My son is in great demand, and my friend told me: You are used to it.

I sent a circle of friends to spit out my son two days ago.

And he is so noisy only because we ask him to eat. First he said he was not hungry, and then he said it was too hot. We continued to eat, ignored him, and he began to "act".

Dad was upset and entered the room; Sister, handed me a napkin and was ruthlessly thrown away by her son; I moved a small stool to sit beside him, fanned him and wiped his tears.

After about twenty minutes, he calmed down and got into my arms and cried.

"mom"

From the moment he was born, I found that he was a different child.

Sleeping residue, rice residue, material residue ... a "slag god" that combines all kinds of slag.

It is more difficult to put him to sleep than to go to the west to learn from the scriptures.

I had a hard time falling asleep. I cried as soon as I put it down. Later, he liked to listen to the "grunt" sound of the kettle boiling water, and felt very at ease, but he woke up immediately after turning it off. I really boiled water to doubt my life. ...

Very stubborn, no matter where I go, I will take that set of plaid sheets, even if I stay in a hotel. Without that set of sheets, my son will go home and stand by and cry for a long time in bed, refusing to sleep.

There is a strong preconceived opinion, and even small things will be hysterical. When we go out, he will be angry if we leave the unit door first and don't hold the door for him. Once my husband went out to make a phone call and closed the door. My son cried his eyes swollen and his voice hoarse.

As long as we unilaterally want him to do what we want, things will be very bad.

At the same time, he is also very sensitive, crying when he is not satisfied at all, and can also observe my unhappy mood at once.

I asked him to write Pinyin in the morning, which was messy and I didn't want to talk to him. Then he came to the study carefully and said, "Mom, are you angry?"

Really, he is the happiest baby when he is happy and the worst baby when he is angry. It's either sunny or stormy, and there is no intermediate state. Advice suitable for other children will have no effect on him.

The day before yesterday, we invited two other friends to visit the ancient town of Huangshan. Along the way, all the other children were very happy, except him, who was inexplicably angry, crying and making trouble, and said malicious words.

I took his hand and tried to appease him. My friend couldn't help but advise me: "You will spoil the bad children like this." Said I should be tough and not be led by children.

On the one hand, my son is saying "I don't want a mother like you", on the other hand, my friend says that I spoil my children. I really feel weak, depressed and tired.

Who asked me to raise a "demanding" baby?

Sears, a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics and a famous pediatrician, has specially summarized the "high demand" baby. I've listed it here, so you can take your seats accordingly:

Strong feelings: I use more energy to do everything, cry louder, laugh harder, my demands are not met, and my temper is particularly big.

Super active: the muscles and brains of children with high demand are rarely relaxed or quiet; And overreacting to stimuli, as long as there is any activity around, you can't sit quietly.

Ask for hugs endlessly: They will drain every ounce of your parents' energy and make you exhausted.

Breastfeeding frequently: You can never drink enough milk at once. It is completely adhering to the principle of "eat less and eat more meals", and it may be fed 20 times a day.

A lot of demands: more needs and more picky.

Wake up often: everything needs more, except sleeping.

Dissatisfaction: even if you try your best, the child will not buy it.

Unpredictable: What worked yesterday will fail today. It is difficult to please once and for all, because their nervous system is still poorly organized. And she's emotionally unstable. I am very happy when I am happy. When I am angry, people around me can feel the fire.

Super sensitive: easily disturbed and stimulated, just like walking on eggshells, easily frightened during the day and difficult to sleep at night.

Cann't let go: eager to have close physical contact with close people.

Separation anxiety: it is unacceptable to be separated from parents, especially from mother. Once separated, all kinds of crying.

He also pointed out that children with high needs also have a higher level of creativity, compassion and insight, and have great potential to learn hegemony and leadership.

Later, I read a book "Correction of Children's Behavioral Problems", which mentioned that 65,438+00% of children with high needs are difficult to raise.

Must be a special fate, let 10% chance happen to me, let me meet my son.

Over the past few years, on the night when he tortured me to sleep, I wondered countless times whether I had done something wrong and why other children could fall asleep quickly, but my child had to be coaxed in his arms and annoyed every day.

I am in tension and fear every day. His unstable personality is full of "fright". I don't know whether today is a good day or a bad day.

I am very sad to hear people around me say that he is too stubborn, too difficult to manage, too arrogant and too naughty.

My body and emotions are being challenged, and I am exhausted and in a trance.

But when I knew that he was a high-demand baby, I suddenly relaxed.

Because I know he is not ill, and I don't know that I didn't teach him well. It's just his natural temperament.

Mothers with high-demand babies at home know how difficult it is to raise such a child because they are so creative and have different personalities. Every time you fight with your baby, you have to spend the same energy as the sea.

They are curious and learn quickly, but it can also make them impulsive and tired; They are persistent, tenacious and good at making decisions, but if they are not properly guided, these qualities will become disobedience and resistance.

Therefore, we need to raise them in a more creative way and give them more understanding and patience.

1. adopt the intimate parenting method of high contact and multiple responses, and respond gently.

Intimacy is the foundation of effective education. Only when my son's heart is close to mine will he listen to me.

Therefore, when he was crying, I didn't let him "cry enough" anymore, but actively listened and responded to him.

Because for children with high needs, crying is not a deliberate fault, but a way for them to express their needs. If we ignore it and even the people we trust most stop listening first, the children will be very sad.

A positive and loving response will make the communication channel between "children and mothers" smooth, and the children will be less nervous when they need it next time, and will adopt a gentler way.

