Have you been pushed back to your hometown by your parents?

Seeing this question, as a person who has been drifting in the North for five years, I am happy to answer this question. I'm sure I'm not in a hurry. Maybe my situation is different from others. Joined Beipiao after marriage, because my husband chose to work in Beijing after graduation. At that time, in my family's imagination, I thought Beijing was a particularly good metropolis with many famous scenic spots, but in real life, Beipiao was not as glamorous as I thought, and there were many sadness and helplessness. So I never report good news or bad news, tell them that I am all right and don't let them worry. The following video is my personal thoughts and feelings.

Hello, everyone. I'm Xiao Qiang, a programmer from Beipiao. I have been in Beijing for five years, and my family has not urged me to go back to my hometown in these years, because the salary in Beijing is higher than that in my hometown, and I may not earn much money after I go back. It is also very difficult to take the civil service exam, and I can't adapt to it when I go back. I can't do these things, such as the world, wine table culture.

This question pokes me! Very serious!

Actually, my parents didn't rush me home either. Since I had my own goal, I resolutely abandoned everything at home and was alone. From the day I came to Beijing to realize my dream, they never forced me to do something I didn't want to do, because my parents would actually understand one day, and this day came because as children, we really grew up, and we had to be seen by our parents to gain their trust.

In fact, as long as you are firm enough, know what you want, communicate with them well, and then show your ability, your parents will not rush you. Maybe it's because you are still a child in their eyes and you don't have enough ability to support yourself, so they always urge you to go home.

Have you been pushed back to your hometown by your parents?

The answer to the real case is that I am the one who was driven back to my hometown.

At that time, I worked in an environmental protection company in Beijing, and I felt that my income was ok, but I couldn't afford to buy a house, and the rent was particularly expensive. It is simply impossible to live a decent life.

I came out of the countryside and went to Beijing to work hard. It looks really decent, but my life is very difficult. At that time, my parents often urged me to get married and go home. I said it is not realistic to get married in Beijing now, because I can't afford a house and can't give girls happiness, so I missed several marriages.

Therefore, after several years of persistence, I still can't stop "life is not just in front of me" and chose to give up Beijing and return to my hometown.

Actually, my parents urged you back for a reason. In my situation at that time, my parents had the following considerations:

First, I am old and want to have grandchildren soon. Even if you have a hundred mouths, it's hard to justify yourself. It doesn't make any sense. In fact, people their age are their social circle. People in this social circle can't sit still when they have grandchildren. And even if few of their friends have grandchildren, they think they should have grandchildren at this age. Their age is a good time to take care of their grandchildren, and it will be too late after this period. Meanwhile, they can't see each other on the surface. In fact, they are proud of who has a grandson first, so that without a grandson, they seem to be unable to hold their heads in the circle of friends of the same age. This is the most troublesome point, and it makes no sense anyway.

Second, they thought I was unhappy. When I was in Beijing, almost every time I called, I didn't say I was not doing well. I always report good news instead of bad news. I always said that I had a good time there, don't worry, make more money and so on. But when parents understand that when children always report good news but not bad news, it means that their children are not doing well. Maybe every time I go back, compared with my peers, I have no family and look like a child, which always makes them uneasy. At the same time, every time I go home, I look rich, making them feel that I am pretending to be unconfident. In fact, many parents think that their children will be decent and rich when they come back, and they will look bright on their faces and their children will be very promising. But everyone with eyes knows that these are fake. Because of deception, it is unnatural, except for drama.

Third, the neighbor's children work decently in their hometown. Many children next door are teachers and civil servants in the county, and their parents feel very decent. At this point, our parents almost agree that "civil servants, doctors and teachers are employed, and others are unemployed", which makes me very nervous. These occupations are also very strange. They can always have a car and a house in the county within a few years, and they are so decent that I doubt this profession. But through chatting with several friends in the system, I learned that some of them have cars and houses soon after they go to work because of their stability, and bank loans can be tilted towards them. All kinds of credit cards and credit loans give them the conditions to spend first and enjoy life, so they have cars and houses. Of course, if they are well-off, that's another story. However, their house will not be too big and their car will not be very good. After all, they are all ahead of consumption.

In short, my parents urged me to go back to my hometown at that time, mainly because of these reasons, as well as their care problems, illness and death, inadaptability to life in big cities, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the problems of seven aunts and eight aunts, so they tied me back to my hometown.

In fact, when I came back, I found that although the salary was not so high, the house price dropped, the living expenses were not so complicated, I could eat enough for 5 yuan, and the success rate of blind date was also high, so whether I can come back depends on your attitude towards life. If you want to break into a world, Beijing definitely has plenty of opportunities. If you want to think more about your family, coming back is also a good choice.

If you could choose again, would you choose to stay in your hometown or go to a big city to work hard? "

Every Spring Festival, class reunion can't avoid this topic. Everyone will often fall into the yearning for "another life"-classmates in their hometown envy the opportunities and dreams of big cities, and we also envy their comfort in having a house and a car in a small city.

