If I hit your heart, will there be an echo? Where does this sentence come from?

If I tap your heart, will there be an echo (published in Tokyo Literature)

A Yaner doesn't know. My diary is all about one person, and that is Lin Jinnian.

No one has ever known that I also like the golden year. All this is just because there is smoke around him. In everyone's eyes, Jin Nian and Yan Er are taken for granted. In everyone's mouth, their names are like the plural, always standing side by side. I just looked at them with a bright smile but dim eyes, thinking about my distant heart.

Before Yan Er met Jin Nian, she and I were close friends of Meng Bujiao. Yaner is beautiful, fashionable, enthusiastic and lively, like a blooming sunny flower, and her swaying posture can make the whole campus enchanting. And I, at best, am a small pebble beside the flower, rough and hard.

In fact, at first I was very uncomfortable with Yaner's vigorous enthusiasm, and I couldn't figure out why she was in such a hurry to please me everywhere. Yan 'er said Shen Luo, you look weak outside and weak inside. You are a good boy, just like I always wanted. She said Shen Luo, let me be your friend! Good, so kind!

I gave her a faint look and turned away. I'm not averse to this charming flower, but I'm not interested.

Smoke son chased him from behind and said, Shen Luo, don't you like me so much? There is something of injustice and unwillingness in the voice.

Her words are so familiar, yes, that's what I once shouted to those so-called friends who avoided and disliked me countless times in their hearts. Once, I was so humble that I begged for a friendship.

I turned around, smiled at Yaner lightly and said, Girl, don't hurry up, don't want to eat?

The days with Yaner are really enjoyable. Her personality is fresh and clear, and the tip of her tongue always turns faster than her brain. Like a busy little worker bee, she has a wide range of hobbies but is not refined. With Yaner's company, I seem to be no longer so lonely, although she always talks a lot and I respond less, although my unreasonable and undisguised concern for her is just a smile.

During that time, Yaner and I often sat back-to-back on the small lawn behind the campus laboratory to keep a diary. I always cover my writing with my hand carefully, but Yaner is different. She read me long paragraphs with a smile. Those little feelings between the lines are just some comments and teasing about the boys who secretly love her.

I never show my diary to Yaner, but occasionally I can't wrap it up, only revealing a corner, and I quickly withdrew it in front of her eyes, completely ignoring her coquetry.

Yaner doesn't know that my diary is all about one person, that is, Lin Jinnian, the indifferent and stubborn boy in Class 3, Grade 1.

See Lin Jinnian for the first time.

When I first met Lin Jinnian, he had just entered the first year of high school, and he was assigned to the school gate to guide the freshmen a few days earlier. He stood there quietly, his expression indifferent and his words brief. It seems that he is not good at talking with strangers, just like a mint grass standing in the breeze after a storm, emitting a cool and humid breath.

I walked past Lin Jinnian with a big bag of luggage, but I didn't expect him to help me. I'm used to living alone. Just like now, most other students pick them up by car, at least accompanied by their parents, while my elderly parents can only watch me carry heavy luggage and squeeze into the train alone. Yes, the round-trip fare is enough for my living expenses for half a semester.

When Lin Jinnian reached out to me, I dodged reflexively. He froze for a while, then grabbed my luggage and asked me what class I was in. I had to bow my head and stand aside and say class one! Lin Jinnian's eyes slowly moved from my head to the luggage belt, where there was faint blood. I raised my hand in disbelief. Originally, along the way, my hand has long been luggage belt grinding out a blood stain. At first glance, there is a shocking feeling, and when you relax for an instant, you feel burning pain. I took a deep breath, cut it lightly, and smiled at Lin Jinnian unnecessarily, but Lin Jinnian's eyes suddenly became soft.

C Lin Jinnian, if I tap your heart, is there an echo there?

Hengyang High School said it was no big deal. Yaner and I finished the test in less than ten minutes around the wall. Yaner, chewing a grass in her mouth, leaned back and sighed, It's really boring. Is my young and fresh life so buried in this small cage-like dead sun? She blinked and suddenly said, Shen Luo, what affair do you think I have?