I can't remember how many times my son cried since he was born.

But every time, as long as I am by his side, I will touch his head and ask him, "In your own words, what do you need your mother to do?" When he was crying and describing, I interrupted some understanding words from time to time: "Yes, I understand." "You really want that toy, don't you?" "If you can't get this toy, you must be very sad."

After I showed my understanding of my son's thoughts, he began to open his heart gradually.

Growing up, he was most willing to listen to me. My mother-in-law said I spoiled him. Actually, I want to say it's because I know him best.

2. Find a balance between satisfying children and saying "no"

Children with high demand are generally stubborn and only agree with their own views. If we say "no" to them, they will boycott you and say "no" to all your demands.

But if you say "yes" to everything, it will make children wild and lack self-control. Therefore, we need to find a balance between "yes" and "no". Here are some tips for saying "no", you can try them.

We can learn to bargain.

My son wants to watch animation before going to bed, but he doesn't want to sleep. I will "exchange" with him: "Well, I will take a step back and put on your pajamas. After washing, we will watch animation together in bed. " Soon, my son will fall asleep.

Sometimes, you can also use something that attracts children to avoid pulling.

When my son gets up, he refuses to get up, brush his teeth, eat breakfast, and just lie in bed unhappily. I would say, "Get up and brush your teeth. After dinner, let's go out and play ball together. "

This will not damage our authority, but also enable our son to fulfill our requirements well.

2) After saying "No", give a positive alternative.

After saying "no", the child may resist, and we can provide an acceptable alternative immediately before he resists: "You can't cut vegetables with a knife, but you can help your mother beat eggs with an eggbeater."

This can not only stop dangerous behavior, but also keep their curiosity and give an idea a foothold.

3) Let the children make their own choices.

Demanding children are strong-willed and will not easily accept our arrangements for them. At this time, it would be much better to change "do it at once" to an option.

My son never wants to stop watching TV. I will tell him that if you watch TV for a while to rest your eyes, then you can watch more next time.

Before going to bed, he will also make a choice: "Do you wear pajamas or brush your teeth first?"

The process of choice will make children feel in control and more willing to cooperate.

4) In a "feasible" environment, let children do things that are usually "impossible"

Children with high needs need their own space and do whatever they can. If he is in a "no" and "no contact" environment all day, it is easy to cry and lose his temper.

My son likes dancing very much, but he has said many times that he can't jump on the sofa. It's useless except to make him angry. Later, I will take him to the playground once a week. Later, I bought him a trampoline and let him jump to his heart's content.

After doing this, it is a relief for him and me.

There are also some sentence patterns that I find quite useful:

When the child screams, "I don't like crying, but I like your beautiful voice." When you are ready, come and talk to your mother in a nice voice. "

When giving instructions: don't say "don't run", but say "I need you/I don't think you should run around";

Use "whenever you want": "When you put your toys away, you can go out to play".

3. Be a confident and emotionally stable mother and love yourself.

Only when the mother is emotionally stable, calm and confident can she take good care of her children.

Just like when flying, the video demonstrating flight safety will remind you: "Put on the oxygen mask first, then put it on the child." If an adult suffocates, it will do no good to the child.

Children with high demand are very sensitive and easily influenced by their parents' emotional contagion. If the child cries and the mother is crazy, it may take us several times to appease the child.

Therefore, in the face of children's crying, calm is our best way to deal with it.

Once, my son accidentally broke a glass. He suddenly lost his temper and blamed his sister for not helping him, saying that he couldn't carry it. I walked over and said calmly, "Come on, let's clean up together. Next time, if you can't do anything, you can ask me for help. "

In this way, my son will stop making trouble and don't think it's a big deal to break the cup.

Children with high demand are difficult to raise. We can put our children's needs first, but we can't forget to compensate ourselves afterwards. If we are unhappy, then children will be the first to be affected.

For example, arrange a time alone for yourself every month, send the children away and go shopping. At night, the children sleep and order crayfish to catch up with the drama. ...

Relaxing the mood and injecting happy energy are conducive to the blood return of the old mother and let us raise our children better.

It's hard to grow up with high-demand children.

Because we are not raising ordinary children, once "desperate" children, we should "desperately" raise them, and they will make us "good" for a lifetime.

Adults and children are more likely to relax our expectations and accept him as he is.

As Sears said in the orange parent-child class: "Parents are like gardeners: we won't change the color and opening date of flowers, but we will remove weeds and trim the excess parts to make the flowers more beautiful. "

Wait for the demanding children to surprise us when they grow up!

* Reference: The book "Sears Orange Parent-child Classroom"

Potatoes are typical high-demand and sensitive babies.

As long as I am awake, I keep moving, jumping on the sofa, drawing curtains, turning over toys and so on. Emotional. Growing up, as long as there are guests at home, they will definitely roll over. The more people come, the more easily he gets excited until he loses control. You get angry when you don't agree with a word, and you get angry when you have a little thing. He has no patience. If he waits for more than 5 minutes, he will be impatient and keep urging. ...

None of my friends' children are like potatoes. When I actively seek foreign aid, see a doctor and make a sand table, I really confirm that potatoes are natural qualities, not diseases.

Since then, Dad Potato and I have adjusted our parenting style, relaxed our expectations, responded to everything, applauded everywhere, accompanied and cared more.

Potatoes are getting more and more delicious now. High-demand children and families need: more understanding;

Encourage more;

More help;

Less criticism.

* * * With everyone ~ If you have such a baby around you, you can share it with them.