Super funny adult jokes

The expression of jokes is subtle, which makes people smile. The following is a super hilarious adult joke I compiled for you. I hope you will like them.

Appreciation of adult hilarious jokes

1. In the past, women wore less clothes, which was called coquettish. Nowadays, women wear less clothes, which is called sexy. In the past, women were all random virgins-now, if you want to be a virgin, you have to go to kindergarten to find your former woman and get married before you can go to bed-now women can go to bed without falling in love.

2. There used to be a son who was awesome and hoped for a person's future. Now there is a daughter who is overjoyed and gambles on the wealth of the whole family. In the past, college students were blessed and superior everywhere. Nowadays, college students are favored by heaven, pretending to be grandchildren everywhere.

In the morning, the Internet cafe just opened and the waitress was mopping the floor. Xiaoming is here. Xiaoming:? Can I go now? Miss:? Don't leave until I'm finished taking it off. ? Xiaoming:? Then I'll take it off for you. You told me to get on the bus quickly. I'll take it off under you first. Come on! Lift your legs. ?

A nun and a monk live next door. Unable to bear loneliness, they cut a hole in the wall. Every night, the old monk puts * * into the cave and says "Sunrise East" and "Sunrise East"! The nun took off her pants and went for a while. Over time, the old monk's behavior was seen by the young monk, who also wanted to see what was inside. It happened that one day the old monk wanted to go down the mountain, stay outside for one night, and let the young monk watch the door at home. At night, the young monk, like Master, shouted "Sunrise in the East" at the mouth of the cave, thinking: There is still light, how can it turn black? He picked up the candlestick, pulled out the candle, inserted it into the hole, and only listened to it "huh? The next day, the old monk came back, lonely and shouting at the hole. Sunrise East? No response? Sunrise East? Haven't react, let out a cry again? Sunrise East? Only one nun said? B injured? ,? B injured? !

A lady said to her female colleague in dismay. I must try to avoid pregnancy now! ? The female colleague asked strangely:? Avoid pregnancy? Didn't your husband just have a vasectomy? The woman painfully replied:? Bitter! That's why I must be very careful!

6. Ha ha ha, I saw a very interesting joke! B: What's this? Tell me about it! But it is yellow. B: Then skip the yellow part! A: Skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, end!

7. My husband went shopping with a female classmate who once had a crush and met his wife head-on. Just when he didn't know what to do, his wife said: The young couple went shopping. My husband just wanted to explain, but I didn't expect that female classmate to lean on him with a peach blossom on her face and replied, well, yes, why didn't your husband come with you! My wife directly said that my husband walked the dog?

8.w: do you like Japanese girls? Man: No, the woman slapped the man, and the man was beaten at a loss. You should all know why you hit him!

9. An old man and an old lady got on the bus together, and there was only one seat. After the old lady sat down, the old man came forward and asked her, How old are you this year? The old lady replied:? Sixty-eight ? The old man said happily to the old lady: Hehe, I am seventy-three! Older than you, get up and give me your seat! ? Unexpectedly, the old lady smiled and said to the old man: Sorry, I am pregnant, a second child! ?

10. A girl pointed to the newspaper and said to her boyfriend, Look, look, the newspaper said that sperm donation is subsidized by 300 yuan. ? Man:? What do you want? Woman:? If you can bear it, I want to buy a suite this year.

1 1. A blind couple agreed to have sex. The man said: playing cards. ? The woman said:? Here we go. ? The young people next door often hear playing cards and wonder how blind people can play cards. So I took a peek and saw that. One day, while the blind man was away, the young man sneaked into his house and said to the blind girl, Play cards. ? The blind girl said:? Here we go. ? So two people XX. Young people have great skills. At orgasm, blind girls even boast: good cards. ? In the evening, the blind man wanted to play cards with his wife again. The blind girl said, didn't you make a phone call during the day? Hearing this, the blind man was anxious and angry, exclaiming: No, someone is stealing the card! ?

12. After a ship crashed, a female passenger and ten male passengers drifted to a desert island. A month later, this woman committed suicide because she thought what happened this month was really disgusting. A month later, they decided to bury her because they thought what happened this month was really disgusting. A month later, they decided to dig her up because they thought what happened this month was really disgusting. A month later, God brought this woman back to life, because he thought what happened in these months was really disgusting. Comment: What's the matter?

13. The car and the train got married, but they divorced soon. When everyone asked why, Che said sadly: He worries about my being hit every day, and I always worry about his cheating, haha. .

