I need you is the most beautiful love story I have ever heard. Is being needed love?

The silent king has a song called "Happiness is what you need". At the end, there was a lyric that particularly touched me: "I know that you hate rainy days, that you are afraid of the sound of thunder, that you like spicy milkshakes, and that you love being bored with me." This sentence makes people feel particularly warm with the fresh voice of the silent king.

Just by reading the lyrics, I have imagined a warm and caring man who knows all the preferences of a girl and will try his best to please her; Understand all the weaknesses of the girl and try to protect her; Knowing all the little temper of a girl, you will want to take care of her.

Such a warm person will give girls a more reliable and reassuring feeling. Who wouldn't like it? However, some people have doubts: Is being needed love?

Being needed is also a kind of love

Dependence and heroism in the relationship between men and women, the relationship between "need" and "being needed" is just like the relationship between "concave" and "convex", and there is a sense of destiny made in heaven. When one side feels insecure because of "need", the other side can just make up for this sense of lack, so the two will become seamless and inseparable.

When the party who wants to protect feels needed in protection and satisfies his heroism, the weak party will also have a strong sense of dependence.

This feeling can be said to be mutual use. You feel your own value in getting along, but it can also be seen as another way of love.

"I hope to be her sun." When Xiao Dan met his girlfriend, she was 27 and the other was 30. They had a meal together because their parents wanted to form a family. Xiao Dan divorced his parents in his early years and lived with his father, who had never been married for many years. Therefore, he was very happy to hear that his father was going to form a new family.

It was on this day that Xiao Dan met her aunt's daughter for the first time. She is an architect, thin, with narrow eyes, few words and cold temperament, but she is polite and won't make people feel distant, but she can't walk.

The two met in this way and talked about their parents several times. However, after all, parents are separated. When they met, they chatted about the past while drinking. She drank too much and cried about how difficult it was for her mother to raise her alone. Xiao Dan was very moved.

Later, Xiao Dan took her to the hotel, tucked her in and turned off the light. When she was about to leave, she heard her whisper, "Don't turn off the light, I'm afraid of the dark ..." Xiao Dan seemed to miss a beat, turned on the night light and sat on the sofa with her all night.

That night, Xiao Dan thought a lot. He saw the fragility of her mature strong woman, understood the difficulty of her family background and how insecure she was. At dawn, Xiao Dan knew that he was in love with her.

In fact, because of their family background, both of them have no confidence in marriage, so they dare not easily invest in a relationship. However, Xiao Dan felt that when she met her, life seemed to have a bright future. After more than a year's pursuit, she finally reassured and agreed.

Now, as long as Xiao Dan has a night shift, he will keep the video and stay with his girlfriend all night. Xiao Dan was very happy. With her own efforts, my girlfriend began to smile and act like a spoiled brat. When he is around, his girlfriend can turn off the lights and sleep. There are many changes.

Xiao Dan said: "I am very eager to rely on her feelings. I don't want us to be a family without two warm families. I hope I can be her sun and give her warmth and light. " When she said' I need you', I thought it was the most beautiful love story. "

Psychological analysis of "needed" love

Take Xiao Dan and his girlfriend as an example, let's analyze the gender psychology contained in "needed" love.

If the previous dark effect was very good, the real attraction was the night when his girlfriend was drunk and Xiao Dan sent her to the hotel. After the girlfriend revealed the secret of childhood hidden in her heart, the relationship between them was instantly closer. In the hotel, in the dark, my girlfriend revealed her most vulnerable side in one sentence, which made Xiao Dan feel very excited.

In a dimly lit place, it is easy for both sides to reduce their sense of security and produce a sense of security by looking down at each other's expressions, which will bring them closer to each other to a certain extent. In bright places, it is less likely to get close to each other.

This is why many people choose romantic western restaurants or dimly lit cafes when dating. Psychologists call this phenomenon "dark effect".

* * * Emotional state The so-called "* * * emotion" is also called empathy, empathy and devotion. American humanistic psychologist Rogers defines "* * * emotion" as: it refers to accurately and emotionally perceiving another person's internal frame of reference, as if you are him, but without losing the state of "as if".

Simply put, you feel his pain or happiness as much as he does, experience the feelings of fear, anger, fragility and confusion that others are experiencing, and find out the reasons and other deeper things.

Even though everyone has experienced a different life, Xiao Dan and his girlfriend are from single-parent families, and their parents have not remarried. They suffered a lot to raise them by themselves. Therefore, Xiao Chan can empathize with his girlfriend's miserable childhood and deeply understand her alienation and anxiety, so as to achieve empathy, that is, "* * * emotional state".

Empathy is to transfer the feelings of some important people in your past life to the people you meet, or you want something from some important people, but you can't get it in the end, so you want to get satisfaction from another relationship.

Many people are psychologically deficient in a certain aspect since childhood. Once they are satisfied at a certain moment, it is easy to fall into the "love trap" arranged by others, whether it is appropriate or not.

For example, Xiao Dan lived with his father since childhood, and without his mother's participation in childhood, he would pay special attention to his sister; Girlfriend has lived with her mother since childhood, lacking the companionship of her father's love. Therefore, it is easy to be tempted to meet a man who plays the role of father to warm himself and accompany himself. After falling in love, he will become a "little woman" like a daughter.

Fortunately, the man my girlfriend met was Xiao Dan, and their affection was sincere. If a man weaves a "sweet trap" under the guise of love, I believe she is also easily deceived, so this needs to be cautious.

Healing effect The environment and background in which a person grew up will usually affect his/her outlook on mate selection in the future, determine who he/she will be attracted to in the future, and have a certain influence on the establishment and maintenance of intimate relationship between the two sexes in the future.

Generally speaking, people who have been hurt by their families will leave some indelible scars in their hearts. As time goes on, this kind of trauma may no longer be unforgettable, but it is still difficult to heal.

However, from the perspective of depth psychology, no matter how many injuries you have suffered and how serious they are, when love comes, it is the best time to treat them, because the best healer in the world is your lover.

Xiao Dan and his girlfriend both grew up in a broken family, lacking warmth and security. Therefore, when we meet each other and are warm to each other, we can gradually reduce this negative emotion, gradually heal each other and heal ourselves.

Anyone who has read Chipa's story knows that Seoul's "Descendants" sucks. Her parents divorced when she was very young, and she and her mother lived in a granary full of mice. It was not until her mother remarried that she lived in a normal house and went to live with her grandmother.

But as a patron, she was often beaten and scolded, and she hasn't seen her mother for a long time. To this end, she did not hesitate to drink detergent to wash her stomach, hoping to win the slightest attention of her mother.

However, scarred, she finally met her other half, Liu. This person may not be very good in the eyes of others, but this person is not good at talking, but he used caress to smooth her deep and shallow scars, making her the confident and funny Fu Seoul who dares to think and speak now.

Conclusion:

Perhaps for some people, love should be pure, without any impurities, a desperate love and a deep affection.

But for others, love is sometimes not completely love, and may be mixed with many external emotional feelings, such as sympathy, empathy, trust, "being needed" and so on.

No matter what factors, as long as two people can trust each other, support each other, cherish the opportunity to be together and become the closest baby in each other's lives, that is good.