A collection of humorous jokes between husband and wife

Humor is to express inner conflict in a safe and non-threatening way. I collected some humorous jokes between husband and wife for you. Co

A collection of humorous jokes between husband and wife

Humor is to express inner conflict in a safe and non-threatening way. I collected some humorous jokes between husband and wife for you. Come and have a look with me.

Selected humorous jokes between husband and wife

Wife: "What do you think of sex? Husband: "No opinions, but there are many ways. 」

One day, a classmate's girlfriend came to the dormitory to find him. It happened that he had something to do temporarily, and his girlfriend was sitting on his bed waiting for him. When she sat idle, she looked around. I saw a pair of calligraphy couplets hanging on the bedside: bloom is warm in spring, and one person enjoys endless happiness. The woman thought, "I didn't expect him to write calligraphy and enjoy flowers." Heart secretly pleased unceasingly, unknowingly eyes moved up, but suddenly was livid. See a horizontal batch: Long live the harem!

Introduce my boyfriend to my best friend. My best friend and I went to the subway station and met my boyfriend. In order to make my best friend feel that I have a close relationship with him, I tried to rush over and give him a hug, but my foot slipped and I fell forward in a panic and hugged my boyfriend's thigh, so the tragedy happened. My boyfriend was nearsighted and didn't recognize me at that time. He even dumped his leg and said, no money, no money, go away!

Xiao Zhang has just been promoted to vice president of the hotel. He was so excited that when he came home in the dark at night, he shouted excitedly, "I'm the vice president!" " "Then the wife said in bed," Go to sleep, your subordinate Zhang will be back soon. "

On the train, a man and a woman met by chance. The problem was that they were in the same sleeping car. Of course it was embarrassing at first, but soon, fatigue made them fall asleep. Men slept in the upper bunk and women slept in the lower bunk. In the middle of the night, the man woke up and woke up the woman sleeping in the lower bunk: "I'm sorry, I froze to death up there." Can you pass me another blanket? " The woman looked at the man with water in her eyes and said to him, "I have a better idea." Shall we pretend to be husband and wife? " The man paused, but immediately promised: "Good, great, what a surprise!" " "He was obviously a little overexcited." So what do we do now? " ......

Husband and wife disagree, sleep separately, don't talk to each other, and write something. One day, my husband left his wife a note saying that I was going to work and would call me tomorrow. At his wife's bedside, An Lan fell asleep. The next day, when I woke up, it was gone. He was very angry and ran to question his wife. I looked at my wife's room and found her long gone. I couldn't go back to my room. I found a note on my pillow, which said, you damn fool, it's already halfway through, and I still can't get up.

If your wife asked you to go out and look for a job, what would you look for? New wife. Does your husband love you? Love, very much! I'm inseparable from him, and I don't even go to work. Does your wife object to your smoking at home? Oh, she objects to my smoking anywhere. She said that smoking for two people costs more than smoking for one person. Whenever my wife and I quarrel, she becomes a historian. You mean, she's hysterical No, she exposed me. She won't lose anything. I am very careful. Whenever my wife and I quarrel, I always let the children go for a walk. No wonder all your children are healthy! Woman: Doctor, my husband always talks in his sleep. ......

The Monkey King got into Princess Iron Fan's belly to borrow a banana fan. Look at the dialogue below. Wukong said, "Sister-in-law, I'm already in you." Princess Iron Fan: "Come out and get in the way. Uncle, I can't stand it ... Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I'm coming out soon. Please open your mouth quickly. Princess Iron Fan: "Hinder" Niu Wangmo from listening outside the door, leaving a divorce agreement ... and moving away from home.

On his girlfriend's birthday, Guo Shuai spent a lot of money to buy a qq number and sent it to his girlfriend. The number stands for "I love you all my life". After I bought it, I couldn't log in at all, prompting that the password was wrong. Handsome boy takes a closer look, and the original number is

10 wife: "What's the smell of fish-flavored shredded pork?" Husband: "Just so-so." Wife: "What about burning eggplant?" Husband: "Not bad." Wife: "What about Mapo tofu?" Husband: "Just make do." Wife: "Can a good word kill you?" Husband: "The rice is so hard!"

1 1 Take my daughter-in-law to climb the mountain. . Rest in the gazebo at the top of the mountain. Hug your daughter-in-law intimately and make a strong kiss, but she suddenly said, brother-in-law, don't do this! So many people were staring at me at that time. . .

Wife: What do you think of sex? Husband: I don't think so, but there are many ways. Wife: What do you think of me wearing a bikini to this seaside party? Dave: No! So people will think you got married after my money. Wife: Husband! Will my hair be ugly? Dave: No. Your ugliness has nothing to do with hair. Wife: Let's see if I broke my palm. Dave: No, there must be. Wife: Why? Husband: Otherwise, how could my life be ruined by you? Wife: Boss, give my husband a bottle of rice wine. Boss: Is one bottle enough? Your husband is famous for his capacity for drinking. ......