14. A warlord had a fourth aunt who liked to go to the temple to burn incense and worship Buddha. She often runs seven or eight times a month. When the warlord asked, she told him that she only worshipped Buddha for his future and health, and the warlord was relieved. One day, on a whim, the warlord asked the fawn, the attendant of the fourth aunt, what she did every time she took her wife to the temple. Xiaoluzi said:? Tell the master that after burning incense and worshiping Buddha, the lady will have dinner with the master in the meditation room of the temple. ? The warlord said, oh! That must be Su Zhai. ? Xiaoluzi said mysteriously:? Tell the master that he eats meat and he still has four dishes and one soup. ? The warlord was stupefied and asked: What is one soup and four dishes? Xiaoluzi said:? The little one once waited too long, so he hid outside the meditation room to eavesdrop because of curiosity. At first, I heard my master shout? Water? A lot. I heard the sound of eating soup, and then my wife started screaming? Duck? Duck? After a while, the lady said the master's? Chicken? Fat and big, after eating the chicken, the master kept yelling? Burning hooves? It seems that he ate pig's trotters, and then after a while, the owner clamored to turn it over. This time he is obviously eating it? Fish? Yes, why else would you turn it over? The warlord turned blue with anger, but Xiaoluzi still didn't find it, and continued: The food cooked by the master is good and full. My wife shouts "Great, Great" every time she eats, and keeps panting, saying that she can't stand it. She is obviously too full.

15. Lao lang's son asked his father what burn meant, and Lao lang gently told him that it was something someone wanted. On one occasion, there was no chalk in Chinese class, and the young female teacher just wanted to get it herself. The son of Lao Lang immediately stood up and said; ? Teacher, I know you are horny, so let me satisfy you ~?

16. A new eunuch took the initiative to hide under the bed, fearing that he could not hear the emperor's orders when he fell asleep, and fearing that he would delay the good things of the emperor and the queen. I found it the next morning. The emperor asked, "How long have you been under my bed, you slave?" The eunuch knelt on the ground and replied, if you go back to the emperor, the slave has been under the bed for five more days. "What did you hear?" When you were on duty for the first time, you and the queen were admiring this painting. "What do you mean?" Listen to you and the queen? Let me see your breasts.

17. What about the second watch? "The second time I saw it, you seemed to have fallen to the ground." "What do you mean?" "Listen to the empress: come on up!" What about the third watch? Looks like you ate crabs. How do you say this? Listen to what you are saying: break your leg! What about the fourth watch? Looks like your mother-in-law is here at the fourth watch. How do you say this? The slave heard the queen shout, Oh, my mother, Oh, my mother! What about the fifth watch? You are playing chess with the queen. How do you say this? The slave listened to the empress and said, one more shot, one more shot!

18. A big girl has a louse under her arm and a flea in her vagina. They lived together for many years with their navel as the boundary. Suddenly one day fleas came up early to look for lice and said, Brother lice is not in good health. ? The louse said, Brother Flea, what's wrong with you? What's wrong with coming so early and in such a hurry? The flea said, forget it. Last night, a mouse came out of the hole with a burden on its back and went in and out, which kept me awake all night! ?

19. The son asked his father: Why is it comfortable to have sex? Dad said: just like picking your nose, of course it's comfortable! The son asked again, then why do men work so hard? Dad said: because when picking your nostrils, it is your nostrils that are comfortable, not your fingers. He asked: Then why are women so sad when they are raped? Dad said: if one day you are walking on the road and someone comes to pick your nose, will you be comfortable? He asked again, then why don't you have sex when your period is coming? Dad said: If you have a nosebleed, will you still pick your nose? Finally, why don't men like to wear condoms? Dad said, can I pick my nose with gloves?

20. A lady took her baby to the obstetrics and gynecology department. The doctor asked the woman: Does the baby eat breast milk or milk? Woman: Breastfeeding! Doctor: Then please take off your clothes. Woman: Ah! ? Why? Doctor: Please don't be nervous. This is obstetrics and gynecology. A woman who will never invade you will take off her coat with a grain of salt. The doctor touched the woman's chest with his hand, rubbed it left and right, and said to the woman, no wonder the baby is malnourished. You don't have breast milk! Woman: Nonsense! Of course I don't have breast milk; I am his aunt!

Super funny adult jokes

1. The preparations for the provincial conference have entered the sprint stage, and the badges of the conference delegates are not ready yet. Several female secretaries are busy stuffing the paper of the conference delegates into a plastic card with an opening on one side and then sealing it with plastic. The director went over, picked up a piece of paper for the congress and a plastic card, aimed at the opening of the plastic card, but failed to plug it in. The director said to the female secretary who was busy with plastic cards. Look at your mouth, I can't even fit it in! ? The female secretary retaliated: Your business is too big. You have to cut it with scissors! ? The whole house burst into laughter. When the director saw it, he really wanted a haircut and blushed. He quickly said, I'll cut it, I'll cut it! ?

2. Me: You smile so sweetly. It's not your boyfriend who has diabetes, is it? Sister: I have no boyfriend. (thoughtfully) and then hit me with a smile?

