It is the full text of Beggars for Neighbors.

There was a broken bike in yesterday's dream.

I don't want to reveal your name, so I call you F.

f .

You are like a fork in your heart. After such a long time, it is still clearly preserved.

When I first entered high school, I looked at every boy in my class as keenly as all girls, and then I regretted it for a long time. Unfortunately, I drew such a terrible group in a short time. My heart was full of screams, "I didn't study hard for several years before I entered such a zoo." After all, three years of school life, if you can't find a lovable role of the opposite sex, you will definitely be bored.

The girls in the same class have set their sights on the whole grade.

There is always a long queue to eat in the canteen at noon. Hundreds of people poured into the two passages with a bang, and then consciously were forced to form an arc-shaped team.

After walking for more than ten meters, I want to go back and discuss something with my friends behind me. Because she is a petite girl, my eyes naturally look down.

I only saw the hem of a men's T-shirt. The red spread letter "Adidas".

Later, I once said that because of the drape of clothes, I often regard it as "AIDS".

But then, F, I looked up at you and you looked at me.

There is no doubt that this is a somewhat ordinary and tasteless first encounter.

In fact, at that time, I knew very well that there was no sudden rainstorm, no roof that could only accommodate two people, and all romanticism would not open itself for no reason. So it was also very broken later. Although the smell of the canteen and the crowded crowd didn't have enough atmosphere, how to say it, I was shocked.

Because I seldom meet a boy that I can look up to.

I seldom meet anyone who can make me look back at the hem of my clothes.

If you are tall. It's really high.

It was the third day after the first year of high school.

At the time of writing this article, it was the fourth year of graduation from senior three.

Three years and four years, one * * * seven years.

Each class has its own characteristics. For example, our class is famous for having a very good head teacher, 1 class is proud of getting 500 points in the senior high school entrance examination, and your class 5 and another class 6 and a half are characterized by a large number of students who charge fees.

I don't know what kind of mentality prompted everyone to pay more attention to Class 5 and Class 6 than Class 1 with excellent grades. Or this is the popular concept of "the visual system is in power" at that time. Every girl likes to watch those boys parade in the city without wearing school uniforms and violating school rules. In particular, they will form a similar small group and walk through the corridor with a smile according to the average graphic arrangement of not less than 1.82 meters visually.

I think this may be something that many schools and many girls will encounter repeatedly. Then most of them will take this as a topic and have a pleasant gossip discussion. Although there is no real emotion in it, they just have eye addiction and mouth addiction, but this will not hinder the enthusiasm between words.

At that time, the boys who "looked outstanding" in the foreign teacher class were gradually asked their names. Then someone will see them passing downstairs and say, who is that, who is that, who is that. Then the girl described it as "standing with her back to us" and said, "His name is F."

The man standing with his back to me.

It is you.

Your class has a very strange nature. I heard that your student status is not in our school, but belongs to other ordinary middle schools, and you have just lent money to this key middle school. Even the results of the college entrance examination will not be counted as part of our school.

I didn't feel anything special after knowing this, because you really look like such a person sitting in a classroom not far away.

Because I am not in the same class, the time I can get in touch with is pitiful.

Because you are not in the same class, you are the teenagers who talked, walked, drank, laughed and ran when I was poor.

The rest is just for my free imagination.

Then one day, I seldom saw your handwriting, which was much more masculine than I expected. The naturally inclined ink left by the blue pen. While writing your name.

I forgot to say, in fact, during this time, many boys have been concerned and discussed. There are also sophomores, even sophomores. At first, we got the names of the second-year students wrong. There are many students in this grade. Because I stayed in this new school for a while, those faces that were not obvious began to become clear. They become the main topics in daily life.

Girls will naturally pay attention to the opposite sex with good figure and handsome face, whether it is grades or personality. Because as long as the first two conditions are met, leisure time can be spent vigorously. Everyone got together and talked about their new trends without fear. As soon as the bell rang, some of them easily interrupted the topic.

I began to lie prone on the window and watch F walk across the playground. His clothes were bulging when he was running.

The chance to meet each other is no more than five times a day. If you can work hard, it can be nine times as much.

However, it is very troublesome to always turn around F's class with various excuses. Therefore, watching his figure disappear on the lawn has always been so hasty.

