"Daughter-in-law, your brother-in-law and his wife are coming to play for a few days. Let them sleep in the master bedroom." Should I refuse?

The conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been a big problem since ancient times. In fact, the essence of the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the collision of old and new values ??between the two people and the struggle for family power.

The mother-in-law, who was originally the dominant figure in the family, not only had her dominant position shaken by the arrival of her daughter-in-law, but also made her favorite son belong to someone else. This series of events caused conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. the trigger.

And in many cases, it is the mother-in-law who has the upper hand. Why?

Because when a woman comes to a new family alone, she can only rely on her husband. However, husbands often favor their mothers out of filial piety, so those who have the upper hand and those who choose to tolerate are generally the ones who have the upper hand. It's the daughter-in-law.

Tolerance has never been the best way to resolve conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

The most critical method is to communicate in a timely manner to achieve mutual understanding and mutual respect.

01.

Weiwei is a native of Shanghai. She went to college in Anhui and had a boyfriend named Lin Fan during college.

Lin Fan is from Anhui and comes from an average family. His parents divorced a few years ago. Lin Fan and his younger brother Lin Dong have been living with their mother.

Although life in the countryside was hard, Lin Fan managed to live up to his expectations and was admitted to a university in Anhui, where he met Weiwei.

The two had a stable relationship during college. After graduation, Lin Fan and Weiwei both considered that the working conditions in Shanghai were better than those in Anhui, so they came to Shanghai to work together.

When the two got married, Weiwei's parents felt that Lin Fan's family conditions were not good and did not approve of the marriage. However, they could not overcome their daughter's insistence and had no choice but to agree to the marriage.

Weiwei’s parents bought a house for them so that they could live a more stable life in Shanghai.

The two of them lived a stable life in Shanghai because of their parents' help. A few years later, Lin Fan's younger brother also got married and lived with his mother in his hometown.

Suddenly one day, Lin Fan received a call from his younger brother Lin Dong. Lin Dong said on the phone: "Brother, my mother had a heart attack and is now in the hospital, but the doctor here said that the conditions are limited, so let We are transferring to another hospital. Do you know any doctor in Shanghai?"

Lin Fan hurriedly said on the phone: "I'll contact you and send mom to Shanghai as soon as possible." After hanging up the phone, Lin Fan said. I quickly contacted my friends in the hospital and asked them to help me contact someone for surgery.

With the help of Dr. Lin Fan’s friend, Lin Fan’s mother successfully completed the operation.

After being discharged from the hospital, her mother stayed at Lin Fan and Weiwei’s house to recuperate.

But it is because of the arrival of her mother-in-law that Weiwei's originally stable life is broken.

Lin Fan originally wanted to take this opportunity to honor his mother, but he didn't expect Weiwei to ask Lin Fan to either let her mother-in-law return to her hometown or get a divorce.

02,

The two of them have stable jobs in Shanghai, and the wages are also very respectable. Moreover, the two of them discussed before getting married that they would be DINKs and not have children, so they lived well in Shanghai. It's OK.

Lin Fan’s mother was admitted to a hospital in Shanghai after she fell ill, and Weiwei was always taking good care of her.

After my mother-in-law was discharged from the hospital, she has been living at the young couple’s home to recuperate.

My mother-in-law's health is getting better day by day. Lin Fan considers the medical level in Shanghai and discusses with Weiwei that he wants his mother to stay in Shanghai and live with them. Weiwei also considers her mother-in-law's health and agrees without hesitation. .

My mother-in-law came to Shanghai for the first time and everything she saw was new.

When her mother-in-law saw other old ladies owning scooters, she also wanted to buy one for Wei Wei. When she saw other old ladies signing up for senior dance training classes, Wei Wei also paid for them to sign up for herself, but Wei Wei didn’t care. , I followed my mother-in-law and was satisfied one by one.

My mother-in-law once went shopping and wanted to buy clothes, but she didn’t have enough money. She came home and said to Weiwei, “Weiwei, mom wanted to buy some clothes today, but she didn’t have enough money. I don’t have any income in Shanghai. So, can you give me some living expenses in the future?”

Lin Fan heard this and said, “Mom, don’t keep looking for Weiwei, I will give you money.”

My mother-in-law listened. Liaozhi shook his head and said, "How hard it is for you to earn money, Mom feels sorry for you.

