I want a joke (unpopular)

1. The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked: "Uncle, do you want side light, backlight, or full light?" The uncle said shyly: "I don't care, can I give it to you?" Auntie, leave a pair of underwear? "

2. Wife's Quotes: You are allowed to get drunk, and you are allowed to hook up with girls, but you must return to the team at night. If you dare to break my heart and hurt my lungs, I will definitely do it. Cripple your third leg and let your bird sleep forever.

3. Two dumplings got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was shocked and asked where the bride was. Meatballzi said shyly: "I hate it. You won't recognize me when I take off my clothes!"

4. Two old couples had a sudden idea while having dinner one day: eat naked! Find the feeling you had before! After taking off her clothes, the old woman said: I still have a reaction! The breasts are still as hot as when they were young! The old man glanced sideways and said: It drooped into the soup!

5. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: I don’t step on a mouse for a day and make my feet itchy; C: I don’t feel safe on the street only a few times a day; D. : It’s getting late. Let’s go home and pick up the cat.

6. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and none of what a man says is true; love is eternal, blood is bright red, and a man cannot survive without fighting; if a man is rich, , and everyone is destined, a man can be relied upon, and a pig can climb a tree.

7. A group of ants climbed onto the elephant's back, but were shaken off. Only one ant held on to the elephant's neck tightly. The ants below shouted: strangle him to death. Choke him to death, you little guy, and you fucking rebelled!

8. A child stole a parrot raised in a brothel home. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot screamed: Moving! When he saw his mother, he yelled again: The boss has changed too! When he saw his sister, he shouted again: "The lady has changed too!" When he saw his father, he yelled again: We are still a regular customer!

9. Life is a long road, who can take a few steps! The family needs to be taken care of, and the lover needs to be taken care of! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a good-looking person sitting across the table, and someone I miss far away! Keep two, keep one, and develop three, four, five, six, seven!

10. A puppy climbed up on your dining table and crawled towards a roast chicken. You said angrily: I will do whatever you dare to do to that roast chicken, but the result is small. The dog licked the chicken's butt and you fainted. The dog happily said: Let's see who is cruel.

11. Legend has it that tonight, the ghost is lingering, the dead light appears again, and the ghost is wandering around! May the ghost hear my call, come to celebrate your birthday in the middle of the night, touch your face with a pale face, green eyes, and dry hands, and say to you on my behalf: Good night!

12. A man is always smiling. Faded and owed, patted, interjected and dinged, ≌ 饽暝拝杝 consist of ⌒ making trouble for the evil surname. ?

13. You were walking on the road, and a female dog pounced on you, bit a piece of meat from your foot, and swallowed it quickly. When you stretched your foot and was about to kick her, the dog said with tears in her eyes: Just fight me, I already have your flesh and blood in my belly!

14. The mouse was very depressed when he didn’t have a girlfriend. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of vision. Mouse: What do you know? She is a stewardess after all.

15. A friend asked a bat how he could marry a mouse. The bat had tears in his eyes and said meaningfully: Alas! That day he took Viagra, which gave him strong firepower and he jumped up to the ceiling, allowing him to take over.

16. I spent a dime to send you this text message to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this one

17. The ant is lying lazily in the soil with one leg stretched out. Your friend asks you what you are doing? Ant: The elephant will come later, trip him up.

18. When a magpie comes, mother says it is a happy bird and a guest; when a swallow comes, mother says it is a beneficial bird and a guest; when a crow comes, the child asks, are you also a guest? The crow cries: Yes, I am a hacker!

19. A beautiful woman found that her lipstick was too heavy, so she wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly realized, he caught up and said: Girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off!

20. Cucumber cried in love, and Eggplant comforted her: love is not only sweet and intoxicating, but also heartbreaking and tearful. well! Who made you fall in love with onions?

21. The most annoying song for eunuchs: Keep the Roots; the most annoying script for eunuchs: Yi Jian Mei; the most annoying advertising slogan for eunuchs: I have it, I can; the most annoying eunuchs The idiom of: Unprecedented; The eunuch’s favorite thing to do: laugh while reading text messages.

22. I remember you and I were childhood sweethearts. I liked singing and you liked dancing. I could sing 200 songs and you could dance 200 dances, so everyone called me Brother Erbai when they saw me. , I will call you Erbaiwu when I see you.

23. Don’t panic when you meet a dog on the road. Fight with it bravely. There are only three results: one is that you win, and you are worse than an animal; If you lose, you are worse than a beast; thirdly, if you draw, you are a beast.

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24. "Why do you put a thermometer on your ear?" the intern doctor asked the old doctor. The old doctor: "It's over! I will definitely put the pen in the patient's ear." It’s in the anus!”

25. There was a mountain man who had never seen the world. One day he went to a city park and saw a man doing push-ups. He didn’t know what he was doing, and he walked around in circles for several times. Understand: Why are you just trying your best when there is no one down there?

26. At a male and female classmate gathering for drinking, some female classmates drank milk because they didn’t know how to drink. During the toast, the male classmate said to the female classmate who drank milk: How about we drink instead, you guys? Drink our wine and we will drink your milk.

27. A primary school student confessed his love to his teacher, whom he had a crush on for a long time. The teacher said it was wrong, but he didn’t listen. Finally, the teacher couldn’t stand it anymore and said, “I don’t want children anymore!” The primary school student said, “Teacher. , I will definitely be very careful?"