At that time, there was no regret or loneliness in my heart, and everything was very dull.

After all, I know nothing about you.

Class 5 of F often has some news that shocked us at that time, both involving students' family background and gossip about the relationship between men and women. I can listen to it with relish every time. Men A, B and C who are often mentioned are mostly his friends.

He is an ordinary person in that circle. I think so, too. There is nothing wrong with the fact, although since F became one of them, he has obviously worn school uniforms more and more times, and his clothes have changed into diligence. But I didn't hear swearing, and I didn't hear what punishment was announced for him.

He is just a teenager who wants to lead an honest and clean life, but he is very ordinary in nature.

Talking to f for the first time.

Go to Class Five to find their monitor. There is my premeditation in this. Because I walked through many people in the corridor and went to F and asked him, "Is so-and-so there?" .

He is wearing a dark green Nike coat with black edges on his sleeves. Looking down at me, I was still biting the zipper ring of my clothes.

Then, I heard F talking to me for the first time.

The first swimming competition was held in the school swimming pool. That's a very attractive topic, and almost half the people in the school were lured here. Everyone is crowded with two floors of walkways. After the freestyle competition, a can of drink was handed to me, and then the man said to me, "classmate, help pass this on to the man in blue over there."

I got a coke from F.

Then he said "thank you".

Even think, is that right?

Is that the only way?

In junior high school, my good friend came home at night and talked with her all night. Be sure to find a handsome and extremely gentle boyfriend in high school.

What happened? I talked about this naked in junior high school. But it was really planned in detail. Boyfriend, dark hair is good-looking, occasionally wears glasses, meticulous frame is good-looking, skin is not black or white, there are subtle moles on the bridge of the nose is good-looking, taciturn face and eyes are clean to look good, and the head must be high to look good. On the clothing production line, the flat figure looks good.

And F, you are a good-looking person, with dark hair, occasionally wearing eyes, black and white skin, a pretty nose (although I don't know if there are moles), clean eyes, high head and flat figure. When I was in junior high school, all I thought about was that I hadn't seen you then. We were all thirteen at that time.

It will be three years before I see you.

Even if you know nothing about me.

After entering high school, my grades began to plummet. So every parent-teacher meeting is like being tortured. In fact, it is not simply afraid of being scolded by parents. Instead, they gradually stopped scolding me, just walked a few steps in front of me without saying a word, left school and got on the tram. Even waved to me and said "go home" before leaving.

It was raining lightly that day.

I went back to school from the station. There are few people, and the air is gray and humid. When I walked under the teaching building, I saw a man and a woman talking at the entrance of the canteen. I listened to my footsteps until F naturally put his hand on the girl's shoulder. At that time, I didn't feel it as comforting as your sister did, and I didn't have sudden despair in my heart. I just put my hand in my school uniform pocket and looked at you from more than ten meters away.

Look at you. Probably, this is the only thing I can do and the most.

Because he is not a top student at school, it is not surprising that he has a girlfriend soon. F's friend started hanging out with ordinary girls, and then it was his turn.

I will meet F and his little girlfriend in every corner of the school from time to time. Even if you look straight ahead, you can still see their actions clearly. There is no intimate behavior, they just walk side by side and have lunch together. Leave the teaching building together. Go to the gym together. Or something, go together, somewhere.

I don't know where it is.

Sometimes when I go to the library, I meet F's girlfriend-a petite girl who is quite different from his height-and she happens to be there.

I don't know what kind of mood I will walk up to her. Pretend to stand beside her as if she were holding a book. I didn't want to talk to her in the past, and I wouldn't do anything else. The girl only moved to one side, but also devoted herself to turning over the books in her hand. I have a novel in my hand. Two people just stood together.

The books in the library are all old, and the whole space will smell tired and warm.

Determined to study hard and forget those messy thoughts.

Try not to sleep in class, finish all the homework, take notes, highlight the key points with red and blue coils, ask the teacher immediately if you don't understand, and recite all the questions on the test paper. Then gradually quiet down in the eyes of parents and class teachers.

This sense of accomplishment fills the emptiness in my heart, so that I can't hear its voice.

I heard shouts from the playground when I was studying. Seen from a distance, there are white spots on the green turf. You can't tell who is who.

