There is a super hot joke ~! !

Tutu said, "My mother calls me Tutu, which is nice!" "

The pig said, "My mother calls me a pig, which is nice!" " "

The dog said, "My mother calls me a puppy, which is nice!" " "

The chicken said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

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The rabbit said, "I am a rabbit!" " "

The pig said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The chicken said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The dog said, "you talk, I'll go first!"

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No.0 sparring partner said, "outsiders call me zero sparring partner, which is nice!" "

No.65438 +0 sparring partner said, "It's good to have an outsider!"

No.2 sparring partner said, "It's good for outsiders to call me the second escort!"

No.3 sparring partner said, "You talk, let's go first!"

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The cat said to me, "I'm your grandmother's cat. It looks good!" " "

The dog said to me, "I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice!" " "

The fish said to me, "I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice!" " "

The bear said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

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Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"

The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"

The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" "

The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first."

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Jane Zhang said: "My fans say my idol is Ying."

He Jie said: "My fans say my idol is Jay."

Said: "fans who worship me say: my idol is constant."

Chris Lee said: "You talk, I walked first.

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The senior math teacher said that I will teach senior math this semester.

The college physics teacher said: I teach big this semester.

The analog electronics teacher said that I teach analog electronics this semester.

The socialist economy teacher said: You talk, I'll go first.

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Peking University said: I am from Peking University.

Tianjin University said: I am older.

Shanghai University said: I went to college.

Xiamen University said: You talk, I'll go first!

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General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man!

General fu said to him: I am just!

General Zuo Quan said: I have this right!

General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first.

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Minolta users say: we are beautiful women!

Canon users say: we are beautiful!

The user of Huaguang said: We are from China!

Nikon users said: you chat, I'll go first.

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The door of Lao Zhang's house is made of wicker. Lao Zhang said: My door is a wooden door.

Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said that my door is made of plastic.

The door of Lao Wang's house is made of brick. Lao Wang said: My door is a brick door.

Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: you talk, I'll go first!

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Bai Yu said: My name is White.

Jade jade said, my name is jasper.

Redjade said, My name is Redjade.

Xing Yu said: You talk, I'll go first!

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The students of normal college said: I am from normal college.

The students of the Railway Institute said: I am from the "Iron Institute"

The students in vocational colleges said: I am from vocational colleges.

The students of the technical college said: You talk, I'll go first.

How to tell the authenticity of RMB?

Prepare 100 yuan. Fold in half and then fold in half, put it on the ground and step on it n times. Pick it up and see if the people above have nosebleeds. If it is, it is true. If not, it's fake.

A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to give a report: "rabbit, shrimp, pig tail!" No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! 」

Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! )

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Sausages and pickles, please!"! 」

Now, please talk to the township head! )

The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" 」

Comrades, that's enough for today. We are all big bowls! )

No pickles, I'll pick up a piece of shit and lick it for you. ...

Don't talk, I'll tell you a story.

Part I: It's windy and rainy. I am waiting for your call back. Bottom line: live for you, die for you, and wait for you all your life. Horizontal batch: sent to the wrong person.

The kangaroo and monkey in the forest game were praised by the lion king for jumping high, and the bear was criticized and said unconvinced: I will jump over this bridge tomorrow! Lion King: Look at you. You are still on the bridge (you are still watching! )

I heard that a toad jumped out of Taihu Lake today and was run over by a car. I've been worried. I'll text you right away. If you are still alive, please reply to me!

Jianghu knows that you are skilled in martial arts, but you can't be proud. If you do this, you will no longer be a person, but a swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman!

Look at you, American head, French waist, Indian nose, Hong Kong foot, people are not people, ghosts are not ghosts, only one head and two legs, look at you, smiling and reading text messages!

Under the red sun and blue sky, farmers rushed into the cinema excitedly to watch the third-grade films, and their angry shouts shook the world. The village chief came to ask what was going on, and the farmer said, "People who read short messages are not stars, and we won't pay if we are killed."

Do your fingers itch? That means I miss your caress; Does your lips itch? That means I miss your kiss; Are you itchy ... that means you are dirty, so take a shower!

You are as hardworking as a bee, as beautiful as a butterfly, as loyal as a puppy, as smart as a kitten, as simple and honest as an old cow and as fierce as a tiger. No wonder people call you an animal!

Since ancient times, who has no shit and who doesn't use paper to shit? If you don't use toilet paper, are you using your fingers?

Whether it is a gust of wind or not, it is so eternal; This is a dream, but it is so real; You bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. Finally, I can't help but say to you, "let me know before farting!" "

Without the wind, the clouds will not move; Fish can't swim without water; If there is no sun, the moon will have no light; If it weren't for you, stupid people wouldn't exist.

