How to change from an anxious mother to a calm mother?

I am the mother of a 10-year-old girl, and I am also anxious, anxious about my children's achievements, anxious about their success, and anxious about their comparison with others. In a word, I just don't want to accept that my children are worse than others' children, and regard them as a continuation of life, so that she can help me realize my childhood regrets and wishes.

I am lucky to have a mother of a child my age among my friends. She is free and interesting. Usually in the circle of friends, she either praises her children or her husband, or laments the beauty of life. Her daughter is getting better and better in her praise. In addition to excellent study, outstanding specialty, and calm and down-to-earth personality.

From my friends' stories, I am also reflecting on myself. Whose life is not a chicken feather, but she can turn ordinary life into poetry and distance. Gradually, I learned to calm my mind, to value myself in life, and to slow down the pace of life.

At the right time, try on beautiful clothes in front of the mirror, put on beautiful makeup, be the best yourself and be the best mother.

I was once an anxious mother. When my children were in kindergarten, I saw other children doing so well in addition and subtraction. Other children recognized so many words, and then I looked at my own children. I am angry and anxious. I beat children and scold them. However, it seems that the more I try to teach them, the slower they learn.

Later, I often read some books on parenting and child psychology, and learned some laws of children's development and parenting methods. Gradually, I realized that the root of the problem was not the child, but the mother herself.

After several years of exploration, study and adjustment, my mind gradually calmed down and I was no longer anxious.

First, don't compare your children with other children.

Mother's anxiety often stems from comparison. No comparison, no harm.

What cram school the child has attended, what talents the child will have, where the child went to play during the holiday, and how many points he scored. ......

Take me for example. My son scored above 90 in Chinese, mathematics and English in the final exam. When my son told me this score, I was quite satisfied. I think the child did well in the exam. But I know that several students who are close to him usually have higher scores than him, and their inner satisfaction suddenly disappears, so they begin to feel anxious.

Our parents usually only see the shortcomings of their children and compare them with the advantages of other children. Can we not be anxious?

Second, don't think of yourself as a superman.

When many women become mothers, they have a mentality of doing everything well, doing the best job, doing the best housework and educating their children. ......

The child is disobedient, yelling at the child or hitting the child. Afterwards, the mother felt particularly sorry for the child and especially blamed herself, thinking that she had not controlled her temper well and was not a good mother.

In fact, these mothers don't have to do this at all. As long as you are human, you will be tired and in a bad mood. We should let our husbands and children know that mothers will be tired, sad, depressed, angry and neglected. We are ordinary people, not superman on TV.

Third, raising children should also support yourself, and don't give up self-growth.

Many mothers are great. Since they had children, they quit their jobs and took care of the baby wholeheartedly at home, gradually hiding their needs. Everything is child-oriented. They are also happy when others praise them for taking care of their children. Others praised their ability and keeping family order. They are happy, but no one is affirmed because of themselves.

Long-term selfless dedication has gradually made women feel depressed, angry and complaining.

It is a terrible thing to lose yourself and give up self-growth. We constantly urge our children to grow up, but one day, when the children grow up, we still stand still, and then the children will feel that there is nothing to talk about with us.

Nurture and nurture yourself, and never give up self-growth for anyone. Only by making her life wonderful can a mother create a happy family, a harmonious relationship between husband and wife and a parent-child relationship. Only with these can she raise a happy child.

I changed from a mother who didn't know anything and did a lot of harm to her children because she didn't know anything, to a mother that children like very much now.

The easiest way is to study. Only when parents grow up can children grow up.

Learn some psychological things, let yourself grow up first, and then learn the knowledge of family education, so that you can better absorb this knowledge and apply it to children.

My path is, in the first two or three years, when I was constantly learning and growing up and switched to the field of family education, I found many things that I could absorb and understand as soon as the teacher spoke.

In my parents' class, there is a mother who has been studying 50 thousand to 60 thousand, but she doesn't understand, so she can't use a lot of family education knowledge well.

In addition, the best way is to carry out self-study and family education at the same time, which will help you and help your children faster, and anxiety is no longer a problem.

There are many ways to learn, so I highly recommend taking online classes, because face-to-face communication with teachers, offline classes will also give you a lot of energy, followed by reading more books.

Bless you and hope to help you!

I used to be an anxious single mother, but now I may have passed the anxiety period and gradually become an optimistic single mother.

My son is two years old and has lived with me since he was very young. At first, I was really confused about life. I feel anxious and scared every day. What I think more is that my fragile little shoulders are not enough to support a blue sky for children to grow up. I'm afraid I can't give my children a bright future, provide a superior environment, provide their children with a good platform for study and employment, and resist the risks in life ... To put it bluntly, I was still obsessed with it at that time. It is said that a person's life is a process of bumping into a little monster in life. There is no quiet life. The fundamental way to overcome anxiety is to face up to believe in yourself, all kinds of setbacks and challenges in life, face things calmly, don't be timid, always have hope, always believe in yourself, nothing can knock you down, and everything will be fine!

