Give some jokes

Swear to be an old policeman

(1)

Having just been on the job for a week, Xiaowu, who had just put on his police uniform, decided to reward himself and go to the theater to watch a movie. . There was a long queue to buy tickets. Xiao Wu breathed a sigh of relief and got to the end.

"Are you a new police officer?" asked a person next to him.

Xiao Wu wondered: "How do you know?"

"Hey, how can the old police line up to buy tickets."

"Oh." Xiao Wu Understood, I walked straight to the ticket gate, handed over the money and said, "I'll buy a ticket."

"A new police officer, right?" The person in the window laughed.

"How do you know?"

"How can an old policeman pay for a ticket? You can just go in, no one dares to stop you."

" Oh." Xiaowu gained knowledge again, and after a try, no one stopped him.

After entering the theater, Xiao Wu went downstairs and found a seat to sit down. Before he could sit firmly on his butt, someone next to him asked: "Are you a new police officer?"

It was really weird. Xiao Wu was confused and said harshly: "Who said that!"

"All the old police officers are watching movies upstairs, and the ones downstairs are all new police officers like you."

Xiaowu went upstairs to take a look, isn't it? There are a lot of police officers here. Woolen cloth.

Xiao Wu picked a seat and sat down, and not long after, the movie started. A policeman next to him turned to look at him and said coldly: "New policeman, right?"

"How can you tell that I am a new policeman?"

"Old policeman?" How can you sit and watch a movie in such a polite manner?"

Xiaowu imitated the old policeman and put his feet up on the neck of the person in the front row. Sure enough. I felt much more comfortable and felt a little like being a police officer.

Halfway through the movie, Xiao Wu felt anxious and rushed to the bathroom. At the door of the bathroom, he was stopped by a staff member: "Are you a new police officer?"

Xiao Wu was still confused: "I don't have writing on my forehead, how do you know?"

" There are no police here, people are peeing from upstairs to downstairs, you look like a new police officer."

Xiao Wu was so ashamed that he almost lost his life to the police. He stood on the edge of the second floor, took out the dick, and sprayed it downstairs...

"Hey, the one peeing upstairs must be the new police officer!" Someone suddenly shouted loudly downstairs. .

"..." Xiao Wu leaned forward and looked down.

"Look at it, the old policeman urinates in a piece, how can you, a new policeman, just pour it on my head!"

"...￥#·＊ &..."

Xiao Wu's face turned red. He quickly zipped up his zipper, turned around and sat down on a random seat.

"A new police officer?" said a buddy next to him.

"..."

"How could the old policeman zip up his zipper immediately after urinating? He had to expose that guy for a while to let some air, which would scare the little girl."

After watching the movie, I took a taxi home and took out a five-yuan bill and gave it to the driver. The driver looked at him with a smile on his face: "Brother, please become a new policeman. Policemen don't have to pay to ride in the car."

Xiao Wu wanted to find a crack to crawl into the ground, and he really lost all the policemen.

When Xiao Wu got out of the car, Xiao Wu said: "Thank you, Master!"

The taxi driver said: "A new police officer, right? Old police officers never say thank you. Yes! I’ll treat you to dinner tomorrow. Please bear with me if anything happens in the future.”

Xiao Wu said, “How can I do that?”

The master said, “You’re a new police officer, right?” ? The old policeman was beating his chest so hard that he asked people to treat him to dinner!

(2)

Xiaowu was feeling depressed and found a girl on the street. Be gentle. After some groping, the lady asked: "A new police officer!"

Xiao Wu felt a little dizzy, "What's the matter?"

"How can an old policeman be so polite? , all forced by the Overlord.

”

After tying the bow on the young lady, Xiao Wu decided not to embarrass the people’s police again, and walked out without paying the young lady’s fee or the bar fee.

Boss She turned to look at him and said, “New police officer, right?

Xiao Wu was about to collapse. He grabbed his boss by the neck and asked, "How come you can see this?"