13 A couple has been married for many years. Suddenly one day, the wife asked her husband, "Do you like my beauty or my cuteness?" The husband replied, "I just like your humor."

14 The wife bought a lottery ticket and said to her husband, "If I win the lottery, I will buy a dress." The husband asked, "What if I can't win?" The wife said, "Then buy it for me!"

Husband 15: Shaving in the morning makes me feel young! Wife: Hum! In that case, you should shave before going to bed. Wife: Honey, I don't look like my mother in this dress, do I? Husband: No, like parents. Husband: If I didn't make a lot of money, how could I have this home? Wife: You're right. If I had no money, I wouldn't go into this house.

Only 16 found that condoms have such a lovely name, called stop elf. . . So ... Ready to sing! On the right side of the left leg and the left side of the right leg, there is an elf. They are thin and transparent, smooth and beautiful. They travel freely in the big black forest, safe and considerate to prevent being fathers ~

A wonderful humorous joke between husband and wife

1 Today, a good friend of mine announced that she was pregnant at a friend's party. We were so happy that I blurted out with great excitement: "Great L, I must be a stepmother after the baby is born!" " Everyone was quiet, and I suddenly realized that I was wrong, so I quickly changed my mouth. "No, I mean stepmother." Actually, what I want to say is dopted mother.

Wife: Your new secretary is quite beautiful! Dave: Yes! Wife: What about aesthetics? Dave: Good. Wife: Are you considerate? Dave: That's great! Wife: Are you enthusiastic about your work? Dave: Just make do! Wife: How about getting dressed? Dave: Soon. ...

One day, I had a nice dinner and exercised in the square of the community. There is also a beautiful mm exercising in the spacewalker next to me. I started chatting with her, and it was very speculative, which made me feel that I had met her for a long time. At this time, I don't know where a child appeared, and kept shouting in my distance: "Dad, Dad!" " "She and I turned to see more. I said to her, "Whose child is this? Probably looking for dad! " She said, "Is it possible that the child has been separated from his family? "We continue to talk. Unexpectedly, the child came to me and hugged my thigh tightly. I immediately said to her, "Whose child is this? "so cute!" At this time, the child's mouth popped up again: "Dad, Dad." ......

4. After watching the TV series in which the police and mm solved the case together, the real murderer disappeared when he was about to surface. Then we talked about it one by one. Mm: "Do you know how to identify the real murderer?" I thought about it: "That depends on the probative power of the evidence." Mm: "No, no, like me, my chest collapses and lies flat, and flat is the real chest." ~*^_^*

A company employee was promoted to supervisor and soon got a female colleague pregnant. The small supervisor has a wife for a long time, afraid that her wife will know, and let the female colleague quickly abort the child, but the female colleague insists on giving birth to the child. Helpless, the small supervisor asked her to go back to her hometown in the northwest. The female colleague said, how can I inform you when the child is born? The small supervisor said: this is easy. After the baby is born, you can send me a postcard and write it on it, Lamian Noodles, Shaanxi. Do it. In the future, I will send you living expenses on time. Ten months just expired. One afternoon, when the small supervisor came home, his wife handed him a postcard saying it was from Shaanxi. The little supervisor quietly took the postcard. But if he spoke on it, he immediately foamed and fainted, and his wife immediately hit him. In the emergency room, the doctor asked his wife, we checked that your husband had no heart disease, but why did he suddenly collapse and faint? ......

6 "My buddy is circumcised. I don't know how to disconnect one day. Little jj is covered in blood. I don't know where it came from He hit a basin of water decisively. I said, what are you doing? He ignored me. Put the little jj in the water and say, "Come and help me see where it is bubbling." "Nima tire-patching. . "

Q: The same woman, why is it so easy for a girlfriend and so difficult for a mother-in-law? A: Because my mother-in-law was cheated once. ...

The photographer asked Dumbo how many seconds he had prepared. Dumbo obviously stretched out three fingers. Why did the photographer press the shutter immediately? Because idiots are sticking out: middle finger, ring finger and little finger, which also means OK!

After several days and nights of breathing by Beijingers, the air quality in Beijing has finally improved. The new Beijing spirit was born: "The fog of virtue, self-improvement, hard work, and then create a gray yellow!" Facts have proved once again that fog is more expensive to suck! …

10 personals: Don't like makeup, save money on makeup, don't like shopping, save money on shopping, don't like snacks, save money on snacks, don't like cars, and save money on cars. In addition, the kind that usually loves to save money is the best.

1 1 The girl is twenty-eight. She has a hard life and is short of money. Today, she asked for a marriage online, hoping to find a rich man. Age is not a distance, height is not a gap, and I don't care about being fat. As long as I have money, I can stay with you. Don't contact me if I have no money.

12 When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me. ...

13 It hurts to spend money. Living in every corner around you, it hurts to pay utilities, buy daily necessities, and send text messages. Making money is a painful pleasure, rolling back and forth in my blood. I have a headache when I work overtime, and my body hurts when I am busy with business. If only I could get a raise!