I would look at the smoke and not answer. I have been thinking, thinking hard, why haven't I seen Lin Jinnian in less than ten minutes, and I have measured countless hazy steps?

Yes, even I can't believe it. When I entered the school, Lin Jinnian gave me a slightly warm look, and my heart was so chaotic!

During the summer vacation of my freshman year, my diary has been changed. On the new cover, a melancholy boy was photocopied, his neck slightly leaning against the sinking sunset.

Lin Jinnian, you know, I refused the diary on the cover of Happy Boys, which Yan Er insisted on recommending, just because this boy looks like you.

I reach out and gently touch your lightly disturbed eyebrows, determined nose, stubborn chin and your thin chest. Lin Jinnian, if I tap your heart, will there be an echo?

D Yaner's eyes are particularly bright, shining like a pool of spring water, and my heart sinks silently to the bottom.

Goodbye Lin Jinnian is a Sunday afternoon. Yaner and I are reading in the study room. It's early winter, and there is a faint unknown flower fragrance in the air, which seeps in from the window lattice, and people are already slightly drunk. I slowly bent down and fell on the table, staring blankly at the bright scene outside the window, thinking about people and dozing off.

When I woke up, I heard Yaner talking and laughing in a low voice with a boy. I looked up and saw Lin Jinnian's gentle face. I rubbed my eyes and suspected that it was a dream. It's probably that my behavior is so naive that Yaner and He can't help laughing.

It's really him, the man I've dreamed of countless opportunities and encounters but never met, sitting opposite me at the moment, with bright eyes and gentle smile. This is the first time I have seen Lin Jinnian's smile, which makes people dizzy. As if he were smiling, the whole spring came one season earlier and the winter was much brighter.

Wake up, did you cry in your dream? Listen, I cried my eyes out. Lin Jinnian looked at me in a daze and quipped. I turned my head and looked out of the window in disbelief. The rain is majestic, giving people a feeling of agitation. In fact, I always like rainy days, but at this time the library is so far away from the dormitory that Yaner and I don't have rain gear. Today, it seems that we are going to rain.

Yaner and Lin Jinnian chatted very speculatively, and laughter came from time to time. Yaner's bright little face has a faint blush and a breathtaking beauty. Today, however, I somehow have a resistance to this kind of smile, just like she is ashamed and angry at the moment, giving people the suspicion of affectation.

In my daze, Lin Jinnian has got up to say goodbye. He turned his eyes to my clenched fist. Vincent asked Shen Luo, are your hands ready? Did you leave a scar?

In fact, if he hadn't mentioned it, I would have forgotten that I had a scar on my hand. I'm used to suffering, and this little pain is just a piece of cake for me, but this is what Lin Jinnian said, and I naturally have another taste in my heart. I looked up and gave Lin Jinnian a grateful smile, but he was busy saying goodbye to Yaner, turned around and rushed into the rain, leaving a message without looking back. He said you should keep your umbrella and not catch a cold in the rain.

That night, Yaner solemnly hung Lin Jinnian's umbrella on the bed and announced to me with a firmness I had never seen before: Shen Luo, I am in love!

My thoughts are still stuck in the lost Lin Jinnian. Everyone can see that his gentle "Don't catch cold in the rain" before he left was just Yaner's concern. Two people stand together, just like a pair of dazzling golden couple, but the light makes my eyes and heart ache.

I didn't wake up for a long time until Yaner's high heels rang to my ear and people came to sit down beside me. I said who is so lucky to get the favor of our beautiful and clever Miss Yaner.

Lin Jinnian, of course! Yaner's eyes are particularly bright, shining like a pool of spring water. This time, my heart sank to the bottom completely, silently.

E For Lin Jinnian, I seem to have faded into a shallow shadow in this winter sunshine.

Lin Jinnian came to see Yan Er more and more times, but every time Yan Er pulled me up, she said, Shen Luo, with you here, I will be more relaxed, and you and Jin Nian have so many languages, we won't have ice.

Lovely Yaner always trusts me unconditionally. How can I refuse? In fact, Yaner never knew, among them, three points were to help her, and seven points were selfish. I really want to see Jin Nian, even if I just stay by his side and watch him fall in love with someone else.