It suddenly occurred to me that F and I were in the same space. Distance to the same school. I'm solving a physics problem. There are seats in the front and back. And F, maybe in the classroom, maybe in the basketball court, maybe in the canteen, maybe in a corridor.

Just ... obviously in the same space. But I can't see you. I don't know whether you are in the classroom, on the basketball court, in which corridor, or in those small white spots running, there are you.

In the second semester of senior high school, arts and sciences are divided into classes.

I want to say that I chose history entirely according to my own wishes, but I don't shy away. I am very happy after learning that F's choice is also history. I didn't ask myself later whether he chose chemistry, physics or biology. I asked for a long time and didn't know how to answer. Because it seems that I really have more than I can chew, I choose a science class that I am not good at for this boring reason.

F is assigned to the new Class 4. I was assigned to the new Class Five. I always have two history classes at my age. It should be said that if you want to be in a class, there is at least a 50% probability. But I have never been a lucky person since I was a child.

The chance of meeting always rises in a straight line. I began to discover many details that I didn't know before.

For example, his home seems to be in the south of the city. For example, he drinks two bottles of coke every day. For example, he changed his new sneakers. After two weeks, I can look carefully at "this is actually a limited edition sports shoes." There is also, for example, F has a new girlfriend, and the new girl with long hair is beside him.

I once had a shallow friendship with that girl. I will smile politely when I meet you on the road. F.F. and I met her, and you looked at me as if you nodded. Actually, it's not.

You are still an uncomplicated, unintelligent and inflexible boy. But it is such an ordinary thing that makes you the only one in my heart for a long time.

It's not that I don't want to tell you how I feel.

Although no matter when you watch it, it is not a wise decision to confess this naive and superficial secret love. But we will all be incompetent guys who have lost their clear heads. So, even if you don't know me, I want to tell you, even if there are other girls around you, I want to tell you, even if we coexist peacefully in two spaces, which only shows our relationship with strangers, I want to tell you.

Listen.

One of the 775 buses carrying students has a broken wiper. If it's rainy, everyone in the car will hear the windshield wipers knocking on the edge of the glass, but all the passengers just pretend to be temporarily deaf. A car full of people silently watched the heavy rain outside in the noise.

When I got home that day, F and I got on the same car. It didn't take long for the car to start, and the rhythmic sound began.

Mao. Mao. Mao (surname) ... Listen.

Before I set foot on this tram, I had a quarrel with a girl in the same place and was hit by the results of the joint exam. In short, there is a lot of pain in my heart. At first, the little figure of F was cut behind the crowd, and then slowly, slowly moved to my side under the push of the people who got on the bus.

I'm standing right beside you. When the tram shakes, the right elbow holding the handrail will touch your left elbow.

Mao.

Touch it gently. Pull it back.

Mao.

Touch it gently. Pull it back.

Mao (surname) ...

You must not know such a thing. You won't know. You keep looking out of the window, wearing headphones in your ears, and occasionally change your posture.

So you must not know. At that time, I realized that some things should not be put on it. Even if it is overbearing in my world, when it expresses itself to the outside world, it will shrink and die instantly.

I finally hid my head in my elbow and began to cry quietly.

Trams run as slowly as tears on the road.

Many times I felt that I had been hit by something. Reason is stumped by tangled vines. Although some girls' feelings don't need too many theories to elaborate. What happens is what happens. But for me, F is not a star who can be judged by a smile, a cartoon character who can shout "He is the most handsome" in front of people, or a novel hero who can read it dozens of times. He can't lift it, he can't move, and his heart swells there. There are collisions and bumps everywhere.

It always pushes me to the ground.

So, so helpless, ridiculous, inaction heart.

I once followed F to his house. I did one of the two boldest things at that time.

It was just an impulse, but this impulse was based on giving up countless times-one day I was in the same car with F, and when he came to the station and walked to the door, I suddenly followed him. I got off the bus, bought a cold drink, and then followed him for more than ten meters.

F you still haven't noticed me at all.

He didn't turn into any internet cafe by the way, nor did he go to the 24-hour shop to buy snacks. He walked quietly all the way. Didn't even look back. I'm a little nervous. And I'm curious about that strange jewelry store on the side of the road.