One day, a boy went to the STD clinic, and the boy surnamed Guo took out his brother and showed it to the doctor. As a result, the doctor was surprised for a long time and said in surprise, why are yours all together! ? So he shook his head and said, I can't cure it. Ask another doctor! ? As a result, a year later, they happened to meet again in the toilet of a department store. The doctor poked his head out curiously to see if his condition had improved, and the result was completely good! The doctor asked the patient strangely: how did you treat it? The patient said:? Now I know that I should shake after urinating, not squeeze like clothes.

4. The male colleague said: Once I go to the countryside to give birth control to rural women, I should take one pill in front of the house and one pill in the back. A woman who failed in contraception came to them and said it was ineffective. She was surprised and asked if she had taken it as required. I put one in front of the house and one in the back?

5. A couple went to register for marriage. ? Did you have a premarital examination? Yes, his house. These cars are all occupied. ? I mean the hospital. ? The young woman blushed and whispered: Yes, it's a boy. ?

6. There is a dormitory where seven men and one woman live. One night, a woman was bullied by one of the men Because it's too dark, women can't tell a strong J from a man. A week later, the woman went to the police station to testify against the man. Police:? How did you know it was him? Woman:? I saw him go to the sex clinic a week later. ?

7.？ The couple said bitterly to her husband. My father-in-law fucked me when you went out to move bricks that day? . The cock's husband took a deep breath and said, it's okay. He's not my real father. He became a father after he married my mother. My own father is my grandfather and I am my father. ? Husband diaosi took a sip of his cigarette and said:? Besides, your dad is also a fake dad. I'm your father. ? Say that finish, stroking the cock's head, infinite warmth enveloped the two.

8. A roommate was chatting with a friend, and the friend said that I was the only one in the family who was not married, and my grandmother was very worried. Idiot roommate replied,? Your grandmother is eager to have grandchildren. ? That friend is speechless. I am a grandson. . .

9. One day, I went to Hangzhou to play with mm, looked at the release pond in front of Jingsi Temple, and saw a turtle swimming in the pond with only its head out of the water. Mm shouted excitedly: wow, many glans! ? I passed out laughing on the spot?

10. The school has a sports meeting, and mm sits on the grass and watches. At this time, a gg kindly borrowed a sun umbrella. A mm was overjoyed when she saw it. Come on, stick it behind me, stick it behind me! ? Seeing gg's face was different, I changed my mind: Insert the sun umbrella behind me! ? The crowd fell?

1 1. When I was an undergraduate, before the computer practice class, mm, who was in charge of managing the computer room, asked our teacher (male) to borrow a screwdriver to disassemble a machine (in another room). As a result, when we got on the computer, she stood at the door of the computer room and shouted at my teacher. Teacher, you really can't do that thing! ?

12. One day, I took my new laptop to work, and a beautiful colleague came to admire the machine. After watching the machine, I looked at the computer bag, and then suddenly said: Your foreskin is so soft! ? Just when I was stunned, she said, I'll open it. ? !

13. The general manager was taking a bath, and the female secretary rushed into the bathroom because she had important documents. The boss quickly covered her private parts, and the female secret said, I'll cover it for you, and you can read the documents! After a while, the female secret exclaimed: Manager, please approve it quickly, I can't hold it any longer!

14. A literacy conference was held in rural areas. The teacher said, "A day is a day, and a day is a day." A young man stood up and said, "teacher, everyone can basically do it day by day, and it is too difficult day by day!" "

15. A depressed woman said to her female colleague: I must try to avoid pregnancy now! ? The female colleague asked strangely:? Avoid pregnancy? Didn't your husband just have a vasectomy? The woman painfully replied:? Bitter! That's why I must be very careful.

16. Mom told me? Son, your boss is not young. It's time to have a baby with my daughter-in-law, so that life can be happy? I impatiently shirked:? I'm too busy. I really don't have time. ? Not a minute? The father in the corner said silently.

17. An older unmarried man met an older unmarried woman in the park! The man suddenly made a couplet:? Empty cattle rights, no land to cultivate. ? When the woman saw it, she made an association: three feet of fertile land was wasted, and no one came to reason. ? An old man next to him made an impromptu cross-criticism:? Waste is shameful.

18. The nun takes the priest's car home at night. On the way, the lecherous priest actually put his hand on the nun's snow-white thigh! The nun shyly asked the priest:? Do you remember what the first article of the Bible says? ! ? After hearing this, the priest blushed and took his hand away. When he got home, the priest hurriedly opened article 129 of the Bible, and it read:? Go deeper and you will get great happiness! ? The priest looked at it and shouted, God, people will die if they are not familiar with business!