I can't eat in the morning because I miss you, I can't eat at noon because I miss you more, I can't eat at night because I miss you crazily, and I can't sleep at night because I'm hungry.

I heard that your mobile phone has no short message function, so I sent this short message as an experiment. If you receive it and confirm that it has SMS function and it is not my SMS, please reply to me: I have it, it is yours!

When my cell phone rings, it means I miss you. Second, I miss you so much! Three times, I miss you very much! Four tones, I miss you very much; Five tones-demo, it's time to answer the phone!

I am a lonely tree, standing on the roadside for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, and it is in vain not to smash you.

Beggars beg along the street with monkeys. He told them to laugh, cry, bow and read short messages.

You took part in a ball game the other day and only scored a volley ball. Before the goalkeeper could react, the goal was scored! We all applaud and cheer for you. You get up and pat your ass and say, damn, the ground is too slippery!

When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth and blessed ears, you will sigh loudly-pig!

The aquarium celebrated the birthday of the old dragon king. During the dinner, Prime Minister Turtle took something out of his arms, looked at it and put it back. The dragon king quickly asked, what happened to Prime Minister Gui? Shrimp, soldier and crab will quickly answer: the old bastard has received the text message again.

My friend thought a lot last night, so did I. Only you are the coolest. I looked for you in my dream. Looking back, you were really thrown in the depths of someone else's donkey shed and tied up. How cruel! Cruel! Calm down after reading the information!

Are you free tomorrow afternoon? I want to find you. Can you pick me up at the station? However, I'm afraid it's hard for people to recognize it. You let your head explode, with a stick in your right hand and a porcelain bowl in your left. The joint signal is: Come on!

I dreamed about you. You made a dress out of white clouds, borrowed the wings of a bird, put the broom behind your ass, and flew to me like a sword. Tell me affectionately: Do you know? That's what birdman looks like.

I thought there was something better, but I found again and again that the best was around, just like you. I didn't think so at first, but as time went on, I realized that you were the best … bully!

I am determined to do three major things for the people of the whole country: 1 build an elevator for Mount Everest, tile the Great Wall, and put the plane into reverse gear; Do three little things: 1 put gloves on flies, 2 put a mask on mosquitoes, and 3 feed you some pig feed.

When I arrived in xishuangbanna tourism, Yunnan, I was besieged by a group of wild boar. Tourists took out food and money, and the wild boar was unmoved. You took out your only ID card, and the pigs knelt down and cried: Boss, we found you!

You are a 10 playboy, who often plays with 9 and 8 and has billions of money. You've been abandoned for seven years, and you've been looking for prey. You need to ask more questions, but you are still half-hearted. You are definitely not a good person.

You are very creative, living is your courage, ugliness is not your original intention, without you, who can set off the beauty of the world!

After seeing the Three Kingdoms, the tiger went to catch wild boar. He saw that there were no pigs in the pigsty, so he touched his beard and said, Empty city plan! I turned around and saw a dead pig on the animal trap. I was shocked: danger! Suddenly seeing you again, I was overjoyed: yo-ho, there is a honey trap!

The toad chased the swan, and the swan said disdainfully, if I were like this, I would have died long ago! Toad refused: Is the pig still alive? Hearing this, the pig felt wronged: I provoked whoever I recruited, I was just reading the text message!

There is a yearning, a love, a beauty, an agreement, and a greeting, hello pig!

I don't want to be alone I want it, too. I walk in the street and have a look. Handsome men and beautiful women hold hands, but I hold hands with my left hand. Now I just want to go out with you, but I'm afraid my friend will say, don't always walk the dog.

In a military exercise, a shell deviated far away. I was sent to check and found that the shell exploded in the farmland. You stood there in rags, with dark eyes and tearful eyes. You said to me: Is it worth stealing a cabbage with a shell?

I miss the days we walked together. Spring is beautiful, birds are singing and flowers are fragrant. Everyone in the village praises you for your beauty and cuteness. The villagers also praised me for being smart and capable, and I came out to release pigs at such a young age.

When you are lonely, watermelon may be your best vent. You can cut, chop, chop, and shout loudly: I kill melons, I kill melons, I kill melons!

1 The new diva sang rock and roll at the top of her lungs in the dormitory: "I want to change, I want to make a big change ..." The bookworm who was reading a book suddenly looked up and was surprised.

Q: "Isn't the toilet empty?"

The male bathhouse and the female bathhouse in the school walk through the same door, so students of the opposite sex often meet them, which is quite embarrassing. One day, the bookworm walked to the door and happened to meet a junior.

When he came out, the bookworm couldn't dodge to say hello and said, "Are there many people inside?"

Once, I had dinner with my friends in a restaurant. We sat there waiting for the waiter to serve us. After a while, a beggar brought one.