I am now slowly learning the transition from anxiety to calmness. Let me talk about my personal feelings and thoughts.

Because they are twins, to my surprise, I never thought of two at once. First of all, it is natural for the economy to be under great pressure. Secondly, my husband and I are very tired with children. Plus they are all boys, very lively and active, often physically and mentally exhausted. Sometimes both of them break up and cry.

But think about it from another angle, how lucky I am to be chosen to come to my house at the same time, and look at so many parents who are still struggling to find their children. From the baby's point of view, because he needs you to disturb you, the child is also very smart, knowing that only you are his closest and most dependent person, and the child's world outlook is simple, so don't restrain him in an adult way.

As for economic pressure, God never shuts one door but he opens another. Since God has arranged two angels for you, there will always be a way for you to go. Just don't care too much about anything.

Finally, it is also very important and crucial. When you are anxious, try to hint to yourself, think of everything in the best way and calm down in advance.

My anxiety began when I took the lead in taking care of the children, and before that, my father took the lead. On the first day of my first grade, I was labeled as "the most problematic child in my class" by my teacher. Children are really headstrong and slow, and they are ashamed to express themselves in a strange environment! This kind of anxiety makes me lose six pounds a month and I can't sleep! Encounter Tianmen reading club by chance. Within a few days, the story mother recruited by the founder of Flame Public Library took part in the training with the idea of knowing other children and accompanying them again. As a child who dare not speak in public, I held several unsuccessful story meetings and retired several times! With everyone's encouragement, I tried various forms and venues of story meetings; ?

? From the anxiety of focusing on the success of the story meeting at the beginning to the last time I saw the shining eyes of the children in the wild story, I felt my heart was growing!

However, I still don't feel enough. Emotional control greatly affects the parent-child relationship! There are too many books to read, and I happened to meet the recruitment of "how to read a book" and reading promoters. Among them, there are children's reading promotion and adults' reading promotion. After a long drought, there will be showers! Although I am out of town, I decided to attend!

Let me accept myself, start to learn to accept others, and control my emotions better and better! I feel closer and closer to kindness, although sharpness can sometimes hurt people!

Last night's night shift, I was broken by an unruly person! Very depressed! I feel controlled by the environment, but I can't change the environment! However, Li's crazy acceptance of the little girl's story made me really understand how to accept the environment!

I hope that one day I can also have Miss Li's crazy problem-solving ability. Invisibly, the posture is always so beautiful, just like they were born like this.

? A gentleman is as calm as jade, mom.

I really understand the mood of the subject. I used to be a very calm mother, but Bauer became ill after her birth, so I changed from a calm state to anxiety, even anxiety! However, I found that my worries were also transmitted to my children, making them very nervous. For a while, my child was often ill, so I often took his temperature. Finally, my children are more nervous than me when they see the ear thermometer!

As a mother who is trying to control her anxiety, I want to give you some advice:

Then this is a natural reaction, and the baby's crying will give the mother a feeling of anxiety and tension, which is a maternal instinct. Pick up the child and say to yourself: it doesn't matter, mom is here, let's face it together! Once, our Dabao was a high-demand baby. I cried until I was one year old, but after the mother and baby reached a tacit understanding, you were much more relaxed! Don't be too hard on yourself and your children. For the first time, anxiety and tension are inevitable! As time goes on, you will have more experience and your anxiety level will drop significantly.

If the child is older, you are still anxious about some problems. Heart disease also needs heart medicine treatment, find out the causes of anxiety and propose solutions to the problem. For example, our Erbao often catches a cold, but now I insist on eating kiwi fruit and probiotics every day to adjust my physique. Although I will still get sick, the frequency is much lower and it is easier than teaching. If it is a child's behavior problem, there are many parenting gods on the Internet now. You can refer to the methods compared by everyone, choose the implementation that you feel is suitable, and then make adjustments according to the implementation results. If the academic performance is low, it is necessary to review whether there are problems with the children's learning attitude, methods and environment and prescribe the right medicine! Continuing inaction will only lead to the expansion of anxiety, and taking action can solve the problem!

Full-time mothers are on standby all day, and it is easy to feel tired; And there are many growth problems in the development of children from childhood to kindergarten! I am a stay-at-home mom myself, and I am really tired!

However, I have always kept the habit of doing yoga. Doing yoga can temporarily free me from the role of full-time mother and better balance my life! I suggest that whether you are a full-time mother or a professional woman, you should have your own time and methods to relieve stress. Only a sunny mother can shine love on every corner of a child's heart!

