What is your biggest feeling in the face of the death of a loved one?

The biggest feeling is how helpless people are in the face of birth, illness and death, and they feel empty and sad inside.

People always have to face where you are going. Some people may experience a relatively early stage, while others are relatively late. But in the process, we will also see the news or hear people around us say that someone has passed away. But because that person has nothing to do with us, we have nothing in our hearts, but that person is our own relative, which is completely different.

My grandmother died when I was 13 years old. The reason why I have such a deep memory is that on the third day after my grandmother died, I got the admission notice of that school. My grandmother always hoped that I could be admitted, so this incident left a great touch on me.

Grandpa died when I was a child. I don't remember him then. I remember when he died, I didn't feel anything. I didn't even cry. But grandma is different. She accompanied me throughout my childhood. I remember playing in the yard when I was a child. She sat on the stool and looked at me. When she is old and can't walk, she has to stay in her room every day. Because I do most housework at home, I bring rice in.

I always remember that she wanted me to be admitted to a famous school in the town, so it was very comforting. I dare not promise her, because my own grades are only average, and I am not completely sure. I can only say that I tried my best. After the exam, it will be summer vacation. I was still sleeping around 10 that night. My brother came to the room and asked me if I had any change and coins, because it is our custom to put some loose money and coins in each other's hands after the death of our family. I gave him some leftovers when I went shopping during the day. I was stunned before I realized what had happened. I went downstairs to see grandma's room, but my mother wouldn't let me in.

Looking out from the second floor, I saw my mother and brother cutting bamboo in the bamboo forest. The dead man made a simple shelf and left it in the living room for three days before he was buried. I fell asleep that night, and the next day I felt very uncomfortable watching my neighbors who came to help me busy. The family had to cry around my grandmother. There were no tears at that time, but I don't think I could cry. On the third morning, I went to the teacher's house to get the admission notice, and I came back soon. I cried when I was buried. I feel that this notice came a little late. Grandma didn't see it at all. I'm so sad. After I came back, I slept in bed with a fever for two or three days, feeling that people were not awake. At the end of the evening, I thought it was dawn, so I guess I was sleepy.

This matter has always been my regret. If the admission notice can come out early, if grandma leaves late, can I satisfy her wish and make her happy? But there is no such situation. As relatives, we can do nothing but silently send her away and cherish her memory in our hearts. Unfortunately, I, a dreamer, have never dreamed of my grandmother once. ...