Super funny new jokes for 2010!

Also wants to chew tobacco

A smoker vomits and goes to see a doctor. the doctor told him. He was vomiting because he chewed tobacco all day long.

"Doctor, can you search again to see if there are any other reasons for vomiting?"

"Why?"

"I still want to chew me tobacco leaves," said the smoker.

Tit-for-tat

A few years ago, there was an American wife traveling in the UK. Once I took a train. She entered a smoking room, where an English gentleman was sitting and smoking a pipe. The American lady sat quietly for a while, hoping that the British gentleman would consciously stop smoking.

Soon she began to sneeze and cough, endeavoring to convey to the English gentleman her utter distaste for smoking.

Finally, when she saw that the Englishman ignored her hint and had no intention of putting down his pipe, the American lady spoke: "If you are a gentleman, , when a lady walks into this carriage, you should stop smoking."

"If you are a lady," the English gentleman replied, "when a gentleman sits here. When you are smoking, you should not

walk into this carriage.”

The popsicles cannot be lit

There is a smoker somewhere in Canada who has repeatedly decided to quit smoking. Nothing works. While muttering helplessly, he took out another cigarette and started smoking it. The companion warned: "Smoking is very harmful and expensive. It is better to buy two milk popsicles when you want to smoke.

Try oil popsicles."

He immediately went on to say: "Try it early. After passing it, I can’t light it up!”

Quit smoking

Wife: There is too much nicotine in cigarettes, which can easily lead to cancer. Please quit smoking for my sake!

Husband: Really, I don’t smoke just for you.

Coughing and quitting smoking

Doctor: "I really don't like your coughing like this. You must stop smoking."

Patient: "Why, I I quit smoking, so you like me coughing like this?"

Method of suicide

My husband encountered something troublesome and kept smoking. He smoked one in his left hand and one in his right hand in turn. There were already nearly a hundred cigarette butts in the cigarette box, and most of them were still smoking.

The wife exclaimed: "Oh my God! Can't you find a more effective way to commit suicide?"

Hoarse voices are now popular

Smoking husbands Seeing his wife smoking, he was surprised and said: "Why are you smoking too? You are a singer and actress. Smoking will

make your voice hoarse."

My wife : "Ah, that's just right. You know, dumb voices are popular now."

Weighing Anchor

A drunkard staggered out of the hotel and spoke to the two people who were talking. The person said: "Quick! Here comes the taxi."

"You are mistaken. I am a naval colonel and he is a naval captain. They are not taxi drivers."

"Then Just lift the anchor quickly!"

Drinking

In the bar, two old friends met.

"What are you doing here? You know, didn't the doctor forbid you to drink anymore?"

"Yes. But you know, that doctor passed away not long ago."

Turning in circles

A drunkard was spinning around a barrel. The policeman walked up to him and asked: "Hey! Sir, what are you doing here?"

"Go home! This wall is quite long. Wait until you leave." At the end I can turn right."

I remembered it wrong

It was two o'clock in the night when my drunken husband came home.

"I've told you time and again that you can't drink more than two bottles of beer outside at a time, and you can't go home past 10 o'clock. What's wrong with you?" The wife was angry.

"Did you really say that? It seems that I misremembered everything..."

The choice of an alcoholic

The first time after marriage For three days, his wife warned Kita that if he didn't stop drinking, she would run away from home.

Kita told his friends about this.

My friend said: "It seems that your situation must be very difficult."

"Yes," Kita sighed, "it seems that I can only endure the suffering of loneliness." "

No more "getting involved"

A drunkard "walked" into the bar with his feet in the air and his hands on the ground, shouting:

"Man. , give me a glass of fine brandy!"

The shopkeeper was very surprised and asked: "Why are you walking like this?"

The drunkard replied: "My wife forced me to do it last night. I made a vow that I would never set foot in a bar again, and I will keep my promise."

He came out and peed three times

Carl works in the largest brewery. One day, he accidentally fell into a large basin containing 50,000 liters of beer.

Someone told Ada about this unfortunate incident.

Ada said: "It's terrible. I heard that people can drown quickly."