It's just Lin Jinnian. Do you know I like you, too?

Jin Nian and I really have endless topics, from Shakespeare to the little prince, the inevitable college entrance examination to the 2008 Olympic Games, and even a cartoon of cats and mice that we saw in the early days. We can talk for an afternoon. In the process of chatting, Jin Nian looks at me with soft eyes, and I often lose my mind for a moment. Therefore, every time I stare blankly at Yaner, I feel ashamed. I imagined that Brocade would fall in love with me. What an ulterior motive!

Yan Er and Jin Nian are closely related. Three people, Yaner has begun to openly whisper to Jin Nian. I feel that this big light bulb is too ugly. So when Yan Er invites three people to play together, I will try to stay away. Slowly, Yaner stopped looking for me.

Yaner spends less and less time with me, and we are not tired of being together all day as before. I'm free once in a while, and my mouth is full of golden times. That boy not only occupied all her extracurricular time, but also occupied her whole emotional space.

Because of my deliberate avoidance, I haven't seen Lin Jinnian for nearly a semester. All the good news and bad news about him came from Yaner. Sometimes I think dimly that for Lin Jinnian, I seem to have faded into a shallow shadow in this winter sunshine.

Is there something to say? So, Jinnian, can you understand my heart for you?

One afternoon, Yan Er, who was facing the window and carefully sketching her eyebrow eye for a date with Jin Nian, suddenly dropped her eyebrow pencil, quickly came up to me, grabbed the book in my hand and threw it aside. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, Shen Luo, don't you think I am not good enough, so it is not enough for him to love me?

I was in a daze and didn't know what she was doing, so I had to hold her hand. Vincent said, which fool would refuse such a beautiful and kind princess? Forget it!

Smoke son's eyes have slightly suffused with water vapor, delicate little face unusually dignified, she said gloomily, but Shen Luo, why he never confessed to me?

I just find my voice difficult. I said Yaner, Lin Jinniang loves you. You should believe this. What's more, do you need to say something?

Yes, there are some things that need to be said So, Jinnian, can you understand my heart for you?

G So, can we say that the person Jinnian likes has always been me?

When Lin Jinnian came to see me, it was already the last semester of senior three. There was a faint moonlight that night. I don't know who touched the flute body outside the window and overflowed the delicate hole, playing a bit of sadness, which was sad. I haven't seen Jin nian for a long time. He looks taller, thinner and a little embarrassed.

I asked, are you looking for cigarettes? Lin Jinnian's face suddenly turned red, as if she had been patted on the cheek by the wings of an angel. He stared at me and whispered that he was looking for you. Can we talk? I pressed my jumping heart and looked down at my toes. What's the matter? He sighed and turned away without seeing if I would follow.

We walked round and round on the playground. Lin Jinnian was in front, two meters away, and I bowed my head and followed him until only the two of us were left in the empty playground. He didn't speak, and I didn't ask. When I stared at my toes and silently counted to the tenth lap, I almost bumped into Lin Jinnian's arms and took a step back. Through the thick sweater, my heartbeat is still so clear. Lin Jinnian said, Shen Luo, let's sit down for a while!

It's been more than half a year since I last chatted with Lin Jinnian. I don't know how to speak or what he is doing, so I only keep a pair of good ears. He said, I'm listening.

The whole process, Lin Jinnian didn't look at me. He looked up at the rolling mountains in the distance and said, Shen Luo, do you remember the first time we met? He paused for a few seconds, as if he didn't expect my answer, and said to himself, that day, you appeared in front of me with a bag that didn't match you, and your brow was full of hidden fatigue. I offered my hand to help you, but you stubbornly refused.

I said yes, since I was a child, I have been used to relying on myself.

Lin Jinnian was noncommittal about my answer. He lowered his head and pulled up the weeds at his feet one by one. He said that day, I kept thinking, does the wound on my hand really not hurt? Shen Luo, you are so ungrateful to yourself that it is so easy to face a wound. He said, Shen Luo, you may not know, that day, I was beaten by a girl's right palm and got a fright.

I said Lin Jinnian, everyone has been injured countless times in his life, and there are countless wounds. None of this is surprising.

