【 The emotional case of a blue city (9)

When Yilan felt lonely, Chang Xin's life changed greatly. Perhaps the sentence "trees move to death, people move to life" has been fulfilled. When he came to this new unit, his professional expertise was fully exerted. He is diligent and studious, doing everything in an orderly way, step by step, and was promoted two years later. He became the director of the project department. He is surrounded by subordinates all day, and the line is busy all the time.

Career success is a man's best nutrition, and fame and fortune are simply the source of a man's vitality. Chang Xin's mental outlook has undergone great changes. He unconsciously brought the overbearing style of the unit to his home, which made Yilan more unbalanced. It's really a three-point promotion. Don't leave it at home. Women are contradictory. Her husband didn't get promoted, but he stayed at home with you. You think he is not overbearing, timid and mediocre. Your husband has been promoted, but you feel that he doesn't have enough company at home. You are even more afraid that he can't stand the temptation of money and beauty outside. There are too many such examples in today's society. Poor couples are simple and stable, while couples with power and money are complex and turbulent. Today's couples are often bitter but not sweet, which may be "full of warmth and lust".

Chang Xin is not only busy with work, but also has more and more social activities, and there are fewer and fewer days at home on weekends. Women need to be together. She always wants you to earn money for her, bring her dignity and happiness, and stay at home with her forever. Yilan, which has always been independent, can't avoid customs. She can only mediate by herself, often comforting herself with Ah Q's spiritual victory method: what you get will be lost, and now men who have more entertainment are like promising men. At the beginning, Chang Xin still had scruples, and tried to stay at home with Yilan to help her children learn. When there is entertainment in the evening, he also tries to go early and come back early, so as not to worry about Yilan and affect his rest.

Gradually, his attitude became blurred, as if he had drunk too much wine. He works overtime and socializes more and more, and goes home later and later at night, sometimes even in the middle of the night, which makes Yilan unbearable, and Ah Q's spiritual victory law has also failed. He can't sleep for a moment if he doesn't go home at night. She called to remind him to drink less and go home early. He agreed generously, but sometimes he couldn't. Yilan waited for him to come back and then called him, but he turned off his phone. By this time, she was blind. It's a bit like saying every day that she shouldn't do it, the ground is invalid, and she can't help thinking about it herself. She is like a blindfolded donkey, endlessly spinning around all kinds of ominous ideas. Her world is dark, but the outside world is full of traffic and feasts. Yilan waited more and more anxiously, more and more anxious, more and more angry, and finally waited until he came back. Exhausted anger finally found its way out and erupted like a volcano. In this case, quarreling is inevitable, and eventually both sides lose.

Chang Xin doesn't care too much about his lateness. Even the apology is a mere formality, which makes Yilan feel that there is no sincerity at all. It seems that she is wrong and he is right. Yilan can no longer feel his pity, his warmth and his love. The feeling of not being loved is like a bud that can't see the sun and has no desire to bloom. Occasional intimacy gives her the feeling that she is being used by him, just a tool of his desire. Knowing that the vicious circle will not help, Yilan can only let herself fall into the abyss of helplessness, desolation and despair. Women tend to go to extremes when thinking about problems. The more sensitive and intelligent a woman is, the more so.

In the years after Chang Xin was promoted, the relationship between the two people was ups and downs, stumbling, knowing that there was a problem in marriage, but could not find a solution to the problem. Two people will quarrel because of a little thing, which will make their hearts numb and indifferent.

Chang Xin cares less and less about Yilan's feelings. Yilan disapproved of what he did, but he insisted on doing it. A female colleague in Changxin unit is getting married, and her fiance is from another unit. Because Changxin is an affiliated unit, they are not familiar with many people in the higher authorities. The female colleague asked Chang Xin to accompany her to send an invitation letter to the authorities. Chang Xin knew that Yilan, who works in the office, couldn't hide it, so she discussed it with Yilan. People in Yilan office like to make much ado about nothing. Chang Xin is just her boss, not her groom. She didn't agree with Chang Xin's help, but Chang Xin still invited her lesbians.

Two days later, Yilan met a colleague at work. The colleague teased Yilan and said, You are so generous. You can always be someone else's groom. Yilan knew Chang Xin had helped. Although she is angry, what can she do? She can't live for her children. When two people go out for a walk in the evening, a colleague often jokes in front of them: Why, I haven't changed. I thought you abandoned the old one and took the new one with you. Although it was a joke, it made Lan feel bad. Did she blame Chang Xin for hurting her for an irrelevant female colleague? Chang Xin rightfully retorted that a straight foot is not afraid of a crooked shoe. He and his female colleague have nothing to do, so it is estimated that they will quarrel again.