It's like shopping. It's like when you are shopping, you happen to have an F in front of you.

Afterwards, I wondered if I had become a dangerous person with quirks like a stalker. That sounds terrible. But at that time, I was stimulated by environmental changes. See, F is not the corner of the school atmosphere. He is in the vast sea of people. Real and unreal. When I was walking between two buildings, I seemed to be squeezed. Suddenly, there is a big gap between straight men on the playground.

I can't find a foothold in my emotions. When I got here, I got into any corner like a panicked little snake and was easily swallowed up.

PS: Actually, I didn't definitely follow F home that day. I just watched him enter a certain neighborhood and turn around and come back. Because I used to think that many things only give people hope in chaos.

I hope so.

What I hope is that ...

As I said before, I have done two boldest things. The other thing is to call f.

The telephone number was asked of a friend's classmate. Because I heard it temporarily, I wrote it anxiously in the pencil box. When I packed my things last month, there were still those eight numbers on this pencil box that had been abandoned for four years.

It is faithfully preserved in memory.

That's right. I called f, it should be a few days before the summer vacation of grade three. My family gave me a lot of promotion classes. I was badly roasted on my first day out. I fell asleep in class. The makeup teacher is not as strict as in school. So I slept until class was over.

I called F on my way home because I dreamed of him.

In the dream, he sat next to me. At first I couldn't see the relationship between them, because he just looked at the blackboard and didn't make any noise, I remember. Finally, he suddenly turned to me and said, "Why are you following me?" . So I woke up.

Even though I know it's just a dream, I still feel uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable to wake up and look at the full blackboard and my blank notes. The sun outside is evaporating water vapor in ignorance, which makes people uncomfortable.

I dialed the number of F's house in the telephone booth.

That's it. I press it when I get angry. I didn't realize that my hands were shaking badly until I heard the beep. Not only the hands, but also the whole body seems to be shaking.

He said "hello".

I didn't hang up. When he asked, "Who are you?" I can't even make up a lie, and I don't even have a chance to turn my head. I just said, "This is for your next class."

He gave a "Oh". Then the receiver was silent.

Ask me later, "What can I do for you?" .

I said, "Nothing."

Originally, nothing happened.

I can't let him go out and find me now, talk to him in detail and become a part of his world. All along, this is the most common unrequited love. I am the only world that revolves around him. I will not connect each other's spaces because of my efforts.

What I said is nothing more than a few simple words. Finally, when F said "I'll hang up then", a familiar busy tone came from the microphone. I stood at the telephone booth for a while before coming out. It's very, very hot outside, as if everything will melt.

In fact, I know that in the future, I will regret it because of the impulse at that time, and I will stop awkwardly in my memories and accuse myself of being stupid and naive. But even if I know, at that moment, I will still pick up the phone and press his number one by one.

It will still be squeezed out.

There is a book called Reason and Emotion, that is to say, apart from reason, we are half emotional.

However, with the emotional growth, there is only helpless despair. This despair grows even faster than emotions.

Standing on the hot road, I can only feel that every cell of my body is regarded as everything that "misses F" and "misses F", and words are filled in the whole air. Sorrow and helpless despair, dissolved from top to bottom, turned into a strong tide impacting his chest. So hard, so intense, so irresistible. These ideas are stupid, superficial and groundless, but they almost split my body and flowed from the cracks to the hot sun.

Graduated from high school.

Write down more than a dozen alumni records. The sadness in the speech of the vice president of the studio. Take photos with teachers who have good relationships ... There are many things to do, including taking photos of graduation photo.

Graduation photo has two kinds of beats. One is a photo of each class, and the other is a photo of the whole grade. The difference is that the class photo was taken by one person, while the whole grade photo was purchased separately according to personal wishes, and each 26 yuan was taken. Of course, whether to buy or not, everyone has to shoot.

Before the photo shoot, the monitor asked everyone, "Who wants to take a photo of the whole grade, please register with me."

This should be my only and only chance to take a photo with F.

Among more than 500 little people, he and I.

No, I was in a strange mood, but I didn't sign up. Pretending to be melodramatic may be an advantage, and I want to regret this secret love to the end. It may also be that you simply don't want to pay this 26 yuan. There are always some reasons why I didn't sign up anyway.

