Choose not to care about other people's opinions and move towards freedom.

Choose not to care about other people's opinions and move towards freedom.

People with difficulties in circle of friends may struggle not only when making friends, but also in real life. They always care about other people's opinions, want to cater to everyone, and then get others' approval, but it is difficult to adjust their opinions, and finally they are exhausted.

What I want to tell you is the underlying logic of these troubles and how to ignore other people's opinions.

1. The underlying logic (for the purpose of seeking others' approval)

According to Adler's teleology, purpose: Desire to gain a sense of self-worth and belonging through the recognition of others.

2. Reason (why do you pursue others' approval)

1) human nature

In fact, it is human nature to pursue the approval of others in life. We don't have to be too hard on ourselves for this. We feel that it is not in line with the trend of the times (being ourselves), so we dare not admit and face the fact that we are eager to pursue others' approval.

2) Can't accept and love yourself.

We can't accept ourselves inward and love ourselves, but we can only turn to recognition and acceptance outward.

3) Not being aware of yourself

When we are attacked by others, we often feel angry or guilty, and then we begin to blame others or ourselves, but this is not consciousness, but judgment. Judgment often makes you farther and farther away from your true self and fall into endless emotional whirlpool.

3. Solution (how to ignore other people's opinions)

1) meditation

Meditation is a good way to know yourself. In the process of meditation, you should pay attention to your breathing. At this time, all kinds of ideas will come to your mind without judging them. Give advice for ten minutes every day, and you will feel better about yourself and know what you really want.

2) Accept and love yourself

Don't feel guilty when you do something wrong. When others don't like you, don't think you can't. But tell yourself that it doesn't matter, take your time, I'm great, and then work hard in the direction you want to go.

3) topic separation topic separation is the concept in the book "the courage to be hated". It means how others think of you, how to evaluate you is someone else's topic, what university you want to go to, and what kind of partner you choose is your topic. Judge whose topic depends on who is responsible for the consequences. We just need to manage our own topics. If we consciously apply it to our lives, we will have a lot of freedom. What you get on paper is so shallow that you never know what you have to do. In order to make progress, these solutions must be put into practice.

Don't worry too much. Take your time. You can't say that you don't care about other people's opinions at once. We can only say that through these methods, the influence of other people's opinions on us will gradually decrease, and we will gradually find what we really want to do and what we really love.

Finally, what I want to say is that there is no right or wrong in pursuing others' approval or living yourself. The two are just different choices. When we choose the road of not caring about others' opinions and not pursuing others' approval, we must learn to make choices for our own lives. However, you must understand that the choices you make for your life should not deviate from the two principles of making yourself happy and not hurting others. If your life choice is to strive for the well-being of mankind, then your realm will be higher.