"Quickly? No! He came out and peed three times." "

An alcoholic's opinion

Child: "Why do you need to wipe cotton balls on me before the injection?"

Father: "That's alcohol. The nurse should put it on first." If you wipe your butt, it won’t hurt anymore.”

Child: “But it still hurts?”

Father: “That’s because you drink a lot.”

Don’t trust drunkards

“You bastard, why were you drunk again when you came home last night?”

“No way! I was drunk. Yes!" The husband disagreed.

"Don't lie! You admitted it to yourself yesterday!"

"You are really..., how can you believe the nonsense of a drunkard?" the husband complained. .

Empty wine bottle

"Andre, I noticed you bought a car. Who lent you the money?"

"No one Lend it to me. I bought it with my own cash."

"Come on, where did you get so much money to buy a car?"

"I bought it with my own cash. Take it all and get your money back!"

Drunk Talk

Late at night, the drunken barber staggered out of the bar, leaning on his friend's shoulders. He said to his friend:

"Remember, let, no matter what happens in the future, for example, your house is on fire, your wife runs away, your child gets sick

Well, just come to my place. If you didn’t tell me, I’ll shave your face and I won’t charge you a penny..."

Drunk state

Late at night, a drunk tourist came back After arriving at the hotel, after a long while, he shouted dissatisfied: "Hey! Waiter, is your elevator broken?"

"Sir, the elevator is still running normally. It's just that you The one you entered was the telephone room."

Looking for directions

A drunkard staggered over. He asked a young girl who was walking by him:

"Please tell me, miss. How many bags are there on my forehead?"

"Three. "The girl replied timidly.

"Thank you." The drunkard muttered, "I have to touch five telephone poles before I get home..."

Best shooter

A drunkard was replying On the way home, I saw an astronomy enthusiast who was observing the stars with a telescope on a tripod.

The drunkard also moved closer. Through the telescope, he saw that the stars in the sky were all tilting to one side.

"Oh! It's not easy!" The drunkard shouted in surprise and said to the astronomy enthusiast, "You, I'm sure, are the best in our city

Shooter."

Getting on the wrong bus again

A drunk man got on the wrong bus twice, but he finally got on the right one the third time.

I met a priest in the car. When the priest saw how drunk he was, he crossed himself on his chest disapprovingly and said: "I am so drunk." Child, this is the road to hell!”

“What, did I get on the wrong bus again?”

Advance

Two good friends were in the bar. To drink.

"Huh? Didn't the doctor strictly restrict you to only one drink a day? This is already your 8th drink!"

"Yes! However, he did not prohibit it. I made an advance, and what I’m drinking now is for next year!”

I quit drinking

Someone ordered two glasses of wine at the hotel, and drank one after another. The waiter said:

"You are such a good drinker."

The man said: "No! One glass represents me, and the other represents my friend who is seriously ill."

The next day, the man went to the hotel again, this time he only had one drink.

The waiter asked: "Your friend... is dead?"

He said: "No, I quit drinking."

Alcoholic Son

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Oleg, who regards wine as his life, came home with a bottle of wine and met Yan Li's father. He had no choice but to lie and say: "This bottle of wine was bought jointly with Ivan, and half of it belongs to him." His father said angrily: "Pour out the other half of the wine! "

Oleg said: "It can't be poured, my half is down there."

My father was so angry that he grabbed the bottle and threw it out of the window. The bottle was broken and the wine flowed all over the floor, but Oleg was still looking out the window blankly. The father said: "Why are you still standing at the window in such a cold weather?"

Oleg replied: "Wait until the wine freezes, so that you can take it back and drink it!"

Half-drunk

Henry: "You only drink 2 glasses of white wine every night, why do you want 4 glasses today?"

Bob: "I think two glasses are enough. , but my wife is still not satisfied."

Henry: "Why is she not satisfied?"

Bob: "Every day when I get home, she always complains about me: Damn it, Half drunk again!"

After finishing the drink

A man received a call from a depressed friend. "I'm in real trouble," he said, "Come quickly.

Oh, don't forget to bring the wine."

