Funny classical Chinese

1. Funny ancient prose is speechless, and the bar lights are like hemp. Lonely people spill hops in the middle of the night and are still drunk. Don't be the smell of wine in their hearts. 1 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ The solution is "only the flowing water comes from the source", so we still insist on water ~ ~) 3. Why * * * cut the candle at the west window, _ _ _ _ _ Student A: The husband and wife sit in the morning (the Chinese teacher laughs when marking the paper.

After class, I fainted again! The correct solution is "late rain time". Mayfly shook the tree, and _ _ _ _ _ replied: I didn't move at all (the correct answer is "ridiculous". Quietly, wonderful, very in line with the facts. ) 5. The beauty of a gentleman as an adult, _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Also: both husband and wife go home (the correct answer is "but I feel the harmonious heartbeat of the sacred unicorn") 10. Sunrise in the east and rain in the west, _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: Fighting at the end of the bed, getting married in the wrong sedan chair 1658.

The positive solution is "* * * Chanjuan thousands of miles away") 13. Egrets fly in front of Mount Cisse, and _ _ _ _ _ _ Students answer: Climb the turtle by the river in Dongcun (right) 14. I advise God to be energetic, _ _ _ _ _ _. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: Show your magic at the critical moment. Another student A: The mouse's son can make holes (the Chinese teacher in the whole office laughs wildly without images). 16. If it is sentimental, it will be old. _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: People don't waste their youth! (The positive solution is "If the moon is long and round, I don't hate it", and Li He's "Golden and Copper Immortal Ci Han Song") 17. If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, _ _ _ _ _ _ students answer: Please don't tell him (the correct answer is "a piece of ice heart is in the jade pot") 18. There will be couplets in the final exam. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: You are a fool if you don't eat. No one has died since ancient times. _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: Only 20 people died. The bright line at the foot of my bed, _ _ _ _ _ Student A: Li Bai's sleeping sound is 2 1. The correct answer is "visible") 22. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ The classmate replied: Wife, my wife and a man's wife (the teacher later said that the classmate was particularly dedicated, haha) 27. Think that year, Jin Ge iron horse, students answer _ _ _ _ _ _ _. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ "Student A: It tastes the same (the invigilator and the headmaster outside laughed). Senior one students in pairs, "Going to town to hug the mountain in the white clouds, _ _ _ _ _ _" Student A: I went to the hotel to hug the young lady to bed (his Chinese teacher almost vomited blood on the spot) 30. Two feelings. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: When they got married, it was 3 1. Qian Fan is on the side of the sunken ship. _ _ _ _ _ Student A: There are many kinds of flowers to be proud of. 32. You hate books when you use them. _ _ _ _ _ _ Student A: There is not enough money by the end of the month. ) 35. I once tested Li Qingzhao's dream, "Do you know? Do you know that?/You know what? _ _ _ _ _ _ _ "The classmate replied: Sorry, I don't know.

The correct solution is "green manure and red thinness") 36. Once I tested a sentence from Mr. Lu Xun: "_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ If you don't leave, I will always feel good when I leave. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

There is another sentence, the last sentence: "Clear water produces hibiscus, (positive solution) natural carving." Some people write that mud gives birth to lotus roots; Some people are even more unique, and it says: Heroes in Gone with the Times 40. Ask how much you can worry about. _ _ _ _ _ _ Student replied: It's like a pot of Erguotou (the teacher criticized "You drank too much again ...").

2. Humorous classical Chinese tells a new story. Xie Taifu is as cold as ice, telling the child the meaning of the paper.

Suddenly it began to snow, and Gong said cheerfully, "What is snow like?" ? "Brother Hu said," Sprinkling salt in the air can be simulated. Brother and daughter said that if catkins were not due to the wind.

"Laugh loudly. Compare spring catkins to winter snow ... If you are a girl, you have to take a nap today. If you don't leave me, fuck you, you will have no less than two or three sentences.

Anger also, people who take a nap, not only me, but also the focus. What's more, I haven't lost my mind, and I am very wronged. What can you do? If you really have the ability, why are more than half of the students lying on the chopping board? Six out of ten people hate you. Are you okay? Its number can be seen.

