Why should children sleep in separate beds with their parents?

When their children are young, parents usually choose to sleep with their children for the convenience of taking care of them. This is understandable.

But as their children continue to grow, parents must resolutely sleep in separate beds and rooms with their children, especially with children of the opposite sex.

01

An adult woman checked into a hotel with her parents and was denied a room for three people.

Recently, a netizen posted: She and her parents were traveling abroad. I booked a standard room in a hotel online, but when I checked in, the hotel staff said that the family of three were adults and could not stay in the same room.

This netizen is very puzzled and dissatisfied. After taking his parents out for so many days, he has never encountered anyone who does not allow the whole family to share a room. Such a rule makes him feel uncomfortable. I really don’t understand: How should a family of three book a hotel room when they go out for fun?

In this regard, the majority of netizens have expressed their opinions. Most of them support this netizen, thinking that the hotel is too inhumane and has a "profit first" face.

But in fact, if we look at this matter the other way around, isn't it essentially for profit and to "save money" when three adults live in one room?

With three adults living in one room, even if they are their own parents, the girl who posted this still has to consider the issue of "the older male avoids the mother and the older female avoids the father".

02 Family affection without boundaries will reduce the protective ability of children

I still remember a variety show I watched before. The relationship between a mother and her son made me feel incredible.

In the program, the girl said that her 27-year-old boyfriend still sleeps on the same bed with her mother, and her mother helps with the bath when taking a bath, and even blows kisses to each other when they go out.

Faced with his girlfriend’s accusation, his boyfriend thought it was a reflection of his good relationship with his mother, and even ridiculed his girlfriend for not being grateful.

There is nothing wrong with parents loving their children, but like the boy above, if he and his parents are too close but think they have a good relationship, it is easy to reduce their self-protection ability.

In sex education psychology, there is a term called "hidden sexual assault". It means that in the name of love, parents hinder the normal sexual and psychological development of their children, thereby blurring their children's sense of physical boundaries.

In the American education system, there is a famous "twenty yard rule". As the name suggests, it means that parents and their children must keep at least "twenty yards" apart.

Growing up, my father and our sisters have never had the kind of intimacy like kissing and hugging each other. Since we were in elementary school, our sisters have slept in a separate room. My father has no need to do anything. , would not enter our room at all, and would call us outside if something happened.

This does not mean that our relationship with our father is not good. On the contrary, both sisters are very dependent on their father, but they are mentally dependent. When they encounter problems that they cannot handle on their own, they will immediately solve them. Call home and ask.

Although it is said that "the daughter is the little lover of the father in his previous life", it is still difficult for me to understand the kind of person who is obviously an adult and still sleeps with his father or mother.

When children are about 3 years old, gender awareness begins to sprout, the awareness of "difference between men and women" begins to increase, and everyone realizes that everyone has their own privacy.

So parents should start to pay attention to the distance between their children when they are 3 years old, so that "older daughters avoid their fathers, and older sons avoid their mothers."

As age slowly increases, parents must pay attention to the "psychological distance" from their children, reduce interference in their lives, and avoid giving them a sense of restraint.

03

The relationship between parents and children is inseparable from the "sense of proportion"

Our traditional culture believes that "the body and skin are affected by the parents." Since parents After giving birth to children, the children have no privacy at all in front of their parents.

Psychologist Wu Zhihong said: "Chinese-style families often have a relationship between parents and children, and the boundaries between parents and children are blurred."

Obviously, such a family relationship is abnormal. No matter how close the relationship is, parents and children must maintain an appropriate distance. It is best to keep the distance from the children just right.

The definition of "boundary sense" in "The Art of Getting Along" is as follows: the inner self-boundary between people.

The same is true for the daily interactions between parents and children. As the children grow up, the boundaries between parents and children must also maintain an appropriate distance and be appropriately "alienated."

Although many people have grown up physically, their minds are still in infancy. Establishing a sense of boundaries is an unfamiliar process for children and parents. So how to establish boundaries with parents and let yourself become What about mature and confident adults?

Here you can try to divide your living space into four parts: private space, personal space, social space, and public space.

When children get along with their parents, they first need to define which space we put their parents in, so that we know under what circumstances we can share and under what circumstances we cannot cross the line.

Afterwards, cognitively and emotionally separate oneself from the group, family and others, and realize that oneself exists independently of others.

No matter how close parents and children are, they cannot occupy each other's time and energy for a long time, only in this way can they feel their own value as individuals.

Secondly, you must also learn to say "no" to your parents, so that parents' boundaries are not easily broken by adult children. Only by respecting each other can life be harmonious.

There are no absolutes, as long as it is reasonable and not dogmatic. What do you think? Welcome everyone to chat in the comment area