Falling in love is easier than getting along. Why do women forgive cheating men so easily?

If you cheat, or encounter the other person's cross-border behavior, it is better to look at the truth of people than to curse and punish TA. Understand the multifaceted nature of human nature. Think about why this person cheated, and then help you heal and grow.

One day, he suddenly cheated on a woman who was nothing like himself; One day, he suddenly told you that this relationship is not what I want. Let's divorce. I want to live for myself.

What should you do?

Love is easy to get along with, and the most difficult way in the world is probably the emotional way.

After reading all kinds of stories about people in different stages of love, I sincerely hope that everyone can understand a truth: if you know what kind of feelings you want, please stick to them and realize your ideas.

There is a simple reason. Those feelings that are wrong, unwilling and unable to let go will not disappear because of habit and will.

On the contrary, after experiencing the constant erosion of life and feelings, people will find the truth more and more naked in front of them: I am unhappy, because this relationship is really not what I want.

Sometimes, we say some tacky things? Follow your heart? Follow your heart, but in fact, even if you don't follow it deliberately, fate and life will push you in the direction that conforms to your nature.

In our consultation, cases involving extramarital affairs account for a considerable proportion. Ling (a pseudonym) is one of the protagonists of this kind of case story, and her experience is thought-provoking.

Ling and her husband were married for 3 years, and her husband cheated 3 times. Those who hide well and don't see the light don't count, but those who find a seat are three times.

Three years is not a long time, but in detail, it is a proper history of men's love and women's blood and tears.

The first time I cheated, it was when Ling was about to give birth.

He went to the class reunion that day and didn't come home that night. Said he went to a gay scientist to play mahjong all night. As a result, Ling found condoms and hotel receipts in his car.

At first he denied it. It was not until Ling dug up the chat record with female classmates about the plot in bed on his mobile phone that he could not deny it.

Ling especially collapsed. I ran to the hospital for an abortion and was dragged home by my husband.

The baby was not born, and this rush, the third day gave birth to a daughter.

After that, my husband never mentioned the affair again, as if nothing had happened. Every time ling mentioned this, he was always stopped? Why do you keep saying that? Can't you just move on? ?

Looking ahead, when his daughter was one and a half years old, he cheated for the second time.

This time is far more serious than the last time. That woman is his junior, two years younger than him, divorced. Fortunately, they are still working partners, having meetings and going on business trips together, so they are together every day.

My husband comes home late and late, sometimes even staying out all night. Until one day, he was so arrogant that he called the woman in the bedroom and was heard by Ling.

Of course, she's making trouble again. But he is calm, and he can say whatever he wants.

Implication: As long as you say leave, I will leave at once.

After listening to his words, Ling became timid. As a traditional woman, her thoughts are still very conservative, and marriage is very important to her. Divorce? Once it happens, it will become a great failure in life, which cannot be erased, and she will not allow it to happen.

She went to see that woman. After reading it, it was a big blow? The other party is younger than her, looks better than her, behaves and feels more considerate and gentle than her.

By contrast, being tossed about by work? Into pieces? She has no intention of being nice to herself and doesn't know how to care about her husband. She looks just an ordinary professional woman.

After returning to China, Ling deeply reflected.

She always thought she was worthy of her husband. But after this trip, she was not so confident. I met an old neighbor lady downstairs, and she seemed to hear people say disdainfully? Just like you, is it strange that your husband loves you? .

My husband didn't get divorced because of various pressures, but stayed with that woman for a long time until that woman found another man.

But there's one who doesn't have this.

Not long ago, he cheated for the third time.

Ling was miserable and forgave her twice before.

The so-called forgiveness is just making do with it. She always has a cactus in her throat, which she can't swallow or spit out.

But this time, Ling resolutely found us and turned to partner therapy, hoping that professionals would help her understand her feelings and expectations in marriage and learn to rebuild her feelings. In fact, instead of discussing what is extramarital affairs, it is better to discuss what is human nature and what is marriage.

Marriage is by no means as simple as saving money for two people's common life or alleviating the loneliness of one's life.

Every marriage, when two people decide to get married, means that they have found something familiar or needed in this relationship and entered the marriage with the expectation of repairing past wounds.

No matter how extramarital affairs happen, it may mean that some defects in human nature have not been faced up to and repaired in marriage, or that cracks in marriage have not been understood, discovered and repaired.

For example, Ling and her husband are struggling in their marriage:

Ling has lived in this city since she was a child. She is the youngest daughter in the family. Her family culture is somewhat patriarchal, but she has no brothers, only two sisters. Therefore, she knew from an early age that her parents would be much happier if she was a boy. Ling often didn't see her father when she was a child, because her father was busy at work and everything at home was taken care of by her mother.

Ling's husband, who lived in the countryside when he was a child, was admitted to a good university, got a high diploma and stayed in the city to work. He has a brother who is ten years older than him and a sister who is one year younger than him. His father is the breadwinner of the family, so he has a lot of authority at home. His mother is obedient and listens to his father in everything. He has been obedient since he was a child, which makes his mother feel at ease.

It seems that these two people are ordinary, but when these two people who grew up in different families got married, they also brought their own family culture, their own growth experience and their own internal needs into this marriage.

Marriage gives them a chance to get close to their deep emotional needs, but this process makes their trauma break out again.

Ling's husband, his sister is one year younger than him, which also means that his mother will be busy giving birth to his sister soon after his birth, so the care he gets from her is insufficient.

His father's authority in the family is too high, which may make him a non-aggressive son and succumb to his father's authority. Although I got a high diploma when I grew up, I may have problems with my gender identity. Ling lives in a patriarchal family. She is the youngest daughter. She bears many disappointments from her family about her gender. In order to fight this disappointment, she will make herself very capable and behave as well as boys.

Her father's absence also made her not get enough opportunities to learn to get along with men. So, when she enters the marriage, she will show a high probability? Strong woman? Appearance, lack of concern for husband, or don't know how to get along with the other half.

Now, they are married.

Subconsciously, Ling became his mother who couldn't feed him completely, and he became his father without Ling, lacking recognition, support and help.

Their internal injuries were not seen, understood or repaired. Even if one side gives in to the other, they will each think that the other side has hurt themselves.

In the process of her growth, her mother assumed the responsibility of the whole family. She began to identify with her mother and become a very capable person, which not only can prove to her parents that girls are not worse than boys, but also can alleviate the trauma of being ignored in her early growth. Paralysis? Helpless marriage can also persist.

Ling's husband always feels that marriage is not satisfactory, just like weaning from birth. Faced with an increasingly capable wife, he may choose to look outside.

If they can't understand the relationship between two people, he may always choose sabotage such as cheating to meet his inner needs. But she forbeared again and again because of moral constraints, but she didn't know how to make changes.

What is the most terrible sentence in emotion? ? Not in love. ?

Once you stop loving, can you love again? Is there any way to save this situation? Just like a cancer patient asking a doctor.

If you cheat, or encounter the other party's cross-border behavior, instead of cursing TA, punishing TA and vowing never to forgive TA, think about what to do in the future;

Think calmly about why this person will cheat and how to face it;

And after encountering each other's derailment, don't be addicted and overly sad;

Protect yourself and make better choices for yourself.