Let bygones be bygones, but today's events are hateful and make me angry. Mother is sincere, and mother is not happy.

A meat thief went to Beijing to sell meat, stopped to urinate in front of a toilet on the side of the road and hung the meat outside. Seeing this, the second man stole the meat.

Before he went far, A came out of the toilet, grabbed B and asked B if he had seen anyone take his meat from the toilet. B was afraid that A would see through, so he put the meat in his mouth early and said impatiently, "You are such an idiot! How to hang the meat outside the door without losing it? If you put meat in your mouth like me, is there any reason to lose it? " -Han Weiyuchun's "Laughing Forest" name game Xu Zhicai, the king of Xiyang in the Northern Qi Dynasty, is very eloquent, especially good at word games.

When he is not the king, he tries to play with the king, a senior minister. Wang laughed at the name and said, "Your name is Zhicai. What's the point? In my opinion, it is similar to call it' lack of talent'. "

Hearing this, he immediately laughed at Wang's surname: "The word Wang is added to the left of the word, 呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄2157

On another occasion, Xu Zhicai entertained guests, and Lu Yuanming was present. During the dinner, Lu Yuanming made fun of his surname and said, "The word' Xu' means not entering the people (Wei added' Yu' and' Jin')."

He immediately mocked Yuan Ming's surname-the word "Lu": "The word" Lu "means that" An "prints a public character as" Lu ",and then matches it with a horse as a donkey." Lu Yuanming was flushed and speechless, and the people in the room laughed their heads off.

-Old title Sui Hou Bai's "Qi Yan Lu" Bird's Nest and calf Hou Bai later became an official of the Tang Dynasty, often with solve riddles on the lanterns. Hou Baixian made three chapters for everyone: "What you guess must be a visible object; Second, you can't make empty explanations to confuse everyone; Third, if the explanation is finished, but you can't see this thing, you should be punished. " Then he first made a riddle: "The back is as big as a house, the abdomen is as big as a pillow (the crossbar behind the car), and the mouth is as big as a cup."

Everyone guessed for a long time, but no one guessed right. They all said, "Where is an object with a mouth as big as a cup and a back as big as a room?" There is no such thing. You must make a bet with all of us. Hou Bai finished gambling with everyone and explained, "This is a swallow's nest. "

They burst out laughing. On another occasion, Hou Bai attended a large banquet.

During the dinner, everyone asked him to make a riddle for entertainment. What you guess can neither be strange nor difficult to understand, nor can it be abstract and untrue.

Hou Bai replied, "There is something as big as a dog and looks like an ox. What is this? " Everyone has been speculating, some say it's roe deer, others say it's deer, but they are all denied.

Let Hou Bai tell the answer. Hou Bai laughed and said, "This is a calf."

-The old title "Qi" by Sui Houbai asks for the name of Tianbao. In his early years, the famous secret supervisor He wrote to the court and wanted to retire to his hometown of Wuzhong. Xuanzong Li Longji respected him very much and treated everything differently.

When He Zhangzhi left, he said goodbye to Tang Xuanzong, and his eyes were full of tears. Tang Xuanzong asked him what other requirements he had.

Zhang Zhi said: "I know that Zhang Zhang has a son who hasn't been named yet. If your majesty gives it a name, I will be honored to return to China. " Xuanzong said: "Faith is the core of Tao. Blessed people have faith.

Qing's son should be called Fu. "Know chapter thank humbly.

It took me a long time to realize. I thought to myself, "The emperor is so happy with me. I'm from Wu, and the word' fu' is the word' claw' followed by the word' zi'.

He named my son Fu, didn't he call my son's paw? -Gao Songyi's "Living in Groups" does not know what poetry is. Ai Zi likes to write poems. One day, Ai Zi swam between Qi and Wei and stayed in a hotel.

In the evening, he heard someone talking next door: "A song." After a while, he said, "One more song."

Ai Zi was baffled and sleepy all night. Lying until dawn, * * * heard the man in the next room say about six or seven times, that is, six or seven songs.

