When a person knows how to be alone, these four signs will appear on him.

Author: Yan Mo (rich book signing author)

Ji Xianlin once said in Life Imperfect: "On the road of life, everyone is a lonely passer-by".

No one will be by your side forever.

It is a compulsory course for every mature person to learn to be alone, concentrate on what he likes, improve self-awareness and meet a better self in solitude.

When we were young, most of us liked lively occasions, such as clubbing, dancing and drinking with friends, just like a warm fire.

However, with the growth of age, many people like alone time more and more, because it allows us to get out of this complicated world for a short time and face our softest and truest thoughts.

Therefore, whether or not to be alone and how to be alone are actually related to a person's life realm and quality of life.

When these four signs appear in a person, Ta has learned to be alone, not anxious, not impetuous, and can reconcile with herself calmly.

Don't be disturbed by the outside world, live according to your own heart.

Japanese writer Matsuura Yataro is known as "the person who knows life best in Japan". He is a person who knows how to be alone.

Sometimes he will travel alone without contacting anyone, take off all the masks and labels he carries every day, stop playing the role of father, son, husband and boss, and be himself again.

Matsuura Yataro thinks this is very important. Only by seeing your heart clearly can you ensure that you will not get lost in your busy life, but live according to your true wishes.

When he is sad, depressed and discouraged, Matsuura Yataro will hide alone, have a thorough rest, have a good sleep, or cry.

In short, there is a kind of solitude, which is to find a place and give yourself some time alone. Quietly heal the wounds carved in our hearts by time.

Yi Xiaowan, a young writer, is also a person who knows how to be alone.

After she fell in love with folk songs, she cut off contact with the outside world and began to teach herself folk songs seriously.

In order to listen to all folk albums, all folk singers, Yi Xiaowan, wear headphones almost all the time except eating, sleeping and meeting.

In addition, most of her living expenses are spent on buying albums and listening to music festivals; She even started writing folk music reviews and doing folk broadcasting.

From ignorance of folk songs, to gradually falling in love with folk songs, and then to becoming a folk song lover, she completed the transformation in loneliness.

Later, Yi Xiaowan collected these times and wrote two books: How much I love folk songs now, How much I loved you in the past, and Today's loneliness is a blessing for tomorrow.

In fact, time alone is a rare fairness in the world.

To really enjoy being alone, we just need to ask ourselves two questions:

When we listen to our inner voice and learn to be friends with ourselves, we will independently complete our feelings, decisions, ideas and choices.

As Thoreau said in Walden, "I would rather go my own way, stand or sit, meditate and let this century pass."

Being free from external interference and living according to one's inner life is a sign that one knows how to be alone 1

Give up ineffective socialization and focus on self-appreciation.

The so-called "ineffective socialization" refers to those social activities that can't bring any pleasure and progress to your spirit, feelings, work and life.

Writer Li mentioned one thing about himself in Please Stop Invalid Socialization.

Chatting, heart-to-heart, exchanging business cards, adding WeChat and partying, she shuttled through the crowd, tirelessly repeating social activities, and her heart was full of sense of accomplishment.

In primary school, she had a beautiful dream-to publish a book and become a writer. Only then, apart from news reports, she did not publish articles in public.

She went to consult a famous writer and got the answer: you are not suitable for writing, you can only write red-headed documents.

In these false and ineffective social activities, she distracted her energy and only increased her troubles.

Later, she gave up decisively.

Since then, she has shrunk her front, abandoned glitz and learned to be alone.

In the dead of night, Li made a decision. I opened a "late night desk" with my official WeChat account, and wrote articles after work.

Her official WeChat account positioning is: after reading a book, write an in-depth reading article. There is a high-quality book list every month.

On a lonely night, she was accompanied by hot milk, guarding the lonely windowsill and weaving her dreams with words.

Half a year later, happiness knocked at the door.

Editor Lao Ge sent her a message from the background: "I am a book editor. Are you interested in publishing a book? "

At that time, she was so excited that she fell asleep: "Of course I am interested."

It turns out that her article "Without foresight, flying on the tuyere, I'm afraid it will never be you" has become a stepping stone to her new book.