The man hurried over with the wine. Friend's home. As soon as he entered the door, he asked:

"What happened?"

"I have finished my wine." said the friend.

The Dane

In a small cafe on the outskirts of Paris. A customer drank glass after glass of brandy. The man sitting next to him with a bottle of lemonade in front of him couldn't help but said: "I'm sorry, did you know that one in three Frenchmen gets alcoholism?" p>Liver disease?"

"This has nothing to do with me, I am Danish"

Looking for balance

The passer-by asked the drunkard: "Why do you want to. Looking at the ground, as if looking for something, what have you lost?"

The drunkard said: "My body is out of balance, I am looking for balance."

Lemon. Hard to find

"Doctor, can you tell me: why do I forget things easily after drinking beer?"

"Loss of memory," the doctor diagnosed. "You must eat more lemons, eat 4 lemons for 1 bottle of beer!"

"No way! Where can I find 40 lemons every day?"

Four bottles of beer

The doctor said to the patient dissatisfied: "Kovacs, you must have drank a lot again!

Tell me honestly, how much do you drink every day?"

"4 bottles of beer.

"

"But didn't I tell you that you are only allowed to drink 2 bottles a day? "

"Yes, but the physician who treated me before you also ordered me to drink 2 bottles a day! ”

Drunk and aware

The factory manager loudly reprimanded an alcoholic worker: “If I want to act like a bear like you, I will shoot myself!” "

"Oh, Director... Your Excellency, if you are as drunk as I am, I'm afraid you won't even be able to hold the gun steady. "

How did time go so fast? Oscar drank a lot of wine while eating in a restaurant. When he suddenly saw the fan turning, he screamed: "God

Oh, time. Why are you walking so fast! ”

The sun and the moon are hard to tell

There was a traveling salesman named Phil who was an alcoholic. One day, he came to a strange city and was in a hotel

After drinking a lot, he walked out of the hotel and suddenly saw a man who had just come out of the hotel and drank more than himself. This man was standing in the middle of the road and pointed to the sky with his hand. : “I’m sorry, please, is that the sun or the moon? "

Phil looked at it, then shook his head and said, "I don't know. I'm not from here. ”

God is omnipresent

A passer-by was sitting under a walnut tree in the countryside to rest. He saw a watermelon field opposite the tree, with many large watermelons growing there.

He stared at the watermelon for a while, then looked up at the walnuts on the tree, and said to himself: "Almighty God, how did you create things

! Let the big watermelon grow on the slender melon vines, but let the small walnuts grow on the big trees.

This is so unfair and reasonable! "

At this moment, a walnut happened to fall on the passerby's head. He was so frightened that he trembled all over, thinking that it was God's punishment on him, so he hurriedly

begged for mercy: " God, please forgive me! I will never dare to make any unreasonable comments about you from now on. You are omnipresent and omniscient

and everything you do is wise. If you let watermelons grow on trees, wouldn't I be doomed today? ”

The razor was too fast

Someone bought a new razor and saw that the knife was shining silver and the blade was fast. He was very scared. He put the knife on the stone

He slashed the knife until it was like a saw blade, and then used it to shave. The result was that his mouth was full of blood and he was in great pain.

When others saw it, they said to him: "You." The razor is not fast, is it? ”

He said: “It’s just too fast. If it were faster, I’m afraid even the flesh would be scraped off.” ”

“How do I know which is right? "

A guest came to Hodja's house. At night, the guest woke up and said to Hodja: "Sir, you have a candle on your right hand. Please pass it to me." "

"Are you crazy? It's so dark, how can I know where the right is? ”

Fooling bedbugs

A Gabrovo man stayed in a low-class hotel. In the middle of the night, bedbugs disturbed him and he could not have a moment of peace. He suddenly jumped out of bed

He got up and turned on the light, opened the door, then closed the door hard, and then tiptoed gently back to bed to sleep.

The roommate who was woken up by him looked on. He felt confused, but he said to him in a very low voice: "I want to make sure that I am gone." "

Wear new shoes

Hobkins bought a new pair of shoes. He put the shoes in the cabinet and did not wear them immediately. His friend thought it was strange and asked

Why didn't he wear them?