Ai Zi thought that the man in the next room must be a poet. He was quietly absorbed in poetry at the foot of the mountain, and he felt respect in his heart. He also liked this man's quick thinking and decided to get to know him. Early in the morning, Ai Zi got dressed and got up, adjusted her crown belt and stood at the door to meet her.

Soon, a peddler-like man came out of the next room, thin and ill. Ai Zi was disappointed, thinking: With this respect, you look like a poet. Perhaps, people can't judge people by their appearances, and they can't guess blindly.

He went up to him and asked, "I heard that Mr. Wang has many poems." Can I see them? " The man said, "I'm a businessman and I never know what poetry is."

Has refused to come up with poetry. Ai Zi stubbornly said, "I heard you say' one' in the house last night, and then you said' one'. Isn't that a poem? " Hearing this, the man couldn't help laughing: "You misunderstood.

Last night, my stomach was upset. Every time I have diarrhea, I can't find toilet paper at night, so I wipe it with my hands. Diarrhea lasted all night, and my hands were dyed almost six or seven times.

When I say' hand', I don't mean the first poem. "Ziyi listened, ashamed.

-The Word Game of Lao Shi's Essays on Ai Zi Su Dongpo heard that Wang's Essays on Words had just been written, so he went to the office to congratulate him and joked: "In the masterpiece, it is said that' bamboo' whips and' horses' are' Benedict'. But I still have a question: "I don't know what's so funny about whipping dogs with bamboo?" Gong Jing just laughed and asked, "Is there any evidence that the word' pigeon' is changed from' bird' to' nine'? Dongpo immediately replied, "The Book of Songs says,' The dead pigeon is in mulberry, and his son is seven'. Together with their parents, it is exactly nine. "

3. Ask for a funny version of classical Chinese. Mulan flies a plane. What kind of plane does she fly? Boeing 747! Ask the woman what she thinks and what she remembers. She wants to, and she has no money to buy a plane. Last night, she saw a military poster and needed bombers and 12 planes, but she couldn't afford one. Grandpa didn't have much money, Mulan didn't have gold and silver, so she was willing to buy steel planes from now on. She buys drawings in the east, screws in the west, glass in the south and tin in the north. She refused to go to the old hangar, no but I heard the general shout hahaha. Wan Li flew the plane, but never closed the mountain for a moment. The hot air spreads on the wings and the sun shines on the glass. The general is scared to death, and the soul of a strong man has flown. The son of heaven is lying in a hospital bed. The director turned twelve times and gave them a slap in the face. Khan asked him what he wanted, but Mulan didn't want to go into the cell. I want to drive 747 and fly back to my hometown. My parents heard the girl's voice and picked up the machine gun. As soon as Sister A heard that Sister Mei was coming, she raised her hand and raised her gun. I heard that my sister came, and my brother sharpened his knife and turned mentally retarded. I opened my cabin door, entered my plane cabin, took off my wartime robe, put on my flight suit, put on more grenades, and planted machine guns outside. When they went out to bury bombs, relatives and friends were surprised and busy: Twelve years apart, I didn't know Mulan was going crazy. The madman stepped on the ground, the idiot's eyes were closed, and the two walked side by side. Who can say I'm not normal? Haha, I want to eat KFC.

I don't smell saliva, but I smell a woman's sigh. Ask a woman what she thinks and what she remembers.

Women think of hamburgers, but women remember chicken wings. I saw the chicken coupon last night, and there was a big sale on the festival day.

Twelve chicken coupons and a chicken wing. Grandpa has no eldest son and Mulan has no big brother. She is willing to go to KFC to feed him from now on.

Buy hamburgers in the East Store, drinks in the West Store, chicken wings in the South Store and French fries in the North Store. When I said goodbye to my parents, I was by the Yellow River at dusk. I didn't hear my parents calling for a female voice, but I heard the splash of hamburgers.

But when I left the Yellow River, I went to Montenegro at dusk. I didn't hear my parents calling for a female voice, but I heard the smell of chicken wings chirping. The more the Great Wall of Wan Li spans, the more Mount Everest flies.

