Who can recommend a few dirty jokes, preferably about 3 minutes?

Who can recommend some dirty jokes? The best time is about 3 minutes. A hospital director's TV set is broken, so he must take it to a big repair shop to have it repaired.

Repair shop receptionist: "OK, the starting fee is 50 yuan."

Dean of the hospital: "Why do you have to pay for it before it is repaired?" ?

Repair shop receptionist: "This is the system of our repair shop. Didn't you pay the registration fee in your hospital before seeing a doctor? " ?

The hospital director had nothing to say, so he had to give it to 50 yuan.

The receptionist at the repair shop asked, "Hello, what's wrong with your TV?"

Dean of the hospital: "There is no response, and the sound and image are gone."

Repair shop receptionist: "there seems to be something wrong with your TV. You should go to the internal medicine department." So, do you want to see an engineer or a senior engineer? 20 yuan, a repair engineer, and 30 yuan, a senior engineer. "

Dean of the hospital: "Isn't it just fixing TV?" Fix it. I don't care what kind of engineer or senior engineer he is. "

Repair shop receptionist: "No, the senior engineer has a high level, and the TV with any difficult problems can be repaired." The repaired repair rate is obviously lower than the engineer, but the maintenance cost is relatively high, which is chosen by the customer. "

Dean of the hospital: "My TV should not be an incurable disease, just an ordinary engineer".

Repair shop receptionist: "Well, please pay the 20 yuan repair fee first".

Dean of the hospital: "Why do you have to pay for it before it is repaired?" ?

Repair shop receptionist: "This is the system of our repair shop. Don't you have to pay first to see a doctor in your hospital? " ?

The director of the hospital had nothing to say, so he had to pay another 20 yuan and take the TV set into the repair shop to be an engineer. The engineer asked about the TV, and first opened three bills to ask the hospital director to pay:

A, multimeter measurement fee 20 yuan;

Second, the oscilloscope measurement fee 50 yuan;

Third, the frequency scanner 80 yuan.

The hospital director was surprised and asked, "Why did the customer pay this test fee? Isn't this convenient for your maintenance engineer? "

Engineer: "Yes, our engineers used to rely on" looking, smelling, asking, cutting and listening "to repair by experience, but now that science is developed and all kinds of instruments are available, it will be more accurate to detect when repairing, and also to detect faults that have not yet occurred. Besides, we must spend a lot of money on these instruments, so we must charge some reasonable fees. Yours is good. No more instruments. Last time the customer sent an electric appliance, we used a network analyzer to test the antenna impedance. Testing fee 150 yuan, others have also tested it. We will try our best to be considerate of customers, try our best to do less tests and save money for customers. Of course, you can also insist on not testing, but we may misjudge when repairing, and replace the good parts, causing unnecessary costs to customers. Your appliance may not be repaired well, which will eventually delay your time. "

The hospital director has to pay the test fee of 150 yuan first. After half an hour's test, the engineer printed out the circuit diagram with a printer and found that a triode was burnt out. It took him a few minutes to repair the TV set with a two-yuan transistor.

The engineer put the printed circuit diagram into the dean's hand, wrote a payment slip, and asked the hospital dean to pay 8 yuan's printing fee. The dean asked inexplicably, "Do you want me to pay for printing?" "Yes, this is the rule of the store. The printing fee is paid by the customer. Isn't that photo for you? " "But I can't understand. Why do you want this painting? " "Your hospital does B-ultrasound for patients, and patients can't understand the printed drawings. Isn't the patient paying for them? " ?

The hospital director was speechless and had to pay the money.

Finally, the engineer said to the dean, our store implements computer management, please pick up the goods at the pick-up counter.

The pick-up counter opened a repair order to the hospital director, and the bill read:

"According to the regulations of the Price Bureau, our store implements itemized charges so that customers can clearly understand their consumption. The cost of your repair this time is as follows:

Usage fee of 35W white soldering iron (disassembly and welding 1 time): 10 yuan;

Disposable welding head cleaning cotton: 2 yuan;

1 time: 5 yuan;

φ0.8 environmentally friendly tin wire 10g :5 yuan;

2N 1234 triode 1: 2 yuan;

Diagonal pliers fee for cutting triode pins: 5 yuan;

Water fee for cleaning pad and washing board after welding: 5 yuan;

Labor cost for dismantling and welding triode and cleaning pad: 20 yuan;

Total: 54 yuan ".