My friend Yu Yang (pseudonym) worked as a nurse in a hospital in Beijing for eight years. After eight years of wandering, she has no house, no car, no Beijing hukou and no object. 20 17, she decided to live a clean life. On April 5, 20 17, she bought a one-way train ticket and returned to her hometown, a small county in Shaanxi.

Her life started all over again. For more than half a year, she has lived a life of frequent blind dates and eating fake hamburgers. Occasionally, I miss the days when I went running in the Olympic Park after work, and I miss my youth in Beijing.

(The following is Yu Yang's dictation. )

"I thought I would mix a world in Beijing."

A week before I left Beijing, I would bid farewell to all kinds of friends every day. Go back to the dormitory at night and pack your bags alone. Eight years of possessions, four big boxes, 100 yuan to send home, I have nothing to do with this city.

The day I left Beijing was April 20 15 17. The bus at 6: 50 p.m. My friend took me to the station. A colleague and good friend of mine cried her eyes out. She advised me not to go. She said that the education and medical conditions in Beijing are better than those in her hometown, and you will definitely regret it in the future. I told her that it was my choice, and I thought about it and didn't regret it.

I tried not to cry. After parting, when we arrived at the ticket gate, tears flowed. It is false to say that you are not sad. All my friends are here after so many years. I am reluctant, unwilling, and a little helpless. But I know I don't miss this city, but I miss the people and my friends here.

When the train started, the scene of coming to Beijing for the first time in the summer of 2009 seemed to be still in sight. I have never traveled far. I went to college in the province. I came to Beijing for an internship during my sophomore summer vacation. It was the first time in my life that I took a train. Fortunately, I went to a military hospital for an internship, and someone met me at the station and arranged accommodation. I watched Beijing in the car, with traffic and people coming and going, as if everything was fresh.

I didn't want to stay at home when I was young. I always thought the outside world was beautiful. The world seems to unfold under my feet. I told myself that I would be a head nurse and director of nursing department in the future. I'm still considering whether to take the college entrance examination, take a master's degree and take a doctor's degree. I thought I would hang out in Beijing. Unexpectedly, I finally came back.

After the internship, I have the opportunity to stay in this hospital. In the first few years, I had a good time. I live in a dormitory and have never suffered from moving. I am much happier than many North drifters. I'm very busy at work. On holidays, I will go running in the Olympic Park near my work place, or read books at home, or go to the suburbs of Beijing with seven or eight close friends.

The turning point occurred in 20 15, when I was 26 years old. I was forced to get married. For a time, my parents issued an ultimatum on the phone every day-either go home quickly or find someone quickly.

"People's dilemma seems to be all-round."

It may be an age crisis, or it may be the nagging of parents. When I was alone, I began to worry about my personal problems.

My relatives, friends and colleagues have introduced me to the object. I hope to find a partner with a Beijing hukou. It's not that I'm demanding too much, but that it's convenient for my children to go to school in the future and be able to take the college entrance examination in Beijing.

But if you criticize others, others criticize you. The last thing I like is that when someone is dating, there are three ultimate questions: Do you have a Beijing hukou? Do you have a house? Are there any staff or contract workers? Once, I went to see my blind date, and before I started eating, the other party threw out these three questions. I felt embarrassed, said "eat slowly" and ran away. On the way back, I thought, I don't deserve love without a Beijing hukou, a house and a contract worker?

People's dilemma seems to be all-round. I began to realize the problem of living in Beijing. Just say a house. I can't afford it. I have a colleague who got married and bought a house. I think this kind of marriage is not good. It's not called "marriage", it's called "housemate".

Many colleagues who have bought houses are uncomfortable. Every month, the salary in the early 10 thousand, seven or eight thousand dollars will be used to pay off the mortgage.

At the beginning of 20 17, my head hurts when I think of these things after work. Sometimes I say to myself, why are you jumping around? It feels good to be back home。 If nothing else, at least I can eat noodles cooked by my mother every day. If anything happens to my parents, I can take care of them in time. Besides, I'm only 28, not too old. If I drag on, maybe one day, I won't even have this retreat in my hometown.

"I look forward to a comfortable life."

A few months later, I decided to go home. I got a job as a nurse in a hospital in my hometown.

When I first came back, I was really not used to it. Beijing is so big that it takes an hour or two to drive around the Fifth Ring Road. My hometown is very small, from the southernmost to the northernmost, from the easternmost to the westernmost, no more than 4 kilometers, and it can be walked in 40 minutes. When I turned around, I felt the end.

After returning home, of course, the age anxiety has not been alleviated at all, and everyone around me got married early. There are 15 nurses in our department, 1995 and 1996 are unmarried. When I first entered the department, my colleague asked me how old your baby was. I said, I'm not married. They looked at me in surprise as if I were a monster.

Frequent blind dates are of course inevitable. Fortunately, I met several blind date objects, all of whom were rebels of the concept of marriage and love in small counties, which made me very gratified. When I first met them, I asked them why they were not married in their thirties. They said they didn't like the pattern of blind date marriage. They don't care about each other's work and family conditions, but only care about whether they can get along and have the same views.

