? Save the good people in the workplace!

At four o'clock in the morning, the Ring called me, and the other end of the phone was crying. At this time, she was sitting in a taxi, driving around the East Third Ring Road. She and her boyfriend just had a quarrel-it was because of work!

Huanhuan works in a trading company with only seven people, and her boyfriend is one of the two founders of the company. Later, I left my job in a startup company and went to a French-funded enterprise that just set up a branch in China to be the boss of a foreign company. During the preparation of the company, Huanhuan was a subordinate of another partner, but her boyfriend often asked Huanhuan to help him find an office building, go through formalities, recruit people and write some uncomplicated reports, but at the same time refused to declare the fact of "borrowing people" with the partner, making it difficult for Huanhuan to take care of himself.

The most terrible thing is that her own workload is enough. The boss is a self-made entrepreneur and believes that good employees can do anything. Even the company's current website is bought by Ring herself in Xinhua Bookstore, and she learns to do it every night. At that moment, the boss said thoughtfully behind his back: This is one of our future tasks. Just now, her boyfriend, who is often willing to choose to break out and release pressure, is suffering great pain. The pressure of internal and external pressure finally makes the ring that is always willing to meet the requirements of others and wants to be needed by everyone unbearable.

When repression becomes a bomb

The ring is a typical nice guy. But it's clear:

First, she won't refuse, which will lead to the reversal of priorities. Only with her own time to compensate, she will be exhausted;

Second, pay too much attention to relationships rather than work goals, always mix work with personal feelings, and too much hope to gain emotional recognition through work;

Third, I usually suppress my emotions, but I don't solve my emotional problems from the inside, making myself a bomb.

When joy turns into ecstasy, hope leads to vigilance and worry, and trust leads to blind worship, who says there are no hidden problems under the emotional surface of joy? There is such a misunderstanding in the ring, "As long as people with mature minds are easy to suppress themselves, they don't know that repression is uncivilized, such as children." However, Duan Dong, director of human resources at Sina, told me that children are natural masters of emotions, because they know how to use their emotions. When adults are angry, they will spoil and please, and when they can't get anything, they will look at adults' faces and cry.

Good people always tell themselves: some emotions are better left unsaid, which will definitely complicate the emotions and destroy the feelings. As we all know, "if we don't communicate at the emotional level, then' win-win' can only become an illusion." Wu Shuo, general manager of China District of Top People International Consulting Co., Ltd.: "If you are a customer or partner, the final evaluation of your relationship is trust;" If you are colleagues, the final evaluation of your relationship is respect or appreciation; If you are lovers or family members, the ultimate evaluation of your relationship is love. And these evaluation factors are emotions. Gratitude and anger may coexist, and anger is often a mask. We judge each other's intentions from other people's emotions, so don't suppress your emotions and interfere with other people's judgments. "

Using emotions instead of suppressing them is the best way out for a good man.

"No", to say or not to say?

Like Huanhuan, Chen Ju (a pseudonym), a legal adviser of a media group, also has this kind of trouble. He often helps his colleagues with some things, such as delivering express and answering the phone. Slowly, he got used to making people around him have problems, and he always put the blame on him. The hard part is that these things are easy for him, and there is really no way to refuse, which makes people very distracted and anxious. What should you do?

Louis is the general manager of DDI Greater China. He believes that the efficient operation of the organization certainly needs a clear division of labor and dense seams. However, there are still many gray responsibilities, and it is difficult to distinguish whether you should do it yourself.

First of all, you need to communicate your problems clearly with your boss. Don't expect him to fall from the sky like a bodhisattva and help you out, because the boss is too busy.

Secondly, 20% of the factors that guide the efficient operation of their own organizations come from teamwork, and more is more. I believe that the boss is the boss after all, otherwise who will be rewarded with dividends and promotion at the end of the year?

And even when you become a boss, you will encounter demands that are not easy to refuse, especially a person who has just been promoted to the position of supervisor. When Louis was first promoted to supervisor, there was a similar "good guy" incident: an employee asked to perform a task that he was incompetent in the name of fairness, and Louis always tried his best to make the other party try, which led to the delay in achieving the performance of the department. The most embarrassing thing is the torture of some small things, such as employees will especially apply to the general affairs department for expensive pens; Employees need one room for business trips. At that time, Louis thought that how to control and use the power of emotions, judge and solve things in an orderly way without leaving any handle, depends on a person's maturity. This requires constant experience to find the answer. "I often ask them to give me a reason to convince everyone. Moreover, if you refuse to go to the second time1time, you will be able to accurately capture each other's emotions, talk to him in the most appropriate tone, and replace natural emotional reactions with more rational analysis. "

It's time to save good people.