The hospital director almost fainted. The hospital director spent 282 yuan to repair the TV, and only changed an accessory worth 2 yuan. Note: Please forward it to all groups: despise hospital charges.

Extremely urgent! Ask for a funny little joke, lasting about 2 minutes, preferably in words, not yellow. Mom said my IQ was only 76. I don't know how high my IQ is I only know that I am a very lethal person. Many people have been hurt because of me. Some of them lost hope in life, and some even committed suicide. So I have always suspected that I have a potential superpower, and this superpower has had a particularly strong effect on my teacher for some reason.

I remember the first teacher who died because of me. At that time, I was in the first grade of primary school, and my teacher took us to the wild for a natural practice class. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green and the willows sprouting branches, the teacher couldn't help thinking of a question, so he asked, "Students, do you know how to tell the wind direction?" "I know!" A little girl in my class replied, picking up a leaf from the ground and throwing it into the air. "Pick up something and throw it into the air and watch it float there." "Well, that's good." The teacher praised, "Who else would like to show you again and see what wind is blowing now?" "me." I volunteered, picked up half a brick from the ground and threw it into the air. ...

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"Teacher, it's blowing up and down now!" …………。

I can't remember clearly what the teacher looked like at that time. I only remember that he struggled a few times and then died. Later, according to the hospital doctor, he died because of sudden strong stimulation, which led to retrograde qi and blood. In this way, I killed a people's teacher pa[]

The first grade teacher taught us poultry and animals. w}

Teacher: "There is an animal with two feet. Every morning when the sun comes out, it will wake you up and wake you up. What animal is it? "

I replied, "Mom!" Laughing so hard that the teacher almost died!

After I came home from the mid-term exam, my mother asked me how I did in the exam. My baby son said I didn't fill in any questions. My mother asked what it was. My precious son said, there is a question asking me how much I get when I multiply 3 by 7. I don't care. I filled in 1 5. My mother sprayed the water she just drank on my father's face. Hey ... I'm great!

My father asked me how school was. Dear son, "the father asked," is your female teacher satisfied with you? "

"Ah, yes, Dad, very satisfied."

"How do you know? Did she tell you herself? "

"Of course, dad. The day before yesterday, she said to me,' If all the students are like you, I will leave school at once!' This shows that I have learned everything. "

My father's brain. Now!

One day in math class, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? , I said I don't know. The teacher asked me to ask. I asked my mother who was cooking to let me out. I asked my father, who watched the ball again and shouted' cool'. I asked my sister, and she sang until ABY. I asked my brother and he said on the phone; I'll wait for you outside. nautical/sea mile

The next day, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? I said; Fuck off, the teacher slapped me, I yelled, the teacher called me a loser, and I called me mean. Old saying; Get out. I said; I'll wait for you outside. Our math teacher suffered from hypertension again on the spot and fainted. ...

When primary school has Chinese class, all Chinese teachers in the school go to listen to Teacher Ni's class. Teacher Ni wrote a word "Bei" on the blackboard and asked me, "Do you know this word?" I answered "no", so Teacher Ni began to inspire me: "Do you have a bed at home?" I answered "Yes" and "What's on the bed?" "Summer sleeping mat" "Where is the summer sleeping mat?"

I replied, "My mother", and Teacher Ni thought, this is also true. My mother was covered with a quilt, and then I was inspired: "What about your mother?" "My dad". Teacher Ni didn't expect me to say this. She made a fool of herself in front of so many teachers and asked anxiously, "What about the quilt?" I replied, "The quilt is on the ground." Teacher Ni was so angry that she got lamb disease in the general hospital!

