Why is a mother of 60 points a good mother?

Deep psychology tells you that a mother with 60 points is a good mother.

In the psychotherapy room, the tall and powerful man said nothing. Suddenly, he grabbed the doctor and pushed him to the window to throw him down. The doctor stared at his eyes calmly and said word for word: I didn't beat your father when I was a child, I was a doctor. The man paused and hesitated. He slowly let go of the doctor and sat back in his position ... this was the first time they met. The relationship pattern in the treatment room is a representation of the past and can be found in childhood.

Last week, Zeng Qifeng, a famous psychoanalyst, gave a lecture on deep psychology at Runben Psychological Counseling Center in Hangzhou. This paper expounds the theoretical essence of depth psychology (that is, psychoanalysis) with practical cases, and introduces the basic operating techniques and processes of depth psychotherapy with practical cases.

We have refined the relatively easy-to-understand knowledge in the field of deep psychology that Zeng Qifeng explained this time and presented it to readers. As he said, everyone, especially parents, should know some deep psychological knowledge in order to know what kind of parent-child relationship is healthy and how to cultivate people with healthy personality. This is the missing part of our growth, and every adult has to make up lessons.

Psychoanalysis (that is, depth psychology) theory is a psychotherapy system founded by Austrian psychiatrist Freud. The core theory of psychoanalysis is that a person's real interpersonal relationship is the result of the outward projection of his inner world. And his (her) inner world was formed in the relationship with his parents when he was young. In other words, how you treat your partner, friends and even people around you now is a reproduction of your childhood relationship with your parents or caregivers.

Everyone has formulated a set of measures to protect themselves during their growth. This is a human psychological defense mechanism. These mechanisms can be mature and powerful, or immature and fragile. The purpose of understanding psychoanalysis or psychotherapy is to help people mature and firm these measures.

You should know how to educate children.

A mother with 60 points is a good mother. A child couldn't get off the table by himself and began to cry. If he cries himself hoarse and his mother doesn't come, this is bad mother. If you cry until you are anxious, but not at the peak, your mother will come and hold him down. This is 60 Minutes Mom. If the child cries, the mother will hold him down, and that is the "perfect mother". There are many perfect mothers in life, who will always monitor their children and have a high degree of control over their every move. The perfect mother can't stand the child getting dirty or accidentally wrestling, not allowing the child to make mistakes, and can't stand the child's imperfection.

From the perspective of depth psychology, in the subconscious of the perfect mother, the imperfection of the child will lead to the frustration of the mother's omnipotence and anxiety. Such a mother's control behavior will lead to the child's incompetence and even psychological and personality disorders.

Parents should "gently push away" their children. In the psychological sense, the growth of mind means that children are far away from their parents. The better a child's personality grows, the more capable he is to fly high and achieve something. However, many parents confuse these two kinds of separation and do things that hinder children's psychological growth.

In deep psychology, there is a saying called "gentle push", which means that in the process of children's growth, parents should consciously "gently drive their children away from them" to make their children grow better. Every child has a psychological conflict of independence and dependence. Parents should support their children's growth, because the direction of independence is the direction of growth.

The quality of separation is directly related to a person's achievements and happiness in his life. A child who grows up healthily is a child who successfully leaves his family. The characteristics and external manifestations of this kind of child are: inner harmony, good interpersonal relationship, good tendency to develop their own potential, creativity, independence, enjoyment of life and high practical achievements.

The so-called "internet addiction" is the result of children's aggression being suppressed in reality, so they turn to the virtual world. Children lack freedom and autonomy in the family, and their inner attacks are suppressed inward, which eventually leads to behavior, self-control and emotions out of control. Therefore, the focus of psychological doctor's intervention on children with excessive internet access is not children, but family relations.

Spoiling is not love, but controlling parents and children in the name of love to meet the inner needs of children. For example, a child is climbing forward to get a toy, and his mother immediately brings it to him and hands it to him. In fact, it is subconsciously telling children that you have no ability, you can only rely on me and you can never leave me. I was raised like this. When I grow up, the child's subconscious will be that I am incapable and always need to rely on others.