Banks send gold coins and emperors send sweaters. Hens die every year, and Mulan returns in ten years.

Come back to see Confucius, and Confucius will sit in the sky. Twelve chicken coupons and a hundred baskets of chicken.

Confucius asked him what he wanted, but Mulan didn't want to be an angel. She is willing to drive 1000 miles to send her son back to his hometown. When parents heard that their daughter was coming, they went out to help the general: a sister heard that her sister was coming and wanted to eat KFC; I heard that my sister is coming and is going to eat.

Open my Dongting pot, take my Xiting spoon, take off my wartime robe, put on my napkin, take chopsticks from the window and eat in front of the mirror. When I went out to meet the fire companions, I was surprised and busy: I had been wandering together for twelve years, but I didn't know Mulan was so greedy.

The male rabbit's mouth is three valves, and the female rabbit's eyes are blurred; There are two rabbits eating next to me. Can you tell if I am greedy? If you don't know, you won't know; It's enough to take the exam, but there is no problem; If you don't know in class, you will make a lot of styles; Self-study is the same as knowledge, you are all born; Born in China, died in China; It is possible for me to learn English. English is not qualified, which shows my character; If the math is unqualified, the teacher takes full responsibility; What should I do if the language is unqualified? Doing well in the exam depends entirely on isolation; If you don't do well in the exam, you don't know how to do it in isolation; Going back to school every day is even more scary, and the teacher talks about the wild. I listened like a sleepwalker, criticizing for no reason; Homework is like revenge, and doing wild things is like fishing for the head; Going back to school is left-handed, getting worse every day; Copy your homework, and none of the departments will hand it in; Go back to school and drink coke after school; When the bell rang, they flew away, and another day, the beautiful girl was getting on the plane; I can't smell the dial tone, only women sigh. Ask the woman what she thinks and what she remembers; Women have nothing to think about, and women have nothing to remember.

I was really shocked when I went online last night; Twelve letters from my sister were all invited to meet under the net. The beautiful girl is married and has taken someone else's surname; The purpose of surfing the Internet is to entertain ourselves and make new friends.

The eastern version is idle, and the western version writes autobiography; South to talk about heart songs, north to talk. Face up to the internet and connect at dusk; I didn't hear my husband call his wife, but I heard the insects keep barking.

Once you quit the chat room, you will stop chatting. I didn't smell insects, but I saw invitations flying all over the sky. Seeing her husband offline, her husband burst into tears; If you only care about Internet addiction, you are in debt.

Ask the woman where she wants to go and frankly worship her parents; Take a thousand miles to go to an appointment to tell your heart. Hearing the news of my daughter, I was anxious to hide everywhere. Sister-in-law heard that she was coming, and quickly locked the doors and windows; Hearing my sister coming, I climbed up the east wall in a panic.

Open my old door and move your arhat bed; Open my old cupboard and search your password box. When you count the money at the window, go to the airport immediately.

Seeing netizens thousands of miles away, their eyes sparkle; I've been online for a month, and I don't know what a beautiful girl looks like. Dinosaurs are shy, beautiful girls are proud, and they all chat online, so Ann can see what I am like.

4. Humorous and short classical Chinese can boast.

original text

When a person gets lost and meets a mute, he doesn't answer questions, but only gives directions by making money gestures with his hands as a sign of getting money. This person is metaphorical, that is, he uses it to count money. The dumb man opened his mouth to show the way, and the man asked, "Why don't you have the money to pretend to be dumb?" Dumb: "In today's world, talk if you have money!" "

translate

A man lost his way and met a "mute" who asked and didn't answer. The "dumb" will only ask for money with his hand, and then he will show the way. The lost man understood the meaning and immediately took out a few dollars and gave it to the "dumb". "Dumb" then asked for directions, and the lost man asked, "Why pretend to be dumb?" "Dumb" said: "In today's world, you can talk if you have money."

Excerpted from Laughing at Guang Lin Collection, Laughing at Guang Lin Collection was collected by the owners of the famous brand games in Qing Dynasty, mostly from jokes in Ming and Qing Dynasties.