Sometimes you fight for what you can't get, but when you focus on yourself, you come unexpectedly.

Real high-level social interaction is reciprocal. What kind of abilities you have, what kind of people you may meet. Before you fly high, you should cultivate yourself in a lonely day.

As the philosopher Nietzsche said:

A person's time and energy are limited. Giving up ineffective social interaction and focusing on self-appreciation is the second sign that a person knows how to be alone.

Have legitimate hobbies and feel the beauty of life.

The ancestors said:

A person without hobbies, his spirit is empty, his soul is barren, his life is doomed to be boring, and it is impossible to truly appreciate the beauty of being alone.

When busy, hobbies are a supplement to life, when idle; Hobbies will add icing on the cake and make life interesting.

The so-called legitimate hobby is to bring health and pleasure to the body and mind, so that you can completely immerse yourself in things, no matter how simple and humble this thing is, you can feel endless fun.

For example, reading, watching football matches, playing the violin, listening to concerts, singing operas, cooking, gardening, photography, dancing, sports and so on.

Wang Zengqi is a person who can enjoy solitude in his hobbies.

He once said:

When he was young, he liked singing opera. At first, I sang Tsing Yi and Mei Pai. Later, I changed to "Old Student". In the third and fourth grade of college, I sang Kunqu opera and played the flute for a while.

After retirement, his hobbies are: writing, painting and cooking.

Zen says: fetching water and chopping wood is nothing more than a wonderful method.

In a person's hobbies, even such ordinary things as drawing water and chopping wood hide his realm of life.

A person who wants to live an interesting and decent life does not need Jinshan Yinshan, nor does he need the admiration of thousands of people. Sometimes he just needs a little hobby, so that we can enjoy the dull life and not be afraid of the gloomy life.

As Russell said:

Or as Hu Shi said:

Therefore, having legitimate interests and hobbies to make the soul transparent is the third sign that a person knows how to be alone.

Focus on one thing, don't be confused.

In life, some people think about work when they eat, eat when they drink water, fall in love when they exercise, brush their circle of friends when they work, and are absent-minded.

The reason is anxiety. Anxious people are uncertain and cannot really know how to be alone.

As a result, what we should do and want to do is not done well, and we get nothing, which is a vicious circle.

In the article "Don't let busyness consume all your time", the author mentioned a college student Xiaoqiu.

He never concentrates on one thing, and naturally he doesn't know how to be alone.

For example, he reads in the library, watches his mobile phone for a while, listens to music for a while, and goes to the bathroom to smoke for a while. He is nominally "soaking in the library".

In the senior year, everyone began to review the postgraduate entrance examination, and Xiaoqiu followed the pace of the army. When a friend was preparing for the civil service exam, he resolutely gave up the postgraduate entrance examination and began to prepare for the civil service exam.

Later, I heard that it was more difficult to take the civil service exam than the postgraduate entrance examination, and he returned to the postgraduate entrance examination army.

He planned to be Huazhong University of Science and Technology when he took the postgraduate entrance examination. Later, I heard that Zhongnan University of Economics and Law had a better major and changed it again.

So down, over and over again, parrot-learned, and half a year passed like this.

As a result, when she graduated, Xiaoqiu's classmates all found good jobs, but Xiaoqiu failed in the postgraduate entrance examination, and her job did not land, and she did not receive an offer.

If you can concentrate on one thing and devote yourself wholeheartedly, the result may be very different.

Mark Twain said:

The writer Gladwell put forward the famous "10,000-hour law" in his book Alien.

Genius in people's eyes is great, not because of superior talent, but because of continuous efforts. 10000 hours of training is a necessary condition for anyone to change from ordinary to world-class master.

No one can succeed casually. On the other hand, behind every successful person, there is 1, 000, 20000 or even more time to pay and dig.

Therefore, focusing on one thing and not being confused is the fourth sign that a person knows how to be alone.

Writer Lian Yue said:

Carnival is the loneliness of a group of people, and loneliness is the carnival of one person.

True solitude is not to avoid the noise of horses and chariots, but to cultivate chrysanthemums in your heart.

May we become stronger in loneliness and meet better ourselves.