A bowl came up to my friend's back and touched him gently, imagining that he wanted money. My friend was chatting with me, thinking that the waiter had brought the meal, so I didn't.

I turned and took the rice bowl from the beggar and put it in front of me. We were all stunned at that time, and the beggar wanted to cry more (kill him)

I didn't expect this, and there were people grabbing jobs) ~ ~ ~

When I was in college, one of my buddies met a beautiful woman on campus. It was love at first sight, and every day he was very emotional. When I went out to eat with him at noon one day, it was

The beauty happened to pass by, and my buddy immediately pulled me back and saw the beauty enter a noodle restaurant, and we also sat in it. I suggest

My buddy: "Senior three, hurry up ~" So he got up the courage, stepped forward, blushed and asked: "What's your name, classmate?" Nami

The woman looked at my buddy blankly: "My name is beef noodles." Dude was stupid, and I was laughing!

Tong Tong asked his mother, "Why do you call Mr. Jiang an ancestor?" Mother said, "Because' ancestor' is the name of the deceased."

Tong Tong said: "Will those dead grandmothers be called' fresh milk'?"

A brother in the past dormitory suddenly sat up at 4 am and shouted, "Get up quickly, you are late for class!" " "Then two people immediately put on.

Clothes. I was playing pc at that time.

One night after eating my favorite bitter gourd, I said, "XXX (my mother's name), make me a bitter gourd, you go."

Death ... "It was probably loud. My mother, who slept in another cupboard, heard it. The next morning, she asked me angrily.

After ... ... crazy K even a meal ... can be said to be hanging. ......

A classmate went horseback riding during the day, was still very excited at night, and then fell asleep. We play cards. After a while, the man said, drive! Drive! Drive! Drive!

Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! ! ! ! !

A classmate likes to smoke while defecating. He just came out of the toilet and said to us loudly, "Ah, it's so cool to smoke and shit."

giddiness

Before 10, the first sentence when I returned to the dormitory was always "Did someone call me?" ...

1 1 Once, my roommate and I bickered in the dormitory. He said he couldn't beat me and called me "you are my grandfather's son!" " The whole dormitory 1 second is silent and then laughs wildly!

12 ate bad food once when I was a child, and wrote a sick note to the teacher the next day: "Teacher, I ate bad food yesterday and my stomach was upset.

Here, get up in the morning, vomit and diarrhea. . . "Cold, I don't know what the teacher thinks.

13 Once I had dinner with my cousin at home, I accidentally poured the soup and ran out of tissues. Cousin shouted: "hurry up, hurry up, get the toilet paper, get the toilet."

14 things at the same table fell to the ground, so I bent down to pick up my partner and stepped on it with my foot. Unexpectedly, I became angry as soon as I stepped on his hand: "Dare to step on my foot? ! "

15 in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ class violence

Cold ~ ~ ~

16 A foreign teacher once showed Mandarin in a big classroom. I wanted to give him a face and praise his standard of Mandarin, but it turned out to be you.

The standard words are really ordinary and cold, and everyone laughs at me.

17 and MM are in front of the stall selling soybean milk fritters. I shouted, "Boss, I want a bean paste." MM smiled.

18 Even the high school Chinese teacher said in class: You are the result of a dead cat meeting a blind mouse. . . Full of laughter!

19 When I was in the third grade, a classmate invited us to dinner on my birthday night. When I got home, I said to my mother, "Mom, my classmate invited me on our wedding night today.

Eat! "

There were many people in the restaurant, and I shouted: Boss, a pepper without seasoning. . . . The waiter also repeated loudly: 1 1 table, did you add one?

Pepper with seasoning! ! ! . . .

2 1 I: That's our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

My mother said to me before going out to play mahjong, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and put all your dishes in the washing machine."

On the 23rd, I went shopping! Suddenly I saw a crow croaking in the sky! So a word popped out of her mouth: "Oh, this green!" "

Frogs fly very low! I feel dizzy

I always make such mistakes ... because I talk too much.

When I was in junior high school, I read a text that XX was wandering in the corridor, while I read that XX was debauched in the corridor ... The teacher blushed.

In high school, I went out to play with my classmates. There is a China Everbright Bank near the school, which just opened, so there is still a red cloth on the sign ... but the cloth is hung.

I blocked Chinese characters ... I read "China Everbright Bank" ... My classmates laughed me crazy and I couldn't hold my head for years!

A person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold saying: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine. ..

26 once I listened to the radio, what was the shopping guide hotline? Someone called in and the host asked him, "What's your name?" "

He replied, "Don't take your name! ~~~~~"

Buy oranges, boss: 1 yuan 5 1 kg. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

28 to a quick-acting grandmother: A few days ago, you were sitting on the bus, and the driver of 252 suddenly braked, and your center of gravity was unstable. You rushed out and asked the driver:

What can I do for you?