Hopkins said: "That's right, the salesperson told me that the new shoes would feel a little tight after a few days, so I had to wait for a few days

Wear it again. ”

Uninhabited Island

After the tour boat on which a certain duchess was traveling was wrecked on an uninhabited island, it took a full month for the rescue team to arrive at the island by boat.

It is a miracle that only the Duchess survived.

After the boat docked, the rescue captain said to his wife: "Madam, I am so lucky that you are safe and sound! My husband, the Duke, will be overjoyed

crazy!"

But the madam said: "My madam cannot meet anyone without a letter of introduction. Come back tomorrow!"

Lazy man

There is a lazy man who is surprisingly lazy.

My wife wanted to cut noodles and asked him to borrow a panel from a neighbor's house.

He said: "No need to borrow it, just cut it on my back!"

After his wife cut the noodles on his back, she asked him: "Does it hurt?"

He said: "It hurts, but I am too lazy to say anything."

Sweet Dream

There was a lazy man who didn't want to do anything, but just wanted to get rich. All he owned was a broken wooden bed and a jar of cream hanging above the bed.

On this day, the sun was already very high. He was holding a short stick in his hand and lying on the bed dreaming of getting rich.

“It’s no problem to sell my jar of cream for 5 pesos, and then use the money to buy back 5 hens. Hens can lay at least

200 eggs per year, of which 100 eggs can hatch out chicks, and after one year there will be 500 eggs, and 500 chickens. When these eggs and chickens are sold, they can be exchanged for 10 female goats. Can give birth twice. In 5 years I will have more than 100 goats. Then I will replace these goats with cows. The cows can produce milk and give birth to calves. It won’t take long. , I can..."

The more he thought about it, the more beautiful it became, and he couldn't help but dance. Inadvertently, the short stick in his hand hit the earthen pot. The pot broke and the cream ran down his head and face. He was so angry that he threw the stick out of the window and said dejectedly: "It's all you who have knocked away my good life

."

Looking for tips

Lazy Jack asked others when he was taking a bath: "It's really troublesome. Why do people take a bath?"

Others told him: "I'm afraid that my quilt will be stained when I sleep."

While washing the quilt, he asked someone else: "That's a long way to go, why do people wash their quilts?"

The other person told him: "I'm afraid of getting my body dirty while sleeping."

After hearing this, Jack clapped his hands and said: "Ha, there is a way. I neither take a shower nor wash the quilt, so no one is afraid of dirtying anyone else."

A well-matched couple

Everything is good about the bride, but she doesn’t keep her house clean. She had been on tenterhooks, but finally felt relieved. Because one night

her husband boldly shouted in a frustrated tone: Where did the dust on the table go? I wrote down a phone number

code on it. ”

Cleaning up fallen leaves

Wife: “If our marriage is equal, you should sweep half of the fallen leaves off the ground.” "

Husband: "The leaves that fell to the ground are yours, dear, my half is still on the tree. "

We

On a snowy Sunday morning, the couple was lying on a soft and warm bed stretching. The wife suggested:

"Let's take out the Sunday special issue Come and see it here! "

The husband yawned and said, "This is a good idea, but which one of us is the 'we' you just mentioned? ”

5

“Because I am 55 years old this year, my birthday is May 5th, I live on the 5th floor, and I have 5 children, so,

5

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At the racetrack, I decided that horse No. 5 would win, so I bet $5. "

"What's the result? ”

“Cough! It ran fifth..."

Losed everything

Boston was a famous gambler. Once, a neighbor asked his wife: "Your husband did it again last night?" Went to the casino

How was the outcome? "

"The car he was riding in when he left was worth $10,000; the car he was riding in when he came back was worth $100,000. ”

“Oh! He won. "

"Where, he took our car when he went there; when he came home, he took a bus.

