Tell me the funniest joke! ! @@@.

1. The Dung Beetle fell in love with the Mosquito. The Dung Beetle asked: "What is your profession?" The Mosquito asked: "Nurse, an injection person. How about you?" The Dung Beetle smiled and said: "It's fate, we are traveling together. I am a Chinese medicine practitioner. ”

2. A village chief came home after drinking too much and entered the pig pen by mistake. He lay down next to the sow and said: Wife: Pour me a glass of water. The sow snorted and the village chief said, If it doesn't fall, it won't fall. What a spoiled brat. I touched it casually and said: I am buying a leather jacket, or a double-breasted one.

3. The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked: "Do you want metering, backlighting, or full light?" The uncle said shyly: "I don't care, can you leave a note for your aunt?" Underpants? ”

4. One day, a barber beat up a candied haws seller. When he went to the police station, the police asked the barber: Why did you beat the candied haws seller? The barber said: I was perming my hair in the house, and he shouted "I'm perming it" outside.

5. A man went to the toilet with constipation, and suddenly he saw a person running in. Suddenly it was windy and rainy, "Brother, , I really envy you, so fast." "What are you envious of? I haven't even had time to take off my pants yet!"

6. When a foreigner was traveling in Laiwu, he met an old lady who was teasing a cat and asked: What are you doing? Well? The old lady replied: Gudang Maoni! The foreigner was shocked, even the old man knew a foreign language! He was given chocolate as a gift, but the old lady thought it was dried sweet potato and said: I have it in Laiwu! The foreigner fainted!

7. The butterfly said to the bee: You are so stingy, pretending to be full of sweet words but reluctant to give me a word. The bee said: Humph! What about me? Why don’t you send me a text message with two antennas so long on your head?

8. A young woman was taking out the garbage and accidentally slipped and fell into the garbage heap. Just as she was about to get up, she was hugged by an old man who was picking up rags. The old man said with emotion: People in the city just don’t know how. To live a good life, if such a good daughter-in-law says she doesn’t want it, then she won’t want it.

9. A man's big toe suddenly turned blue. The miracle doctor diagnosed it as cancer, so he removed it. A few days later, the second toe also turned blue, so he removed it again. Three days later, the entire sole of the foot turned blue, so he had to be transferred to a large hospital. Expert consultation made the diagnosis: socks faded.

10 A patient asked the doctor before going to the operating table: Once the operation fails, will you be punished for it? The doctor replied: I will deduct one month’s bonus. But don’t worry, I just made 4,000 yuan from stock trading!

11. A patient who had just woken up from an amputation operation asked: What happened to me? Doctor: You were in a car accident. Patient: Am I in the hospital? Doctor’s answer: To be precise, most of your body is in the hospital.

12 Xiaoguang worked as a part-time student, cutting pork during the day and working in the hospital at night. One night he pushed a seriously ill old woman into the operating room. The old woman screamed: You are a pig butcher! Where are you going to push me? Help!

A colleague of 13 had kidney stones and was resting at home. His 4-year-old son asked what kidney stones were. He said that stones come out when he urinates. His son worriedly said: Dad, please spread your feet when you pee. , don’t smash it!

14. Bangbang took a cucumber and wolfed it down next to him. When his mother saw it, she said to Bangbang: You can’t eat the butt of a cucumber! Bangbang immediately replied: Does it want to poop?

15. A company conducted a telephone survey on pets, and the person who answered the phone was a child. City Investigator: Children, do you have puppies, kittens or birds at home? Child: No, my mother gave birth to me!

16 "Mom, can I wear a bra?" "No!" "But my sister has been wearing it since she was 13 years old!" "Then can I use sanitary napkins?" "No, you stupid son. !”

17. The bachelor Xiao Ma picked up a handkerchief with Axiang and a phone number embroidered on it. Xiao Ma excitedly called: Hello! Is Miss Axiang here? After a long time, a voice came: Grandma, your phone!

18. The two brothers were talking about who to find a partner. The younger brother said: My aunt is the most beautiful, I want her to be my wife. When the father heard this, he slapped his youngest son. The eldest son said: I want you to fight with dad! It’s all in vain!

19A: Did your wife make a big fuss last night? B: Yes, she is angry at the dog. A: Poor dog! I thought I heard your wife even threatening to take away the key to the door!

20 Lina failed to get pregnant, so she went to church to pray. A year later, she gave birth to a son. After learning about it, a friend also wanted to give it a try. Lina said: No problem, as long as the young janitor is still there.

There is a female bear in the 21 mountains, and the hunter wants to catch her. In the first battle, the hunter was defeated and raped by a bear! Take a few days off, fight again, and get raped again! After recovering from his injuries, when he went back, Xiong laughed wildly: You are a bitch, are you here to hunt or to commit suicide?

22 An old lady is illiterate, but she must listen to the weather forecast every day. One day during dinner, I asked my family: I have a question, where is the local area? It rains almost every day there.