"

Although Weiwei felt uncomfortable after hearing this, in order not to cause conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, she endured it one by one. Then she continued what her mother-in-law said: "Mom, you came here because I didn't think carefully. I will pay for the living expenses." Do you think two thousand a month is enough? "The mother-in-law nodded after hearing this.

Lin Fan comforted Weiwei at night while her mother was sleeping and told her not to mind too much. Weiwei shook her head to show that it was okay.

03,

Once, Lin Fan was going on a business trip, and there were only two people at home, Weiwei and her mother-in-law.

It happened that Weiwei had to work overtime that day, so Weiwei called her mother-in-law in advance and asked her to cook something at home. She wanted to eat something, but her mother-in-law actually called Lin Fan who was away on a business trip and said: "Weiwei won't come back at night, I'm alone at home with no food to eat. "

Lin Fan immediately called Weiwei to ask about Weiwei's specific situation. Lin Fan said on the phone: "Weiwei, didn't you go back at night? Mom said she had no food at home. "

Weiwei was shocked after hearing this and replied: "I'm working overtime. I called my mother and asked her to cook something at home. "After hearing this, Lin Fan asked Weiwei to work hard, and then ordered takeout for his mother.

When Weiwei returned home, her mother-in-law had already gone to bed, but the dining room and living room were in a mess. Weiwei was helpless, but There was no other way, so she endured the sleepiness and tidied up before returning to the room to rest.

Faced with her mother-in-law's repeated provocations and difficulties, Weiwei tolerated them for a while, not wanting to embarrass her husband.

On the weekend, the mother-in-law walked into Weiwei's room and said: "Weiwei, your brother-in-law and his wife are coming to play for a few days. They have no place to live in Shanghai, so they can only come to you. In order to let them have a good rest, See if you can give up the master bedroom for the two of them to sleep in. "

Faced with her mother-in-law's unreasonable and excessive ideas, Weiwei said angrily: "I don't agree. I can find a hotel for them when they come to Shanghai, but why should I give up my own room? The house was bought by my family. ”

The mother-in-law was angry when she saw Wei Wei for the first time. She didn’t dare to continue talking, so she left the room and called her son Lin Fan.

Lin Fan also rejected her mother-in-law’s idea on the phone. , saying that he would find a good hotel for his brother and let them have a good rest.

As soon as Lin Fan hung up the phone, he received a call from Weiwei.

Weiwei said angrily on the phone. “Either you let your mother go back to her hometown, or we get a divorce. Weiwei hung up the phone before Lin Fan could say anything.

Lin Fan panicked when he heard Weiwei mentioned divorce, hurriedly ended the work at hand, ended the business trip early, and returned home.

04,

After Lin Fan returned, he persuaded his mother and comforted his wife.

Lin Fan’s mother felt aggrieved when she heard that her son wanted her to return to her hometown. Said: "As expected, I have a wife who has forgotten my mother and wants to drive me away. Anyway, I am quite old. If I die in my hometown, I will die and no one will know." "

When Lin Fan saw his mother, he couldn't bear it and said, "Mom, my son didn't drive you away. If you want to continue living, just continue living. I'll go and talk to Weiwei." ”

Weiwei heard the conversation between mother and son, sighed, packed her luggage and returned to her parents’ house.

In fact, when Lin Fan’s mother first made an unreasonable request to Weiwei, She should communicate with her mother in time to try to ease the conflict between the two.

In order to be filial to her elders and maintain family harmony, Weiwei can accommodate and take good care of her mother-in-law, but she cannot have no bottom line and blindly endure it. It will only allow the mother-in-law to take advantage of her, and she will be the one who suffers.

The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not natural enemies, but a relationship established on the basis of family relationship and husband-wife relationship.

Women think. Integrating into a strange family does not rely on tolerance, nor blind accommodation and obedience. It relies on learning to refuse, learning to communicate, and learning to express true thoughts and demands.

At the same time, the son is a key link in the middle. What you and your husband should do more is to coordinate the relationship between the two, treat both parties to the problem fairly and justly, enlighten their emotions, and serve as a bridge of communication between the two to alleviate conflicts.

It is normal for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to have conflicts, but blind tolerance may not lead to harmony, but to push for the best.

You can consider your elders, be filial, and be kind, but you must have a bottom line, and there must be no bottom line. Kindness, but kindness with an edge.