Then one afternoon, the whole grade was dragged to the gym. Because there were many people, the whole team took half an hour, and finally more than 500 students excluded the spectacular team and filled the whole stadium.

After the arrangement, the photographer explained to us, "the light in my hand will sweep from one end of the line to the other." If the light passes through your face, don't move, which means that the camera has just photographed you, and you can relax after the light passes through. "

It's quite advanced I haven't heard of it. It is impossible to cram a photo into more than 500 people in our ordinary way. That's why there are lights. What do you mean, sweep?

White, very bright light, the photographer said "one, two, three" and began to turn slowly. It passed Class One and Class Two, and slowly approached at the corner of his eye.

Until it went straight into my pupil.

The harsh and intense light has been exploring the deepest part of the soul. The place surrounded by vascular layer and cavity wall. A faint, still beating figure.

F, I didn't have a chance to look you in the eye, so I actually comforted myself by saying that light once recorded us in the same photo. It saw my deepest secret. So, when it leaves me and sweeps into your eyes, does it mean that you also see the secret in my heart? Just like when we look directly at each other, my eyes will be distracted and embarrassed, so that you can see the hidden figure floating in my pupil.

Even if there are more than 500 small heads, I am still in the same picture with you.

Because of that light, I must remember-it runs through almost every day, like moss attached to the bottom of a boat, which is my secret to you.

On the day of farewell to school, everyone just packed up their schoolbags and walked along the road for three years. The classroom soon became quiet and empty, and only music could be heard in the direction of Grade One and Grade Two. There are sentimental girls who just touch the graffiti on the table and can't do any other commemorative activities.

When I went to F's classroom, I looked inside. Their class has all been evacuated. The door is locked.

F is always in the last row because he is tall. Last row, third position from the left.

The desk remained quietly in the yellow sunshine and dust. It seems to be a note falling from a piece of music.

The way to the station is very, very slow Because I, yes, still hope to meet F somewhere in the only time left. After all, the chances of seeing him again in the next few days should be zero. Then, this short circuit to the station is the end.

Light gray cement road, with newly-grown camphor trees on both sides. Summer can be green and tender, very beautiful.

There are only sporadic pedestrians. Not only students in Grade One and Grade Two are sitting on stone benches and chatting. ...

All the past I left on this road was recorded, and at this moment, it was returned to me.

-After school, I left school, crept out of school, yawned when I was bored ... Suddenly, the French area, which has grown hundreds of times, forced my world into a small corner, allowing me to see the shadow of F in those memories in that subsequent gap.

He appears in all my memories. A faint presence. Shout softly.

f .

Probably in order to finally prove that everything about F is just my personal imagination, I waited until I got on the return tram, and I didn't see F. The tram gradually left school in the deep dusk.

What is goodbye?

Something you'll never see again.

The fourth year after graduating from high school. That is, seven years after I first met F, I had a dream about F.

In the dream, you and I will forget a place because of something. I don't remember why or where I'm going. Just remember f, you pushed the bike to the door. This is a wooden building like a bakery, with three stone steps. I stood on the steps. You stop at the last step.

We didn't say anything. You stared out of the car, and I ran two steps and jumped into the car, which seemed natural. The handlebar you are holding is a little shaky before it finally stabilizes.

We rode down the next downhill and the bike began to accelerate gradually.

There are walls on both sides. The wall is covered with unknown yellow flowers. Like melting in the sun, it has been overlapping into the sky.

We rushed down the long golden ramp in the middle. Come on, come on.

You suddenly said, "The brakes of this car are broken." I was not afraid after listening to it, but said "Oh, really". I was really not afraid at the time. Is it because you know it's a dream?

Yellow flowers flowed from the corner of my eye.

It was in a dream.

Then, at the end of the dream, if you say, "Then hold on to me".

I said "good".

"Hold on a little longer."

"Very good."

"Hold on a little longer."

"Very good."

"Don't let go."

"Very good."

"Hold on a little longer."

"Very good."

All right.

This is my last and most recent dream.

There is a broken bike in the dream. A tunnel with sunshine and flowers on both sides. This is me. And an F.

The dream is very happy and will end soon.

It was seven years and one day when I woke up.

F. I like you.