"

A good gambler

A corporal was transferred to another job. When he reported for duty, he brought a note from his former boss to his new boss: "This person is a good gambler. If he can

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If you quit, you will be a good soldier. ”

The new boss immediately asked the corporal: “What are you betting on?” ”

“Bet on everything. For example, I bet you have a birthmark under your right arm. If not, I lose a week's salary to you.

"Okay!" The new boss immediately took off his shirt to prove that he had no birthmark, and then took over the corporal's week's salary. "

Afterwards, he proudly told the corporal's former boss: I cured your gambling soldier!"

"Don't be so proud." The other party replied, "Before he set off, he bet me 2,000 pounds, saying that he would make you fight shirtless as soon as he saw you, but you made him win the bet!"

Take your life! Betting

On a whim, a landowner asked the Greek Orthodox priest and rabbi of his village to answer the question. Whoever fails to answer the other's question first will have his head chopped off. The rabbis were not willing to gamble with their lives. A Jewish coachman who was almost illiterate came forward

He bravely went to replace the Jewish scribe. But he asked to be the first to ask the question. Seeing that his opponent was such an incompetent person, the priest agreed without hesitation. The coachman asked: "What does einei jodea (Hebrew: I don't know) mean?"

The priest, who knew Hebrew well, immediately replied: "I don't know." - This time Then he took his head.

All the Jews appreciated the genius coachman's brilliant idea. They all wanted to know: "How did you figure it out?"

The coachman explained: "The thing is like this. A few years ago, I asked the rabbi, einei Ajodea What does it mean? Rabbi

Said: I don’t know. So I think if even the rabbi doesn’t know, then the priest will definitely not know.”

It’s worthless.

My husband likes gambling very much, and all the valuable things in the house have been pawned. One day the wife said to her husband: "You won't use me as a mortgage for gambling, will you?"

"Of course not, I won't use worthless things as a mortgage." "

Lieutenant's Defense

"Lieutenant Jackson, you are accused of fleeing in the face of strong enemy firepower, and you and your company opened fire

Oops. Do you admit it?"

"No! It's not true."

"What is the truth?" "The fact is that deserters only account for a small half of my company, and the other half are the ones I sent to bring back those cowards. I ran behind them to supervise them and make them Don't dare run away with those cowards."

The Dog Resistance Troop

The commander asked the scouts to find out if there was a bridge ahead for the troops to pass.

After finding out the situation, the scout came back and reported: "There is a bridge that can be passed by tanks and artillery units, but not by infantry."

The commander got angry: "Nonsense!"

Scout: "Absolutely not! Because there is a big dog sitting on the bridge!"

Look at one thing and lose the other

An advertisement for volunteers in a Western country read: "Join the paratroopers. Jumping out of the plane is worse than crossing the road." Someone wrote under the advertisement: "I am very willing to participate. The recruiting office is across the road."

The Timid Hunter

In the African Jungle. The locals said to the hunting tourists from Europe: "Sir, I found tiger footprints not far from here to the north."

"That's great, thank you. You. By the way, where is the way south from here?"

Only four parachutes

There are five people on a plane: the pilot, the priest, and the wise man. , businessman and mountaineer.

The pilot suddenly walked into the cabin and announced that the plane had malfunctioned. He apologized and said that there were only 4 parachutes on board, but he needed to report the cause of the crash to the ground. Then he took a parachute and jumped out of the hatch.

The priest said that he wanted to save the souls of the 5,000 believers in the diocese and that God's trust should not be blasphemed, so he grabbed the second parachute and jumped out of the cabin.

The smart man claimed that he would soon participate in the world intelligence competition, and he had to cherish his life for the honor of his motherland. After saying that, he grabbed a bag and jumped out.

The businessman asked the mountaineer sadly what to do. The athlete smiled and replied: "Don't worry, that smart man stole my backpack."

Get the second one

There were three people together Went on a bear hunt, spent the night in a cabin, and both said they were good hunters.

Early the next morning, one of them sneaked out quietly and wanted to make a mark. Soon he encountered a huge hungry bear. He was so frightened that he couldn't move for a while, then he dropped the shotgun, turned around and ran away. The bear chased after him, and when he reached the door of the hut, his legs gave out and he fell down. The bear rushed up to him, and as soon as he dodged, the bear jumped away and rushed into the house.