Chris, director of public relations at Grand Hyatt Oriental Beijing, is in the third year of his career. She desperately needs by going up one flight of stairs. "Now many students who go abroad are returning to China, and the competition is fierce. If you don't advance, you will retreat. " At present, Chris is only immersed in routine work such as internal procedure approval and finance. "I need time to study, and my time should be spent thinking about some problems and improving my management ability." With a clear goal, Chris, who also faces many minor problems, is much more decisive than Chen Ju and Lin.

Chris's boss is a person who asks for details. Originally, she would spend more time preparing an impeccable copy. Now she will calculate how much time is appropriate for a report: "I have more important things to do. Don't stay too long for blind pursuit of things that won't come true. It has no practical significance for the appreciation of our personal brand. "

Now, when she feels depressed or stressed, she will chat with her boss or apply for "I hope to get off work on time today". "There is nothing wrong with this, the boss has the right to know what you really think. At the same time, you should always report your ongoing and planned work to your boss. It is very important to say' no' properly and plan ahead. People will only continue to carry out other people's ideas when they don't know what they want to do. " After this goal is clear, you need some tools to help you track management time. "Everyone will say to prioritize according to urgency and importance, but I think the reason why the effect is not obvious is that there is no tracking management process."

Liu Qiulian is now helping others with the training of "effective personal productivity". He used to be the human resources manager of several large foreign companies. "Effective personal productivity" is a time coach, setting weekly and daily goals within two months, and checking with the supervisor how much time he has allocated per minute for high-return tasks: "People are animals who follow habits, so they must first finish what they like and postpone what they actually do but don't like. Therefore, it is very important for the supervisor to follow up well, give specific guidance and establish a result-oriented habit. " You can also simulate this kind of training to make your own efficiency manual, draw a table of daily affairs such as meeting, handling mail, receiving guests, answering the phone, fill in the time, and then analyze your time allocation.

Sometimes I think too much, but I can't let it go. I have made up my mind, and I can still be a good person at the critical moment. Duan Dong said that this situation just shows how important it is to make a plan of action: "I only have one idea or idea in concept, but when things really come, I will be beaten back to my original shape and have no plan. A good way to adjust your mood is to record your mood and behavior and try to list specific ways to take further action. "

The real concept of interpersonal relationship

One reason why good people are unwilling to refuse is that they are interpersonal-oriented. They feel that a pleasant environment is more important than achieving their goals.

Many times, we feel that there is no way to refuse. The real reason is that we lack the guilt that may arise when we refuse other people's demands. This kind of "guilt" will make us feel that we are a very bad person, which is even worse than accepting unreasonable demands under anxiety and pressure. It is valuable to establish a true view of interpersonal relationship. You know, it's impossible to be a close friend or get promoted by doing something trivial for others.

JoshuaMFreedman, president of 6 seconds international emotional intelligence organization, is an expert in this field. He suggested:

1. Understand that this is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with others. If you just respond reluctantly, it will destroy the existing interpersonal relationship.

2. Analyze the original intention of the request instead of focusing on the request itself. Then analyze what can be "promised" and what should be "refused".

3. "Promise" what you can promise.

4. For those parts that cannot be promised, explain the background and reasons.

5. Clearly express "why" You must "reject" those parts that you can't promise, and directly express and describe the "uncomfortable" emotions that "rejection" brings to you.

6. At the same time, you must let the other person feel your understanding attitude (understand the other person's needs), and then express "you believe the other person can understand" in a trusting tone. Actually, saying "no" is a bit like riding a roller coaster. With the first time, there will be a second time.

"Every great leader I have ever met, or anyone who can live an ideal life calmly, has the same experience, that is, constantly challenging his comfort zone under clear goals." Wu said, Louis must agree with her. The energetic Taiwan Province native told me with burning eyes: "Success is distortion." "You want to be a warm, kind and trustworthy brand. Do you think you can be a good person without helping others? " He asked: "the so-called ExecutiveDisposition must be done from two aspects: adding value to employees, which requires you to learn to praise others even if you are grumpy and tough; There is also controlling pressure and adapting to pressure. "

Finally, Louis, who has always been proactive, put forward an interesting suggestion on how to say no to a good person: if you encounter something that no one does, if you wait for someone to assign it to you, you will definitely fall into the dilemma of saying yes or no, but if you take the initiative to find such a thing, you have the right to let others "fall into the dilemma of saying yes or no"!