't wait until you die to regret that you gave up your ideal easily, failed your lover and hurt your child!

Teacher Wu Zhihong said that the key reason why understanding between relatives is so difficult is that we are used to speculating, trying to figure out, evaluating and even attacking another person from our own coordinate system, but we completely forget that the other person also has a phenomenon field, a completely different coordinate system.

Many people can easily deal with all kinds of bosses, colleagues and subordinates at work, knowing that "everyone is talking nonsense". However, when communicating with parents at home, chickens often fly and dogs jump, making each other unhappy. The reason is that when people return to their parents, it is easy to degenerate into children's psychology and speculate, ponder, evaluate and even attack their parents from their own coordinate system.

Those who worry that "mom should apologize to me" and "others say so, forget it. How can mom and dad say the same thing about me? " "They are my parents, why don't they understand me?" Wait, don't they all look at others from their own point of view? These behaviors are similar to children being misunderstood by their parents and pulling their parents' skirts to get back "justice", aren't they? In fact, it is also a disguised form of coquetry with parents!

When we get along with superiors, colleagues and subordinates, we often don't have to fight for right and wrong. Even if the boss misunderstood us, most people wouldn't wait for the boss's apology or blame him for poking them. Only through a more euphemistic way, remind the boss of the truth, let the boss feel that his words are inappropriate, and then try their best to achieve their goals. This is a "business communication skill" that everyone in the workplace should have.

Although Business Communication Skills has the qualifier "business", it is also suitable for communicating with mom. No matter how close two people are, they are not 1. When we regard ourselves and our mother as two independent individuals, we can better understand why our mother doesn't agree with us. When you communicate with your mother, the more you can find the beauty of "business communication skills"!

The book "The Secret of Perfect Mother-daughter Relationship" says: "Being a person who can live well without a mother is the best reward for her kindness."

Perhaps, you always feel "bound" by maternal love, from eating and dressing to working, falling in love and getting married, you are always pointed at by your mother; Perhaps, you are always sad and angry after quarreling with your mother, and always live in disgust with your mother and yourself.

Then, open the book "The Secret of Perfect Mother-daughter Relationship", and you will definitely find the strength and secret to change yourself and the secret to establish a perfect mother-daughter relationship!