Lin Jinnian gave me a quick look at this time, then looked down and said, Shen Luo, do you remember that time in the library?

I bowed my head and said nothing. Jin nian, how could I forget that it was the starting point of your love with Yan er and the origin of my pain. I didn't expect the image of smoke to appear in my mind, and I was a little puzzled. I said Lin Jinnian, are you asking me for cigarettes?

Lin Jinnian didn't answer me, and continued to talk to himself. Shen Luo, I saw you at a glance in the library that day. In the crowd around you, your youth and color are always different. He said that on that day, you slept like a baby. When the room temperature was comfortable, you curled yourself up at the corner of the table against the wall, not because of the cold, but because of insecurity. He said Shen Luo, at that moment, my heart was slightly painful. He said, when you were awakened by Yaner's laughter, you looked up, and your trance-like eyes let me know that my heart had completely fallen. He said Shen Luo, I want to take care of you and protect you as much as I can. You are a stubborn child who needs protection. The day he said that, I left my umbrella. ...

My consciousness began to be confused, and Jin Nian's words pierced my heart like a sharp iron cone. It turns out that the umbrella is not for Yaner. So, can we say that the person Jin Nian likes has always been me? This is more like a dream, a dream that I have looked forward to and yearned for countless times. It seems that there are countless little stars flashing in front of my eyes, winking at me and making me almost dizzy.

H Lin Jinnian, I still love you, stronger than before. You don't know these things, and you will never know them.

That night, Yaner came back from the library and just entered the door, so I hugged her. I said Yaner, I like you, I like you very much! Yaner was startled by my enthusiasm. She smiled and dodged and said, Shen Luo, it itches! She said Shen Luo, I don't want to be gay!

I buried my head in Yaner's neck and cried inexplicably. I said Yaner, let's be friends for life! Yaner turned around and looked at me with tearful eyes, in distress situation, gave me a warm hug and said, Shen Luo, are you unhappy again? She said silly girl, we should not only be good friends for life, but also agree on the next life, the next life!

I didn't tell Yaner about chatting with Jinnian that night. My heart seems to have settled down, but it is also bitter!

Lin Jinnian, I still love you, stronger than before. You don't know these things, and you will never know them. What you don't know is that I turned you down only because of one person, that is Yaner.

I will always remember Yaner's firm and friendly eyes. She said, Shen Luo, let me be your friend. It's a good one. Golden year, do you know? Over the years, the embarrassment of life and the shabby clothes have made me laughed at everywhere. In my heart, I look forward to a sincere friendship, but what I can get is repeated injuries, ridicule and betrayal.

I'm fed up with people who approach me with sympathetic eyes under the banner of friends, but finally avoid me like bacteria. Only Yaner, she told me with practical actions that she is my friend, a sincere friend who is not hypocritical or pretentious.

For three years in high school, only Yaner accompanied me with nothing to ask for, amused me and led me out of the swamp of inferiority. She knows me better than myself. She never leaves me alone. She knows I cry when I'm alone. She always patiently pulled me out of the darkness and took me to bask in the sun.

Jin nian, you don't know all this!

My golden year, you are my biggest wound. I don't know how to dress it or when it will be ready.

On Yaner's seventeenth birthday, Lin Jinnian finally confessed to her. That night, Yaner climbed down from the upper berth, got into my bed and whispered to each other until dawn. This time, she still talked more and I answered less. That night, it was very cold. After Yaner went to sleep, I opened my eyes in the dark and let the tears flow quietly through the corner of my eyes and slide into the tibial fossa, which was freezing cold.

Lin Jinniang, I always thought I was a woman who was not afraid of pain. It turns out that I just don't know what real pain is.

The night you turned and left, the night I realized that I had completely lost you, my heart ached so much that I wanted to bend down and hold my heart with something. Jin nian, you are my biggest wound. I don't know how to dress it or when it will be ready.

Lin Jinnian, in fact, when Yaner said that the person she loves is you, I knew that I could only secretly love you through the fence in my life. Lin Jinnian, everyone knows that you and Yaner are a couple, but they don't know that the person I like is you! Even you, never know, never will.