Mother's subconscious A girl lacks love since she was a child, because her mother is very busy at work and often has no time to visit her at school. When a girl grows up and becomes a mother, she also puts her children at her grandmother's house, often only once a week. From the perspective of deep psychology, we can see the deep reason why this girl does this, because all mothers subconsciously want their children to be the people who know themselves best.

Asthma is caused by mother. The relationship between children and their mothers is too close, and it is easy to get asthma. This is because the mother's care for the child makes the child feel "suffocated" subconsciously and unable to breathe. Such children are easy to form dependent personality, so many children with asthma need psychotherapy.

Rebellious period According to deep psychology, the statement of children's rebellious period is wrong. In fact, when children enter adolescence, parents still want to discipline their children in the old way. Subconsciously, they don't expect their children to grow up and are afraid that they will leave themselves when they grow up. If the child does not resist and shows rebellion, it is a bad thing.

Parents' anxiety Parents strictly discipline their children's study, in fact, parents pass on their anxiety and uncertainty about the future to their children. Only when you see your child studying can you ease your anxiety. And a child who does nothing but study will often be afraid of the opposite sex and dare not pursue girls when he grows up. Love is suppressed in the subconscious, but on the conscious level, it is manifested as hatred and alienation.

Expert business card-Zeng Qifeng, founder and first president of Wuhan Sino-German Psychological Hospital; Member of German-Chinese Psychotherapy Hospital and Chinese Standing Committee; Deputy Head of Psychoanalysis Group of China Mental Health Association, Member of China Health Professional and Technical Qualification Examination Committee, Secretary General of Psychoanalysis Group of Psychotherapy and Counseling Committee of China Mental Health Association, and Chief Psychological Supervisor of Hangzhou Runben Psychological Culture Group.

Know yourself and others with deep psychology.

Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. You hate someone because you love him. You like a person because he has something you don't have; You hate a person because he has what you have; You often criticize a person in front of others, but subconsciously you want to get close to him.

● If you think that the world is full of love and life is beautiful, it is because your heart is full of love and beauty. If someone tells you that everyone around him is not nice to him, it is because he is hostile to others. Through the psychological defense mechanism of "makeup", it is projected that others hate him and attack him. This kind of person's inner "self-evaluation" is low, so the self-defense mechanism is too strong, which affects the normal interpersonal relationship.

When you think of someone, there is only one feeling of joy, and that is not love. Because when you fall in love with someone and miss him without him, you will have a repressed inner experience.

Many times, our present is polluted by memory or fantasy. If a person is accustomed to a high degree of control over his partner and the people around him, this kind of person often grows up in a tense environment under the high control of his parents. Subconsciously, he should remain loyal to the past and not "betray" the past. When he conveys this state to others, it will make him and the people around him lack happiness, which is the "pollution" of the past to the present.

● Some people can talk and laugh in the crowd and infect everyone with happiness and pleasure, which makes people feel very interesting, indicating that his subconscious mind has not suppressed himself. If he is a boring and reserved person, he probably grew up in a depressed environment.

● Children who grow up in an environment without religious traditions suddenly believe in religion when they grow up, which is a delayed response to early trauma. On the contrary, if children grow up in a family with religious traditions, they will be physically and mentally healthy, purer and more comfortable than other children.

● All memories will seek expression, even if they are buried and suppressed. Those who love will seek to love again, those who hate will seek to hate again, and those who are abused will seek to be abused again. If the depression is too deep, the human body will show itself in the form of disease. Psychogenic diseases, such as gastric ulcer, neurodermatitis, oral ulcer and all kinds of pain for no reason, may be caused by psychological factors.

Perfectionists can't tolerate their own shortcomings and project the bad parts on others, so they can blame others.

Everyone is only sensitive to what is in his heart. People who are stingy with money will be sensitive to other people's "stingy".

● Our attitudes, opinions, emotions and behaviors towards a person are partly "taught" by this person. If a person always thinks that he is unlucky, which is manifested in his behavior and attitude, others will think that he is unlucky. Then how can a teacher be taught by a student who thinks he is poor? Teachers should firmly believe that he is a good boy and has an excellent side, which can help him improve. Otherwise, the teacher becomes a "taught" student.

● The best way to comfort a crying person is not to say "Don't cry", but to say "You must be in pain and cry if you want to" or "I will cry with you", which is empathy. The highest level of human comfort is to understand the pain of others and accompany others.