23 An old farmer went to the city to see a doctor. The nurse said to him: Go! Blood test, urine test, stool test! After a while, the old farmer came back with a basin of feces and said: My daughter, I swallowed blood and urine. I really can’t swallow this shit!

24 Two farm children were chatting, and A suddenly asked: Do your cows smoke? B: Are you crazy? How can a cow smoke? A: Oh, then, maybe your cowshed is on fire.

There was a long queue in front of the 25 toilets.

Mr. X: I can’t hold it in anymore. Can you let me go first? The person in front clenched his fists and squeezed out a sentence through his teeth: Damn it, at least you can still speak!

26 A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and asked: What happened? The drunk man replied: I don’t know, I just arrived too!

27Two female staff members chatted during lunch. A: The new chairman is so handsome and well-dressed. B: No, I put on my clothes very quickly.

Patient 28: As soon as I entered, I heard the nurse say, ‘Be brave, don’t be afraid! Appendiceal surgery is very simple. ’ Doctor: That’s right. Patient: But she said this to the doctor who was going to operate on me!

Passenger 20: Your drivers here drive at amazing speeds, but they rarely get into accidents. What is the reason for this? The driver said: Sir, the unskilled driver died in the car accident long ago.

30 A, a former soldier, shouted in his dream every day after returning home: Ah Zhen! I can't live without you! The wife asked who A-Zhen was, and A said it was his war horse. A few days later, the wife gave A a letter: Your war horse wrote to you!

31 Wife: Do you remember last February, when you said you went fishing? Husband: Of course I remember, what’s the matter? Wife: A fish called me this morning and said that you have become a father!

32 The defendant promised: If you can make me spend only half a year in prison, you will get ten thousand dollars. Later, the defendant got what he wanted. While collecting the money, the lawyer said: This matter is really difficult. Originally, the judge wanted to acquit him.

34 There are five eggs in the refrigerator. The first one said to the second one: Look, the fifth egg has hair, it’s really scary! The second one talked to the third one, and then the fourth one, but the fifth one heard it and argued: I am a kiwi fruit!

35. In order to enter the house, the drunkard took off his clothes every time at the door, so his wife had no choice but to open the door. One day, the drunk man got very drunk again. He took off his clothes as usual and started knocking on the door. The door opened and a voice came out: Next stop, Fuxing Road

36 The doctor asked the patient who had a fracture how he was injured. Patient: I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes against the telephone pole. A fool passed by and thought I had been electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and hit me hard.

37 A drunk man took a taxi and said to the driver: Peace Hotel, Room 8. Then he started to take the service, and the driver reminded him: He hasn't reached your room yet. The drunk man became angry when he heard this: Why didn't you tell me earlier? I took off my leather shoes outside the door.

38 A turtle ran over the snail. The snail was sent to emergency treatment. After he regained consciousness, the police asked him about the situation. The snail answered: I don’t remember, he was too fast at the time...

39. There was a parrot that was full of swear words. The owner taught it civilized language, but the parrot cursed loudly. The owner angrily threw it into the refrigerator. A few seconds later, the parrot was heard shouting: I was wrong. Can you tell me what the chicken inside did wrong?

40 The ant saw the elephant swimming and said: Come up! The elephant climbed up. The ant looked at it and said: Get down! Elephant is angry: What are you doing? Ant: It’s okay. I lost my swimming trunks. Let’s see if you are wearing them.

41 Noodles was bullied by the steamed buns and asked Hanamaki to avenge him. Hanamaki went to find the steamed buns and met a bean bag on the way. (This article comes from Yidiandian Quotation Network www.yikexun.cn) mistook it for a steamed bun and beat it up. Dun, went back to Noodles and asked if he had taken revenge? Hanamaki said don't worry, the shit will come out!

42 Everyone laughed that Xiao Zhang’s face looked like his butt. Xiao Zhang didn’t believe it so he went to the wellhead to take a photo. As a result, the well was broken. Xiao Zhang looked into the well. At this time, the underground worker shouted: “Boy. , If you dare to poop, you are dead!”

43 Nurse: No! The patient just took the medicine we gave her and fainted as soon as she left the clinic! Doctor: Hurry, turn her body over as if she had just entered the door!

44 One day the teacher said to Xiao Ming: "Xiao Ming... do you have a younger brother?" Xiao Ming suddenly looked under his crotch... then frowned at the teacher and said: "Teacher... I can't kiss him. ! ”

45 Abo went to the teller machine to change his bank card password. After inserting the card, he heard the voice instruction: Please enter the password! Uncle looked around and no one covered his mouth and whispered: 5678, 5678!

50 A certain gentleman went to have a wedding banquet. There was a sudden power outage during the dinner. A certain gentleman was worried that others would steal the food, so he suggested that everyone clap and sing. While they were clapping, the electricity suddenly came on. Everyone saw that a certain gentleman was picking up vegetables with one hand and slapping himself with the other.