28. You have been very bad recently and always want to make extra money. If you don’t love your wife, you’ll look for your aunt every day. Although you are handsome, you are a loser. Generous under the bed, helpless in bed.

29. A boyfriend and girlfriend slept in the same room. The woman drew a line and said: "Those who have crossed the line are animals." When she woke up and found that the man had really not crossed the line, the woman beat her hard. The man slapped him: "You are worse than a beast."

30. The next day when men and women slept in the same room, the woman still drew a warning line, and the man learned from the previous lesson and made plans late at night. line, but failed due to nervousness. After dawn, the woman slapped the man and said, "I didn't expect you to be worse than an animal."

31. In the hospital, a family was blessed with a baby boy. The baby spoke right after he was born, and the baby said: "Grandpa." Grandpa died with a cry. The child said again: "Grandma." Grandma died with a cry. The child said again: "Dad." His father said "ah" and saw that he was not dead. At this time, the child's old uncle said "ah" and died.

32. The kangaroo and the frog went to have sex with the chicken. The kangaroo finished the job three times and two times, and only listened to the frog next door saying "Hey!" all night long! One, two, three Hey! The kangaroo was so envious. The next day, the kangaroo said: "Wow!~~Brother Frog, you are great!" The frog said: "cao, I didn't jump on the bed all night!~~"

33. I saw a person in the supermarket that day who read the post but did not reply. He quietly put his hand on the barcode scanner and saw the screen display: Pig's trotters 8 yuan. He thought the machine was broken, so he put his face towards it, but the screen showed Display: Pork head meat 5 yuan

34. An elephant asked the camel: 'Why does your breast grow on your back? ’ The camel said: ‘Stay away, I won’t talk to the thing with a cock on my face!

35. The little girl always showed off her new toys to the little boy. The little boy had no choice but to take off his pants and said: You will never have this! The girl also took off her pants and said: My mother said as long as I have This, you can have as many of those things as you want!

36. The little mosquito came home crying, and her mother asked what happened? Little Mosquito: Dad is dead! Mosquito Mom: He didn’t take you to the show? Little Mosquito: I saw it, but when the audience applauded, Dad didn’t run away. . . . .

37. The ant and the elephant got married, but the elephant died within a few days. The ant was very sad, crying and scolding: My dear, why are you walking ahead of me? I don’t have to do anything else, just bury you! ! !

38. The brothers went to a restaurant and came home laughing: I gave the boss two counterfeit bills and it was free; I laughed at the invoice: I wrote an extra hundred yuan, I made a profit; I cried at the check: the cashier lady added more A 0 is a big loss.

39. Having known you for so long, you should actually be very clear about your position in my heart. Except for you, everyone else is just a pile of shit in my eyes, but you are different, because you are...two piles!

40. You must be working again! I have told you more than once not to work such a life-threatening job and to take care of your health, but you always say meaningfully: Why don’t you roll more shit while the weather is warm? Ball, what should I eat in winter?

41. Yesterday I dreamed that God said he could grant me a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace, but he said it was too difficult to change to another one. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to become beautiful, and he After thinking for a while, he said, "I'll take a look at the globe."

From: Club.ChinaRen.com

42. A girl is so ugly that she cannot get married and hopes to be trafficked. My dream finally came true, but I couldn’t sell it for half a month. The kidnappers sent her back, but she refused to get out of the car. The kidnappers gritted their teeth and stamped their feet: Let’s go, we don’t want the car.

43. 20 years ago, your father held you while you waited for the car. People laughed at your child because he was ugly, and your father cried. An old man selling bananas patted my father and said, "Brother, don't cry. Give the monkey a banana to eat! It's so pitiful. He's so hungry that he has no hair left."

From: Club.ChinaRen. com

44. On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess: "Bring me a glass of water." The pig also imitated the parrot and said to the stewardess: "Bring me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and ordered Both the parrot and the pig were thrown out of the plane. At this time, the parrot said to the pig: "You are stupid, I can fly."

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45. There was an old farmer hoeing in the field. A crow flew over and dropped some shit on the old farmer's face. The old farmer raised his head and cursed: "CAO your mother!" I don’t even know how to put on a pair of underpants when I go out! "The crow said: "CAO! You, ah, are wearing underpants when you poop! "v

46. Xiao Ming told his mother that when the guests came to play at home today, his brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair and I saw it. Mom said: "Then what did you do? What about? "Xiao Ming said: "I stood aside, and when the guest was about to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him. "

47. A conversation on a crowded bus one day was as follows: A standing pregnant woman said to a man sitting next to her: "Don't you know I'm pregnant? ?” (I want him to give up my seat...) The man said nervously: “The child is not mine!”

48. It’s just a gust of wind, but it’s so eternal. It’s just a dream, but it’s so real. You lower your head and say nothing, but I can’t calm down. I finally can’t help but say to you: next time you fart, say it!

49. A pair of lovers are here. The wild man caught him in the mountains and said, "If you eat each other's shit, let them go." The lovers did it. The woman burst into tears on the way back. The man asked why, and the woman sadly said, "You don't love me, otherwise you wouldn't poop so much." !

50. One day, someone’s wife gave birth to a baby, and he hurried to the hospital to visit him. After waiting for n hours, there was crying in the delivery room, and he shouted happily, “I do it.” Dad! At this time, the doctor came out with a sad face and told him that when the child was born, he cried "I want to look like a pig with a flat head."

A certain gentleman stayed there and didn't understand the reason. Suddenly his wife shouted from the delivery room: It's all God's fault. I read the post but don't reply!