Are there any ladies in Jin Rui Hotel?

I recently read Pan Suiming's I'm in the Red Light District. This is his dictation after visiting 1998 to 20 13 places and contacting more than 1000 young ladies.

Looking down, I feel that many of them are not as black and white as we thought. Only by putting yourself in the other's shoes can you see more thoroughly.

Here are some points to share with you.

How did he first integrate into their lives?

He solved the problem on the third day: just let them know that "you just watch and don't do it." Otherwise, it is meaningless to enter as a park guest. Because I will only see their professional performances, and that is not the real her.

In fact, in their minds, they only care about whether you will harm her, whether you are a policeman, whether you are a reporter, and they don't care about why you do research, whether you are abnormal or not, and most of them don't understand.

When they knew that he "just looked, but didn't do it", they let down their guard and began to talk about their feelings, their hearts and their life experiences. Because of the age gap, some even regard him as an elder, "I can't wait to call my father grandpa." This makes people feel that this young lady is actually an ordinary person with stories, concerns, ideas and feelings.

He said: "I have always stressed that young ladies should be treated as people."

People may think that it is easy to be deceived and blackmailed to go to the scene investigation of the young lady, but what they are most afraid of is that the young lady falls in love with herself. Because in their world, they are rarely treated equally by men and rarely chat with them with respect. Once they get attention, they will easily cry and even get emotional.

What gives me a great feeling here is that no matter what the professional background, everyone has the desire to be concerned and respected. People-oriented is the foundation of many things.

Pan said that most people at the bottom have a narrow world outlook and a simple life. On weekdays, ladies are basically bored except receiving guests. I can't afford to lose at mahjong and cards. After a long time, the whole person is dull.

And because of the lack of knowledge, many young girls' main beliefs in life are love and marriage. The more people who have no capital and skills, the more they believe this and hope that marriage can help them out.

This has also become the basis for bosses to do ideological work for them. When I first arrived, I said to them, "Look at these men. They are not putting on airs. They are not good husbands when they go home, nor are they good fathers when they meet their children?" What is your future, will you marry such a man? "As a result, the girls' beliefs were gradually defeated, and slowly they could do anything regardless of morality.

In addition, because of the need of spiritual sustenance, it is also easy to be controlled by male bosses and chicken heads in the name of love. The head of a chicken is not only their manager and exploiter, but also their sweet-talking "boyfriend". The head of a chicken can make a young lady give them her hard-earned money very willingly.

This probably reflects not only the problem of young ladies, but the whole gender culture. Influenced by the social environment and various movies and literary works, women are not encouraged to fight for independence, but regard love as a kind of belief, have too pure expectations of emotion and hope to live by men. Especially ordinary women at the bottom who don't have much knowledge.

Many people will think that women choose to do this because their families are poor.

Of course there will be such a reason. But sometimes being poor is just an excuse. As it said, the daughter of a county director is actually in do miss; The other is a sophomore at Sichuan University, who studies very well and comes to do this in the summer vacation.

During the chat, I found that many young ladies have brothers and younger brothers. Some people choose do miss because they want to subsidize their younger brothers' tuition and "train their younger brothers at the expense of their older sisters"-isn't this a patriarchal culture? The same reason as those women who are called "Zhao Di" and "Indy".

There will be other deeper reasons.

For example, many young ladies have done other jobs before doing this, such as helping others buy food and serve, sweeping the floor and doing odd jobs, but the pay of these jobs is not as good as that of young ladies, so they changed careers.

When asked about their future plans, many young ladies replied that they would go home and open a small shop. But in fact, almost no one really opened a shop later, or kept doing odd jobs.

Pan sighed, "Is this because of poverty? This is social solidification and evil class inheritance. " The same is true of waiters. Women at the bottom without education are likely to wander back and forth at the bottom forever, unable to see the wider world. The only chance to climb up is to get married.

Therefore, sometimes working as a waiter in do miss is not a moral problem or a poverty problem, but a class problem and a cognitive problem. In their eyes, this is everything in life, everything in life.

When it comes to AIDS prevention, people may simply think that they just need to remember to wear T. But it's not that simple. If we only proceed from the surface, the efforts to prevent AIDS will always float on the surface, focusing only on professionalism and lacking common sense.

Therefore, as mentioned above, we should be people-oriented, treat the young lady as a human being, and understand her from her perspective.

First of all, the source of AIDS infection is more male, and it is obviously meaningless to focus only on young women. Many times, even in daily life, it is not for women to decide whether to wear it or not. In the final analysis, it still needs the cooperation of men.

In addition, in women's lives, the first is to earn money, the second is safety, and the third is pregnancy. There are more other things to worry about, so AIDS with an incubation period of two or three years and no obvious symptoms at first is not an urgent matter for them.

In addition, there is another disadvantage of desperately popularizing condoms among young women: let it be evidence. This in turn inhibits the willingness to use the condom.

So many times, it is not enough to have theoretical knowledge. From the perspective of people, we can really see the root of the problem by thinking with common sense.

Many people may think that the relationship between a man and a woman is hostile, but Professor Pan thinks that this relationship is "interdependent despite inequality" in his book Sexual Change.

First of all, the embodiment of "inequality" is very obvious. He concluded in the survey that although they like different types of women and have all kinds of sexual activities, the situation that "men and women get along like colleagues" has never happened. So their relationship is not just sex, but also gender. The "female image" that men need is more based on unequal gender roles and comes from the influence of society on their male-centered tendency.

The relationship of "cohabitation" may be a bit unexpected. In fact, the relationship between the two is much richer and more complicated than we thought. For example, he once saw a demobilized soldier take a young lady home to get married in Sichuan. They have been in love for a year.

In fact, the relationship between them is just a relationship between men and women, just using money. But this is not only a business relationship, but also emotional, quarrelsome and unrequited love.

Therefore, the simple stigma is one-sided, and their relationship is more complicated than imagined, and it is not as unbearable as imagined. Even "Miss" is only a temporary identity, a role to play. She can also be a wife, lover, mother or daughter. Many people think that they are "long-lasting hatred" and regard them as "women who have slipped", which is their prejudice that they will never turn over. The author jokingly said:

Finally, he said: "After 12 was done, it became more and more obvious that there was nothing to do. You realize more and more that they are * * *, more and more that they are ordinary people, and more and more that this is no different from other industries. It's not really no difference, but the gap is not as big as we thought. "

If people-oriented and try to understand them from their perspective and treat them as "people", we will find that they are not "miserable", "heartless" and "lazy", but they have their own difficulties and troubles, as well as their own feelings and worries. Moreover, it will be found that in the lives of some women at the bottom, it is understandable to choose a better-paid miss career without too many opportunities.

In short, they are just one of tens of millions of workers. Their careers are not as "special" as we thought.

Many people wear colored glasses to see it because they have a word "sex". Then why is sex so taboo? Is it broken? Why is it so private and loaded with so many meanings?

When the whole society can face this normal physiological phenomenon more calmly, perhaps the situation will be very different.

Beyond prejudice, beyond understanding, caring and accepting with love and care, we will find a different world.