No, I'm still struggling with anxiety! I have an anti-anxiety method to share with you: I have analyzed the causes of my anxiety in detail, and found slogans for each reason that can make me not anxious, so I will share a few with you:

Children are always sick: getting sick and having a fever is to exercise immunity. As long as it is handled properly, it can make children better!

Children's homework should be strengthened: life is a marathon, not a sprint. Now take the time to lay a good foundation, and what can be piled up is thick accumulation and thin hair.

I hope you can also try to find an outlet for your anxiety. Whenever I am anxious, I will always read this sentence several times and my heart will settle down!

I wish you can also be a calm and elegant mother.

After reading this question, like watching a movie, I recalled my anxiety during my eleven years as a mother. Fortunately, I am glad that my anxiety was suppressed in the devil's eighteen layers of hell by Buddhism practiced a year ago.

First of all, memories are fixed in front of my son's kindergarten, because that was the beginning of my initial anxiety. My son is a child with a small brain and knows how to please me. There is only one thing. Speaking of eating, the child is like a different person, which makes my teeth itch. A meal lasts from 40 to 50 minutes to 1 to 2 hours. Often porridge becomes a "frozen tofu block" and dry rice becomes it. At that time, I made up my mind to change his problem before he entered kindergarten. I was anxious and fierce. I hit him and never let him progress. At that time, my blood was boiling, I was young and I couldn't hold my temper. I did the craziest and most violent thing. The child still remembers that I threw all the small stainless steel bowls and spoons he ate on the third floor with the unfinished rice (we lived on the ninth floor at that time, and the third floor was the first floor).

The anxiety of eating has been tormenting me from kindergarten to primary school. I thought my throat was thin and I swallowed slowly when I was a child. I didn't expect primary schools to be like this, but primary schools are slower than kindergartens. I don't have to do my homework. Primary schools have irresistible tasks every day. But strangely, such a baby who I forced to rectify at home, the meal-lunch at school, according to the teacher's reaction, is not fast, but it is not the slowest. It turned out that his set was specially tailored for my anxious mother. Looking at that small body as thin as a locust tree, I was even more anxious. I was fierce and hurried, and I couldn't help him at all. If you hurry, he will spit out everything he just stuffed into his stomach ... but the problem didn't change at that time, and now it's added. Originally, eating was slow, and there were always stories and jokes he couldn't finish at the dinner table, as well as new things that happened in class, which he didn't think about before eating. God, can you imagine how crazy and anxious I am? The meal is cold ~ the oil in the dish is frozen ~ there is still homework unfinished ~ I really don't want to listen to his stories, jokes and new things every meal, but ~ but these things will only pop up when he is on the table. In fact, until the sixth grade, he seldom finished his homework after nine o'clock in the evening, but I still couldn't control my anxiety.

The anxiety of eating was actually cured when he was in the third grade. It's not that he is quick, but that there is nothing I can do. Maybe he is such a slow person, I often think so. He told me that he was relaxed, because he ate at home, so I had to relax. Can a fierce person relax? There was still a pile of verbosity on the dinner table ~ Later, at a parent-teacher meeting in the third grade, the teacher told our parents that we should cherish the verbosity of our children now. He is willing to say that he trusts you. When you reach puberty, maybe you want to tell him that he is too lazy to care. Communication is the foundation of all trust ...? It is reasonable to think that he is only slow at home and not slow at school. He is very slow, and his homework is not finished too late. It's just that I can't cure him about eating, I can only cure him myself. Then, slowly, I don't know when, my anxiety about eating him disappeared invisibly.

Another thing that worries me is related to my study. Speaking of learning, are many mothers anxious? Haha ~ being poked to tears?

Study, that is the weather vane of mothers' anxiety ~ grades, flashing left and right, mothers' blood pressure will be unstable. I'm not so anxious about my children's grades. What worries me most is his weekend homework ~ the speed of his weekend homework and eating, which is a pair of twins, so slow ~

We only have afternoon on Saturday, because the whole family sleeps in the morning and has classes on Sunday morning, so the homework time is generally compressed to Saturday afternoon, and Sunday afternoon is the planned outdoor time. But this is just my plan. He never put him in my plan. The efficiency of doing homework in the afternoon is unimaginable. He enjoys his homework at his own pace. If he can't finish reading it on Saturday, put it on Sunday afternoon. It's sunny outside, birds are singing and flowers are fragrant ~ even the air is filled with grass fragrance. So what ~ I'm anxious, and people just have that rhythm ~ I still remember one Sunday afternoon, I growled like a lion. As a matter of fact, there was only one excerpted homework left that day, and we waited to take him out for a walk, with no end in sight. When we entered his room, he was still leafing through the excerpts ~ Oh, my God, the fire shot up. "Why haven't you finished the excerpts?" ""there are no good words and sentences! " "The somebody else didn't you write well? "The book is torn to pieces ~" After reading so many extracurricular books, I can't find good words and sentences, and my composition can't hold back. "Anxiety-anger-anxiety and anger again ~ Excerpt, writing a composition is necessary to do a good job in Chinese. How can I not be anxious?