19. The counselor organized our students who stayed at school to go out to play together and stay in a hotel on the mountain at night. I asked for a single room because all the boys are singular. It's really cool to stay in a hotel on the mountain. Outside the balcony is nature. The fly in the ointment is that there is no poultry service here, but there are three boxes of TT on the bedside table in the room, which is really idle. I sat on the balcony and played with TT in the middle of the night, and fell asleep after a few blows. At noon, I gave my room card to the counselor. After the counselor checked out, everyone was leaving. Aunt cleaning's voice came from the damn walkie-talkie at the front desk of the hall? So-and-so room consumes two boxes of TT? I blew it up right then. Why should I charge the hotel TT? The whole class looked at me with very funny eyes. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to die. The counselor was very calm and took the initiative to pay the money. Out of the door, the counselor quietly asked me where I found it. This barren hill and two boxes are amazing. I am really full of grievances. On the way back, I received a text message from the girls in my class? Do you really have two boxes a night?

20. The Chinese Department of a university speaks Chinese characters in class. What shall we discuss today? A man? Words. Professor Huang asked everyone a question: Why is the person above? Because men are responsible for farming! ? Hui replied. ? Okay？ The professor nodded and continued to ask, then why is there a word "force" below? Fang, answer it. Fang thought for a moment, then stammered, Do you still call people down there to treat him as a weak person?

Humorous adult jokes

1. A male corpse is floating on the sea, with a blurred face. Can only be identified from the lower body. The women in the village want to know if they are men who go fishing by themselves. A woman:? Not my brother-in-law or my man! ? B female:? Not a village head or a secretary? A young widow came forward, stared at the man's nakedness for a long time, took a long breath, waved to all the women and said, go home, not from our village!

2. Men have six looks: they look like people at ordinary times; Cheating like a thief; Dating is like a ghost; Sleep like a wolf; Finish like a pig; Like a cat in front of your lover? Women also have six looks: men are like virgins; Eat snacks like mice; Love to talk and laugh like honey; Go to bed like crazy; Shout like a dead man; When you reach orgasm, it's like dying. Don't laugh, and neither do you!

3. In junior high school, a bt in the class gave an innocent girl an H riddle. What's the riddle? Wedding night? Hit a historical celebrity? , the answer is? Charles I? . Of course, the little girl couldn't guess, so bt laughed hysterically and proudly announced the answer. Didn't expect that, did you The little girl chased bt and asked, why Charles I? Why? Can you explain it to me? I really don't understand! ?

Today, the leader asked a sharp question: What's the date of Virgin's Day? Seeing that everyone was at a loss, the leader said: We have repeatedly stressed that Scientific Outlook on Development should study and think scientifically in order to deal with all kinds of problems? Remember, Virgin's Day is January! Because virgins and women are only one day apart? They were very surprised, and then they all praised with one voice? Wise leadership!

5. Why do mother-in-law and daughter-in-law always get along? There are three reasons: first, the mother-in-law spent four or five years teaching her son how to wear pants, but the daughter-in-law could ask her son to take off his pants in less than five seconds; Second, the mother-in-law nursed her son's life with breasts, but the daughter-in-law cheated her son's life with breasts without milk; Third, when the son is tired for a day, the mother will watch him fall asleep, but the daughter-in-law will let him push her around at night?

6. Go on a business trip with beautiful colleagues, run a day's business during the day, eat local snacks together at night and visit the night scene. Just after returning to the hotel to take a shower, a beautiful colleague sent a message saying that she had a sore back and asked me if I could go over and help her pinch her back. I just turned it off. People are fucking people, and you're not the only one who runs all day. Why should others wait on you?

7. Class reunion We stayed up late and went to the hotel. As a result, there was only one room left after we checked in. We also have two classmates, a man and a woman. Lesbian theory: it's okay to live with you, but don't try anything on me. The man said: You run naked for two blocks, and I am your son. As a result, I listened to the next door at night: son, be gentle ~

8. I quarreled with my girlfriend these two days, during the cold war. Asked if my colleague could get my girlfriend to talk to me, he said: Go home and turn off the main tap water gate, drink all the water in the water dispenser, unscrew the light bulb in the toilet and put some viruses in her computer. She will talk to you naturally. ? So I went home and did it right away. When my girlfriend came home, she found that it was not used well at home and felt sorry for me. Now she's breaking up with me?

9. My daughter-in-law is a petite type and looks very small. Visual inspection basically determined that she was a junior high school student. When I took her to see my dad for the first time, my dad stared at me and said, Why do you bring the child back when he is so old?

10. I just returned to the army on holiday and kept talking about my date at home! My mother called me at night, and my comrades were making trouble. What did she say to the phone? Mom, how are you? My dad called me after that. You little bastard, are you mean? Your mother and I, you bring a man back, I won't give you a dog leg discount! ? Me?