Love and Will, Lolo May

Rollo may, known as the "father of American existentialism psychology", is an outstanding representative of humanistic psychology.

When he was young, his family life was unfortunate. His parents are not well educated and have a bad relationship. Later, he divorced. Mothers often run away from home, don't take care of their children, and fathers ignore their children's growth, and even attribute their daughter's mental illness to too much education. Lolo May took on the burden of family very early. The unfortunate early life inspired Lolo May's interest in psychology and counseling in the future.

The best memory of his childhood is saint clair river, which is not far from home. He called the river his "pure, deep, extraordinary and beautiful friend". From the works of several psychologists adhering to existentialism philosophy, we can all see that we are amazed at the existence of nature. Irving Aron and frankl also described the magic of nature in their books, as well as the healing and beautiful experience they brought.

After reading so many stories of psychologists, we will find that there are all kinds of hardships in their lives, some of which are common and some are rare. One common feature is that they all have the ability to turn some misfortune or limitation into opportunities or gifts. Most of them feel their career path (or love) in their youth or youth, which is different from just for survival.

0 1 rollo. Meide road

One year, rollo may attended a seminar hosted by Adler, met Adler and discussed with him. We know that Adler is a disciple of Freud, but unlike Freud's emphasis on sexual instinct, Adler emphasizes sociality. Rollo may appreciated Adler's viewpoint very much and accepted many psychological thoughts about human nature and behavior from Adler.

He had hoped to study psychology at Columbia University, but the behaviorist views taught there didn't suit his own interests. So he made a roundabout choice. He studied theology first. In theological study, he learned about the existence of human beings and came into contact with topics such as anxiety, love and hate.

At the seminary, he met paul tillich, a German existentialist philosopher in exile in the United States. Here, Luo Luomei systematically studied existential philosophy for the first time.

1942, 33-year-old rollo may got tuberculosis, which was regarded as an incurable disease at that time. He often feels the threat of death, which is both a difficulty and an opportunity. When he faces death, he can experience his own existence and observe it with his own theory. Taking anxiety as the breakthrough point, he carefully read Freud's The Problem of Anxiety, Kierkegaard's The Problem of Anxiety, and the works of Nietzsche and Schopenhauer. From 65438 to 0949, he obtained the first doctor's degree in clinical psychology from Columbia University with excellent results by virtue of his doctoral thesis "The Meaning of Anxiety". His academic achievements began to advance by leaps and bounds.

Ps: Speaking of this, Nietzsche and Schopenhauer had a great influence on psychology, including Freud. Irving Allen wrote two novels based on them. Have the opportunity to share the works or ideas of Nietzsche and Schopenhauer.

The book Love and Will is divided into three parts: love, will and the relationship between love and will.

The first chapter of this book is called "Our Divided Times", mainly by describing the United States in the 1950s and 1960s. After the material is extremely rich, people are not happier, but face more loneliness and indifference. Under this historical background, Lolo May explored how love and will were lost and why and how to view the importance of love and will to people through the treatment of existential psychology.

Part I: Love

In western tradition, love is divided into four kinds. The first sex: libido or libido (Freud's name); The second kind of desire for love: the driving force of love that makes people have the desire to reproduce or create, which is the desire towards higher forms such as existence and relationship (here I understand it as what we usually call love). The third kind of friendship: friendship. The fourth sacred love or fraternity: caring for the happiness of others.

Lolo May said that it is not only because our society started here, but also because it is the beginning of everyone's biology.

Sex is not only the strongest happiness of human beings, but also the most common source of anxiety.

Historically, there are many different attitudes towards sex in society, including the times when sex was regarded as normal, the times when sex was regarded as unholy and over-suppressed, and the times when sex was emphasized as important and over-open.

Luo Romei cited some treatment cases. He analyzed that behind sexual weakness is the separation of sex and love. Putting sex above love means using sex to escape the anxiety caused by love.

In fact, sex is a big topic, which runs through everyone's life stage and is inseparable from daily life. It is rarely discussed under the constraints of social customs. There is not much discussion here. You can look at Freud's three sexology papers, Simon Beauvoir's The Second Sex.