Boss: "Not only did my old policeman play for nothing, he also had to collect protection fees when he left!" "

Xiaowu thought: Damn!! The new police officers are also police officers!

So he said to the boss: "Give me the protection money! ! !

The boss said: "A new police officer, right?" "

Xiaowu: ... ...

Boss: "The old policemen all ask us to deliver the fee to your door. How can we collect it in person? "

Xiao Wu was humiliated by the owner of the karaoke bar and decided to use the dignity of the police to embarrass the boss.

Listening to the obscene chatter coming from next door, Xiao Wu kicked him Opening the closed door, he shouted at a naked man and woman inside: "Don't move, I'm the police!" "

The woman sat up lazily, hugged the man and squinted at Xiao Wu and said, "A new police officer, right? "

The man also said: "He is a new police officer. "

Xiaowu asked the couple sternly: "How do you know I am a new police officer?

The woman pointed at the man next to her and said, "How can any old policeman not recognize their chief?" "

As soon as Xiao Wu heard that it was the chief, he turned around and ran away. When he went out, he bumped into someone's arms. When he saw it was a well-dressed gentleman, he apologized quickly. The man smiled and said, "Are you a new police officer? "

Xiao Wu was about to explode: "You also know? "

"I'm the manager here, and every old policeman doesn't know me."

Xiao Wu hurriedly escaped from the karaoke bar. When he went out, he saw a man prying off a bicycle under the street light. He ran He walked over and grabbed the man to go back to the police station. The man glanced at him and said, "A new police officer, right?" "

"No! ! , go back with me! "

"Not yet, why does the old police care about this! ”

“What’s wrong with the new police? The new police have a new image! "

"Oh, I heard this when your chief was still a new police officer. ”

Xiao Wu drove the police car straight to his friend’s house. The whole journey was very fast and uncomfortable. When he turned a corner on the street, a man riding a bicycle suddenly appeared from the darkness. Xiao Wu could not apply the brakes in time. With a "bang", the bicycle flew away with the person on it. Xiaowu hurriedly got off the car and walked forward to see that there was blood coming out of the man's leg, and there was a large pool of blood on the ground.

Xiao Wu said nothing, picked up the man and walked to the car. The man groaned and asked Xiao Wu: "Comrade, are you a new police officer? "

Xiao Wu was wondering: Why is everyone asking me today if I am a new policeman? Did I get into trouble today?

The man groaned and continued: "Where is the old policeman? No matter what he hit, he just played the flute and left. How could you stop the car to look at me and cause me so much pain now..." Before he could finish speaking, the man passed out.

(3)

Xiaowu was feeling restless when he got home, so he came to "Youth Topics" to read posts, and by the way, he registered an ID called "Hebian"

007 came over and asked: "New police officer? "

Xiaowu panicked. No one on the Internet knew that you were a dog. How could 007 even the old and new police officers see that? He quickly posted a message asking: "How do you know? "

007 replied: "Old policemen are all undercover here, and their registered ID must at least be called "Hedi" or something like that. "

Xiao Wu was determined to change his mind and vowed to become an old policeman.

One day, he passed by a cigarette stall, went up and said to the cigarette seller: "I will take these two 'Zhonghua' "," he said, picking up two "Zhonghua".

The cigarette seller looked at it, smiled and said: "New police."

Xiao Wu said: "Damn it, how did you know?"

The cigarette seller said: "The old police never take the cigarettes from the stall, they all know they are fake." The old policemen all said, "Bring me two pieces of Chinese food from the back." "

After Xiao Wu left Yantan with the cigarette in hand, he thought that the cigarette would be in vain if he smoked it. He might as well go find a place to change some money. So he walked to a cigarette shop.

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“Boss, come and return these two cigarettes. "

"How much do you want? "

Xiao Wu thought for a while, and he must not let him see that I am a new police officer.

"One thousand yuan a piece! "

Xiao Wu put down his cigarette, took the money and left.

The boss said: "You are a new policeman, right? The old policemen take the money but don't leave the cigarettes." ”