Later, a new teacher at school asked us to make sentences. I finished my homework calmly. The teacher was impressed with me. The sentence I wrote is: n

Sad-the ditch in front of our house is very sad. a(9 & amp； Z

If canned food is not as nutritious as fruit juice. Radio frequency (radio frequency)

Naive-it's really hot today. This is a good day for swimming. skin

Ten points-it's a pity that my sister only got ten points in the math exam. 7o_N 1h

Relax, I always start with simple things. E3D！ :Z

Ginseng-the teacher said that we should take part in the relay of the brigade tomorrow, so we must do our best. =l

Quilt-Xiaoyu's sanitary quilt was stolen.

Lunch-Xiaoming takes defecation as the first thing when he gets up every morning.

The teacher touched my head and said sternly, "Go home from school and strive for 10. When I got home, I was ready to finish the homework assigned by the substitute teacher when there was no one there. I went to the toilet and began to paint the walls with feces. I painted the bathroom with ten strips, and I was satisfied with my homework before I stopped. " My family came back to scold me. The next day, my mother told the principal that the substitute teacher misunderstood the child. Later, the substitute teacher was fired. Well, I said to myself, "I am very creative." Ugliness is not my intention. God, don't lose your temper. I will live bravely and set off the beauty of the world. ! "

One morning in class, I chewed gum and put my feet on the aisle. At this moment, the teacher said to me, "Please spit out your mouth and put your feet in my head."

In the days that followed, several teachers suffered misfortune one after another. Fortunately, no one died and there was no big leak. But my fame spread like wildfire and I became a celebrity in the city for a time.

However, celebrities also have the pain of celebrities, and I deeply realized this.

When I was in junior high school, the physics teacher asked me in physics class: You say, how to change tracks? Me: According to the Diamond Sutra, if a person does something bad in Yangshiguang, he will become a ghost after death! It turned out that the teacher was talking about how the satellite changed its orbit!

I was awakened by the teacher when I was sleeping in history class. The teacher asked me, "Who did Princess Wencheng marry?"

Little Wang Sheng told me, "Songzan Gambu." I didn't hear clearly, so I opened my mouth and answered, "Song Dynasty cadres."

Later, history failed.

One day, I came back from the barber shop to be cool. As soon as I opened the door, all the girls exclaimed, "Cool Brother is here!" I am embarrassed to scratch my head: "Where! Where! Just cut a cool head. " It happened that the headmaster passed by and said solemnly, "I want to pay for a trouser head!" " "

Our brains are on the horse! ! Yeah, it's nothing. I walked to the dormitory and went downstairs from the girls' dormitory. I saw a good friend and boasted loudly, Look, I got a cool haircut. On the second floor, a girl immediately put her head out and said, my trousers, you took my trousers!

The next day, the biology teacher brought a bird wrapped in cloth. Then he exposed the bird's legs and asked the students to guess what kind of bird it was. I really don't know, so I handed in a blank sheet of paper. The teacher looked very angry and asked, "Why did you hand in a blank sheet of paper?" What's your name? "When I heard this, I rolled up my trouser legs angrily and said," Now it's your turn to guess who I am? "The biology teacher immediately fell down.

My fame has caused me a lot of trouble. For the safety of teachers, all middle schools in the city refused to accept me. No way, I went to the countryside with infinite yearning for key middle schools. Although the conditions of middle schools in rural areas are a little bitter, I still live very comfortably without the pressure of public opinion. However, gold always shines, and the unique silence of rural middle schools did not restrain my outbreak. By chance, I was born again, suddenly emerged, and quickly occupied the rural market. '

One day, I was late, and the teacher asked,' Why are you late today? I said: I took my neighbor's uncle's wild boar to breed in the morning, so I came late. Before the teacher finished listening, he opened his eyes wide and said, "This should be made by the uncle next door." I don't understand. "This must be a wild boar, and the uncle next door is not a stranger."

It was a quiz, and our class was tied with another class after the final. So the host announced the final decision: each class draws lots to send a representative. Two representatives will guess the coin again.

The right person asks the wrong person a question. If the wrong person answers correctly, the wrong person wins. On the other hand, the category set in which the correct guesser belongs wins. Spirit of heaven, spirit of the earth, my job is to hide. As a representative, I was drawn, successfully guessed the wrong coin and entered the question-and-answer stage. Teachers and classmates suddenly became nervous, and everyone looked at me with eager eyes. Teacher Li, in particular, looked heavy and said nothing. I also felt some pressure, but not because of this, but because of my opponent-Wang Xiaofo, who was the most powerful "teacher killer" in our school at that time, and he also saved several human cases. It is said that the last principal was destroyed in its hands. However, I still have some confidence, because in any case, I am also a person who has criticized. The problem begins.

