Yitong manman photography

Mom is a very good friend of mine. She is very kind and generous. She can take care of people. We often play together.

But for a while last year, I was afraid of getting a call from her, and I was even more afraid that she would ask me out to play. Because I know that she wants to take out the garbage from me again.

At that time, she just broke up with her boyfriend of three years. She is in a period of emotional injury and often chats with me. We are friends, and she is in a special stage of just being lovelorn. I'll give whatever she wants. As soon as she calls, I will immediately put down what I am doing and listen to her patiently. In the process of listening, I will comment and analyze from time to time. Finally, I will say a few words of encouraging "chicken soup", "You are so excellent that it is his loss to leave you" and "In fact, you are not as suitable as you think. Since it is not appropriate, it is a good thing to break up as soon as possible "and so on, just to help her cheer up as soon as possible.

Everyone will go through a "transition period" or "buffer period" after breaking up. This is a routine ceremony after breaking up, and it is also a respect for the ex and the feelings that have passed.

During this special time, everyone will heal and repair their emotions in different ways. Some people's cure is internal digestion, and one chews up all the love and memories and slowly puts them down. Some people's cure is to escape and bury, leave sadness, and get rid of everything that can evoke past memories; Some people's cure is to quickly enter the next relationship and transfer the warmth of one person to another; The healing way of others is to release and vent, that is, to solve all the injuries in a special way, such as getting drunk, crying and talking.

Obviously, Maman used the last way, and she chose to release the grievances and injuries in her feelings by constantly pouring out. I understood her, so I stayed with her. Unexpectedly, the "transition period" of Mamam's breakup was a bit long. Long enough to make me feel that she doesn't need me as a friend, just a competent "emotional trash can".

Three months after breaking up with her boyfriend, she often called me and said that she missed him very much, she was so kind to him, why did he break up with herself, and she missed their previous life together. As long as the emotions are together, as long as the memories are opened, Mamam can't stop. I often can't stop calling for hours, and my ears hurt when I listen to the phone. Often, she told stories and words several times. I know not only the outline of every story, but also every detail.

After a long time, I began to get bored.

Because I still need to digest the garbage she threw at me. If I don't get rid of it in time, I can't face life in a positive and optimistic state. Finally one day, I broke out.

That afternoon 12 or so. I just worked overtime in the company for a few hours. When I got home, I was so exhausted that I didn't even have the strength to take a shower. I want to lie down for a while, then get up and take a bath. Who knows, just a lie down, just received a phone call from Mamam. For a moment, I wanted to refuse, but I couldn't bear it. Because of my face, I picked it up and answered her in a weak voice: "What's the matter?"

She said, "Can you talk to me for a while?"

I said, "You said ..."

Then, she began to chatter for a long time.

After half an hour, I couldn't stand it anymore and said, "Mamam, can you listen to me for a few words?" You've already broken up, and now it's a foregone conclusion and meaningless to be persistent. It's been almost half a year since we broke up, and you all have your own lives. Can't you be smart? "

It was the first time that I discussed her emotional problems in an extremely cold tone. She "I" for a long time without saying the following words.

So I poured out my accumulated unhappiness at one time and said, "Mamam, we are friends. I should be with you when you are sad and listen to you." But have you ever thought that I also have my own work and life, and I will have troubles. It's not that every time you call me, I'm in a good mood, but every time I hear you finish the story, it's like nothing happened. Every time I call you, my heart is jammed, and I am filled with wet answers like cotton, which is the kind of pain that I can't breathe. Every time I get off the phone with you, I will try my best to get rid of these negative emotions, otherwise I will be very irritable and easily irritable and become a time bomb. You know, I just finished my work and I'm so tired. Now I want to take a bath and have a good sleep ... "

She said, "I'm sorry, because you know me, because you will understand, so I want to tell you." However, I only care about my emotions, but I ignore your feelings. I'm really sorry ... "

I said seriously, "Mom, no one will like Sister Xianglin. Promise me that you won't be' Sister Xianglin'. That's not cute at all. "

Perhaps the word "Sister Xianglin" really stung Mamam. After that day, she seldom confided her emotional troubles to me. Thankfully, when we were together, the topic finally stopped surrounding her and her predecessor.

This year, she made a new boyfriend.

She will still talk to me when she encounters some emotional setbacks, but she will never talk all the time and will not repeat it.

It was a long time before she said that she knew my intention. She knows that I don't regard her as a friend, which is not interesting enough. I just hope that she can learn to deal with negative emotions by herself, instead of always relying on others and solving them by talking to others. Because everyone will have their own troubles and others will be tired.

(2)

When I was in college, every time I encountered some troubles or setbacks in my life or study, I would call my good friends and talk to them. Sometimes I will make phone calls for several hours a night and talk about the same problems with different friends. After the troubles in my heart were said, I felt much better, so I never felt anything wrong.

Then, one day, Qin Ge asked me to answer the phone for her and sent a friend away. I took my mobile phone and said that she had gone out to participate in a club activity, but I forgot to bring it. The man on the other end of the phone died with a "Oh".

I asked Qin Ge why he didn't answer the phone. She said it was Z, one of her high school classmates. Everyone had a good life before, but now they are annoying her.

Every time Z makes a phone call, he is "taking out the garbage" and releasing "negative energy", saying that he went to a garbage school, the teacher was not easy to teach, and all his classmates muddled along, making it impossible for him to study quietly. I don't like the gift my boyfriend gave me for my birthday, the quarrel between two people, and so on. She thought it would be all right to comfort her, but after she comforted her, Z kept calling and saying those words, or kept "taking out the garbage".

She is particularly afraid that she will call herself and hide if she can.

No one wants to be your "emotional trash can" all the time, even if the other person is your good friend, even if the other person is a good trash can. Because the trash can will be full and tired. We can't just think about ourselves and not others. Too selfish.

With negative emotions, we naturally need an outlet to release them, but we can't release them through others every time. We are all adults, so we should learn to deal with problems and troubles in our work, life and emotions, and learn to solve and release negative emotions by ourselves instead of relying on others all the time. If I keep taking out the garbage to my friends, I'm afraid that in the end, I won't even have a friend to talk to because they are all scared away.

Another friend, e, I have no contact with him now.

Just because I can't stand his complaints. He always talks about his unsatisfactory work, his bad boss and his colleagues who are difficult to get along with. Every time he encounters a problem, his instinctive reaction is to escape and complain, but he never thinks about why he always encounters such a thing and never reflects on himself, so he gets worse and worse. I talked with him for several times, but I still couldn't change his mind, so I had to give up and stay away from him.

Because, I don't want my life to be always disturbed by "emotional garbage" and "negative energy".

You can complain when you encounter problems or troubles, but you can't just complain. Because complaining can't solve the problem. After the release of emotions, we should face the problems bravely and solve them, and the days will be more and more smooth.

-This article is taken from Lin Xia Samo's best-selling book "twenties, why are you afraid of being too late?"