In the part of discussing love desire, Lolo May quoted St. Augustine's words, "Love desire is the power that drives people to God."

The obvious difference between lust and sexual desire is that sex can be defined in physiological terms, and lust is a meaningful experience.

Sex ultimately points to satisfaction and relaxation. Love desire is a kind of desire, which always extends outward and pursues an expansion.

Then by discussing the relationship between love and death, love and primitive vitality, the importance of love experience is expounded.

The most profound and meaningful contradiction of love is that realizing death makes us more open to love, and at the same time, love increases our sense of death. Love means opening your heart to negativity and positivity-we will be sad, miserable, disappointed and happy.

This drowning experience is not only brought to us by someone, but also the basic thing brought to us by love.

Primitive vitality is any kind of natural function with the power to control the whole person, which refers to the power of natural nature rather than superego, nor consciousness, transcending good and evil. Such as sex and lust, anger and rage, the desire for strength, etc. It can be creative or destructive.

Primitive vitality needs guidance and guidance. At first, as a creation, it can also be destroyed.

Primitive vitality needs guidance and guidance. At first, consciousness, as a blind thrust, can integrate the original vitality and make it have personal characteristics, which is the significance of psychotherapy.

The denial of primitive vitality is self-castration in love and self-denial in will. This denial will lead to internal and external attacks.

Everyone who experiences loneliness is eager to combine with others. He is eager to participate in a better relationship than himself. Generally speaking, he will overcome loneliness with some form of love.

What human beings really experience is the mixed love of sex, lust, fraternity and God's love in different proportions.

Part II: Will

Rollo doesn't give a clear definition of will in the book, but for the time being, we understand it as people's psychological tendency to consciously set goals and adjust their actions according to them, overcome difficulties and achieve predetermined goals.

From this definition, we can see that if we don't combine with love, excessive will will cause indifference.

Will and desire can be seen as operating in polarity. Will needs self-awareness, but desire doesn't. Will implies the possibility of either-or choice, while desire does not. Desire endows the will with warmth, satisfaction, imagination, freshness and richness. On the other hand, will protects desire and allows desire to continue without taking too many risks. Without desire, will will lose the source of life. If you only have desire without will, you will become a driven, illiberal and naive person.

Part III: Love and Will

Love and will can reinforce each other or hinder each other.

Love without will may become persistence, and will without love may become control.

Use a case to illustrate: a young man is a psychological patient of Luo Luomei. The young father called Luo Luomei and said that he wanted to maximize the therapeutic effect of his son. Luo Romei said that this phone call made him feel that he was on the board of directors of the company, rather than a father's concern for his son. Father is the chief financial officer of a big company.

Care is the foundation of love.

Care case: Battlefield photos during the Vietnam War no longer show victory, such as the national flag planted on the mountain and the victorious teacher walking through the street. These photos or videos aim at human nature. It is reported that black sailors sprayed gas bombs on huts and caves to destroy the remaining members of the Viet Cong. Only old people, women and children came out of it. There was a child about two years old, whose face was covered with smoke from the explosion of gas bombs, sitting on his mother's lap and crying at the black sailors. He doesn't know what happened. At this time, the camera zoomed to the black sailor. He looked at the crying child with the same expression on his face: confusion. How should he understand the world in which he does it?

At that moment, he didn't think consciously, but saw another person with a common foundation of mankind.

05 meaning

At the end of the book, Rollo wrote, "We shape ourselves and the world through actions of love and will. This is the meaning of embracing the future. "

When preparing the outline of this live broadcast, I casually wrote it on paper, and then I found that I wrote it like this:

Each of us is looking for ways to express our inner life energy. These expressions can't be said by others, even if they are the same as the final result, they should be searched and confirmed by themselves.

Some people use sports to express themselves, such as our Olympic athletes and people who love sports.

Some people use science to express it, such as scientists and people who love scientific research.

Some people use money to express themselves, such as entrepreneurs, people who try to be entrepreneurs or rich.

Some people use art to express themselves, such as artists and lovers.

Some people express themselves with medical skills, such as doctors.

……

Find your own expression of vitality, and you will find a sense of value and meaning.