Wang Xiaofo put his hands in his trouser pockets and said slowly, "My mother cooked some eggs in my pocket today. Do you know how many? " "hey!" There was an uproar around. I don't know why everyone is booing, but I know this question has aroused my great interest. Eggs! I hardly heard what he asked. I only heard the word "egg" clearly. You know, in the hard years in the countryside, there was almost nothing to eat. There are two eggs that are really delicious. I seem to see shiny egg whites and yellow yolk. "If I get it right, will you give me a meal?" I have long forgotten what quizzes and class honors are. I'm only interested in eggs, eggs! "If you get it right, I'll give you two eggs." "hey!" There is an uproar again. I saw the other classmate's face startled, and the classmates cheered and hugged each other to celebrate the victory. Miss Li also gave me a happy look. I don't know what they are happy about, but everyone is smiling at me. I smiled shyly at them and then answered, "Is it five dollars?"

The students' smiles suddenly stopped, and gradually, the ebb tide generally disappeared without a trace. Another classmate suddenly shouted and laughed. Things in this world change quickly. In a blink of an eye, everyone was crying and laughing and didn't know what to do. I haven't had time to think about what is going on. The meeting was suddenly in chaos. I saw a man lying on his back, spraying blood in his mouth, and then slowly fell down.

"Miss Li!" $t+O

"Miss Li!"

It's our head teacher! I rushed there, too. I saw the teacher pale, eyes closed and unconscious. "He killed Miss Li!"

"It's him!" {

"It's him!"

Hey! Hey! Swish swish swish swish swish!

Angry eyes shot at me like sharp arrows.

My eyes went blank, and a voice came back to my ear: "Duo Long! Close the door! Let the dog go! Idle people will all retreat! "

Later, it was said that Mr. Li did not die, but was seriously ill. After he was discharged from the hospital, he saw through the world of mortals, cut his hair and became a monk in Wutai Mountain, and never taught again.

Who can recommend several schools that can drop scores in the college entrance examination over the years? Candidates who don't know where you are had better drop about 20 points. If the score is reduced, the Ministry of Education stipulates that it can only be reduced by 20 points at most. If it is a science major, there are many schools with low scores and few liberal arts. You can look at the admission situation over the years, which should be found in the world of college entrance examination.

Who can recommend several 10G stand-alone games (preferably free and cracked) to kill the prototype, bloody violence?

7g, there are stars under the tramp.

Who can recommend about 5000 bass, preferably precision bass and Fanta, to see what kind of music they mainly play? If you like to play slap, func and J bass, the two single-coil pickups are bright and elastic. I used Mofen 6500, which was a little over 5K three years ago, but I haven't paid attention to it for a long time now. P The bass tone is thick and full, with many choices. I have used Yamaha TRB series before, and I feel that the workmanship is very fine and the timbre is very satisfactory. If the landlord does not boycott Japanese goods, Yamaha is a good choice. The landlord had better post questions on GC (Guitar China), where talented musicians will give you more satisfactory answers.

Oh, that's all. If the landlord is satisfied, distribute it ~ ~ ~

Find someone who can tell jokes for about 3 minutes, preferably a little unhealthy but healthy in the end. In a big gray house, a group of mice are moving.

Every night, when the lights go out and people go to bed, the mouse crawls out of the hole. They screamed with joy, and the mouse had to dig around the room. They went to the kitchen to look for leftovers and looked for bread crumbs under the table in the restaurant. In the living room, they sometimes find chocolates, pralines or a few peanuts left by their hosts on the coffee table.

Their paradise is a food storage room with all kinds of delicious food. If the door of the storeroom is not closed tightly, they will squeeze in through the crack of the door, chew cheese skin, lick butter, bite hard sausages, sip apricot jam, chew bacon, then stroke their beards and wipe their sharp mouths with satisfaction.