This man's brain was quick. When he saw this, he immediately locked the door from the outside and shouted: "Guys, this is the first one I caught."

You go and peel it. Its skin, I’m going to get the second one now.”

Wedding Photos

A man looked at the miser’s wedding photo for a long time and asked in confusion: “What are you doing? Why do you have to put so much distance between you and your wife?"

"This is not for the sake of the future," said the miser. "If you ever get divorced, just cut the photo out.

Wouldn't it be enough?"

Refuse to donate

The fundraising committee of a charity organization Ask a wealthy businessman to donate: "Sir, you are so rich, it is easy to do some good deeds."

"You don't understand my situation," the rich man said , "My 91-year-old mother has been in the hospital for 5 years; my daughter is widowed and has 5 young children to take care of; and my two brothers owe the government a large amount of tax."

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The fundraiser listened. He apologized repeatedly and said: "I really didn't know you had so many burdens."

"No," the rich man said. "I just want to tell you, I won't give them a penny, how can I give it to you?"

Buy a car

The miser wants to buy an old car. In the market, he bargained with the car owner for a long time and finally settled on the price. Finally, he

asked: "Tell me, does this car consume a lot of gas?"

"Then how could it be! You can rest assured about this. I'll try However, it only uses less than a spoonful of gasoline for every 100 kilometers traveled."

The miser finally understood. But after a while, he ran over and asked the car owner: "You haven't told me yet, what kind of spoon is used? Is it a spoon or a teaspoon?"

Throw into the river

Two misers met on the road.

"Where are you going?" one asked.

"I don't want to live anymore, go jump into the river."

"Are you stupid? Why are you still wearing new clothes?"

Waiting money

The miser's son said to his father: "Can you give me a few shillings? Tomorrow, the teacher will take us to the zoo to see pythons

snake."

" Why spend that wasted money? Just take my magnifying glass to the river and look at the earthworms."

See a doctor

The doctor came to the miser's house in the middle of the night and found out. , his condition is not serious.

“Why do you have to come to me in the middle of the night? You are not seriously ill!”

“As far as I know, late-night telephone offices are busy and users only get half of the money for long-distance calls. Fee. Doctor, you must not have much to do during this time, so the fee should be at this rate.”

Register for household registration

The miser goes away. Enter the police station.

He said to the policeman on duty: "Sir, I want to register my child's household registration. Please register..."

"Tell me, the child's name."

"His name is Chuuk. . How much does it cost to apply for a household registration?"

"No need to pay."

"Thank you! Then I have to apply for another Jack."

The anecdote of Mrs. Stingy

The party had already started for a long time before Mrs. Stingy arrived.

"Where are you going?" people asked her.

“I stayed in the cosmetics store for more than 2 hours.”

“Are you queuing up to buy something?”

“No, I was waiting to be let out. My dress was fragrant with the perfume in the store."

Payment

The miser said to his son who was in school: "Go tell your teacher that we paid for the world map. If you don’t pay, just say that we

our family will never go anywhere in this life.”

Only send ten shillings

The son who is in love wrote to me. Stingy Father: "Dear Dad: If you still love me, please send me 20 shillings. I want to take an engagement photo with my fiancée and send the photo to you."

p>

The father wrote back: "Dear child: I am going to send you 10 shillings. You only need to send me a photo of your fiancée.

That's it. As for you, you don't need a photo. I also remember your appearance."

Shanxin

In front of the lady's room, a beggar begged the hostess: "Madam, I haven't seen you for a whole week. Meat."

"Merlin," the lady called the servant, "hurry up and bring out a plate of meat cakes for this man to see."

The rope for hanging is worth a gabro. Woren was tired of life and decided to hang himself. Just when his feet were dangling in the air and he was about to die, his servant happened to come, cut the rope and rescued him.

When it was time to pay the wages at the end of the month, the servant took the money and counted it, which was 4 leva less than what he deserved, so he asked the boss what was going on.