This anxiety ends in the next semester of grade five. Perhaps this is the accumulation of his long-term persistence in reading. He likes reading extracurricular books. The fifth grade, the next semester suddenly enlightened. I can find good words and sentences through abstraction, and I can write a composition ... So far, my two most anxious things have been solved.

Now that I think about it, some things are irreversible For example, my family has not eaten fast until now, but it doesn't matter much. As parents, we should save ourselves and die on our own ~ anxiety about learning. You have to believe that as long as the general direction is right and good study habits and attitudes are there, just wait for the flowers to bloom, because the time that every child understands is not as regular as spring, summer, autumn and winter.

Recently, I especially like to share a sentence with you: if parents can live like a beam of light, children will follow this beam of light and shadow, be close, warm and upward.

I didn't take maternity leave until I was in labor. Even though we have been together for a long time during the six-month maternity leave, I have only been a qualified cow for six months. I didn't delay anything. My aunt and grandma help me with everything. I am a leisurely nursing mother.

After I resigned, my grandmother stopped participating in our life, and my aunt changed from living at home to working only in the day shift. More time I have to take care of him by myself. Even after I was one year old, my aunt left and I took care of him all day. At first, I was really going crazy. ......

I don't know why he always cries. I don't know why he didn't go to bed so late. I don't know why he stinks all over the bed just after taking a shower. I'm devastated and extremely anxious.

It was not until I read the book Positive Discipline under the recommendation of my friend that I suddenly realized.

Active discipline can make clear what the goal of one's own education is, and want to cultivate children's true abilities (perception of personal ability, perception of personal value, perception of personal strength or influence, self-discipline and self-control, interpersonal skills, overall grasp ability and judgment ability). The only way to do this is to be an active disciplining parent, with rules and freedom.

After attending the offline positive parenting class, I fully understand that we should educate children kindly and firmly, respect children, respect ourselves and respect the environment through experiential activities. At the same time, I also understand that we should make unconditional love for our children and give them a sense of security and belonging.

When I am influenced by the positive concept of discipline, I always remain vigilant, respect my children, respect myself, respect the environment and give my children unconditional love, which greatly relieves my anxiety and sensitivity.

After I studied Adler's individual psychology in an all-round way, and obtained a lecturer with positive discipline certification and an international encouragement consultant, I became more and more comfortable in educating my children.

We spent every sensitive period together, whether it was the terrible two-year-old or the separation anxiety when we first entered the park, he spent it indifferently.

Now he is three and a half years old. When we were traveling, he knew what his job was, packed his luggage independently, listened carefully to our suggestions, queued up to check in his luggage, queued up for security check-in, and checked in at the hotel independently.

Now I like being with my children. We are good friends. We will share things of mutual interest. He will tell me interesting stories about kindergarten, new classmates, favorite children, and so on. I will also tell him how my class is and how my exam results are.

He urged me to keep learning and growing, and we made progress together.

The above is my personal experience sharing, I hope it will help you.

I recommend the following books for reference only.

Positive discipline

Raise a boy/girl

Regardless of the courage of teaching

Parents' language

Listen to the children's voices

Non-violent communication

I personally know this problem. When Bauer was born, my daughter was in a big class in kindergarten. Because Bauer was not particularly tired before she was one year old, she didn't feel too much pressure. This year, my daughter is in the first grade and Bauer is two and a half years old. I thought I didn't have to worry so much about her when she was a freshman. But the nightmare has just begun. The problem of daily transportation made me anxious for two months. I didn't know the current environment was like this. Every day, my daughter is picked up by the teacher. Taking Bao Xiao to pick up his daughter every day is often the time when he receives her and wants to find Bauer among thousands of people. During that time, I was in a state of collapse. When he saw his daughter off in the morning, Bauer almost woke up, and sometimes he was quietly sent back, crying naked in bed because he had to pee when he woke up. My attention is not on finding his mother. I peed my pants when I was in a hurry, then washed my pants in the morning, and I have to pick up my daughter at eleven o'clock. In short, the whole person is particularly upset. I dare not think about the next days. I can only accept this reality to adjust myself. I have time to close my eyes every day and tell myself that I can't go on in a vicious circle. As children whose parents are anxious, we will be at a loss under the influence of this emotion. When I realize the seriousness of the problem, I will change and adjust myself. When my mentality is adjusted, things will be solved [yeah].