14 make money with sporadic light rain and spend money with goose feather and heavy snow. Eyes full of beautiful things, pockets empty. Bite your teeth, stamp your feet, cover your wallet and run. I wish my friends a smooth career, rolling financial resources, endless money and hand cramps.

15 products, products, products, if you don't know, you won't know; It's enough to take the exam, but there is no problem; If you don't know in class, you will make a lot of styles; Self-study is the same as knowledge, you are all born; Born in China, died in China; It is possible for me to learn English. English is not qualified, which shows my character; If the math is unqualified, the teacher takes full responsibility; What should I do if the language is unqualified? Doing well in the exam depends entirely on isolation; If you don't do well in the exam, you don't know how to do it in isolation; Going back to school every day is even more scary, and the teacher talks about the wild. I listened like a sleepwalker, criticizing for no reason; Homework is like revenge, and doing wild things is like fishing for the head; Going back to school is left-handed, getting worse every day; Copy your homework, and none of the departments will hand it in; Go back to school and drink coke after school; Ring the bell and fly separately, another day.

16 If you really want to be a boss, you won't be short of money. Wages are paid every day and every month, and you can change the way you want; The salary is not hot yet, and my wife stole most of it; After paying the water and electricity mortgage, the balance is very small; So tighten your belt and see you next month!

Classic humorous jokes between husband and wife

1 How can you have outstanding taste without distinctive meaning?

Kong Huiling has been trying to take care of her family for more than ten years.

It is difficult to make money at noon on weekdays. Who knows that the money in the bag can't make ends meet every month Broken in two in one minute, still tight at the end of the month. Please pay tribute to the god of wealth at once. There are candles and fruits at home. I wish my friends are covered by the god of wealth all the year round, and they can earn money without worry.

4 female: I have no feelings for you. Me: OK, you can go. Woman: How do you talk? Me: I like direct people. If you tell me how you feel, I will tell you how I feel. Woman: You are so stingy. Me: this is called a frank exchange of views between the host and the guest.

5. What is love in the world? The sage replied, "Waste!"

What's really terrible is not casting pearls before swine, but a group of cows casting pearls before swine.

I've been worried about you recently. I wish you hard. I wish you charm and hard work; Do things with courage, make a fortune and make profits; Love is beautiful and life is really smooth. Work hard towards happiness and wish you a happy mood!

8 cold Monday, braised Tuesday, steamed Wednesday, fried Thursday, stir-fried Friday, happy spices, leisurely wine, I will cook a blessing dinner for you this weekend, and I am willing to enjoy it happily.

Nine people lived their whole lives. Don't be too cold in winter, too hot in summer, don't pretend to be poor if you have money, and don't show off if you have no money. It is better to laugh than to frown. Friends often remember, happy life!

10 Why did Guan Yu die before Zhang Fei? Answer: Beauty is unlucky. ...

1 1 The mouse fell in love with the cat and sang: I love you, I love you, just like the mouse loves rice, no matter how many storms, I will still accompany you. Cat: Don't be vain. My mother said that love without marriage purpose is hooliganism!

12 lovers should be gentle as water and sweet as honey, colleagues should be diligent and have no temper, and friends should have a runny nose, so, dear, wipe your nose quickly in the new year and have a clean New Year!

Napoleon 13: I can't find the word "miss" in my dictionary.

14 Eat watermelon to relieve summer heat, cucumber beauty beauty, wax gourd to clear intestines and diuresis, and sweet cantaloupe is the most. You are family with them. Why are you hiding underground? So you are a sweet potato.

In order to spend money, you fell in love with making money. Because it is difficult to make money, I dare not spend money. My friend, I know your difficulties. I come to wish my friend a prosperous business and a successful career. Congratulations on getting rich!

16 doesn't require my marriage request, but only the appointment time: not for one day, not for two days; Not sunny, not raining, not cloudy; Not on weekdays, not on holidays; Not on the first day, not on the fifteenth; Spring and autumn are absent, winter and summer are absent; When shall we meet? Hehe, you know what?

17 Xiaoling thought: this is easy to handle, just open another hole to let the water flow out. So he made another hole in his sole with scissors. If the water in the rain boots accumulates more and more.

18 The child came to his mother crying, and her mother asked, What's the matter, baby? Child: Dad accidentally hit his finger with a hammer. Mom: Then why are you crying? Child: Because I just laughed.

19 cherish life-if God lets you live, you must have his plans.

When I miss you, I dare not call you for fear of hearing your voice; Sadly, I always miss you, but I can't always stop calling. So, I excitedly picked up my mobile phone and dialed the phone for you. Hello? Why not you? Dizzy! It turns out that my mobile phone is in arrears!

Once at 2 1, the bus was ready to leave, and a woman with heavy makeup was chasing after it. Master, master, don't go, wait for me. Later, the bus master suddenly said, I am in a hurry to be reborn, and the goblin quickly dodged. Don't miss the good time to go home! Then I drove the car forward!