Unexpectedly, the boss said, "I deducted your money for a rope. I used a good rope to hang myself and asked you to cut it. I can only

get it from your wages. Take off the rope and pay for it.”

New is not as good as old

A neighbor from Gabrovo borrowed a casserole from his house and accidentally broke it. The neighbor was afraid that this incident would damage the harmony between the two families, so he quickly went to the market to buy a bigger and better casserole and returned it. He said to the Gabroman with a smile on his face: "I am so useless that I smashed your casserole. But I have bought you a new one now."

Unexpectedly, the other party said unhappily, "A new casserole, no!... Do you know how much oil a new casserole has to absorb?

My old one has already absorbed enough. Oil!"

The Miser's Guest

When people were talking about a certain miser, someone asked: "Who has eaten at his table?"

"Flies," said a poet.

The unanimous decision of the Gabrovo people

All Gabrovo people decided to use February 29 as their name day. Because this day only repeats once every 4 years, a lot of social activities can be saved. In addition, everyone in the city has their name day on the same day, so there is no need to invite anyone else.

Celebration Ceremony

The stingy business consultant Levi wanted to celebrate the 50th anniversary of his company, so he said to his agent Crotona: "You

Listen carefully, I want to celebrate the anniversary of the founding of our company in a way that will attract everyone’s attention, but it won’t cost a penny.”

Crotona then said: "Mr. Business Consultant, you can hang yourself! This will attract people's attention and won't cost a penny.

Your employees will be happy.

"

Why is it not worth mentioning

"When my child fell into the water, were you the one who rescued him? "The miser asked a college student.

"Yes, sir. This is not worth mentioning. At that time, anyone who encountered that kind of thing would do this. ”

“Why isn’t it worth mentioning? I haven’t found the child’s hat yet! ”

Saving Measures

Someone asked the miser: “What are you doing?” "

"I'm learning Braille. ”

“Why do you need to learn Braille? Is your vision gone? ”

“That’s not the case. I just want to save some electricity while reading at night. ”

By boat

A miser planned to go to the United States. How could he save money on traveling? Finally, he begged for a boat trip to the United States

The captain of the ship agreed to find him a place on the ship, so he crossed the Atlantic without spending much money.

When the ship reached the other side, the miser suddenly found several people coming from the bottom of the water. The diver who came out was crawling to the shore. The miser immediately regretted it and said to the captain dissatisfied: "You should refund me the ticket money!" Why didn't you tell me in advance that you could come to the United States from the bottom of the sea on foot? "

Letter from a reader

The editorial department of the "Edinburgh News" received a letter from a reader, which said: "Mr. Editor: If you continue to publish it

"The Miser's Story", I will no longer subscribe to your newspaper. Because my neighbor is very interested in this serial, he has to borrow it from me every day, and I am embarrassed not to lend it to him. ”

Borrowing a hammer

A long time ago, there were two neighbors, one named Sato and the other Aoki.

One day Sato asked his servant to borrow a hammer from Aoki’s house. Hammer. The servant came to the Aoki house next door and said, "Excuse me, my master would like to borrow a hammer from you to knock in some nails." "

"Okay, okay, are the nails made of iron or wood? ”

“It’s an iron nail. "

As soon as he heard the iron nails, Aoki hummed and said, "What a coincidence, someone just borrowed the hammer." "

The servant returned empty-handed and told his master what had happened. Sato shouted: "There is such a miser in the world! Nails also need to be made of iron or wood. I couldn't bear to borrow a hammer because it seemed like it would break if I used it. I had no choice but to use my own hammer. "

Who pays the phone bill

Jackson threw the magazine away angrily and said: "I really want to know who is making up these things to ridicule us in Scotland

A joke about how stingy people are. "That's easy to say. Just call the editorial department of this magazine and ask." "The person next to me gave him some advice.

"Call? Who pays my phone bill? "Jackson said angrily.

Get a share

A certain town decided to raise funds to build a public swimming pool. The fundraiser came to Markta's house and said:

"Uncle Markta, would you also like to contribute to our swimming pool?" "

"Of course, of course! "Markta said, went to pick up a bucket of water and handed it to the visitor.