From then on, Chang Xin thought it was easy for Yilan to misunderstand, so she didn't discuss it with Yilan. There are many female colleagues in their unit. He often helps female colleagues, and also sends text messages to female colleagues and chats with QQ behind Yilan's back. He even helped female colleagues find ways to punish other colleagues who made female colleagues suffer indignities. As the saying goes, if you want to be unknown, you must do it yourself. These things, intentionally or unintentionally, floated to Yilan's ears, especially helping female colleagues clean up other colleagues, which made Yilan unable to let go. Who is she to you? When have you ever helped me so much? When Yilan questioned Chang Xin, Chang Xin always beat around the bush, refused to admit that he had a special relationship with them, and just helped each other. Yilan also understands that this kind of thing makes people doubt again, and you also catch shadows. People will recognize it only if they catch him in bed. If you want to maintain your marriage, why bother yourself out of thin air? She won't cry, make noise, hang herself like an ordinary woman, and make a fuss all over the city. She just warned Chang Xin that both of them work in large units, so they should be cautious and pay attention to their discretion. Don't embarrass the last person who can't do it, and don't play with fire with luck. She is a person who can't tolerate sand in her eyes, and she will never forgive his depravity. If one day, we will have to break up.

Once, Chang Xin came back late at night and got as drunk as a fiddler. He actually lost his glasses. He couldn't remember where he put them, or the hotel waiter told him to pick them up the next day, so he took them back. Yilan felt that she had gone too far. He can't see anything clearly without glasses He seldom takes off his glasses except sleeping. She asked him where he went last night and often ignored her with a long face. Yilan is angry and noisy. Chang Xin, who has always been elegant, actually smashed his rice bowl to the ground. Not only is the rice bowl smashed, but Yilan's heart is also broken, and the ground is full of irreparable love fragments.

On another occasion, Chang Xin actually quarreled with Yilan over the jar of liquefied gas. At noon that day, Changxin liquefied gas returned and could not be loaded for a long time. Seeing that the child will go home for dinner, if the child can't eat on time, he can't take a lunch break. Nowadays, schools have a heavy burden. If children don't take a lunch break, they will doze off in class in the afternoon, which will affect their study. Yilan is anxious to cook, but she can't stand it. He said, "This is a delicate job. Why did you take off your gloves? " He suddenly became angry: "When I was at work, why did you boss me around?" . Is it not just a can of gas? You can't live without me? "Yes, a person can't die without you, but with you is the patron of Yilan! Yilan was so angry that he had nothing to say. What's more, Chang Xin actually saved a sum of money from Yilan. After she knew, he said that he would save more and give it to her to make her happy. Yilan didn't agree, so she found out. If he didn't find it, how long did he hide it? He has saved a lot of money. What is he going to do? As the saying goes, men become bad when they have money.

They have been unable to communicate sincerely, and more often they blame each other. Yilan has worked very hard, trying to get back his past feelings, sending him warm messages, constantly reflecting and correcting himself, and taking care of him more carefully in life ... all these seem useless, and everything seems too late. In the final analysis, marriage is a matter for two people, and it is impossible to be harmonious by shaving your head and carrying loads. Chang Xin was blinded by the good feeling of being an official and turned a blind eye to all this. On the contrary, those unsatisfied desires in his heart are expanding day by day. The original beauty and tolerance are gone now.

Yilan walks alone in her own world every day. She also wants to talk to her friends, but the distance between hearts is always so far away. In this way, she endured day after day and pursued her dreams, which seemed to be just a flower in the mirror. She has no mind to do anything else, and she can't concentrate. Her mind is entangled in morbid feelings, and it doesn't smell good to eat or sleep. She became more and more anxious, introverted and obsessed with her heart. A man who used to be lively is now silent. For her unattainable dreams and her hurt feelings, she often struggles at a loss like a drowning person. She is like an animal trapped in a cage, hovering anxiously, unable to see hope and find an exit.

She either buried herself in a soap opera or hid herself in a novel, and she didn't know when it would end. Sometimes, she really wants to be a monk who rings the bell. Like those housewives who live in the same unit, she does housework all day, that is, shopping, knitting and playing poker, from which she gets simple happiness. But she can't, so her heart hurts more. She seems to have broken her head together and looked at the bleeding wound. There is no way out in the vast sea of people. Thinking of this, my courage collapsed and I felt the failure of my life.

In the middle of the night drowned by despair, Yilan really wanted to walk away like Erlan and get rid of it completely, but she thought of her children and elderly parents, and she had no right to do so. Like Sean in 007? Connery said: When a person dies, the only precious thing he can take away is his dignity. People live to die with dignity. Where is the thing that can make Yilan decent? And she must live tenaciously for the dignity of her loved ones and the meaning of life, no matter how many setbacks and pains she encounters.