After returning home, I also mastered the experience of "fighting" with my parents. In order to avoid their nagging, I picked up a book as soon as I got home from work. This is a tacit understanding formed when I was a child. As long as I am reading, my mother won't bother me.

Now that I think about it, my parents' generation is actually quite interesting. My father is a very rigid person, and my school forbids me to fall in love. When I was in high school, he wouldn't let me wear colorful clothes, and he followed me after school to see if I had accosted any boys. I urge marriage every day after work, blaming me for not finding a partner. An article said that from prohibiting puppy love to urging marriage crazily, this is China's parents' abnormal view of marriage and love. That makes sense.

Now my wish is to get married quickly. After wandering for so many years, I found that I really long for stability, and I yearn for a comfortable life.

"Oh, forget it."

Coming back for more than half a year is like boiling a frog in warm water. I don't have any thoughts or expectations. Before in Beijing, there were many young people around, and they all worked hard. In this atmosphere, I also want to study for master's degree and doctor's degree. When I got home, I thought, Oh, forget it.

Some people say that big cities rely on ability to work hard, while small cities rely on relationships. Even patients come to see a doctor, which makes me laugh and cry. I saw a patient come and said that the director of XX Bureau sent me and arranged a bed for me. I said, I don't know director XXX. No bed, no bed. Please ask the director to bring you a bed.

It must be false to say that you have never regretted giving up drifting to your hometown. For example, when I pay my salary every month, I used to be in my early 10 thousand, but now I have 4 thousand yuan, and my heart will definitely be lost There are also disputes with leaders at work. Once I checked the standard procedure of intravenous injection in the hospital. I worked as a nurse in Beijing for so many years. I can sterilize, inject needles, inject liquid medicine and pull out needles in three to five minutes. However, the seniors in the nursing department insisted that I follow the standard procedure, which took almost half an hour. I think their ideas are too backward. Why don't I just go back to Beijing and suffer foreign crimes here? Now, after a long time, I am used to it.

I often ask myself, will I go to Beijing again in 2009? If I had stayed in my hometown as soon as I graduated, I might have had a decent job like a civil servant, married and had children, and danced square dance and lived a comfortable life like a girl of the same age. However, I have to admit that the eight years of drifting north is an important asset in my life-I have seen a world that people in a small county have never seen before, and I have many different experiences and ideas, and the whole person is full of atmosphere.

That's what people do. When they were young, they didn't like staying at home. They think there are many possibilities in life and the outside world is wonderful. When I grow up, I find that the outside world is helpless. It is also a happy thing to form your own family, accompany your children to grow up and your parents to grow old.

Dad is not in a hurry, mom is in a hurry.

Now after 00, after 90, step into the society. At the age of 20-26, my family didn't rush me. On the contrary, my father encouraged me not to go back. Even now that I'm 28, my father hasn't mentioned going home.

On the contrary, my mother was heartbroken and asked around about girls of the same age in Beijing, repeatedly mentioning that she would go home to find a job. Every time I watch my video, I will say, it's good to have you back, so I can talk about it.

I can't go back.

The pressure is too great, and the income of my hometown cannot meet the pressure. It is possible in Beijing. I didn't want to go back before I always thought my mother said that because she was not good. If she had a good life, would she still talk? I dare not say that I am not doing well now, but I want to go back. Going home for the New Year, affected by the epidemic, my mother said: Go later and apply to the unit, or find a class in my hometown. I use the provident fund social security to prevaricate Finally, I jokingly asked my mother, if I don't work, will you support me? Mom said: I support you!

There should be many times, my mother suggested that I go back to my hometown's provincial capital city or my hometown's small county town, where the house price is not so high, it is relatively easy to buy a house and have a place to live together.

Unlike in Beijing, you can't afford to buy a house or rent a house. The disadvantage of renting a house is that you are not sure when the landlord will call and you will start moving.

Before marriage, it was easy to move alone, and it took minutes to move a box. After marriage, moving will be very troublesome, at least there will be a lot of pots and pans. With a child, every time he moves, he moves the child from a place he is familiar with and has friends to a strange environment. Buying a house has become a necessity.

Fortunately, I saved money to buy a house before my children went to kindergarten. Through hard work, they also bought a small house for their parents nearby, allowing them to help with their children and have their own space.

With my parents around, I won't rush back to my hometown by myself. Actually, they know I can't go back.

Along the way, I actually feel that I am drifting in the north, and it is my parents who suffer the most. Fortunately, with the help of parents, through their own efforts, parents and themselves have settled down and can calm down and live a small life.

In fact, many people who drift in the north have this experience to some extent. I once had the opportunity to drift north, but I still chose to take root in my hometown. Maybe I like Libra's comfortable life. Take root in your hometown and do a good job you love. However, it is very important to go to big cities often to learn more and understand more.

Parents want their children to be both dragon and phoenix. He doesn't know how you're doing outside. I never report good news or bad news. My parents didn't rush me either. I just know whether I should stay in Beijing or not.

The house in my hometown is my forever home. No matter where you make a living, as long as the house in your hometown is still there, there is still a way out and a sustenance, so you have to go back. If there is no house in my hometown, it is like duckweed without roots and soul without sustenance.