Although the food in the storage room is delicious, it is still not as good as the taste of "mouse day". The chandelier in the kitchen rose, higher than a mouse jumping 20 times in a row. There is a short wooden pole with delicious sausages hanging on it and even two smoked hams. This is the mouse's sky. But this sky can only be seen and smelled, and no mouse can reach it by itself, because the walls of this kitchen are all bare tiles! At that time, the old grandmother of these mice, a female mouse named Sandra, tried seriously and had a tragic ending. It slipped from mid-air and hit the stone floor.

Sometimes, the mouse will run to the biggest room in the house. There are many books on the shelves in this room: thick and thin; Large books with sheepskin spines and pamphlets with thin cardboard covers: some have colorful illustrations, and some have a long row of serious black letters.

This big room is the owner's private library and a playground for mice. Although it is rare to find anything to eat here, they can race on the bookshelf, hide cats and dogs behind rows of books, stand in a long jump on a high pile of books, play slides on books lying on their side, and practice climbing on the pagodas of books.

For mice, the greatest enjoyment is to travel around the world on a globe. This rather large globe is located in the center of the library, and its central axis is on a finely carved wooden seat. When a mouse climbed onto the globe from the wooden seat, the sphere began to rotate slowly. If the mouse doesn't want to fall off the globe, it must keep running forward. The earth turns and turns faster and faster; The mouse runs and runs, but it can't run forward. The agile mouse legs ran across China and Japan, and crossed the vast Pacific Ocean in less than three seconds, then the United States passed under its feet, then the Atlantic Ocean, then Portugal, Spain, the Mediterranean, Italy and Greece. The corners of Turkey and Russia have also been lightly touched by mouse feet, and then start from the beginning: China, Japan, Pacific Ocean ... If this continues, even the strongest mouse will be exhausted. The most powerful mouse in this group is a male mouse named Willie Bald, who can only run 32 laps. After 32 laps, this big rat with a long tail and showing strength will also fall breathlessly from the African part of the earth to the soft carpet.

These mice live in a gray mansion, eating, drinking and having fun, but they are also happy. One day, there was a fierce argument between them. In fact, most of the mice ran from the kitchen to the living room, and only Lily, the little mouse, stayed by the fire. It looked at the "mouse sky" with fascination and tried to breathe the aroma of bacon again. However, there seems to be something different from ordinary smells! This is a unique green plant, yes, it is the smell of grass! Lily sniffed and sniffed, trying to find out the source of the smell.

There is a transom in the kitchen, which can only be opened to the outside, but it is closed tightly at this time. Lily then approached the kitchen door, outside which was the garden. When it stood in front of the door, the door leading to the garden was not closed! Cold fear flowed from the tail of the mouse to the tip of the beard. The garden is the most dangerous place for house mice. In an instant, the story of an owl with sharp claws and beaks and a hedgehog with steel needles flashed through his mind. It jumped with a jerk, jumped half a foot and ran to the living room. It screamed, "the door! Kitchen door! The kitchen door leading to the garden! "

"What happened to the garden door?" Mimi, a mouse who has always been timid, asked.

"The door is open!" Lily said in surprise.

All the mice were stunned. After a while, the mice exploded their nests and ran to their respective mouse holes quickly, and the mice all curled up in their nests. At this time, the clock in the living room has not struck seven, and it is still far from dawn.

The next night, a male mouse named Philip wanted to find out the truth. It has enough courage. It wants to see if the cook forgot to close the door leading to the garden again. It climbed out of the mouse hole, came to the living room, passed through the narrow gap between the cupboard and the wall, and carefully went all the way to the kitchen. It lifted its nose high and sniffed everywhere, but it could not smell grass or leaves. It can be clearly seen that there is nothing wrong with the gate and transom of the garden.

"Don't worry! Safe tonight! " It announced.

"This kind of thing must not happen again!" Georg, the male mouse, breathed a sigh of relief and said loudly, "We should discuss what to do together."

Georg is the convener of the rat society in the rat election. Its duty is to let every mouse speak freely in the meeting. After all the mice expressed their views, they voted. Those who approve of a resolution will hold their heads high, while those who oppose it will put their tails flat on the ground.

George is very clever. He can count from one to ninety-nine This figure is enough for counting votes. Where are the other mice? They're not stupid. They can count to at least seven. This is very important, because when the clock in the living room strikes seven, all the mice must run back to the hole, and soon the chef will appear at the door on time.

Who can recommend several online games, it is best to shoot at FPS, and it is best not to burn money? There is no game that doesn't cost money. How can they eat if they don't burn money? If they don't burn money, they have to find a way to burn your money. In the past, internal testing games were not open to recharge. Of course, the game is not perfect now, and we have to play the internal test game. This game recharge system is generally closed, because there are still many shortcomings in the early stage of the game that need to be improved before money can be made.

Want to buy a mobile phone to help recommend several models, preferably smart. 1000 oppo mobile phone should be the most cost-effective product in China, and the self-developed software configuration is also very safe to use. At this price, I recommend OPPO A 125 to the landlord. Music playback is excellent, and the built-in SNS application is also quite good. If the landlord buys it, you can look at several more, combine the online quotation, and then try to bargain as much as possible, hoping that the landlord can buy satisfactory products as soon as possible.

Recommend several notebooks of about 4000 RMB, preferably ASUS's. Please recommend it. Asus's motherboard and graphics card are very good. . Around 4000 is more cost-effective than buying Lenovo and ASUS. . If you play games, it's better to contact and calm down. However, ASUS K4 1 and X88 series machines have good heat dissipation, good quality and high price, so it is recommended to buy them.

If you want to perform a cross talk during the Spring Festival, who can recommend a short 10 minute? You can't have Huang Chong if you want to be funny. Thank you. Crosstalk "My Student Time" A: The two of us performed a cross talk for everyone. B: Yes, we were partners when we came on stage. B: We got off the stage and were our deskmates. He is you at my deskmate. (Singing) Who married the sentimental you? B: This singer sings A: (Continue to sing) Who comforted you and who took yours. It's eyebrows. B: What's your expression? A: Just kidding. Now we are good friends. Yes, we have a special relationship. Armor: If I am Nintendo B: I am Contra, my best playmate. A: If I were Harry Potter B: I am Dumbledore, and I care about you all the time. A: If I were Optimus Prime B: I am a bumblebee, a close comrade-in-arms. Plants vs. Zombies A: We have been classmates since childhood. Yes, we were in the same class in primary school. At that time, the teacher always told us to talk about ideals. Yes, the teacher always asks me what you want to be when you grow up. My dream is to be an uncle. B: Little boys are envious. Through my years of hard work, my dream has been half realized ... B: How can it be half? Some people call me uncle ... oh, this half. No matter how hard you try, someone will call you uncle. What's the use? A: We have been brothers since childhood, and we have an old enemy. B: Old enemy. A: Yes, his name is other people's children. B: Other people's children? A: Yes, when I was naughty, my mother said, look, how obedient other children are. B: Yes, as soon as I failed the exam, my mother said, You see, other children always get a 100-A: This other child never plays games, never talks about QQ, and learns every day. B: This other child, who is good-looking and obedient, has returned to senior one: he has gone to school in other places. What do other people's children look like? A: Yes, what does such a perfect child look like? B: I've never seen it. This is just a legend. A: One day, the school square called on students to donate blood, saying that 200CC would give a box of chocolates and 400CC a watch. I think I donated 400 yuan, gave my love and wore a watch. My partner is different. What is wrong with me? A: My partner heard about it and ran to ask the nurse, "What is 10,000 CC?" B: Huo, 10,000 CC A: The nurse calmly said, "The urn. . . "I lost my bone marrow. A: My partner is very caring. What is care? I am infatuated with money. Another time, my partner and I went to the movies and played Harry Potter. Yes, we all like this. A little girl and her mother were behind us when we went in. They are small fans, wearing cloaks and playing with toy wands. Harry Potter's little guy. This is also putting others aside, so I may be angry. My partner, very measured, smiled after listening. B: Son, we can't be as knowledgeable as him. A: He turned around and said, "Come to the movies, son." Then he heard a scream: Mom! Mom! The magic worked. Oh, fuck you.